Deeper We Fall (38 page)

“Monday?”

“I hope so.”

She paused, taking a deep breath.

“I’m sorry about everything. You were right about Zack. He wasn’t the guy I thought he was, and by the time I realized that, it was too late. He said he just wanted to talk, so I got in his truck and then he drove us to this parking lot and started hitting me. I tried to get away, but I had my seatbelt on, and he was so strong—” Her voice broke, and she gasped to get control.

“It’s not your fault, Katie.”

“I know, I know. It just happened so fast and I forgot all that self-defense stuff I learned. And then I blacked out and the next thing I knew I was in the parking lot and Will was calling my name. Can you tell him thank you for me?” She blew her nose.

“Sure thing. Is there anything else I can do?”

“Um, tell Stryker that he was right. I told him I was going to meet with Zack and he begged me not to. We had a stupid fight about it. I want to talk to him about it.”

“He’s right here.” All of the guys looked up.

“Can I?” she said.

“Hold on.” I handed the phone to Stryker. “She wants to talk to you.” He took the phone from me and went to his bedroom for some privacy while I filled everyone in on what Katie had said.

Stryker was still talking when we all dug into the pancakes.

Zan’s phone rang and we all jumped.

“It’s my mom.” He answered and went outside. I wanted to go with him, but this was something he needed to do on his own.

Stryker came back and handed me my phone.

“Weeelllll?” Trish said, handing him a plate of pancakes.

I handed him a fork and he dug in. “None of your business, Trish.”

“Whatever,” Trish said. “We all know that you care more about her than you’re letting on. But now is not the time for that. Zan’s talking to his mother.”

We all stood in the kitchen and ate standing up. Zan was gone for a long time.

“Maybe we should check on him,” Will said.

“No, he’s fine. Just give him some time,” I said.

We waited some more.

“Will you please go check on him?” Trish said. “The suspense is going to kill me.”

“Okay, okay.” I tossed my plate in the sink and headed for the door.

I found Zan sitting on the stairs in the hallway that led down to the front door. He wasn’t on the phone anymore.

“Hey. We were getting kind of worried.” I sat down next to him. He was so still, except for the silver lighter he kept flicking on and off. “Hey.” I put my hand on his shoulder and it was like he was coming out of a trance.

“Sorry. I was just thinking,” he said. I rested my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around me and kissed my cheek.

“He’s been arrested. Mom is flipping her shit and Steve is already assembling all the lawyers he can buy. And I’m just trying to keep it together.”

“You’re doing a very good job.”

“You’re lying.” I could just barely feel him shaking. “But I love you anyway.”

“I love you.” He turned his head and gave me a quick kiss. “How do you feel?”

“Ask me tomorrow. I don’t know right now.”

Zan

Things moved both faster and slower at the same time. I was only able to focus on a small list of things. The rest just blurred.

My mother and Steve came down to bail Zack out. Zack got arrested and kicked out of school. Katie came back.

Through it all, Charlotte was there, holding me together. She was whatever I needed her to be. When I needed to get out of the dorms so I didn’t lose it, she went with me. We took walks and talked about silly things like our favorite commercials and the best way to make French toast.

Mom wanted me to come home too, but I refused. She yelled and said it was my responsibility and I just listened in silence.

“Don’t you understand? Your brother has lost everything.” Of course, Mom downplayed the physical damage that Zack had done to Katie. I could tell she thought it was Katie’s fault, which was the most disgusting part of the whole thing.

“He deserves to lose it.” I hung up on her, and turned to kiss Charlotte. She smiled and it didn’t feel like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.

Zack called me repeatedly and left me messages. I deleted them without listening.

“Do you think you’ll ever talk to him again?” Charlotte and I were naked, wrapped up in my sheets. We’d planned on going out, but it seemed like too much work, so we’d stayed in.

“Maybe. Not right now. I’m too pissed at him right now. What I’d like to do is beat the shit out of him, but then he’d probably beat the shit of out of me back.”

“My money would be on you,” she said, kissing the raven in my tattoo.

“That money would probably be lost.”

“Money schmoney.” She bit my nipple and I stopped thinking about Zack for a while.

Later on Charlotte called Katie, just to check in. She had a grin on her face when Katie said where she was.

“She’s with Stryker,” she said after she hung up. “Looks like Stratie is on.”

“Good. He’ll be good for her.”

“I told her that she should take some time for herself, but I’m not sure if she’s really good at being alone, or if that would be a good thing for her. By the way, the makeover is on. She’s taking me shopping tomorrow after work.”

“As long as she doesn’t make you into someone you’re not.” Images of her with black eye makeup and a scrap of material that didn’t qualify as a skirt floated through my head.

“The red dress was her idea, as well as the red undies.”

I stroked her hair, watching as it picked up the light. “Ah, I forgot about that. Then I absolutely approve of this makeover. Even though you don’t need one.”

“I’m not doing it for me.”

“I know. That’s why I love you.”

She didn’t say it back right away, and I knew that meant she had something else to tell me. She licked her lips and turned her head to the side.

“They’re taking Lexie to the place in Texas. I’m going to see her on Sunday.”

I waited for her to continue. She blinked a few times.

“Would you come with me?” she finally said.

I had the feeling that was what she was going to ask.

“I haven’t seen her in a long time.”

She pushed herself up and looked down at me.

“What do you mean?”

I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t told her this yet. I’d told her everything else.  The only other people I’d told this next part were Miss Carole and Stryker.

“I used to write Lexie and her family letters, when I was in the hospital, and then later. They were all about how sorry I was, and how I wished I could change it. That kind of thing. It was more for me than for them.”

“Did you send them?”

I nodded.

“Mrs. Davis called me after I’d sent a few of them. I don’t know why, but she was nice to me and asked if I wanted to come see Lexie. So I did. I saw her a few more times after that, and Mrs. Davis would call me every now and then to let me know how she was doing. We used to talk about other things too. I think she felt sorry for me.”

She was quiet for a long time, tracing the branches of my tattoo.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I took a deep breath.

“I don’t know, L. I really don’t.”

“You amaze me on a daily basis, but this…it blows me away.” She smiled and rested her head on my chest.

“Why?”

“Because you’re…you. You do things that most other people wouldn’t. You’re so selfless and kind and I can’t stand the fact that I hated you for so long.”

I held her face. “Hey, that’s over now.”

She tried to shake her head, but I wouldn’t let her.

“It just seems so stupid now. Now that I know. I wish I could tell everyone. I wish I could scream it from the rooftops that you’re not the guy everyone thinks you are.”

“You don’t have to. Just having you know is enough.” It was more than enough.

She pressed her lips together.

“I need to tell Will. I can’t keep things from him, if he asks me directly. I can hide something from him, but only if he doesn’t know that I’m hiding it. That doesn’t make any sense, but that’s the way it works.”

To be honest, I was surprised he hadn’t figured it out. I knew about their connection, and I assumed she would tell him, either directly or indirectly.

“I know you need to tell him, so it’s fine. I’m going to assume secret-keeping is a genetic trait, so I trust him as much as I trust you.”

Her smiled widened, and it was the smile I always wished to see on her face. Pure brilliant happiness.

“See? Amazing.”

Chapter Forty

Lottie

I got Will alone that night to have a little chat. Simon was at another meeting, and Stryker and Katie were doing…whatever they were doing. Hopefully just talking.

“So why did you have to get me alone?” he said as I sat next to him on his bed. “This isn’t the part where I find out that you really are an alien and you eat my spleen, is it?”

“You are so weird,” I said, shoving his head back. “No, I am not going to eat your spleen. I’ve been keeping something from you. About Zan.”

“Yeah, I figured. Twindar and all that.” He crossed his arms and waited.

“He wasn’t driving. Zack was.”

His reaction wasn’t as dramatic as I thought it would be. He just nodded.

“That makes so much sense now,” he said. “Why the hell did Zan take the fall?”

“It was one of those things that just kind of happened. Zack doesn’t remember.”

Will snorted. “How convenient.”

“I don’t think Zack Parker could fake amnesia for this long.”

“You’re probably right. He’s not the brightest crayon in the box.”

That was an understatement.

“So when did Zan tell you?”

“That day at the cabin.”

I watched him piece everything together and didn’t talk while he did. Didn’t take that long.

“Makes sense. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“He asked me not to, and I didn’t want to break his trust.”

“I can understand that. I’m just pissed I didn’t figure it out before. This is the first secret you’ve been able to keep from me. You can’t even keep my Birthmas presents secret.”

“This year, I’m going to do it.”

“You say that every year.”

“This year I mean it.”

“Sure you do, Lot.” He dove at me and got me into a headlock. “What are you getting me for Birthmas?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” I said, choking. He pressed harder as I flopped like a fish out of water to get away. I couldn’t get a good angle on his ticklish spot, so I was out of luck.

“Fine! Fine. I’m getting you ski passes!” He let go of me and I elbowed him in the stomach. “Jerk.”

***

Katie’s bruises had almost faded, and her little scratches were healing as well. She had a hard time sleeping, and had nightmares quite a bit. She felt horrible about it, but I didn’t mind at all. We’d just wake up and have TV marathons until we passed out.

Neither of us was getting much sleep, but we were closer than ever. It took a few days for her to start laughing again, but I’d catch her texting on her phone and smiling. It didn’t take a genius to figure out who she was texting. I pretended I didn’t notice.

On Saturday night Trish and I drove to the mall to meet Katie. Audrey had a stupid paper that she’d been working on for days that she couldn’t abandon, not even for us. It was finally time for my makeover. She’d hit a home run with the red dress, and she’d showed me some pictures of what she had in mind, so I was okay with it. Up to a point.

“You know, you should get into fashion or something,” I said as she held shirts up to me. It was easier if I just stood there and let her do her thing.

“I’ve thought about it,” she said, making a face at a green shirt before picking a blue one and holding it up to me. “I like this one. Trish?”

Trish looked like she’d rather be getting her teeth drilled, but at least she was here.

“Looks nice.”

“I think you should wear this one tonight, with these and this and this,” Katie said when we got back as she laid out an outfit for me. Baby blue shirt, red jeans, a cool vintage-looking necklace and a lacy shrug.

“Cute,” Trish said, giving a thumbs up. She was totally putting on a happy face, but I loved her for it.

“Now we just have to make you up, get your hair fixed and you're done.”

She arranged me on her desk chair and started applying. I wasn't averse to makeup, but I'd never really gone all-out with it. There were some girls that were skilled with eyeliner and could make it look so easy. I was not one of those girls.

“When do you have to be in court?” Trish said. If I could have glared at her, I would have, but Katie was busy sweeping shadow on my eyes.

“Trish!”

“What? I was just asking.” Katie's hand paused on my eyelid for a moment.

“Um, next week sometime.”

“Are you going to go?” I said.

“I kind of have to, don't I?” She'd been both defensive and evasive whenever we'd tried to talk about it before, so we'd been tiptoeing around the subject ever since.

“You don't have to talk about it,” I said as she resumed work on my eyes.

“No, it's okay. I've been trying to avoid talking about it because I was trying to avoid thinking about it.”

“Have you talked to anyone?” I said.

She swept color under my brow bone, pausing to step back and make sure it was even. "Mom got me in to see a therapist, but I've been bullshitting my sessions. It's weird to talk to some stranger who's paid to listen to me. You know?"

“Yeah, been there, done that, read the book, saw the movie,” I said.

Katie paused in her work to check her phone. I could tell by the way she smiled who had messaged her. She typed a quick response and then went back to my eyes.

“Who was that?” I said, fishing.

“No one,” she said a little too quickly.

Trish groaned. “Oh my God, can we stop with all this? We all know you and my brother are a thing now.”

“We're not a thing,” Katie said, nearly jabbing me in the eye with the eyeliner. “Oh, sorry!”