Darkness Betrayed (Torn) (20 page)

Chapter 30

The door closed as Lucas and Ethan stepped onto the porch. I couldn’t see them but I felt their sorrow, their regret. Damien took it away the moment I began to feel it.

“Samantha.”

“What do you want?” I had no energy to fight anymore.

“You may not believe this but I am truly sorry.”

“No you aren’t.”

“I am. I made this deal before I met you, before I knew you. You have no idea how much it has pained me—“

“Pained you? Why should I care about your pain? You obviously don’t care about anyone else’s.”

“Do you remember what I told you? About why I was created?”

I closed my eyes. “To house the pain of others.”

“Right. And do you remember how those
others
came upon the pain they felt? The pain I siphoned away and kept safe?”

I kept silent. I didn’t want to answer him.

“I introduced the pain, Samantha. Without that, I would cease to exist, remember that? I cause pain so people can feel and when I take it away, I introduce hope. Hope that it will get better. Hope that they’ll get through whatever they need to get through.”

“It’s no excuse.”

“Oh, my dear Samantha. I’m not using it as an excuse. I am only stating the facts. Had I known you before, had I know I’d be so affected by you, would I have changed course, found another way? Absolutely. Can I do anything about that now? Unfortunately not.”

I wrapped my arms around my legs and began to rock back and forth. Tears continued to stream down my face. Damien gently wiped them away but it was a futile effort. I couldn’t stop.

“I can make the pain go away, Sam.”

“Please, just leave me alone.”

I choked back sobs, stifled them, hoping that keeping them inside would make me remember what I did. Maybe help me learn. I never wanted to forget.

“Please let me do this for you.” I could hear the pain in his voice. It covered me, consumed me.

He took my hands and held them tightly in his. When I lifted my head and looked into his eyes, I saw his truth. And his pain. He wasn’t lying to me. I didn’t know if he ever really did love me. I only knew, at that moment, he wanted me to stop hurting.

All I’ve wanted to do is make it all go away.

But you caused so much more pain.

No, Sam. Maybe I did. I can fix that.

Release Ethan from the pact.

I cannot do that. Ours is a Godly pact. It cannot be broken.

I pushed him away. “Then just go. Never come back.”

“I won’t if you let me do this for you.” He placed his hands on either side of my face.

I searched for darkness, I searched for light. It abandoned me. Much like I abandoned Ethan. Much like Damien abandoned me.

“I didn’t realize until now how wrong you’ve been for me.”

“Samantha, I truly do love you. I meant what I said, it was foretold we’d be together. I just thought we’d have more time. God with his wicked sense of humor and all that.”

“Don’t. This isn’t love. How can it be? What we have has been all-consuming, life-changing, raw, primal…”

“Yes, it has been all of that.”

“You didn’t let me finish. And wrong. And to think, we – oh my God.”
My heart felt like it was going to explode.              

“That is the only love I know. I’m not perfect, far from it. I’ve seen and done many things. If I could, I’d forgo all of it just to make you happy. But, again, that’s not how I was made.”

I felt every pillar crumble beneath me. The last bit of strength that held me up was swept away in the crashing waves of despair. I was drowning but I didn’t care. About anything.

“Look at me. Sam. Please.”

I raised my chin just enough to catch his gaze.

“Tonight, when you go to sleep, you’ll sleep dreamlessly…”

I knew what he was doing. “No, no.” I tried to shake my head from his grip.

“Let me finish. You’ll sleep dreamlessly. There will be no pain. No voices. No despair. You’ll have no regrets. You’ll wake up happy. Happier than you’ve been in a long time.” He choked back tears and his voice broke. Sliding to the floor, he wrapped his arms and legs around me in a tight embrace. Hands fisted in my hair, he breathed me in.

All sadness dissipated from inside me. My shoulders relaxed and I unclenched my fists. Slowly, I returned the embrace.

“Not only will you be happy, you’ll feel yourself flood with hope and promise of a beautiful future. You won’t remember—“

“Don’t take that.”

“I have to. You won’t remember me. You won’t remember your feelings for Ethan. As far as you’re concerned, he moved away. You’ll think it’s normal that you haven’t seen him.  Most importantly, you’ll never remember Lucas’ betrayal. You’ll start a new life.”

It was as if each of us held our breath, waiting for his words to come to fruition. Waiting for the other to break. I wasn’t sure if I was sorrier to see Damien go, my feelings for Ethan flit away or finally grateful for the pain to subside.

Ever since my father died, I’d been running on adrenaline, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. For a fleeting moment I was almost anxious to see what life would be like. And then Damien kissed me.

As his lips touched mine, every shadow erased with new light. Every nerve in my body sang.

I was still sitting on the floor when he stood and walked to the door. I watched as he opened it briefly, heard hi
m mumble something to Lucas. Pulling myself up, I stood in the middle of the living room. He glanced back at me, closed his eyes, dropped his head and stepped out the door. I never saw Lucas step inside because as soon as the door clicked shut, my head began to spin. A fog covered me and I fought hard to breathe.

“Sam, it’s okay. I’m here.”

“Lucas.”

I felt him pick me up.

Weird thoughts and images flitted in and out of my mind as Lucas carried me up the stairs. Ethan playing football, Damien standing under a tree. Ethan moving away. A faceless man handing me an apple. In my head I reached to take it from him, but by the time my hand reached his, he wasn’t there. With each step, memories folded into one another. The last thing I remembered from that night was Lucas lying me down on my bed and taking up his usual spot in the chair. I knew, before I closed my eyes, his usual spot was out of place for some reason but I couldn’t pinpoint why. I was too tired to care. I closed my eyes and slept.

Chapter 31

In the morning, I awoke to the soft snores of my best friend Lucas. I can’t ever remember him not being here. I’m not sure I could continue on my journey, learning to maintain balance, were it not for him.

Reaching behind me, I grabbed my pillow, squared up and tossed it at his face.

“Wake up sleepy head! Time to celebrate!”

He shook himself away, looking around like he didn’t know where he was. “Sam?”

“Who else would throw a pillow at you at the crack of dawn?”

“Jesus, I have a headache.”

“You would! I think I passed out from all the excitement. Sebastian’s gone! Finally gone! Can you believe it?” I jumped up on my bed and started dancing around.

“Wait, Sam. Hold on. What’s the last thing you remember?”

His tone stopped me. Something was wrong. “I don’t know. I think I remember you carrying me up to bed. Why? What’s wrong?” I dropped to my knees to meet his eyes.

“That’s it? You don’t remember anything else?”

“Why, should I? We beat Sebastian, locked him away in that God-forsaken box. Which reminds me, where’s the box, anyway?”

I jumped up and ran over to my closet. Throwing open the door, I began to toss my clothes into the middle of my room.

“Sam, stop!”

“What?”

“You’re sure that’s it?”

“Yeah. What the hell is wrong with you? God, Lucas. I swear, sometimes your moods are really a bummer. We should be celebrating and here you are worried about what I remember. There’s nothing. Sebastian’s in a box, I was tired, you brought me to bed and apparently you decided to take up your spot in the chair
. End of story. Except for the box. I don’t know where that is.

“But who cares!” I grabbed his hands and attempted to get him to match my enthusiasm. “We did it! Now we can move on and I can finally get to work.
Do the things I am meant to. Don’t you understand? This is the best fucking day of my life and I swear, if you don’t smile or laugh or something, I am going to kick your ass.”

It must’ve been my warning that finally cracked his confused exterior because he lifted his mouth into the most imperceptible of smiles. Imperceptible to anyone but me. I knew him like the back of my hand. We were always two halves of one whole. He was the only person I’d ever met that I knew for sure would never hurt me.

“You’re right, you’re right.” He held up his hands in defense. “I’m sorry. I must just be tired from last night.”

“Hell yeah!” I slapped him a high-five. “We kicked ass. Come on, let’s get dressed and find the others. We need to be together. We’ve been through so much, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Listen, go take a long shower, get dressed and meet me downstairs. I’ll catch up with the others, start breakfast or something.”

“Ooh! Breakfast! I’m starving!”

“Right. Okay. So I’ll meet you downstairs then?”

“Yep.” I continued to root through my closet when
I heard the door click closed. A shiver ran through me and I suddenly felt like I was forgetting something. “Wait! Lucas!”

He threw open the door. “Yeah?”

“Blueberries.”

“What?”

“If you’re making pancakes, I’d like mine with blueberries.”

His face was etched in confusion. “Um, ok. Blueberries. Anything else?”

“Nope.”

I grabbed my things and headed for the shower. The steam felt so good, I hadn’t realized how tense and tight I
was. The smell of lavender body-wash mixed with the hot water and smelled amazing. I stayed in until the water ran cold.

Stepping out, I wrapped a
towel around me and wiped the fog off the mirror.
God, I need an eyebrow wax
. I moved closer to get a better look when I saw it. I blinked a few times. Must’ve been imagining it, my eyes were blue, not black.
Weird.

In my room, I got dressed and attempted to pick up some of the clothes I’d thrown around earlier. I picked up a pair of jeans and a slip of paper fell out. I unfolded it and read:

The reality of life is darkness exists. But so does light. You cannot have one without the other. When darkness happens upon us we can choose to dwell on it or move on towards the light. I hope you choose the light.

             
                                                                                    ~D.

I had no idea who “D” was or why they wrote the note. I didn’t think too much of it, folded it back up and shoved it in my sock drawer. Pulling my hair into a ponytail, I headed downstairs for some blueberry pancakes and a celebration with my oldest and newest friends. I knew my training wasn’t over, that I’d be tested, and I knew more was in store for me but at that moment, nothing mattered.

Acknowledgements

I have so many wonderful people to thank. My friends and family have been so wonderful and supportive – even if this book took me forever to finish!

To SJ Davis and my new family at Crushing hearts and Black Butterfly Publishing – thank you for believing in this story.

To Katherine Hughes, who, once again, was the first person to read my manuscript.

To Sarah Jayne Carr, who is a master at storytelling, for beta reading Darkness Betrayed, falling in love with it, and keeping my “fro” out of the pages.

To Leslie R. Wright, thank you for reading DB and giving me some excellent feedback to make the book stronger.

To Rue Volley for your awesome guidance and unbelievable creativity. The cover is more than I could have hoped for.

And finally, I’d like to, once again, thank my new friends at CHBB.