Dee, Lavada - Nothing to Lose [Blackhawk Brothers] (BookStrand Publishing Romance) (7 page)

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A dull ache in his back brought him back to the real world. What time was it, anyway? Stretching, he arched his back. Rubbing his arms, he realized he wasn’t only stiff. He was cold. The thermostat’s setting went on the night temperature at midnight. It shouldn’t be this cold.

Turning off the computer, he glanced at the time. Two a.m.? Damn, he knew better. He could easily lose track of time when he played that darn computer game. Mumbling, he swore he would set a timer next time he logged on.

Coffee wasn’t a good idea, but what the heck, how much worse could the night get? He poured a cup from the cold pot and put it in the microwave to heat. While he waited, he looked out the window at the outside thermometer. Good grief, it read almost a minus. No wonder it felt cold. Even with the furnace going, the cold crept into the house. Galynn probably needed an extra blanket. There were extras in the closet, but he knew from experience a person didn’t always come awake enough to get up and put one on the bed.

After deliberating the pros and cons, he made his way upstairs. But, still unsure, he stood outside her door. What if she woke up and he scared her? Instead of getting her an extra blanket, he could turn up the furnace. He turned to go back downstairs. When he turned, the door moved a fraction. It hadn’t been fully closed. He put his hand on the edge and quietly pushed it farther open. He wasn’t surprised to see her curled into a ball. She had to be cold.

His voice sounded loud even though it was only a whisper. “Galynn? It’s me. Don’t be scared. I just want to get you an extra blanket.”

She sat up so fast it startled him. “Whoa, you’re okay. It’s gotten really cold outside. I came up to see if you’re warm enough.”

“Coop?” Her voice sounded shaky. She reached up and snapped on the bedside lamp.

He sucked in his breath. Her hair was tousled like she’d wrestled with the pillow before falling asleep or as he imagined it would look if she woke up from his bed, his arms. She looked so beautiful. He felt himself harden and cursed his lack of control.

She pulled back the covers and swung her feet out of bed. “What’s the matter? You look like…”

He wasn’t surprised she couldn’t put words to it. “I’m fine, just a little chilled. I was on the computer and didn’t realize the temperature had dropped. Get back in bed so you’ll stay warm.”

Slowly, she relaxed and slid her feet back under the covers, but she didn’t lie back down. He crossed the room and took a blanket off the shelf. In a few minutes he had it spread over the bed. She was still sitting up, watching him. “Lay down and I’ll tuck you in. I can’t pull this blanket up around your shoulders with you sitting up like this.”

He’d purposely kept his eyes on the bed. If he looked at her, and saw the same want and need he felt, he knew he’d be lost. His heart skipped a beat when, with a sigh, she snuggled under the covers. He pulled the extra blanket around her shoulders. Still keeping his gaze averted, he said, “Sleep well.”

He turned off the lamp and left her room as if something was at his heels. At the door, he heard her whisper another “Thank you.” It wasn’t with relief he made his way back down the stairs and turned off the TV. So if he wasn’t feeling relief, what did he feel?

He poured a glass of water he really didn’t want and took it back into the living room. He felt restless and knew he should be in bed. Instead, he crossed the room to stare out the French doors. He rested his forehead against the glass. The doors were insulated with storm doors, so he hadn’t felt he needed heavy drapes to conserve heat. He had wanted them to stay bare so he’d have an unobstructed view of the lake. Tonight, everything seemed cold, colder than it should have. He wished it were any other time of year so he could get out and walk to clear his head and get his emotions in check. Mentally, he added the wish for a different season to the growing list of unattainable wishes that were piling up.

Galynn needed to offer some resistance, fear, or even repulsion. Heaven only knew, she had every reason to abhor any man’s touch. But it didn’t seem as if she compared this Mick and what he’d done to what she felt now. And he had no doubt she could feel the physical attraction between them much as he could.

He drew back from the door. He needed to get some sleep. Being this tired made it harder to get control, and he knew it was up to him to rein in what was happening between them. It would be hard enough when she left. If he let this go to the next level, it would kill him.

He caught the slight movement in his peripheral view. As if his thoughts had conjured up her image, she moved down a step of the stairs. In seconds, she had his full attention. How could any woman look so sexy in oversized sweats? His gaze swept over her and focused on her bare feet. His voice failed, and he cleared his throat. “You’re going to be sick running around with nothing on your feet. What did you think I got the slippers for?” He’d tried to sound gruff, but it didn’t come out that way. He might have just as well been telling her how much he wanted her by the way he sounded.

“I couldn’t sleep. I thought I’d get some cocoa.”

Cooper looked down at his glass. It’d probably taste better than what he was drinking. Maybe he’d join her but, instead of cocoa, he’d have a hot buttered rum. He hoped he still had some in the cupboard. One cup couldn’t possible lower his control any more than it already was. With a nod, he moved toward the kitchen. Her bare feet shouldn’t have been making a sound, but he could hear her behind him. Or maybe not. Maybe he felt her more than heard her. Holding his breath, he focused on putting more distance between them because now he was picking up her scent. Distinctly hers, it smelled fresh and clean, not floral, but close.

They never got as far as the stove to start the drinks. At the door to the kitchen, Cooper turned and pulled her into his arms. “Lynn, you’re driving me crazy. I…” She wrapped her arms around his neck.

What had she said? Not “stop
.”
Her actions denied that. “What?” His voice was muffled as he claimed her mouth.

She pulled back and smiled up at him. “My name. It’s not Lynn. It’s Galynn. It’s pronounced
Gail Lynn
. It’s unusual, so I wasn’t planning to ever use it again, but I don’t want anything that isn’t true between us. We have so little now, but we do have honesty.”

Cooper closed his eyes, and the intense hunger banked. “Thank you. Thank you for trusting me.” He opened his eyes and gazed into hers. “I don’t know what’s happening. I know it’s too soon…”

She reached up and traced his lips with her fingertips. “You deserve so much more than me, Coop. You deserve someone who isn’t damaged, who has a lifetime to love you. You make me…”

“What? Tell me, honey. What do I make you feel?”

“Oh, Coop, you make me feel warm, safe and lo…” She hid her face against his chest. “…cared for.”

He kissed her fingers. “That wasn’t what you were going to say.” He closed his eyes and rested his chin on her head. “Say it,” he whispered. “Say what you started to say. Loved, right? Oh, honey, you feel loved because even though I know I’m moving too fast, I love you. So much it scares me. If you leave, you’re going to be taking a part of me with you.”

Tears gathered in her eyes and silently ran down her cheeks. “I love you, too. I love you, and need you in ways I don’t understand.” Silence stretched between them as they let her words flow over them. Holding his gaze, she whispered, “We have so little time. I can’t forget yesterday. Because of my past, I know there isn’t going to be a tomorrow. All we have is now.”

His voice was whiskey rough. “Are you sure?”

She nodded and again reached up, this time wrapping her arms around his neck. She pressed her soft body into his hard one. When she didn’t pull away from the feel of his arousal, he pulled her leg up to his hip, pushing closer.

Her body answered his. He took a deep breath. His whole body felt tight and hard. “Say it again. Say you love me.”

She kissed along his jaw. “I love you. You have my heart.” Taking the initiative, she kissed him. When his lips parted, she deepened the kiss, touching her tongue to his.

He growled a response and slid his hands into the waist of her sweatpants. Cupping her, he lifted and felt her legs encircle his waist.

“Too many clothes,” he breathed.

She was so light it took nothing to walk with her to his bed. He reached over and turned on the lamp. When she protested the light, he said, “Shh. I want to see you. I want to watch you when…”

Her eyes shone with unshed tears. He gathered her up in his arms and laid her across the bed. “What? Tell me. Do you want to stop? We don’t have to do this.”

She shook her head. “I want…I’m not sure what I want, but I know I don’t want to stop. I…”

She was scaring him. “Honey, you have to tell me. If you cry, you’re going to kill me. You know, I’ll never hurt you.”

She reached up and gently cupped his jaw. “It’s not you. You deserve so much more. You deserve someone who is perfect. In the dark, you won’t be able to see them.”

Silent tears escaped and ran out the corner of her eyes. He kissed them away. “Are you talking about the bruises and maybe scars?

She nodded. “I feel so ugly.”

He shook his head. “You’re beautiful and more than I deserve. You’re everything a man wants.”

He didn’t want to say anything that would make her think of sexual activity with Mick, but he had to make sure. If this went much further, he wasn’t positive he could rein in the passion that flared between them. Taking a deep breath, he held her tight against him. “I don’t want to hurt you. It’s impossible for me to know fully what you’ve been through. When people say they understand, they don’t, they can’t, unless they’ve been there themselves. Knowing what I do know, I’m amazed that you respond to me like you do. That you trust me, that you can love me.”

Galynn reached up and lightly kissed his lips. “I trust you. There simply is nothing with you that even remotely relates to being with Mick. With you, I’ll have beautiful memories, gentleness, caring, and…” She looked up at him and smiled. “Passion. With you, I’ll replace all the ugly experiences with beauty.”

“Stay with me, then. We’ll have more than memories. We’ll have a lifetime. I want you forever. This isn’t just about the physical for me.” He lightly kissed her. “Though it’s nice, better than nice. I’d say…ummm, let me see.”

She punched his shoulder. “Let you see? Nice?” Laughing, they reached for each other. When he ran his hand under her T-shirt and found her breast, she let her breath out in a low moan.

He gently moved his hand over her breast. She wasn’t very big but perfectly proportioned. Kissing along her jaw, he breathed in her scent. She rose up to help him remove her shirt. Free, he moved his lips over her breast, finding its tip. His lips settled over it, suckling. Her answered moan tore into him, and he growled in response. “I’m not sure this is going to last as long as I want it to. You’re driving me over the edge faster than I can hang on.”

For an answer, she wound her hands in his hair and pulled him closer. Her words came out low and sexy. “Show me what to do. I want you to feel as good as I do.”

Moving again to her mouth, he deepened the kiss. In seconds they had all but his pants off.

Her eyes widened. “You’re beautiful.”

“Men aren’t beautiful.” His voice sounded husky. “Just a minute, honey, let me stand up and get out of these pants.” Quickly, he reached for his belt buckle. They were so tight he would have sworn they were shrinking. At her gasp, he stopped. Fear! It radiated from her. Her eyes were wide and riveted to his belt. In that second he understood. How could he have been so stupid? He had seen the deep bruising slashes that were going to take a long time to fade. The deeper ones in the shape of the buckle.

He dropped his hands and knelt on the bed taking her in his arms. “Shh, it’s okay. See? I’m not touching the belt.”

She was shaking so hard he could hear her teeth chattering. She finally bit down on her lip, but that only made it worse. He gently traced his fingers across her lips. “Open your mouth. You’re going to bite through your lips.” When she didn’t respond, he pulled her tight against him and rocked her back and forth. Finally, with a shudder, she went limp.

Chapter 7

Galynn tasted blood in her mouth. She didn’t want to look at Cooper and see the frustration and anger in his face. What man wouldn’t be mad at a woman who’d let things go as far as she had and then freaked out?

His body wasn’t showing signs of anger. He gently held her, whispering words of love. She drew in a shaky breath, and braced herself for his reaction when he realized she had herself back in control. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know how I could have let that happen.”

“Shh, you don’t have anything to apologize for. If I’d taken time to really see your injuries…” His voice shook. “I’m the one who should be saying sorry.”

Galynn closed her eyes. She shuddered, remembering how Mick had used his belt. The last few weeks she’d been with him, he’d had trouble getting and keeping an erection. She knew it was the pills he was taking but didn’t dare say anything. One night in a fit of rage, he’d taken off his belt and beaten her with it. It had excited him to a point he became acutely aroused. After that, it was his answer to his problem. She could hear him saying, “See what you make me do.” Then he’d call her filthy names while he did what he called “perform.” At the last, the beatings had become so severe that when he reached for his belt she’d almost pass out.

When she shuddered again, Cooper kissed her brow. “Honey, try to relax. I’ve got you, and nothing is going to hurt you.” He gently moved her away from him and reached down to get her sleeping shirt and pants. “Here, put these on so you don’t get cold.”

She kept her head down, not wanting to look at him. She could imagine how the sight of her probably sickened him. When she finished, she moved toward the door.

Cooper swung his legs out of bed. “Whoa, where are you going?”

She bit her lip, not wanting to cry in front of him. “To my room.” A soft sob escaped.