Dark Grace (13 page)

“Is that your sick guy?” asked Agnes.

“Yes. This is Gus,” I said quietly in answer to her.

“Is he your baby’s daddy?” asked Linus.
I heard Abbey giggle.

I shook my head no.
     

“Nope, that’s me,” added Boggs.

“Oh,” said Agnes with a bit of a confused look.

I heard Nathan whisper.
“We lost someone yesterday. She was a special friend to all of us, but especially to Zoe and Gus.”

“Nathan, he doesn’t feel as hot anymore,” I said.

“That’s a good sign.”

“How many hours has it been since he got the antibiotics?” asked Boggs.

“Two,” said Susan. “I started a new IV bag like you showed me, Nate.”

“Good woman,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Abbey helped me dress his wounds.”

“Abs, is that so?” asked Nathan.

The girl nodded to him, and flashed him a big pride-filled smile.

“You just might make a mighty fine nurse, young lady.”

“It was really gross,” said the preteen.

“I’m tired,” yawned little Jane.

“Jane, how about you and Abbey help us set up some beds?” suggested Nathan.

The little redhead scrambled to her feet and ran over to Nathan.
“Really?”

“Yup, Little Critter.
You and Abbey can share a bed. Susan, if you and the girls can inflate some air mattresses I’ll head back over and grab a few more sleeping bags.”

“You really have to go back?” she asked.
Her face wore a mask of disappointment.

“
Yes. It’ll be quick though, I promise. We have the sacks piled up right inside the back door of the shop. In and out.”

“I’ll go with,” offered Boggs.

“Count me in too,” said Linus. “It’ll make it easier to carry them all back in one trip.”

“I should go too,” said Agnes.

“If you all don’t mind, I’ll stay behind this time,” I said quietly.

“You ok, Zo?” asked Boggs.

“Just tired and achy.
I’ll be fine.”

“We’ll get you a bed set up soon,” said Susan.

“I’ll wait at the back door for you guys,” I said as I hoisted myself off of the floor. I walked down the hallway, following the group that was about to gather comfort items. “Boggs?”

“Hmm?”

“Be careful, ok?”

I tapped my temple with my index finger.
“Not too far away.”

He nodded in understanding, then leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips.
“Stay close by the door. We should only be a few minutes.”

“I won’t go anywhere,” I whispered.

In the background, I heard the sound of a portable air pump.

I stayed by the locked door for what seemed like forever, trying to not worry.
Finally, I heard the knock I had waited anxiously to hear. My hip was hurting like a son of a gun and the buzzing in my brain had quadrupled in just the past few moments. I quickly undid the deadbolt and opened the door. Agnes stepped through first, balancing three sleeping bags. She was followed by Linus, who wore a backpack with a sleeping bag tied to the back and held a case of bottled water in his arms. They both rushed down the hall, obviously terrified. Boggs and Nathan followed them, also both packing sleeping bags and new back packs.

“Quick, Zoe, lock it.
There’s dead right outside,” said Nathan as loudly as he dared.

I whipped the door shut and engaged the lock.
I stood there for a moment, with both hands on the exit, focusing. Without actually hearing words in my mind, I picked up the thought so hungry. I began to feel the hunger for myself as moans and shuffling passed the doorway. There were so many of them, the overwhelming invasion into my mind was making me dizzy. My baby was kicking me so wildly that it was making my belly hurt. I moved one hand from the door and placed it on my belly, willing the little one inside to calm. He or she continued to batter me until the horde passed. I was breathing heavily, and realized there were tears running down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away and focused on calming my breathing before turning my back to the door and walking back down the hall to join the others.

“You ok?” asked Boggs.

I nodded. “Yeah. Just really tired,” I lied.

“Sue and the girls got the mattresses inflated.”

I looked around, and realized Gus was gone. “Where’s Gus?” I asked, near panic.

“He’s ok.
We moved him to the storage room. Susan cleaned up the operating room, so the smell’s better back there now.”

“Susan, thanks,” I said humbly.

“No problem. Thanks for the new clothes,” she smiled. “I needed them after that job.”

“Zoe, the girls are on an air mattress in one corner.
Gus is on another. Susan’s going to bunk with the girls, so you should use the other half of Gus’ mattress,” said Nathan. “Linus and Agnes are going to use the roll up pads, and Boggs and I will stay up to keep watch.”

I nodded and then yawned.
“You sure it’s ok to sleep by Gus?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” asked Nate.

“I won’t hurt him or something?”

“Nah, just let him sleep.”
Nate winked at me and handed me a sleeping bag.

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

“Night, Zoe,” said Boggs. “Get some good rest.”

I smiled at him, and then walked behind the reception desk and into the storage room beyond.
Jane and Abbey were sound asleep on their bed; Jane clutching her teddy bear and sucking on her tiny thumb. I walked across the room to where Gus was lying, unrolled my sleeping bag and laid it out beside him. He was covered up with his own sleeping bag, which had been unzipped and opened up. I took my shoes off and climbed into my sleep sack, careful to not jostle Gus as I moved. I pulled his cover back to peek at his wounds. Susan and Abbey had done a good job with his dressing. I looked at his arm and followed the plastic tubing of the IV line up to the bag of fluids that was dripping slowly. It looked full. Nathan had jimmy rigged it to hang from a cabinet door handle. I laid the rest of the way down, scooted close to Gus’ side, and rested my head on his shoulder and gently set my hand on his chest. “Gus, please don’t die,” I whispered just before I fell asleep.

“I’m having a baby,” said Emilie.

I looked at her in confusion. We were standing in a meadow of wild flowers and the sun was behind her head, making her red hair look as if it was on fire.

“It’s so warm here,” she said and smiled. She was dressed in a sheer pale pink sundress, her feet bare.
“Doesn’t it feel warm?”

I shook my head back and forth.
“It’s so cold, Emilie,” I whispered. Snow began to fall all around us. Emilie turned and began to run. “Stop, Em!” I pleaded. I tried to follow her, but my feet were stuck to the ground.

As she got farther away, I noticed that she was holding the hand of a little red-headed girl in a matching pink sundress.

“Jane!” I tried to cry out, but found I had no voice. The little girl turned and looked at me. It wasn’t Jane. She was small and had the same red hair, but her face was that of mine as a child.

***

“Zoe, wake up,” said a voice I didn’t recognize.

I blinked several times.
The room was dark. A hand was on my shoulder.

“Hey, you were having some dream,” said the rough voice again, right against my ear.

Orienting myself, I recalled falling asleep on Gus’ shoulder.

“Gus?” I whispered.

“Yeah, it’s me. Where are we?”

“Oh my God, you’re awake.”

“How long have I been out?”

“Maybe twelve hours?
Nathan started an IV and is giving you antibiotics. We’re in the vet’s office, and have two new people with us.”

“I feel like shit,” he grumbled.
“Who are the new people?”

“A brother and sister named Linus and Agnes.”

“Nice names.” He started to chuckle, but ended up moaning quietly in pain. “Is everyone else safe?” he asked.

“Everyone’s fine,” I said softly.
“You’re hurting?”

“
A bit. And pretty thirsty.”

“Hang on, I’ll grab some water.”

“Thanks.”

I rolled over as gently as I could and slowly hoisted myself up from the air mattress.
“I’ll be right back.”

The storage room was in almost complete darkness, moonlight streaming in through the small windows above us.
I could hear snoring, but could not recognize who it was. It sounded male, and I guessed Linus.

“Zoe?” I heard Susan whisper.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“You ok?”

“Yeah. Gus is awake. He needs water. And I need to pee.”

“You go ahead to the bathroom.
I’ll let Nathan know about Gus and bring a bottle of water back.”

“Thanks, Susan.”

I made my way out of the storage room and was able to see a bit better once I was at the reception desk. Boggs and Nathan were playing a hand of cards by candlelight.

“Hey guys,” I said quietly, not wanting to wake those who were still sleeping in the back room.

“Hey Zoe,” said Boggs. “You ok?”

“Yup.
Gus woke up. I just need to pee.”

Susan walked up behind me.
“Nate, do you mind checking in on him?”

Nathan stood up.
“My pleasure, Susan.”

“Zoe when you’re done come finish Nathan’s hand?” suggested Boggs.

I looked at Nate, who winked at me. “Gus will be fine. Take a break.”

“Ok.”

I walked to the bathroom, and left the door open so I could see by the candlelight from the lobby. While I sat on the toilet, I pulled my t-shirt up to look at my belly. My skin was stretched tight. The green streaks had darkened and were nearly to my breasts. On both sides of my belly button, it actually looked bruised and was tender to touch. The baby had been kicking me hard right there when the horde had passed through in the alley. I wondered if it could have actually bruised me. I was only about three months pregnant. Deep down I knew it wouldn’t be long before something would change, and the fate of my baby would be known.

I finished relieving myself, and then stood and faced the mirror.
I wasn’t able to see the right side of my face, which was hidden in shadows, but what I could see looked like a much older woman. Perhaps it was due to the lighting, but I knew deep down that it was a result of life in a zombie plague. Walking out of the bathroom, I walked to where Boggs was sitting and joined him. He and Nate had set up two of the lobby seats facing each other with an end table in the middle.

“Want to play a game of cards?” he asked me.

“Nah. Maybe we can just sit and talk?”

“Sure.”

Boggs stood and walked over to me, settling in behind me. He put his hands on my shoulders and began massaging. Almost every muscle in my body relaxed at once.

“Feel good?”

“Mm Hmm.”

He continued kneading and I slumped down in my seat a bit.

“I’m so tired of running,” I whispered.

“I know.
We all are.” He took a moment to rub gently behind my ears and sighed. “Someday we’ll find somewhere safe. We have to keep believing that.”

“I think the baby’s coming soon,” I said randomly.

Boggs stopped rubbing and walked around to face me. He sat down on the end table that was set up for card playing and took my hands in his.

“What makes you say that?”

I looked down at my swollen belly and tugged at the bottom of my t-shirt before looking back up at Boggs. “I’m not sure exactly. It’s just a hunch. I know I’m not that far along, but look how big I am, Boggs. The baby bruised me yesterday when the last horde came through. I was at the back door and it’s like it could sense them. She went crazy in there then stopped as soon as they passed.”

“She?”

“Huh?”

“You called the baby ‘she.’”

I shrugged. “Or he.”

“We’ll just take things as they happen.”

I nodded in agreement, and then yawned.

“Gus is asleep,” said Susan, interrupting up.

“Is he ok?” I asked.

“Nathan says he looks good overall.
He gave him some pain medication through the IV, though. Says he’ll be out for a while.”

“That’s good,” said Boggs.
“I’m sure he needs it.”

“The girls are just getting up, and Nathan and I are going to organize our supplies.
You two should go sleep for a bit.”

“Are Linus and Agnes still asleep?”

“No. They’re going to come help us in here. Everyone woke up when Nate was tending to Gus.”

I yawned again.
I felt bad going back to sleep, especially since Nathan must be exhausted.

“Maybe I should stay up and Nathan can sleep.”

Susan shook her head. “You need the extra sleep, Zoe. And Nathan isn’t ready to leave us alone with Linus, just in case.”

“Seems logical to me,” added Boggs.
“I’ll just catch a few hours and then take over for Nate.”

I stood, rather awkwardly, and gave Susan a quick hug.
Boggs took my hand in his and led me to the back room. The girls passed us on the way and I ruffled Jane’s messy red hair. Linus and Agnes were just getting up when we entered the storage room. Nathan had a battery powered camping lantern turned on low and was adjusting Gus’ IV lines and bags.

“Hey guys,” he whispered.
“I just hung another antibiotic, and the main bag of fluids should last for several hours. Gus is gonna be out for a while. Go ahead and get some sleep.”

“Thanks, brother.
Wake me in two or three hours and I’ll spell you,” said Boggs.

“I won’t argue with that request,” he said with a cheesy grin.

Nate left the room, taking his flashlight with him.

“Looks like we’re alone,” mumbled Boggs.

“Gus is here,” I reminded him.

“
Yeah but he’s out.”

The moonlight was streaming in from the windows, making Boggs’ face look unusually pale.
He pulled his tank top off. I reached up and touched the scar on his neck. He closed his eyes, lost in my touch.

“It’s green, Boggs.”

“I know.”

“Can you hear them too?”
He hadn’t given any indication that he could hear the dead within his mind, as I could.

“No.
Nothing.”

“Good, because it’s terrible.”

“Sometimes I get angry. Really angry.”

“Like when you hit me?”

“That was one time.” He opened his eyes, and I could see them welling with tears. “Sometimes it’s hard to control. Really hard.”

“Let’s go to bed.”
I didn’t want to talk about that horrible day. I didn’t want to think about the what-ifs or the what-will-be’s.

Boggs hung his head, and then slipped out of his camouflage pants.
I took my own pants off. They had grown uncomfortably tight around the waist. Boggs stood before me and pulled my t-shirt up, placing a hand gently over our baby. We stood forehead to forehead for a moment, in silence, and then climbed onto the air mattress on the floor. We settled in under the cover, me with my back to him. Boggs wrapped an arm around me and rested his head near my own.

“Zoe, I’m so sorry our lives are like this.
I never would have wanted this for you – for us.”

His hand reached around to my belly again, and as it moved down toward more sensitive areas I tensed.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“We can’t, Boggs, Gus is in the room.”

“He’s out cold. It’s fine.”

Boggs and I hadn’t made love since I’d been with Gus.
My heart was still torn between the two, which I had just recently begun to realize.

“I can wait, Zoe, until you’re ready.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “There’s just so many things that have changed.”

“I know, and I know a lot of that is my fault.
Is it ok if I just hold you?”

I nodded, and then rolled over to face him.
I snuggled close to his chest and let him hold me in his arms.

“I miss Emilie,” I mumbled into his chest.

“Me too. She was full of fire, wasn’t she?”

“
Yeah.” I wanted to cry and mourn her loss, but didn’t have the energy.

“Zoe, I need to ask you something.”

“Ok.” I was so tired, but became very aware of when his body tensed.

“Did you sleep with him?”

My own body tensed and my skin went cold as ice. I wasn’t sure what to say. After a moment I finally found my voice.

“Who?”

“You know who I mean. Gus.”

I took a deep breath.
“Why are you asking me this?”

“I’ve seen how you two are together.
It was just a hunch.”

I didn’t answer.

“I take it by your reaction that the answer is yes?” He sounded like he was angry but trying not to lose his cool.

I scooted away in order to look at his face.

“Why?” he asked. His eyes were full of deep hurt. “Why’d you do it?”

“That day in the house in Concrete, when you grabbed my arms and hit me.
Gus was there, and something was between us. I can’t explain it, Boggs. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I swear it.”

He rolled onto his back and folded his arms across his bare chest. His silence was deafening.

“I’m so sorry, Boggs.”

His voice was broken.
“Not as sorry as me, Zo. Not as sorry as me.” He stood up and put his clothes back on.

“Where are you going?”

“I need some space. Hurting you or him, or both, is all I want to do right now.” He seemed to grow even tenser and more filled with anger with each passing second.

“Please, stay and talk to me?”

“Leave it be. I’ve hit you once and I don’t want to again.” His voice was strained.

My insides were twisting and his words stung to the core.
I couldn’t blame him for being angry, though. Gus and I had done the unforgivable. I watched him walk away, his footfalls heavy with anger. Still unable to cry over Emilie or anything else, I curled up on my side and wrapped an arm over my belly. I listened to the sounds from the lobby. I could hear Boggs’ voice, loud and irritated, and Nathan trying to calm him down. Someone slammed something down on a table or counter. I heard Susan say something like ‘you knew?’ and within minutes everything got even louder. I stood shakily and made my way to the lobby. Abbey and Jane passed me. Abbey was holding Jane’s hand and urging her forward. They both looked frightened.

Nathan was talking to Boggs in a very stern tone.
“You can’t just go out there, man. You know that’s stupid.”

“Leave me be, Nate.
I need to be alone.” Boggs’ voice was full of venom. He was standing near the hallway that led to the back door, his fists clenched.