DARK SOULS (Dark Souls Series) (23 page)

“She’s right, though. There’s something about you,” Asher said. “A…strength. I’m not sure what to do with you.”

On this point, our minds finally met. “Me neither.”

“We’re not going to hurt you,” Asher said. He glanced at Gwyn. “And that’s the end of it.”  

“What is it that you do?” I asked.

Were they good? Evil? Did they actually kill humans? I had the sudden wish that Derek were beside me. He’d know the right questions, the right actions to take. He’d know how to get answers.

“We definitely
can’t tell you that,” Gwyn said, moving into my line of vision. “Then Asher would have no choice but to kill you.”

I saw the muscles in Asher’s jaw tighten once again, but he didn’t refute Gwyn’s statement.

“You’ll just have to trust me,” Asher said instead. “We’re here to help.”

“Just stay out of the way.” Gwyn ran her hand through her hair, grimacing when she realized she was still covered in clear slime. That in turn reminded me that I’d been standing here, a sopping, blackened mess this whole time. I’d been so focused on Asher that it hadn’t even occurred to me that I looked like a squished bug on the Benedict’s very beautiful hardwood floors. But then again, what danger could such a gooey person pose? Gwyn’s stare was no longer as considering when she looked at me. She was back to being confident, her threat toward me putting her back on even playing ground, and she liked it.

“I gotta get this crap off me,” she said, staring at her hand in disgust. She walked out of the room and down the single hallway without another word, almost brushing against me when she walked past. I stepped back, hoping I looked intimidated by her instead of fearful of touching her skin. I saw her the side of her mouth quirk up, and knew I’d succeeded. 

Asher watched her go, his expression once again unreadable, then turned back to me. “She’s angry I’ve let you know anything at all.”

 “Why have you?”

“You’re different,” he said. He stepped closer, the electricity popping against my skin. Didn’t he feel it, too? I couldn’t tell. He was just so very controlled.  “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you. I’ve met a lot of people in my life. But no one like you.”

I wanted so desperately to raise my hand and rest it on his chest, lean in close, and rest my head on his shoulder. For once, the darkness inside me had stilled, its flames banked against my own blaze of longing. Yet, I didn’t even lift a finger. Sadness overwhelmed me, a sadness so deep that I had to control tears from escaping my eyes. For I knew, as much as I was starting to know my own darkness, that I could never touch him without putting my life in danger.

 “You look so sad,” he whispered, his lips only a breath away from mine. My skin pulsed with an unseen charge, his body like a magnet to my own. I had to control my breaths, stay still. Stay close.

 He started to raise his hand, cupping the air as he brought it to my face.

I leaned back slowly so as not to alert him, avoiding his touch even though I yearned for it.

“I’ve been through a lot today. I should probably go home, get cleaned up.” I was trembling inside and prayed he didn’t see it. “Explain to my boss why I didn’t show up to work. Oh—not actually explain, I mean. I'm not planning on telling her about all this stuff. These d—monsters.” I was babbling again, but I couldn’t seem to stop it.

He nodded and stepped away. I blinked, shivering as he took the heat of the electric charge with him.

“You can’t go in the subway looking like that. Let me get the car, I’ll drive you home.”

I turned for the door, realizing I was pressed up against the wall. I peeled myself off it with as much grace as I could muster.

“Okay. Thank you.”

As much as I needed to get away from him before I betrayed myself, I couldn’t go back out looking like this, and most especially smelling
like this. Any demon would instantly know what it was, and I didn’t want that type of confrontation right now. I especially didn’t want to face anything down on the crowded streets of the nighttime West Village crowd.

“Wait at the bottom of the stairs. You’ll see me drive up.”

He opened the door, disappearing after taking one last look at me. I followed behind, taking the steps delicately so as not to spread any more guck on the very expensive-looking refurbished staircase than I had to.

What he had done was not lost on me. Whatever these two were, if they were part of the Trine or had formed their own small alliance against the demons, they were serious. I had no doubt Gwyn would kill me as soon as she saw her chance. She was a hardened soul—they both were—but Gwyn was more outwardly violent than Asher, and she didn’t think I deserved to know what she knew. She didn’t like that I’d become part of her secretive world.

These last few weeks had made my world take on a gruesome meaning, and I had no doubts of Gwyn’s ability to hand out death, pretty exterior or not. Everyone was suspicious to me now, everything a danger.

But Asher, he exuded more of a controlled, icy fierceness, though I wasn’t stupid enough to believe that Asher was the less dangerous of the two. I was suddenly happy and relieved that he was on my side.

At least for now. 

Five minutes later, I heard Asher’s black pick-up drive up, and I sprinted out, not wanting to draw any more stares. My movements were stiff due to the drying, crusted over black sludge all over my clothes and body and I cringed as I re-entered the car, the passenger seat long ago covered in the same substance.

“Sorry,” I said as I buckled my seatbelt. “I can pay for the car cleaning or something.”

“Don’t even worry about it,” he said, his eyes back on the road. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Okay as I can be.”

“I know.” We paused at a red light, and he looked over at me. “But you have to understand. The less you know, the better. For you.” Pause. “My world is…dangerous.”

I turned to look out my window, tracing random patterns on the chilled glass. My heated skin steamed slightly against it and I shot my hand back down to my lap, hoping he didn’t see. “Do you actually kill people?” I asked, hoping for the distraction.

The car started forward again, turning smoothly onto 6
^th
Avenue. “My world’s also a secret,” he said, staring straight ahead.

Clearly
, I thought. I stared at his arms as his hands rested on the wheel, trying to make out the tattoed images, black mixing with colors of red, green and blue as they spiraled over his skin. I could see lettering, but it blended so smoothly with the rest of his tattoos that I couldn’t understand what any of it meant.

After a few beats of silence, I decided to voice what had been a source of conflict for me for so long. I couldn’t tell him the truth, but I could tell him this.

“There’s no such thing as good versus evil, is there?”

His brows drew together and he frowned, still staring straight, watching the cars honk and merge in front of him. “There’s a line that’s drawn, one side versus the other. We all do what we have to in order to survive.”

“Which includes killing people. Innocent people.”

He probably thought my accusation was directed solely at him, and if only I could tell him it wasn’t. I was involved in this, too. I was good, but evil. Rob. The girl. The cop. All three of them were a constant mantra in my head.

“There’s a balance that has to be maintained. If people knew what we were, what we really were, it’d be catastrophic. Chaos. Look at them.”

He tipped his chin to the crowds of people on the sidewalk, talking and laughing as they passed the storefronts. I focused on a couple holding hands, the girl leaning her head on the boy’s shoulder as they crossed the street. Someone dropped a coffee cup on the ground and a person behind him picked it up and threw it in the trashcan on the corner.

“They’re like this because they don’t know. They’re blissful. Happy.”

I had to concede his point, but still, the truth nagged at me. “You think they don’t deserve to know? That they’re surrounded by monsters, that they’re prey?” I watched a few young kids dodge through the crowds, chasing each other and laughing. I saw the glint of red in one kid’s eyes as he followed the others. “They should know they’re in danger.”

“What good would it do?” He asked, bitter now. “It’s been this way for centuries. It’s been maintained for hundreds of years. Like I said, a balance has been created.” We stopped again at a light, so he was able to turn to me. “Don’t upset it, Emily.”

I kept my eyes on him, the gold warm but banked underneath the blue. “I’m just trying to understand.”

“I’m no hero.”

He sounded so sad. Again, my fingers itched to touch him, but I slammed my other hand over them, keeping them in place.

“Understand that I’ll keep you safe,” he continued, his voice quiet. “I won’t let anything hurt you.”

But who’s going to protect people from me?
I wanted to ask.

“Just please, don’t push for answers. I don’t—” He stopped, frustrated. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

My hand hovered close to his as it clutched the gearshift and I looked down, shocked that my body had made moves to touch him without me even noticing. I clenched my hand and pulled it back, feeling empty.

“This is my street,” I said softly, looking through my window. “You can just drop me off here.”

He pulled the car on the corner of Second Avenue, and I slid out, wincing as I peeled my skin off the leather. I stood outside the car, holding the door open as I looked back at him, holding his gaze.

“Thank you,” I said.

He nodded, his left hand tight against the steering wheel as he leaned towards me. “Be careful, Emily.”

I gave him a quick smile. “I’m always careful,” I said before I shut the door and turned, my electric connection with him fading the farther I walked away from him.

I heard him drive away behind me, but I didn’t look back. I didn’t wave.

It hurt to keep looking at him.

***

The next two weeks passed by in a restless blur. I remained strong and in control during the passing days, even though the darkness ricocheted against me in agitation. Due to the power coursing through me from the last demon, I was able to temper her for now. While Derek still remained absent, I took it upon myself to continue testing my strengths and weaknesses on my own. I was surprised and pleased to find that my energy wasn’t leaking out of me as quickly. I was able to hold it for much longer periods of time. In those two weeks, I didn’t need to find another demon, and was able to rest easy with the relief that I didn’t have to kill anyone in order to survive.

I was so absorbed in testing my newfound physical and mental abilities that I didn’t even realize that Liz and Amanda’s party was now upon me, meaning I couldn’t avoid Macy any longer. She had sensed my distress and kept herself separate from me for the past few weeks, which made me both thankful and hurt. I was determined not to bring Macy into my dark world, but at the same time, I missed her so desperately that tears brimmed in my eyes every time I glanced at her in the coffee shop. Due to my abysmal presence, she had become closer to Liz and Amanda, the three of them constantly putting their heads together in deep discussion, and that caused me to worry about her. I hated that she was getting close to them and farther away from me.

I awoke the morning of the party cold and shaking, with no sunshine greeting me through my windows. The dreary day matched my mood. Clouds had formed overnight, gray, somber and silent as they stubbornly blocked the sun from reaching its rays into my apartment.

I didn’t sleep well, either. When I did manage to fall asleep, it felt like mere seconds, the dream stirring the emotions inside me like a boiling pot over an open flame, and I was wrenched awake, sobbing and confused.

The dream was becoming worse. I was remembering it more clearly with each night that passed, its haunting pain remaining with me now, joining the dark flame in their possession of me. My body buzzed with power that begged to be let loose. I knew I would feel some relief, if only I would allow this energy to exit my body, but I didn’t know how. I was like a guitar string pulled much too tight. At any minute, I was going to snap.

I rose out of bed, my body still graceful in its silent movements despite the humming power underneath, and dressed in my usual loose blouse and jeans.

As for the twins, I’d been avoiding them at all costs. Despite my inexplicable draw to Asher, I remained at a distance, so conflicted with myself that I couldn’t approach him without risking danger. He was a part of this somehow; he knew about my world and the dark creatures that lurked within it. To add to my frustration and unease, he knew a lot more about this world than I did, and I couldn’t risk being the weaker one when it came to those two. He already made me weak enough. I had to know more before I approached them again.

They seemed happy to keep me at a distance as well. Asher would talk to me politely when he grabbed a coffee, but he would never go any further with his conversations. His eyes would shut off and constantly avoided mine, as if I had inadvertently flipped off an internal power switch within him, and I couldn’t help but feel an empty ache because of it. I missed his eyes on me. I missed his contemplation of me. Even though he unnerved me, I felt something good, something positive and pure when I had his attention and became caught underneath his gaze. With that feeling taken away from me, I felt lost, like I had a phantom limb that would never become real matter how much I tried.

Follow him
, she whispered within me.
See for your own eyes.

I pondered the thought. Gwyn and Asher’s warning was still clear in my mind, but if these past few weeks had taught me anything, it was that I needed to look out for myself. I needed to test my abilities, push my boundaries, in order to fully understand myself.

And I moved silently now.

I could potentially shadow Asher and Gwyn without them being any the wiser. The idea was becoming more seductive the more I thought about it. There was no Derek for me to learn from anymore. I was out for myself, and I needed to understand what I was dealing with. Were they part of Trine? If they were, where was the third? I’d only ever seen the two of them, so quiet and reclusive whenever they were near. And then there was the big question, the one that nagged at the back of my mind, always floating to the surface, making me think. Was the third…could it possibly be me?