Defiance (New Adult Romance) (Isaac & Maya) (28 page)

“Yeah, I guess you do,” he says.

“We can love them, and maybe even help them in some ways, but we simply can’t be around them that much, even if they need us to be. Maybe in a few years, after everything is settled, when it isn’t so hectic and we’ve had some time to heal. Who knows? Maybe then we’ll invite crazy to dinner.”

He grins at me. “You’re right. You’re pretty smart, Maya. Have I ever mentioned that?”

“Once or twice,” I reply, pressing my lips to his. “We don’t have to stay away forever.”

“We probably should.”

“Well, we don’t have to make that call right now.”

“Maya… do you want to give your mom money?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I don’t want to enable her, but I hate the idea of my little brother suffering. What I’d really like is for him to go away to school somewhere like I did, once he’s old enough.”

“We could pay the mortgage, maybe fix the roof.”

“There is no ‘we’ when it comes to money, Isaac.”

“Yes, there fucking is,” he shoots back. I start to argue, but I’m interrupted by the alarm on my phone beeping in the bedroom. “What’s that?”

“That’s the alarm I set so you’d have a ten minute warning before sexual activity would be terminated,” I inform him.

“Oh, really?” The only good part about breakdowns is that awesome feeling when I see the start of a tilted smile cross his face. “And why would it terminate?”

“Because
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
is on and I’m not missing it,” I answer. “So let’s go take this giant butt plug out of my ass and get dressed.”

“Oh, fuck!” he exhales, his eyes widening. “Holy shit, Rookie, why didn’t you say something?”

“It didn’t seem that important at the time. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Look at the bright side. Now you have an excuse to flip this around and turn it into some aftercare thing.”

“I don’t need an excuse for that,” he laughs, holding my hand as he leads me into the bedroom.

“I am
very
excited about next Saturday, by the way,” I mention casually.

“Well, that makes one of us. I’m still really nervous about it.”

“Why? It’s my ass.”

“Exactly,” he murmurs. “That makes it the most important ass in the entire universe and I’m responsible for it.”

“Aww. How sweet,” I coo, only half joking. “We don’t have to, Isaac. We can wait.”

“No, I fucking can’t,” he rasps, kissing the base of my spine as I get on all fours on the bed. “Take a deep breath, baby.”

“I hear you getting excited. Don’t. I’m watching that show, it’s finally getting good.”

Isaac huffs, tossing the plug on the floor. “Fine. But I’m getting you good afterward.”

“We’ll see,” I tease him, even though we both know I’ll give in.

37

Isaac

I haven’t seen Roger since January. It was a mutual decision. He still writes me prescriptions, and he’ll pick up the phone if I’m having side effects, but for the most part, he’s done with me. At first I didn’t understand why. It’s not like I did something to him, except get his hopes up about the woman he’s been in love with for decades. Then I realized that Glory and I are probably as toxic to him as we are to each other. But it doesn’t have to be like that, not for the two of them, anyway.

Glory will be completely alone when this is over. No more parties and charity events. No more fake friends. No more fake son, either. Maya’s right about that. I don’t want to see her, I just feel obligated. She fucks with my head even when she doesn’t want to and she can really mess me up if she tries. But Roger will always be there, he’ll always want her. That’s the way it works when you fall in love with somebody so young and spend your life pining for them.

“Hello, Isaac,” Roger says, taking his seat without making eye contact with me.

“Hey Roger. Nice to see you.”

“Unfortunately, I’m not able to say the same. I’ve decided to give you a few references to other psychologists that I’m confident have the skills to handle a case like yours. Unfortunately, the best of the three is in New York, but I’m sure you can—”

“That’s not why I’m here.”

“Isaac, I can’t work with you anymore,” he breathes. “I simply can’t do it.”

“Did you know about my real mother, Roger?”

He sighs, nervously tapping his pen for a few beats. “Yes. I knew.”

“The whole time?”

“Since before you even came to the country,” he admits. “Don’t make me call security.”

“I’m not angry,” I assure him, surprising myself at how true the words are. This is good. He’s never stopped wanting her, even after that. I’m not sure what kind of a person that makes him, and I don’t really give a shit as long as it means they’re still perfect for each other. “That’s not why I asked.”

“Isaac… I think you should know that I have been encouraging Gloria to tell you for years. The best I could do was convince her to make arrangements that ensured all information about your origins would be disclosed in case of her untimely demise, including a video recording of her explaining what happened in her own words.”

“I’m sure that was very therapeutic for her,” I reply coldly. I might not be pissed at Roger, but I’ll never be free of the anger I have towards her, even though it comes in waves.

“It was. Perhaps if she’d done it when you were younger, your relationship would not have got so confusing.”

“You know that isn’t true, Roger. We’ve recognized it for the fucked up oedipal situation that it is for a long time now. It’s in the past. I came here to talk about the future.”

“My future has nothing to do with the two of you.”

“Maybe not with me, but she’ll never be out of your system. Weren’t you the one that told me that first loves might be more addictive than cocaine?”

“That theory is up for debate.”

“You know why she’s with my dad again, right?”

“Maybe because he was her first love,”
he replies bitterly.

“Glory didn’t tell you anything, did she?”

“She told me that it was time to get the hell over something that happened thirty years ago and she was right.”

“Huh. No wonder you’re so ready to give up. Do you still keep a flask of vodka in the top drawer of your desk?”

“Fuck you, Isaac.”

“Well, I hope you do, because you’ll need it.”

Rising out of his chair, he tells me to get out of his office, but then I start to give him the real story, and I waste no time getting into the juicy parts. This might technically be illegal, but who cares. Roger isn’t stupid, he’s not going to flush his entire career down the toilet and possibly get himself killed by interfering with an international sex trafficking investigation. By the time I get to the part about the recording I listened to in my lawyer’s office, that flask I knew he still had is the only reason his jaw isn’t still hanging open. He was totally in the dark, he hasn’t spoken to Glory for months, which means she’s been even more alone in this than I realized.

“Isaac,” he mutters a few seconds after I’ve finished. “Thank you very much for telling me this. I hope you know that I won’t do anything reckless.”

“You’re welcome. And of course I know that you won’t do anything stupid or I wouldn’t have come here.”

“How much Klonopin are you taking?”

Typical Roger. Always thinking about his patients. “1.5 grams. I just can’t seem to get any lower.”

“And the Xanax?”

“I was off it almost completely until recently. Now I’m usually around two grams a day, sometimes as high as six, but not that often.”

“That’s very good, considering the circumstances.”

“I guess. Ditching the Xanax might have been a mistake anyway. And I came off the k-pins a little too fast at first.”

“Bad side effects?”

“I guess you could say that,” I laugh. “I almost beat the big psycho caveman to death.” Roger sighs and shakes his head. “Don’t you dare write that down.”

“Of course not. How are things with the cute cavegirl?”

“Great. We live together now. Glory is aware of her existence, by the way. She didn’t exactly take it well.”

“I’d imagine not.”

“Turns out they knew each other in a really fucked up way.”

“What? How?”

“Ready to hear about another part of Glory’s past that’s she’s probably been thinking about a lot recently?” I ask. Nodding, he takes another swig as I give him the short version and he’s more or less speechless at the end. “So, bottom line, Rog, I’m done with Glory. I have to be, for the sake of my own sanity. But I’m not holding on to any hatred toward the woman who made me. I can’t, I’ve tried. They say that shit eats you up anyway, right?”

“They do. However, I agree with your assessment that cutting ties with Gloria is certainly in your best interest.”

“I still care about her. I always will. And once this is all over… Roger, she won’t have anybody. You’re her best friend. She tells you everything. I just didn’t want you to finally shut the door on her without having all the information.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you, Isaac.”

“Well, I’m glad you see me that way, Roger, I really am, because I need to give it to you straight now.”

“It gets straighter than this?” he chuckles.

“You’re fucking right it does,” I say seriously. “I did try to keep up my end of the bargain. I tried to push her towards you. I got pretty desperate toward the end and finally flat out asked her why it would never work out between the two of you.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, and you’re not going to like her response, but it is what it is. Do you want to know why my father always wins and you always lose when it comes to her?”

“You know that I do,” he admits reluctantly.

“Because he respects her and you don’t.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, he might slap her and choke her and downright rape her sometimes, but he still respects her intelligence more than you do. My father understands how the kink works for her and he accepts it. Whenever he pushed her like you do… get my drink, rub my feet, stop fucking other men, all that bullshit,” I say, trying to keep my condescension in check. “He loses her, too. But he gets her back because she knows, without a doubt, that he recognizes her for the fucking entrepreneurial genius that she is. He has used those very words. She knows that he sees her as his peer, no matter how fucking weird it gets in bed. You don’t.”

“Isaac, I appreciate your viewpoint but—”

“You don’t, Roger. You know it’s true. She says you take it too seriously and you’re always trying to make her something that she’s not. Gloria will never, ever come to the realization that she would have been happier being your kept little housewife because it’s not true. Now she’s about to lose everything and you’ll get a chance at having that, but if you ever throw it in her face, she’s gone. And you’re probably not willing to give up your toys, so stop asking her to give up hers. She fucks around. That’s what she does. If you want her to only be with you, then you have to do the same thing.”

Roger huffs and stares at his desk. He knows I’m right. “You might have a point, I suppose.”

“A real partnership with fake BDSM, topping-from-the-bottom sex. That’s all you’ll ever get. It’s what we did because we both wanted it. And it’s pretty fucking great, to be honest. I’ve got a similar thing going with the cute cavegirl. Believe it or not, it’s kind of what my dad has going with Glory right now. You can have it too, Roger. Glory has an ego. You have to feed it, especially when she’s down in life, and it doesn’t get any lower than where she’s about to be. She’ll feed your ego right back, happily, and she’ll do a number on your dick, too. But you can’t fucking insult her, she simply does not take non sexual orders. It completely destroys her libido.”

“Message received, Isaac. Let’s not get into the techniques, okay?”

“Right,” I reply. In the past, my arrogance would get the best of me and I’d be unable to resist the urge to make him squirm in the realization that I’m a superior lover, but I honestly don’t give a fuck about that anymore. “She loves you Roger. Maybe not like she loves him, but that’s probably a good thing. I truly hope that when this ends… well, I hope you get a chance to have what you’ve always wanted. And I hope that you want to take care of her because she’ll need it and I can’t be there. I don’t want to be there. I need a clean break.” Now I’m the one that can’t look him in the eyes, because then he’ll see that mine are watering.

“Isaac, you just worry about taking care of yourself. I hope it works out with the cute cavegirl.”

“It will.”

Roger actually hugs me when I leave. He’s a good guy, all in all. It’s too bad I’ll probably never see him again. He gives me the name of a shrink that specializes in addictions like mine and has a good success rate. Now isn’t the time to kick it, in his professional opinion, and he gives me prescriptions that will last out the year, along with the assurance that I’m always welcome to visit. I won’t. He’s just one more name I’m crossing off the list, one more person that’s been in my life for years that I won’t have anymore.

I don’t care. There is only one name on that list that I can’t live without. I get home before she does and cook her dinner, but Maya’s too fucking adorable and horny to eat it while it’s hot. Afterward, I tell her exactly what I did today and exactly how I feel about it, because that’s how it needs to be. She’s not mad, or jealous, she’s tender and snuggly like she always is.

I can’t get enough of her, I never, ever will. The minute I see her face and the moment I hear her laugh, I’m liberated from all the hate and pain and drama. The horror just vanishes and I’m finally free. Maya is the only thing that will ever matter to me. Ever. And she’s all mine.