Defect (23 page)

Without Sam here, I have nothing in the bunker or dorm to distract me. I shower and go straight to bed, thinking maybe I can squeeze
a little sleep in before – but it’s impossible. I lay in bed, staring straight up at the ceiling. I lift my arm and inspect the chip in my wrist. I run my fingers over the hard nodule, and realize – with horror – this thing will have to come out. I scratch at my wrist, wondering what Will has planned for me.

After an agonizing wait,
Rena comes for me again. I recognize her footsteps this time. Neither of us speaks as I follow her from the room. Instead of taking me to her or Will’s room, she brings me to a supply closet near the gym, not far from the door to outside.

We enter the sma
ll room, and Will’s already inside. He’s arranging supplies on a small table. My heart stops when I see what they are. There’s a scalpel, antiseptic and bandages. My fingers instantly go to the chip on the inside of my wrist. I clutch my fingers around my wrist, protecting it.

Will stops what he’s doing and turns to me. “Rena, leave us,” he says
, his eyes on me. She nods and backs out the door.

I stand in front of Will. We just look at each other for several long minutes.
I don’t want to move yet. I don’t even want to talk. If we can just stay here like this for a few minutes more, maybe I can pretend that none of the other stuff is about to happen.

Will closes his eyes
, and I notice his hands are balled into fists. When he opens them a second later, I can tell he’s just given himself a pep talk, convincing himself this is the right thing to do. It’s not exactly comforting that someone who’s about to cut me opens needs convincing.

My stomach flips. “Have you
ever done this before?” I ask before I can stop myself. It seems unlikely that there will be any answer that can settle my nerves.

“It’ll be the first time for both of us.”
He gives me a sly grin, trying to break the ice.

“You can’t
… my veins ...” 

His jaw tighten
s, the muscles in his forearms flex involuntarily. “Come here,” his voice is commanding with a hard edge to it. 

I hesitantly take a step closer to him. My hea
rt is pounding, and though I know I shouldn’t, I can’t help but think that my racing heart will only make the blood loss worse.

“Come here,” he whispers
this time and reaches for me. He pulls me against him. I tuck my head under this chin and press my face to the hollow of his throat. He rests his chin on the top of my head and hugs me to him. We fit perfectly together like this.

“I’m scared,” I whisper against his neck.

“I know. I am, too.” Hearing him admit his fear makes me feel better. I remember that fear is a completely human response in this situation, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I lift my head from his chest and
rise up on my toes. He bends down to kiss me. His hands slide up to cradle my face. His kisses are soft, gentle, like’s he’s concentrating, so that he can commit this moment to memory, and I can feel his love for me. I still have my eyes closed when he stops and pulls back. “Are you ready?”

I open my eyes slowly, not ready to face this yet. “I need to know the plan.”

He nods. “Sit down.” He gestures to the floor, since there’s nowhere else. I slide down to the cool cement floor, trying not to notice the table holding the shiny, metal scalpel. Will sits down next to me. “I am going to remove your chip,” he says simply, like he’s explaining how to butter toast. My mouth goes dry. “And then Rena and I are going to take you to the fence,” he says next. His voice has just the slightest hint of edge. “You’ll probably be weak from loss of blood, but you’ll have to keep moving – all through the night. Do you understand?”

Something he’s said completely throws me off.
He’s only talking about
me
, rather than
us
. “Will, are you … did you change your –”

He strokes
my hair away from my face, his thumb caressing my cheek. “You have to go alone. We can’t disappear together, or they’ll know we were working together.”

My stomach drops
. He’s changed his mind. I can’t do this without him. I can’t. I won’t go.

“I’ll
be able to get them off your trail,” he says, still stroking my hair. “When O’Donovan orders a search party, I’ll lead them the other way. It’s the best chance for you to escape. And then, in the chaos that follows, I’ll slip away and come for you. I promise.” He lifts my face until I look up at him. His eyes are so deep and loving, they swallow me whole.

I believe him. I have to believe him. I nod weakly.

“You will walk for ten days, heading west.” He waits for my understanding. I nod. “During the day, keep your back to the sun,” he reminds me. “After ten days, you should reach a small outpost.” He stops to make sure I’m getting all this.

I’m still distracted by how he plans to ge
t my chip out. I nod, but my eyes keep going back to the scalpel, keeping it within my line of sight.

“Rena says the people are friendly. They’ll take you in. Wait there for me. I should only be a few days behind you
…” I don’t like the way his voice cuts out. As long as everything goes according to plan, he’ll be a few days behind me. But what he doesn’t say is that no one knows how the government will react when I go missing. And if Will is suspected, they’ll kill him.

“You should
have everything you need. Food, water tablets, a knife …” He rummages through the bag, showing me the items.

“Will.” I grab his hand. We share a long, knowing look.
This could be it. The end. The moment is too much. He swallows and looks away, clearing his throat. I can’t get emotional right now. I can’t break down, but seeing Will like this nearly undoes me.

“You can do this, Eve. You are the strongest person I know.” His mouth lifts in a half smile.
“Other than me.” I smile for the first time that day. And I start to believe, maybe, just maybe, this crazy plan will work. “We need to get moving,” he says. And my smile instantly dissolves. The extra serving of meatloaf I had at dinner turns sour in my stomach, and I swallow down the saliva that’s rapidly accumulating in my mouth.

Will takes my wrist and
examines it closely, tracing his fingers along the chip. I can feel my pulse thumping against his fingertips. His gaze is scientific – estimating how much room he has to work around my veins, but they are like a web surrounding the chip. I know that’s not good.

I
try to focus on him instead of my wrist. His face shows complete and total concentration. He’s beautiful like this. His eyes are dark and serious, his jaw set firm, and his focus on me is unwavering.

He rips open
an antiseptic wipe with his teeth, still holding my wrist. The sound of the paper tearing in the silent room makes me flinch; I’m so on edge, and though I don’t mean to, I involuntarily pull my hand away from him.

He
looks at me, wondering what he’s done wrong. He spits the wrapper from his lips and leans down to kiss me. “It’s okay,” he murmurs against my lips. “Trust me,” his voice is just a whisper. I nod and kiss him again. Then he brings my hand to his lips and presses a kiss to the underside of my wrist, right over my chip. “Be very still,” he whispers against my wrist before lowering it.

“
Do it fast.”

He nods and picks up the scalpel.
I offer him my wrist, lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes. He wipes the cool antiseptic wipe along my wrist. And while I wait to feel the sting of the blade, I picture myself on the other side of the fence, running free, my backpack bouncing wildly. I hold the image in my mind and breathe, trying to calm myself.

Will’s grip tightens on my wrist
, and I feel the sting of the blade break my skin, its sharp tip digging under the chip to free it.  I bite into my lip to keep from crying out. I feel a warm dampness drip down my arm and hear it splatter softly on the concrete floor. I keep my eyes squeezed tight and breathe deeply through my nose. I can smell the salty, metallic blood in the tiny room so I switch to breathing through my mouth. Then his hands are fumbling with a cloth at my wrist. I look down and suddenly feel woozy as I watch deep red blood staining the white cloth. Will’s hand tightens around my wrist, applying too much pressure as he squeezes.

The whooshing sound of my pulse in
side my head is deafening. I tip my head against the wall, unsure if it’s by choice or if it’s just too heavy to hold up any longer.

“
Try and relax,” Will’s voice soothes, but it sounds far away.

I’m not sure when Rena came
back, but she’s kneeling beside me and helps Will bandage my wrist. Will lifts my arm and holds my hand above my head, trying to slow the loss of blood. My head feels like its floating apart from my body, and my eyes can’t focus on any one thing. The room tilts and spins. The smell of iron invades the room until it’s all I can focus on.

I feel them changing the bandages again and
shouting commands at each other that I can’t make out. I think they’re arguing about something, but their voices blend together in an unidentifiable jumble. Suddenly Will lifts me from the floor. My arms and legs feel heavy and limp. My head flops back without my permission, and my eyes roll between open and closed, so I see the room in sharp angles and flashes of light that don’t add up to anything. The ceiling is too close. The floor is too far. He folds me into his arms and carries me from the room. 

A
little while later, we’re bumping around inside the Jeep. I open my eyes. Rena is driving, and it takes me a second to figure out I’m sitting in the passenger seat, curled up in Will’s lap.

“You okay?”
he asks. He strokes my hair, smoothing it back from my face. The worried look in his eyes scares me.

I manage a nod. My throat is still tight
, and if I try to talk, I know I’ll cry.

I take stock of m
y body. I’m completely drained and tired and I start to realize how crazy this plan is. I’ve trained all day, and now it’s the middle of the night. Somehow after blood loss and a fresh injury, I’m supposed to run for ten days to reach safety. Scratch that, not even safety – an outpost where Rena’s heard people are friendly. There is no way I can do this. I open my mouth to tell Will to turn around and take me back to the dorm, but the Jeep rolls to a stop. We’re parked under the tree Will brought me to on our recon mission.

I remember that day
; the way the late afternoon sun was streaming through the leaves, the way Will carefully explained his plan for my escape, and the way he looked at me with complete trust in my ability to do this.

I
can’t let him down. Not now. Not after he’s put this plan together, endangered himself, performed surgery on me … I can’t back down now. I have to follow through. Besides, how could I explain the gash in my arm and my missing chip? I swallow down my doubts and pick my head up to look around.

The moon is brilliant blue and full tonight, and I realize even in the darkness, I can see everything
with perfect clarity. It feels like a sign – there’s a beacon of light to guide me through the darkness. I hope my mother is at the window watching the moon tonight, thinking of me. I know thoughts of her will help me get through the night.

At first
I thought it was completely insane that she and Dr. Elway, my dad, had fallen in love. I didn’t see how anyone could have a relationship in this environment. But after Will, it’s easier than I ever realized. When people are thrust into life or death situations together, the strong learn how to survive, how to flourish despite their surroundings. This was never more evident than in the case of my mom and dad, Sam and Jake, and Will and me. I hope Sam and Jake are together, wherever they are.

It’s so warm
and safe in Will’s arms; I don’t want to move, but I know they’re both getting anxious with me out here in the night. We need to get moving. I make a move to get up, but Will’s arms hold me in place against him. “Rena.” He nods, and she climbs down from the Jeep, giving us a moment of privacy. I curl my body even tighter into his, making myself small, letting myself feel tiny and weak once more before I need to summon every ounce of strength I have. His arms are locked tight around me – my cocoon – and I’d give anything not to leave it.

Will presses a single
kiss to my temple, then pulls back and looks at me. “You have to go, Eve.”

I nod and look away f
rom him so he won’t see my tear-filled eyes. I climb down from the Jeep and meet Rena where she’s crouched by the trunk of the tree, concealing herself in the shadows.

Will brings my backpack over and helps me into it. It’s heavier than I expected and when I remember my wrist and the blood loss, my knees feel weak. I push the thought away. The sooner I go, the sooner Will and I can be reunited.
I have no choice but to believe this is true.

Rena scans the stretch of fence, her eyes squinting to see in the distance.
She points to the boulder at the edge of the fence. “There’s a dug out trench under the fence, just over there. Keep going west, day and night until you reach them.”