Deadbeat Dads (11 page)

“Thank you. I’m not sure what happened.”

“You looked like you were going to pass out. Did you have dinner?”

“I grabbed a granola bar.”

Carr stood and took my hand.  “Come on, we’re going someplace for dinner.”

“I’m fine. Really.”

He ignored me, guided me to his car, and opened the door. I got in. No point in arguing. Besides, I was hungry.

“Pizza okay? I know this great place just down the road. Or you can get a sandwich or spaghetti.”

“Pizza sounds great.” It did sound good. We didn’t have pizza often. It wasn’t in the budget. Treats like pizza were a rarity now days.

“So, tell
me about you,” he said.

“I thought you wanted to talk about your son.”

“We’ll get to that. First tell me about you.”

“What do you want to know?” I hadn’t talked about me to a man in so long, I didn’t know where to start. Conversations with Johnny were always about him, his work,
and for a long time non-existent.

“What do you do for a living? Let’s start there.”

“I’m an accountant. I work for Ryder, Storms, and Hunter. What about you? What do you do?” Turnabout was fair play.

He smiled that smile I was growing to love. The impish grin that made you think he was up to something. “We’re not done with you. Divorced? Widowed?”

“Both. We were divorced, and then he died. Remember.”

He snapped his fingers. “Right. That’s how we met. How long were you divorced?”

“Almost a year.”

“Kids?”

“Two, boy and a girl. Josh is ten, Katie eight.”

“How did they handle the divorce?” He pulled the car into a parking lot, threw the gearshift into park and looked at me.

I shrugged. “About as well as most kids. Actually, Katie handled it better. She hardly knew her father. Only saw him at breakfast and rare weekends. Josh isn’t handling it so well. Threw himself into school work. He’s become so serious, I could cry. Your turn,” I said as we opened the doors. “What do you do? How long divorced, etcetera etcetera.

Carr came around to the passenger side and took my hand. Again the trembling started inside me. I hoped I wouldn’t have an anxiety attack every time he touched me, but this time I relaxed and enjoyed it. Nothing wrong with being physically attracted to a man.

He waited until we were seated and the waitress took our drink order. Instead of coffee, I ordered a cola. Carr ordered a beer.

I leaned my elbows on the table and rested my
chin in my hands. “So…”

Carr sat back, relaxed. “Where to start? Okay, I’m a former cop. Quit the force
about eight years ago.”

A cop, crap he could have had me arrested for what his son claimed I did. Could have had his son arrested too, for that matter.

“Now I’m a Youth Counselor. More rewarding, less dangerous.”

“What made you decide to do that?”

Carr leaned forward. “I saw a lot of kids getting into trouble. Some came from divorced or single parent homes. I saw a need.”

“So what’s it like?”

“It’s never boring, I can tell you that. Every day is something different. Building a relationship with these kids isn’t easy. No two are alike. It’s more than a Monday through Friday job, though, and that makes it tough on Randy sometimes. Strange, if you think about it. I counsel young people, but can’t reach my own son.”

“What’s going on with Randy?”

Carr scrubbed his hands across his face. “Nothing I can pinpoint. I’m not crazy about the kids he’s hanging out with, for one thing. He just has an attitude lately. I can’t talk to him. He won’t talk to me. His grades are falling. I just don’t know what to do.”

I
nodded. There wasn’t a darn thing I could say. Heck, he knew more about teenagers than I did. My kids were young. Josh wasn’t even close to being a teen. Was this what I had to look forward to? Already, Josh wouldn’t talk to me.

“I know he blames me for his mother leaving. Hell, truth be known, he blames himself, too. Most kids do. Especially when a parent ignores their visits. Doesn’t call, never sends a birthday card. He hasn’t seen her since she left. She hasn’t even asked to spend one holiday or weekend with him. Hell, she hasn’t asked to spend an hour with him, let alone a weekend.”

“I’m sorry. Johnny was the same way. After he left it was like the kids didn’t exist for him anymore. I don’t understand it. How do you ignore your kids?”

Carr shrugged. “Damned if I know. Randy doesn’t know she’s living with some guy almost half her age. What does a woman see in a man almost young enough to be her son?”

I almost burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it. The absurdity of the situation struck me as funny. “Same thing a man wants with a woman almost young enough to be his daughter, I guess.”

Carr smiled. “Good point. Honestly, I don’t get that either. What could they possibly have in common? Thing is, I can understand the woman going after an older guy. Let’s face it. Most of them are established, have money. They don’t have to suffer through the hard times, the lean times. But a younger guy? Seriously, what can an older woman offer him?”

This time, I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “You have a point. I mean seriously, it would be like dating your son. I always figured it was mid-life crisis for a guy. Couldn’t handle losing his youth or something. His virility. I can’t even imagine what women would want. Certainly not someone to mother. Although some men do like to be mothered. In fact, there’s a woman in our group whose husband ran off with an older woman. A much older woman.”

“I can’t understand that either. Who wants to date their mother?”

“So, what did your wife do? I mean for a living?”

“Barbara is in sales. Made quite a name for herself. Very successful. She was just starting out when I met her. By time we married, she
’d moved up the ladder. Refused to quit. Not that I expected her to. She loved her work. She’s always been career oriented. By time she got pregnant with Randy, she traveled quite a bit. Not a lifestyle I cared for. I didn’t mind that she worked, but I thought for sure when Randy was born, she’d go local. No dice. Nothing was going to change. It was her job, and if I didn’t like it, I could leave and take the kid with me. She wasn’t thrilled with the pregnancy. Now that I think about it, I’m surprised she even had the baby.”

Lord, what could I say to that? I’d never met a woman who didn’t love children, didn’t live for them. But I didn’t move in those circles, obviously.

“Barbara wasn’t very maternal. Even when she was home, she didn’t pay much attention to Randy. She didn’t get excited about his first step, first words. Hell, she didn’t even call every night to check in. I’m not sure why she even got married. Within five years, we split up.”

“I thought you said you’d only been divorced for
five years.”

He shook his head. “Yeah, after
five years of separation, she came back. Wanted to try again. I guess I’m glutton for punishment. Besides, Randy was crazy about her. I took her back. She went local, and all was normal. Well, normal for us. She still didn’t pay all that much attention to Randy. After a couple of months, she didn’t even pay that much attention to me. About a year later, she went on the road again. Only a few days a week at first. Before I knew it, she was gone weeks at a time.”

Carr scrubbed his face, took a swig of his beer and motioned the waitress to bring him another. “
Five years ago, she walked in, announced she was leaving, packing her bags, and we’ve not seen or heard hide nor hair of her since.”

He raised his hand. “Wait, I take that back. She called once to tell me she filed for divorce.
But I hear things through the grapevine. That’s how I found out she’s living with this guy. Not that I care. But Randy. Shit.” He took a long swallow from his bottle. As hard as he set it down, I’m surprised it didn’t break. “Okay, you heard my sob story, now how about you? I know your husband is dead. I know you were divorced. What else?”

“There’s not much to tell. Johnny didn’t want me to work, so I quit. Successful men’s wives didn’t work. I certainly couldn’t make him look
unsuccessful, could I?”

He shook his head, seemingly at a loss for words and took another swig of beer.

“So, tell me more about your work,” I said.

He shrugged. “Not sure where to even start.”

“What exactly do you do? I mean, what’s involved with your job?”

“I’m a chemical dependency counselor and work with kids in foster care and supervise visitation at a safe domestic violence center.”

I let out a low whistle. The whole thing fascinated and scared me at the same time. “How old are the kids you usually work with?”

Carr twirled his bottle on the table. “I work with infants to 18 year olds.”

“So are the kids on drugs? Obviously not the infants, but gosh, I hardly know what to ask. Tell me about the kids.”

“The reasons kids come into placement vary. In court the parents would be adjudicated for dependency or neglect. Dependency is the lesser of the two charges and usually means the parent is simply unable to care for their children at the time – housing issues, unruly teenagers, that sort of thing.”

He took another long swig of beer and stared off into space.

“I’m sorry. If you don’t want to talk about it. I understand. It must be very difficult.”

Carr looked at me and smiled. “It is difficult, but it’s also very rewarding. Are you really interested?”

“Yes, of course. It saddens me to think
there are so many abused kids out there. The whole thing about drugs scares me. Tell me more.”

“Where to start? There’s so much involved. It’s hard to explain in a few sentences.”

“What about the abused kids?” I wasn’t sure why I wanted to know, something about the subject fascinated me. Besides I liked the passion in Carr’s voice when he talked about it.

“Neglect often includes
child endangerment issues – physical abuse, sexual abuse, drug abuse, domestic violence, abandonment, so much more. After the kids are taken into custody and placed into foster care, my job starts. Along with the foster parent, we address health issues, psychiatric/therapeutic needs, and basic needs like food, clothing, stability and security. I have a strong network of providers in the area that I trust and who trust me. We get to work right away.” He paused and looked at me. “Are you sure you want to hear this? I feel like I’m monopolizing the conversation. It’s not quite the way I wanted this evening to go.”

“Please.” I reached across the table and touched his hand. Never had I heard so much passion, so much sympathy in a man’s voice. He was obviously deeply involved in his work.
Loved what he was doing, yet there was something like anger in him, too. “How do you get started? I mean I know you meet with the foster parents, but then what?”

“I usually have to be creative. No two
kids are alike. The effects of trauma on any individual are personal and some kids are more resilient than others. For example, two children came into custody – an 18 month old boy and an eight weeks premature newborn. Baby was tox positive – exposed to drugs in utero, prenatal care minimal. The little boy didn’t speak and was prone to violent rages/tantrums. We could hold the little girl in the palm of our hands. Nine months later, our little guy is still prone to some pretty wild rages when things don’t go his way or he’s scared – but when he sees his foster mom, he lights up like a Christmas tree. He speaks in short sentences, has favorite toys and knows how to play. He loves books. We think he’d never seen one before. Our baby girl weighs fifteen pounds and is the happiest, sweetest natured child. She’s crawling and meeting most developmental milestones.”

The look on his face changed while he told me the story. From anguish to pure joy. Definitely a man who loved his work and took it to heart. “No wonder you said it was rewarding.”

He took the last swig of his beer and twirled the bottle. “Yeah, but they don’t all end up with such happy endings. My job also entails working with the bio family in hopes of reuniting them. One set of parents I have come and go so the county is filing for permanent custody so the parental rights will be terminated. But who knows? The kids can still go home and that will break our hearts, unless those two work hard to pull it together and it doesn’t look too promising. Enough about me. Tell me about your work, your kids.”

“My work is boring in comparison. My day is filled with numbers. My kids, that’s another story. Katie, as I said before, has adjusted to Johnny being gone. Josh, on the other hand worries me to death. He’s so withdrawn. Although lately, since he stayed with my friend while I was out of town, h
e’s come out of his shell a little more. My father said I should leave him alone. He’s probably right, but it kills me to see him reclusive. Josh used to be outgoing, confident.”

“I know what you mean. Randy went completely in the other direction. I’m at my wits end trying to figure out what to do with him.” Carr raised his bottle for a refill as the waitress approached our table with the pizza and pointed to my empty glass. “There I go again, monopolizing the conversation. Sorry.”