Deciding Love (16 page)

Straightening, I told myself, no more. This was supposed to be a special night for us, and I would be committed to that from this point on. Things would get better between us, I decided. We were still trying to get to know each other, that’s why things were awkward. It wouldn’t always be that way.

“Are you guys coming to Pat’s party?” Some guy, I think his name was Owen, said.

“Yeah, man, for sure,” Jax answered.

What party? We’d never talked about going to a party. He’d just answered for us without even asking me. And he was my ride home.

“Uh, Jax,” I said, tugging on his sleeve.

“Yeah, babe?” He asked, looking at me as though he’d just remembered I was there. Or perhaps he had just expected me to hang off his arm and not talk.

Whoa. That was harsh for me.
Calm down, Chlo
, I told myself. Was I looking for a fight tonight? This was supposed to be fun.

“I have to be home by midnight,” I reminded him.

“I know,” he said with a grin. “I’ll make sure you’re home on time. We’ll just swing by Patrick’s for a bit.”

Oh will we?

Easy tiger.

Taking a deep breath, I smiled and said, “ok”, determined to make the best of the night.

Cat came up to us then, pulling on my arm. “Let’s go dance!” She whined.

I looked at the dance floor wearily. “We just got here,” I said hesitantly. “Shouldn’t we wait until there’s more people?”

“Nope,” she replied, pulling harder. “We are dancing now, woman.”

“Okay, okay,” I said with a laugh. “Jax I’m going with Cat.”

He nodded absently at me.

Shrugging, I headed off to dance with my best friend since my boyfriend didn’t seem to care. And to be honest, dancing the night away with Cat was a much better way to spend the night anyway. It beat standing around like a piece of arm candy.

As soon as we got back in the Jeep I tore the shoes off my aching feet. Cat and I laughed, our hair now plastered to our faces with sweat, our make-up no longer quite as polished as it had been at the beginning of the night.

“I think I pulled something,” Cat complained.

I chuckled, wiggling my toes. “Now I remember why I hate wearing high heels so much,” I said.

“I think mine are too swollen to get my shoes off,” Cat said.

Jax came up, having been talking to the other football players while we had run ahead to the truck.

“Are you beautiful ladies ready to party?” He asked with a wide smile.

We both groaned.

“I’m ready for bed,” Cat said.

“Me too,” I agreed.

Jax looked panicked as he turned to me. “You can’t go to bed,” he said.

I laughed even though I really wanted to sigh in disappointment. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to make you drop me off yet.”

His shoulders relaxed in relief. “Cool. Let’s go then.”

“Actually, I wouldn’t mind if you dropped me off,” Cat said.

I turned in my seat to look back at her. The girl looked beat. I really didn’t want to go to this party without her, but I knew I’d still have Jax there, so it wasn’t fair for me to make Cat come if she didn’t want to.

Jax didn’t seem to care that he had to drop her off. Actually, I got the distinct impression he was happy she wasn’t coming. We drove to her house and let her out, promising that I’d call her in the morning. My brain took note that Kyle’s car wasn’t there, which had me instantly wondering where he was - or more like, who was he with? But I pushed those thoughts away and plastered a big smile on my face as I waved bye to Cat.

We got to Patrick’s house, an old mansion that had been there since Bloomfield was founded. It reminded me of the White House with the white facade and large columns.

“Wow,” I said, taking in the professionally landscaped gardens and lawn.

“I know, right?” Jax said, grabbing my hand. “They’ve always had the nicest house, although you wouldn’t know it the way Pat and Reagan talk.”

I looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged as we walked up the steps to the front door that was practically vibrating from the music within.

“I don’t think their parents have a good relationship.” He tilted his head closer, lowering his voice. “I think he cheats on their mom.”

“That’s awful,” I murmured. We walked in to a boisterous cheer.

Jax brought us into a large kitchen, the kind I dreamed of having one day. Although, it had seen better days, considering the amount of drinks and food scattered over its surface.

I felt incredibly awkward as people shouted and laughed together, as though I were simply a fly on the wall, invisible to everyone else. And why wouldn’t I be? To them, I was just Jax’s girlfriend, that’s all. I wasn’t a friend to anyone except Cat. Well, and Jax I suppose.

As I stood by his side though, watching him converse with everyone but me, I started to wonder if that was even true. Were Jax and I friends? Or was I just another accomplishment of his? Suddenly I wished I had insisted on going home.

“Here, babe,” he said, passing me a red cup.

Oh, I was actually being spoken to? Shocking.

I took the drink, looking down at it wearily. “Uh, I don’t really drink,” I said.

He laughed, throwing his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer, and jostling my entire body. I squeaked as I tried to keep the liquid from spilling over the rim of the cup.

“Isn’t she the cutest?” he said to the other guys around us. I scrunched up my nose, not sure what I hated more, being called cute, or the way he’d said it to the other people. As though I were being ridiculous, and possibly embarrassing if I was reading him properly.

“You have to drink, babe, it’s our senior year homecoming. Just have one. I promise I won’t make you drink another one.”

“Yeah, Chloe. You can’t be at a party and not drink,” Hilary said, appearing out of nowhere. Her eyes ate up Jax as though I wasn’t standing right there. Or maybe it was because I was standing right there.

Deciding, maybe just this once, it was better to join them than fight them, I took a tiny sip, trying my best not to gag as the bitter taste slid down my throat. Blech. I hated beer. Especially warm, cheap beer.

Despite my distaste for it, I continued to choke it down, it eventually becoming easier as the night wore on. My mind started to grow fuzzier, my body warm as the alcohol hit me. I had a sneaking suspicion Jax had been refilling my cup without me noticing, since it seemed to never be going down even though I knew I was drinking it.

Of course, in my new, fuzzy state, this little fact didn’t bother me as much. At one point I found myself out on the dance floor with a few of Hilary’s henchmen - henchwomen? - whatever. I wasn’t drunk, but I was buzzed and enjoying myself. I didn’t even mind when Jax appeared behind me, pulling me close as we danced together. When he dragged me away from the crowd I just went with it. We laughed as we fumbled up the stairs.

Where were we going?

The upper floor was a lot quieter, most of the doors lining the hall closed. Jax brought us to one near the end, tugging me into a room before I could ask what we were doing. As soon as I entered, I blinked to grow accustom to the darkness. Only the moonlight spilled through the open blinds, giving the space a blue glow.

Jax walked up behind me after I heard the click of the door closing us in. His lips were on my neck as his hands stoked down my arms. It felt good, so I tilted my head, allowing him more access.

He groaned as he kissed up my neck, leaving a wet trail. “You’re so hot, Chloe,” he said against my skin. “Every guy at that dance wanted you.”

What? That was a strange thing to say. Why did I care if other guys wanted me when I was here with him?

He spun me around, his mouth covering mine. As usual, he felt sloppy, but I ignored it, my body liking the attention. I was already warm from the alcohol, and now his touch was warming me further.

Somehow we ended up on the bed, him on top of me. This was new for us, and somewhere at the back of my mind I knew I was going to have to put the brakes on things soon. His hands gripped my breasts roughly, through the fabric of the dress. I cried out, and he moaned loudly.

“You like that, babe?” He said as he kissed down my face.

Uh, no? That was a pained cry, not a pleased one. Did he not know the difference? I was having trouble finding my voice though. His lips were back on mine and then I felt his hand inching up my leg, lifting the hem of my dress as he went.

I pushed at his hand, stopping him.

“Uh, Jax?” I said, pulling my head away.

“Yeah, babe?” He asked as he sucked on my earlobe. Ew. I didn’t like that.

“Can we...can we just stop for a second?” I said, trying to catch my breath. “Let’s go back down.”

He stopped, breathing in deeply. “Let’s just stay up here a bit longer,” he said, moving his hand up my leg again.

I shoved at it. “Jax, stop.”

His other hand started to lower the strap of my dress.

“Jax!”

He growled, flying off the bed quicker than I’d thought possible. I lay there, breathing deeply as I watched him pace at the end.

“Jax?” I said hesitantly.

He gripped his hair. “I don’t understand you, Chloe. We’ve been going out for a while now. I was really hoping we could move to the next level tonight.”

I sat up slowly, pulling my dress down to regain some modesty. Whatever buzz I’d had was officially gone.

“You thought we’d have sex together for the first time at a party in your friend’s house?” I asked, my stomach turning. That’s what he wanted for us?

He stopped to face me. “Well...yeah. If you have real feelings for me, then I think you should do this. We should do this. It’s what a good girlfriend would want to give her boyfriend.”

What. The. Fuck.

Did I just hear that correctly? My mouth opened and closed, floundering like a fish.

“So, because I won’t sleep with you, I’m a bad girlfriend?”

He huffed. “I didn’t say that - exactly.” He moved to sit in front of me, his clammy hand gripping my calf. My body actually recoiled at his touch but I managed to hide it.

“I just think this would be good for us. Don’t you?”

“Uh...”

“I want you so bad, babe,” he said, leaning in to kiss my neck again. It no longer made me feel hot. Instead I felt cold, bitterly cold.

I pushed at his chest. “Jax, stop.”

He pulled back, his lips pressed into a firm line. “Why?” He snapped.

“Because,” I said, getting defensive at his sharp tone. “Look, if I sleep with you, I don’t want it to be at some party like this. And I don’t want us to be drunk. I want it to be something nice between us.”

“It will be,” he said starting to lean in again.

I stopped him with my hand on his chest. “No. It won’t.”

“You know, there are plenty of girls down there that would love to put out for me. But I’m up here with you. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

Oh my God.

I stood. “If you have such a long waiting list, why don’t you go ahead and ask one of them,” I suggested, moving to the door.

“Chloe, stop,” he called out as I opened the door and left.

I held my heels in my hand, noticing that one of my straps was broken, the one he’d been trying to lower. Great. The asshole broke my dress too while he was at it.

“Chloe,” he shouted.

I sped up. “Leave me alone, Jax,” I said.

Suddenly his hand gripped my arm, forcing me to a stop. My back hit the wall before I knew it, Jax’s angry face filling my vision.

“You’re not leaving,” he bit out.

“W-what?”

His face was red, his eyes wide and crazy, a look I’d never seen on his face before. We were moving back down the hall, his hand gripping my arm painfully.

“Jax, let go,” I said, pulling at the hand that held me. “You’re hurting me.”

He didn’t answer, just shoved me back into the room we’d been in, closing the door behind him. I took a step back, my hands shaking as fear shot through me.

“Jax,” I said softly, hoping to calm him, my hands out in front of me.

He moved fast, closing the distance between us. I opened my mouth to speak when his hand hit.

My head flew to the side as a sting spread over my burning cheek. With watery eyes, I slowly turned to look at him, my hand holding my face.

“Holy shit,” he said, looking as shocked as I felt. “Chloe, I’m so sorry.” He reached for me, but I took a step back, shaking my head.

“Don’t,” I warned with a rough voice.

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” he said, his eyes pleading.

Shaking my head, I kept backing away. My eyes caught on an open door to a bathroom. Moving, I ran for it, my hand still holding my cheek, tears falling from my eyes. I slammed the door behind me, locking it just as Jax turned the knob. His voice sounded from close to the door where he pressed against it.

“Chloe please open the door. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. Please. It will never happen again.”

I don’t know why tears kept falling. My cheek had started to numb and didn’t hurt as much. And it wasn’t as if I was heartbroken or anything. Yet, I couldn’t seem to stop them from coming. Breathing in a shuddering breath, I grabbed my cellphone which I had kept tucked into my bra since I had no pockets, and dialed a number I never thought I’d use. As I waited, more tears fell, and when I heard the other line pick up, my entire body started to shake with the need to feel safe. And I knew as soon as the voice spoke on the other end that I would be safe now.

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