Death by Facebook (16 page)

As
she slept in the bed next to his, he could almost hear the nightmares
chasing her, chasing a mother and her son.

~~~

Lately,
things were changing again for me. I wasn't just in Volcano anymore,
but rather at my Mom's side in California as well. Wherever my
interest was, then so was I, even if we were separated by a great
ocean. Distance between places was no longer a problem of
separation. It was as if being dead was really being alive in just a
different way.

This
James Turner that I had been when alive seemed very distant now. It
was something I had done long ago, rapidly fading from my detailed
memory. 'Been there, done that' kind of thing. Gave the t-shirt
away.

At
some moment, I wasn't exactly sure when, but I felt that I wasn't
especially different from everything around me, only that I was just
woven into the fabric a little deeper. It seemed so natural, as if I
wasn't so stuck anymore between what I had been and where I was to
eventually find myself.

Mom's
sadness somehow created a great empathy within me, but one I felt had
a smile. She must have loved me. Her sadness is that of a mother
for her son, and as such was a great and wonderful thing, even if it
had to manifest in grief.

Janet's
fear and confusion drew me as well into that space I might call
compassion. Now, here she was experiencing great relief and a bit of
joy in the discovery of the magical sea.

The
static in her mind was still absent; she even seemed a bit serene
luxuriating in the warm pools of Kapoho. The full moon moving higher
through the palms cast kind fingers of light and shadow across the
clearness, reaching even down into the water to touch her naked skin.

I
felt that calmness move from the jungle up and into me. The frantic
worry and confusion was fading away. Looking around, all around me,
I could now see a bigger place. The vastness of beauty was
beckoning, the approaching light above me was shimmering with
promise. It would take me to amazing places, but I still had to
wait. For Janet, somehow.

Ms.
Debbie came to me again, again in her cocoon of light. She looked so
proud and came up to me, never saying Jimmy, or James. She spoke to
me, but never called me a name. We both felt exactly who she was
speaking to. Me.

“
It
is beginning to look so absolutely beautiful for you, isn't it?”

I
watched her closely, moving lightly in my vision. “Just now,
actually. It is.”

“
That
is perfectly wonderful my dear,” Ms. Debbie announced.
“Welcome to the universe.” She moved away and up again,
toward the light that I immediately noticed was quite a bit closer.
Turning a bit she grinned and said “See you soon.”

~~~

Star
and Janet sat quietly in the moonlit pool, listening to the distant
roars of both the outer reefs and the Coqui frog invaders deep in the
nearby jungles. Behind Star, in the direction Janet was looking a
great glow lit the sky. Greater almost than the moon itself.

“
Star,
what is that, over there?” She pointed into the dense jungle
behind them and up into the sky.

“
Ah,
Jimmie, that would be the great Mother. She who must destroy in
order to create. Nature at its most enduring. Our volcano.”

Distant
ultra low vibration booms could be heard filtering in through the
dense darkness around them.

“
Ah,
Jimmie, do you hear that? She calls you.” Star was smiling
broadly, apparently convinced of the lack of coincidence.

“
Who?”
Janet asked, slightly put off with a tinge of fear. “Who calls
me?”

Star
let herself slip under the warm waters and after a moment resurfaced
with her hands already on her face, moving the water away from her
eyes. “Mother calls you Jimmie, she welcomes you to her
bosom.”

Janet
didn't know what to make of that. Hippie-talk she figured. “You
mean the volcano?” She slipped under the water for a moment as
well, then after lingering a full minute surfaced and asked “Is
Mother the same as the volcano?”

Star
nodded silently. “They are indeed.”

Both
of them sat quietly for several more minutes before Star started a
story.

“
None
of this amazing...” she spread her arms wide up and out of the
water, unashamed of her nudity. “...absolutely amazing
paradise around us would be here without the great Mother. If she
had not destroyed what was here prior, then this beauty would not be
possible.”

Janet
looked around, trying to imagine how this place could have ever been
anything but awesome.

Star
continued, intent on sharing the reasons for her and the others
devotion to this area. “Our Mother is a kind soul. For when
she does destroy, she only takes a little at a time. When I was just
a young girl, she took a section of Kapoho, swimming ponds and
coastline.” Star ducked under the water again and lingered
long enough to make Janet begin to wonder if she was OK. Eventually,
she surfaced and exhaled loudly like a whale might have or a
porpoise. Wiping the water from her face again, it seemed she had to
recall what she had been saying, but the sudden smile on her face
showed she remembered.

“
When
Mother took part of Kapoho, she left this section, where we are now,
making it even more special because of it.”

Janet
listened intently. She had never imagined nature could be so
powerful in one stroke or as gracious in another. The glow of the
volcano in the distance seemed to flicker like a candle might,
followed by low growls, or maybe, Janet thought more accurately, low
moans.

Star
watched her new friend closely to see if she was listening with her
heart or just with her ears, or listening at all. It was hard to
tell, but she was sure of one thing. She had determined that the
obvious must be true. Jimmie was a woman, despite some awkward
attempts to mask it. They both sat across from each other in the
warm pool, nude.

“
So
Star,” Janet asked. “How do you know when Mother is
ready to destroy again?”

“
Ah,
Jimmie, she doesn't quite work that way. The question should be when
is Mother ready to create again?”

Star
let that settle into Janet's mind for a moment. “We have small
earthquakes...” The volcano let a few loud booms loose just as
she was speaking. “...she moans loudly, like that. It's
almost like childbirth. The placenta is destroyed but the baby is
born.”

Star
watched Janet even closer now. She had lived communally with young
women since she had been one herself, and had seen many a case where
some didn't understand their bodies. Perhaps few ever did realize
the Goddess in themselves, the power of creation and the magic of
nurture. This young woman, she mused, had never had the opportunity
to explore herself, had probably been lost and confused her entire
life, short as that had been so far.

Janet
was enjoying the solitude and safety of her and Star's remoteness,
but she was getting queasy again. “Star,” she warned.
“I must get up, I think I'm going to be...” Janet stood
quickly and turned back to the worn lava behind her at the edge of
the pond, and vomited.

I
felt sorry for Janet then, and moved a little closer to them both
there at the warm pools. Star was certainly a loving creature
herself and it was good for Janet to be away from the alcohol and
near some kindness. I focused a moment on Star with that. She was
looking at Janet as she moved across the pool to help her.

“
Here
here, Jimmie,” she was soothing as Janet vomited again. Star
moved in to pat her gently on her still dripping back. “You'll
be fine, dear.”

I
could feel Star's thoughts as she looked at Janet's small but full
breasts and her poochy stomach. Janet did not have an ounce of fat
on her otherwise and so Star determined, again, that the obvious must
be true. Janet was pregnant.

~~~

Immediately,
I moved in very close to Janet, still leaning over from the pool,
waiting for her next upheaval. Closer still I went, ignoring Star
who was hovering over her, words of comfort moving like poetry. The
sounds of the pool, the jungle, the frogs and even the wind in the
high trees above all became silent, as I listened.

There
was Janet's heart beating, loudly thumping, racing. Moving closer
still so that I might tune that out as well, I became very still,
very attentive.

Nothing.
I moved into a trance, completely ignoring every possible thing
except that I was listening for. What that was I didn't know, but I
did know I would recognize it if it was there.

Star
was overwhelming my sense, though, with her kindness to Janet. Her
love for this strange human soul she had only just met was pouring
and pooling and cascading everywhere. That was something I found
impossible to tune out.

Maybe
Star was wrong. I don't know. I followed them both back to the
small cabins a short distance away, where Star gave her the one bed
she had.

“
I
have a date tonight anyhow and won't be home til dawn. You rest
here, darling,” Star advised.

Janet
looked a bit worried and asked, “Where are you going?”

“
Only
next door Jimmie, to my friend Wally's bed. We share as much time as
we can when he isn't fishing.” She smiled broadly, like a
teenage girl might describing her older boyfriend. “If you
need anything, just call my name outside, I will hear you.”

Later,
when Star had left and Janet had fallen into a deep sleep I moved in
close again. Again, I moved the sounds of the jungle, the sea, and
Janet's breathing away. Star was still detectable at a distance,
laughing and cooing, but quite easier to silence.

I
listened intently and waited. Waited. A coconut fell from a nearby
tree outside and thumped the ground deeply, a small bird squawked
immediately and then it was quiet again. I focused deeply inside of
her, beyond even the physical confines of her body and deep into her
essence.

That
is when I heard it, beginning softly and tentatively. A young voice
was singing. Singing in the dark.

~~~

Moving
back, and out to the steps of the cabin I saw the early indications
of sunrise to the east, over the sea. Janet was sleeping soundly
behind me, her breathing strong and steady.

Star
was up already and had come to check on Janet. Moments later she and
her friend Wally were off to the beach, coffees in hand. I watched
them holding hands as they picked their way through the coconuts,
overripe papayas and shadows.

The
trade winds were light but strong enough to bring in the little
puffies already lit with the sun's rays from below the horizon. The
sky looked a bowl of deep blue rapidly draining its color into the
approaching light.

I
looked above me and there was my own light, now so very, very close.
Perhaps this was why I had not already gone into it, I was here to
see my child get its start. Instantly I tuned everything out again,
all the sounds around me and focused inside of Janet.