Defect (25 page)

“You’re in the wilderness.”

Her words make my head spin. I have no memory of the last several days, but somehow, again
st all odds, I’ve made it. I nearly cry with joy. “Who are you?” I ask, my voice unsteady.

“My name is Sage.”

She hums as she works, and peels my stiff, dirty clothes from my body. She doesn’t even bother pulling my shirt over my head; instead I feel her cutting it off me. She brings a steaming cloth to my face and scrubs at my cheeks with steady pressure. When she wipes down the rest of me, I can’t muster the energy to feel embarrassed that a complete stranger is bathing me.

After I’m clean, she anoints my many insect bites with salve
, and my heart clenches with memories of Will. Now that I’ve made it – I know he can, too. He is much stronger, much more experienced than me. I remember the smell of mint medication, the taste of chestnuts, the feel of his hand in mine and drift into sleep.

*
**

It’s
three days before I can sit up in bed and look at the room around me. It’s a small one-room cabin with a wood stove in the corner, a table with two mismatched chairs and one bed – the bed I’ve been sleeping in. I notice a mound of blankets on the floor and feel guilty for taking Sage’s bed, especially given her generosity.

She
notices I’m up and comes to my side. She looks over the bandage on my wrist. I can tell I make her nervous, with my tattoo and my sliced open arm, but she doesn’t ask any questions, which is good, because I’m not ready to answer them yet.

The next time I wake up, it’s dark out again. Sage is sitting by the
fire knitting. It’s her humming that woke me, I realize.

“What are you making?” I ask.

She startles at my voice. “Heavens – I thought you were out cold.” She stands and walks to the side of the bed. She dangles a half-made stocking cap from the end of her knitting needle for me to see. “Are you feeling up for something to eat?”

My stomach groans at the mention of food. I nod.

She goes to the fire and ladles a cup full of steaming broth into a mug. My mouth waters in anticipation of something warm to fill my stomach.

She sets it on the table beside the bed. “Let it cool,” she says, reading the disappointment
on my face. “So what brings you here, Eve?”

I flinch.
I don’t remember telling her my name.

“You were talking in your sleep,” she explains at my reaction. It seems unlikely that I’d said my own name,
but I let it go. “You had to be pretty desperate to do this to yourself.” She lifts my hand, inspecting my wrist. After looking the bandage over, she lays it carefully back by my side.

I don’t explain that I didn’t do it to myself, but my mind flashes back to the supply closet, the look of concentration on Will’s face and passing out when I saw all the blood.

Sage distracts me from the memory. “It was quite infected when you got here. We seem to have gotten it under control. Kai’s been here nearly every day to tend to you.”

I’m not sure who Kai is, but I mumble a thank you. Rena was right about them being friendly here, but still,
I’m not sure what to tell her – how honest to be. She helps me sit up and hands me the cup of broth. For several minutes, I savor the feel of the warm mug in my hands and the salty burn of the watery broth sliding down my throat. I decide she can probably be trusted since she’s already harboring a Defect in her house. I drink the mugful of broth, and Sage refills it. Then I tell her my story.

I tell her
about my mindscan result, and that I quickly became a target inside the compound. I don’t tell her about the capital’s interest in me, or the movement that was starting there, or that I escaped the night before they planned to kill me. It seems like too much to lead in with.

Her eyes are a mix of concern and confusion. “You came all that way by yourself?”

I nod. She’s speechless. Either because I’m stupid or amazing, I can’t tell. Maybe a little of both?

“My
…” I don’t know what to call him. “Friend,” I decide. “He’s coming, too. He’ll be a few days behind me.” As soon as I say it, I realize I’ve already been here a few days. And suddenly, I don’t like the way she’s looking at me. It’s a mix of pity and sadness. She breaks eye contact, ducking her head to pull at a loose thread on the blanket. “Sage?” She doesn’t respond. “If Will said he would come for me, he’ll come,” I say, more to convince myself than her.

“Of course he will,” she says
softly, her voice full of knowing sadness. “Of course.” She pats the top of my hand.

My whole being aches, not just my body
, but also my heart, my very soul. They have taken everything I am. They’ve found a way to use every emotion I have against me. I remember my mother’s words:
They can only take what you give them
. I search for a way to make her advice apply to this situation, just like it had for all the others. I knew what I’d never let them take – what I wouldn’t part with. My love for Will.

I lie back against the pillow, my stomach full of the warm broth and close my eyes. I drift to sleep with the memory of Will’s lips pressed to mine.

***

End
of Part 1

Lips that taste of tears are the best for kissing.

-
       
Unknown

His lips hover over mine, tentatively, carefully like he’s unsure and waiting to see what I think. My mind, even in its numb state, registers something’s wrong. His mouth seals over mine calmly, carefully. The fire I’m used to is missing. Completely gone. Taken from me. Everything has changed. And I fear it will never be the same again.

I sense my welcome with Sage is already wearing thin. In the few short weeks I’ve been here, I’ve done little more than lie in bed, curled on my side
staring blankly at the wall. She’s cooked and fed me each meal, helped to bathe me every few days in the large copper tub and made sure Kai came every day to tend to my injuries. Not that he needed any encouragement. My arrival here is the most interesting thing that’s happened to this outpost in years, according to Sage. And Kai, though just two years older than me, is the healer here.

I knew I would need to summon my strength and get out of bed for good. I was over the dehydration and my wounds were healing nicely thanks to Kai’s treatments. But first I’d have to remember how to be brave, remember how to be that girl I’d been just weeks ago. And remembering that meant remembering Will. And the loss of Will wasn’t something I was ready to accept.

A million horrible scenarios had played through my mind – Will lost in the woods trying to find me, or being executed at the compound, or injured and starving on his way to me – so instead of focusing on what became of him, why he’s not here with me now, I focus on the memories we share. His strong, knowing hands as he taught me to protect myself, his callused hands softly moving over my skin, the way his damp kisses stole my breath and pierced my heart. And when I remember that side of Will, I remember my strength. The strength I summoned to compete against the other recruits, and fought my way through the physical challenges. It seems like such a long time ago.

My first several days I held onto hope that Will was still coming, but the days turned into a week, then two weeks.
It became too painful to hope, and I let that last tiny bit of hope shrivel and die inside me. It was time to stop pretending. It was time to get out of Sage’s bed.

Will and Rena had risked everything to get me to safety and I know this is a gift I cannot waste. I want to honor their sacrifice, to honor Will by living.

For someone I’d been living with, I knew surprisingly little about Sage. She was quiet, aside from her humming, which was constant. She often sat by the window knitting, and during Kai’s visits she maintained a friendly, yet no nonsense banter with him. He’d give me a knowing smile or roll his eyes, like we were sharing some secret. But I never talked to him more than necessary. More than providing simple answers to his questions about my injuries or how I was feeling. I hated the softness in his eyes, the pity for the poor, broken girl I appeared to be.

This morning
, Sage is sitting by the window sipping from a steaming mug with a broken handle. As if she senses me watching her, she turns in my direction. She stares back, blinking a few times but not speaking. I know it’s only a matter of time before Sage’s hospitality and patience wear away. Unwilling to deal with any of that just now, I close my eyes again and slip off to sleep.

***

I’m not ready to open my eyes yet. I’m having another dream of Will. But the blankets are pulled from my legs, leaving me exposed in the chilly early morning air.

“Kai will be here in a little bit.” Sage neatly folds the blanket down at the end of the bed so I won’t want to mess it up by pulling it back over me. This is Sage’s way of telling me it’s time to get up.
There’ve been many times over the past two weeks that I’ve been equal parts grateful and resentful of her. Though she’s cared for me and fed me, she’s never babied me. Some would call it tough love. I think it’s just her personality though.

Kai has come nearly every day to see me. His piercing blue eyes and big smile complete with dimples ooze kindness. But his appearances irritate me. He fawns over me too much, acts too kind, tends to my wounds with a gentleness I don’t deserve. I want to hurt on the outside as bad as I hurt on the inside. The hole ripping me in two isn’t something that can be fixed. A broken heart can’t be nursed back to health. Can it?

Sage’s gruff demeanor softens when Kai is in her home. She pulls a stool over to the bed for him, brings him tea and asks him endless questions. None of them are about me.

A dull knock on the door sends Sage leaping from her chair. I manage to sit up on the bed and straighten my clothes as Kai steps into view. His eyes are on me, even as he politely nods to Sage and answers her questions.

Kai, with his longish sandy blonde hair that hangs in his bright blue eyes, couldn’t be more different from Will’s dark eyes and hardened features. Even that my brain notes this comparison to Will annoys me.

Sage stands over the
bed where I’m sitting. “There’s nothing wrong with you anymore. Go on and let Kai show you around today.”

Her words shouldn’t stun me, yet they do. Kai’s eyes flash to mine, seeking, before he responds to Sage’s request to take me out. I nod once and Kai offer
s me his arm. “We won’t go far. We’ll just take a stroll through the village.”

I nod again and place my hand on his forearm. “Okay.” My legs are weak and shaky from lack of use, and I let him help me to the door. After slipping into my shoes, we head outside. The direct sunlight is harsh and unwelcome. Being outside reminds me of running laps with Will. I couldn’t run right now to save my life. Good thing I don’t have to. Their little village appears safe and
well-orgaznied. A grouping of several small cabins sit off in the distance. Sage’s cabin is the only one on this side of the hill. I hadn’t realized she kept herself separated like this – but I guess it makes sense; she seems like a loner.

Kai leads me down the worn trail toward the center of the village and the cabins, and I can see people out and about.  My stomach cramps at the sight of them.
As we get closer, mothers usher their children inside and grown men stand to watch me pass, their eyes leaping to my tattoo. They watch me like a caged animal and if I didn’t know better, I’d think they’re afraid of me.

I sense a shift in the air around me. It’s tense and not at all comfortable.

Kai releases a deep sigh. “This is ridiculous,” he mutters under his breath. He grabs my hand and holds it firmly in his. For a moment I consider breaking the connection, until I realize this is his way of showing them I don’t pose a threat. Eyes widen and travel between me and Kai in understanding.

Great now everyone probably thinks we’re a couple. But I suppose it’s better than them thinking I’m about to snap and take out half the village. As if I could even if I wanted to. I’m
already tired from walking the hundred paces from Sage’s cottage. I tug on Kai’s hand and kind blue eyes meet mine.

“Can you take me somewhere else?”

He nods in understanding. “Of course.”

Even though I don’t want to be he
re, having a tour guide is nice. And one afternoon out of Sage’s dusty home won’t kill me. I’m liable to develop bed sores if I spend any more time lying there.

Kai gives my hand a tug. “Think you can make it a little farther?”

I nod.

“I’ll show you where I found you.”

“You found me?”

He nods.

I guess I hadn’t thought of who had stumbled across me, or exactly where I’d been found. Kai leads me over a ridge and the sun chooses that moment to grace us with its presence. The entire meadow is awash in pretty orange light. Little white flowers erupt from the ground and the tall grasses swish and sway in the breeze, whispering Will’s name. My chest gets tight and I sink to the ground, the hard earth biting into my knees.