Dark Desire (10 page)

I’m crushed, truly crushed. I grip my coat as I’m rushing out the door. Jagger calls out my name but I slam the door before he can reach me. I rush through the complex and out the gates. It’s dark and my vision is blurred from tears. Drown him?
Dark? Is that how I come across? I know I’ve had a dark life, but I’ve always tried to be a kind, caring person towards others.

I rush across the road and head for the beach, I need to breathe. When I hit the sand I bolt left, knowing Jagger will go right. He thinks I’ll go to the little
cove I like, so I make sure to go in the opposite direction. I’m running across the sand with tears falling down my cheeks when I slam into a hard form. I fall backwards, landing on my ass with a cry.

“Whoa there little lady,
”

A hand reaches down and lifts me, and I feel my breathing cease for a moment when I look up at the man holding onto my arm. I can see him quite well under the light shining
down from the sidewalk lamps. My eyes widen and my mouth opens slightly as I look into those familiar eyes. I’ve seen those eyes before; I’ve looked at them almost every day for the last two months.

Sky blue
, crystal clear and beautiful; they’re Jagger’s eyes, only they’re not on Jagger. I study the man’s face, taking in his chiseled jaw, his long, thick dark hair that’s pulled into a pony tail and his full lips. This man is Jagger’s father, without fail. I have never seen two men so alike before, the only difference is their age. The man holding me has an older face, but aside from that…it’s scarily similar.

My heart quickens and I struggle away, trying to yank my arm free. Jagger has told me about his
father and from what I know he isn’t a nice man. Not in any sense. He steadies me again, his fingers tightening on my arm. He’s studying my face closely and his features are soft and unfrightening, which scares me more.

“Now Willow, calm down, I’m not here to hurt you.”

“How do you know my name?” I cry.

“I know who you are. Everyone knows who you are.”

I scan his massive six foot frame. The man is huge; bulkier than Jagger. He would stop most women in their tracks with a build like that. He’s a very attractive man; I can see where Jagger got his breathtaking looks.

“Please, I don’t want any trouble. I didn’t want any of this.”

He smiles softly. “Willow beautiful, I’m not here to cause trouble. I was coming to see my son and in the next minute I was being bowled over by a very beautiful woman.”

“I…I…didn’t bowl you over,
” I stammer.

He laugh
s and it’s a rich, rusty sound.

“I don’t mind, I assure you A
ngel.”

Why is he calli
ng me names like beautiful and Angel?

“Don’t call me that.
” I whisper.

“What will I call you?”

“Willow!” I snap.

“Willow, I’m not here to cause trouble. I just want to see my son.”

“I assure you he doesn’t want to see you.”

“Whatever he told you, is true. I did bad things to him Willow, but that was a long time ago. I was an
alcoholic; I went away and got help. I can’t make up what I did, but he needs to know it was never his fault. He can beat me if he wishes, but it has to be done.”

My heart softens just a touch. I know sometimes life isn’t perfect and people get tangled up in messy shit. He outright admit
ted to what he did and didn’t try to spin me a little lie, so maybe he is here for a good reason.

“Tonight isn’t a good night, Maggie and Mary are over and it’s not going well.”

He looks down at me, his blue gaze burning into mine. “My daughter is there too?”

“Yes, but it’s not my place to take you back and just throw you in their faces.”

“Fine, I understand. Tell them I’m here though, will you?”

“Yes, I will.”

He reaches out and strokes my cheek, causing me to stiffen.

“Be careful running around out here alone, babe, bad people want you…”

“Excuse me?” I whisper.

He smiles, but it’s not charming anymore. “Just be careful, you’re well known out there and Jagger won’t always be around to protect you. Running around at night, that’s dangerous.”

“Is that a threat?” I snap, angrily.

“Beautiful girl, I don’t make threats. Please tell my son I’m here, it was lovely talking to you
, Willow.”

He reluctantly lets me go and I step away, w
rapping my arms around myself. Something about him has my senses on high alert, while he seems genuine, I don’t have a good feeling about him. Maybe it’s just the mood tonight all around. I turn and walk up into the light, feeling it’s a little safer up there. I find an old swing and sit on it, wrapping my hands around the chain and staring into the darkness.

I see a set of hands slide around the chains beside mine, and I know whose they are. Jagger. He pulls the swing back and lets it go, swinging me gently. We do this for a while, him pushing me and neither of us speaking. Finally, he grips the chains and slows the swing down, leaning in to wrap his
arms around my neck and pull me backwards into his chest. When my head is resting against the hard wall of muscle, he reaches down and lifts me off the swing, setting me on the soft grass beside it.

“I’m sorry
baby; the way she behaved back there…it was wrong.”

“She doesn’t like me Jagger, I don’t know why.”

“She liked Sharleen; she’s just sour about it.”

“I can never compete with her Jagger, I just don’t fit. Sharleen was all sunshine and I’m just rain…”

He strokes my cheek. “I like rain.”

“Maybe she’s right,” I whisper. “Maybe I am dark.”

“She’s not right, I know what I want and I’ve never been so clear about where my life needs to go. My life is with you Willow baby, it was since the moment I laid eyes on you. I’m not givin’ up; I won’t give up because you crawled inside me and wrapped your hands around my heart, making everything ok again.”

“
I don’t want her to hate me Jagger; it’s not fair on you.”

He kisses my head softly. “Let her
do whatever she thinks she needs to, it won’t change what I feel.”

“She’s your family.”

“If she’s true family, she’ll accept you Willow. I told you once you’re my little ray of darkness, and you fit me perfectly. I wasn’t lying; you’re everything I need and more. I’ll never EVER give you up.”

I swallow and hug him closer. “Jagger, I have to tell you something…”

“Willow?” he says in a hard tone. “What have you done?”

“I didn’t do anything, but if I don’t tell you then I’ll regret it.”

“Willow…”

“When I was running before, I ran into someone on the beach.”

He pulls back and looks down at me, his eyes narrow.

“Who was it?”

I close my eyes and mumble, “Your father.”

He’s up before I can open my eyes, I bolt up after him but he’s already gone. He’s charging down the street so quickly I have to blink my eyes rapidly to keep up with him.
He’s tearing down the road, fists clenched.

“Jagger!”
I call, but he doesn’t stop.

When we reach the complex, he charges in and I have to run to keep up. Bull is walking out of his apartment with a blonde woman, but he quickly lets her go when he sees Jagger.

“Boss, what’s wrong?”

Jagger drives his fist into his car window, smas
hing it. I scream and rush over; blood pours from his hand. I skid to a halt when he turns and glares at me so angrily it freezes me mid stride.

“Don’t fuckin’ touch me, none of you touch me.”

“Jagger, it’s ok,” Bull says.

“Fuck off
Bull; I’ll break your fuckin’ face.”

Blood is dripping from his hand and I’m worried he’s cut a vein.

“Jagger, you could have cut a vein.”

Mary and Maggie come rushing out of the apartment when they hear the commotion.

“Johnny, honey, what’s happened?” Mary cries.

“He’s back.”

“What?”

“Mick is back.”

So that’s his name. Maggie’s face pales and Mary swallows. Once they notice Jagger’s hand though, they quickly snap out of their little trance.

“Oh
God Johnny, let me look at that.” Maggie says, stepping forward.

He lets her take his hand, but his angry gaze is on me.

“How did you know he was back?” Mary asks.

“Willow spoke
to him.”

Mary shoots me a look so
revolting I have to look away.

“How could you
betray him like that, you snake!” Mary cries.

My mouth drops open. “I didn’t betray
anyone; I ran into him, I didn’t know who he was until he told me at the end.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me straight away?” Jagger roars.

I step back, confused. “I…I…”

“You were thinkin’ of yourself still, instead of me. You should have told me straight away, the minute you saw me.”

“I wasn’t thinking of myself, I was confused. He was so nice to me and he wanted me to pass on a message. I didn’t know what to think, he…”

“He was nice to you?” Jagger snarls.

“He…he said he got better and he wanted to see you…”

“No
w you’re sticking up for him?” He roars.

Mary pats his back sympathetically, glaring at me.

“No, of course not. That’s not what I’m trying to say. Jagger, I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“You can’t see it can you? You’re always running so fuckin’ fast you can’t see it. You should have told me the minute you saw me. You sat down and had a chat to me
about your own fuckin’ problems, and didn’t once mention the fact that you just saw my father. Why Willow?”

“I don’t know!” I cry.

“I know exactly why, because you’re putting up that fuckin’ wall again. You don’t want to see me hurting because it means you have to face things you don’t want to.”

“That’s not true!”

“It is fuckin’ true; you’re always running from what you’re afraid of, never facing any of it. When are you going to lower that stone wall and stop protecting your heart so heavily that you’ll let no one in?”

“I have to protect my heart,” I scream. “I have no one else!”

“You have me!” He bellows, thumping his hand down onto the hood of the car.

“No, I don’t Jagger. You ran off with your
ex-wife as soon as she turned up, discarding me like old fucking trash!”

“You wouldn’t talk to me, you fucking ran off and disappeared so don’t you dare make out like I discarded you. The night she returned you wanted answers then and
there; you didn’t stop to think that I was out of my mind with confusion. I thought she was dead, but no, you had to run off and leave me without contact for six fucking weeks because you assumed I made my choice. When you got back, you continued to refuse to let me speak until it suited you, and then you went on your little mission to make me jealous. Don’t you turn this around on me Willow, this has always been about you and protecting yourself from hurt.”

I stare at him, and numerous things hit me at once.
One is that we didn’t hash this out earlier and we should have. Two, he’s right; I ran and never bothered giving him a chance to explain. That was weak on my behalf. So horribly weak. I nod my head, and tears thunder down my cheeks. What can I say? He’s right; all I’ve worked for in the past five years of my life is making sure I didn’t get hurt.

“I had to protect myself,” I whisper. “I was so afraid of falling.”

“So afraid that you push everyone you love away, push and push until they can’t take it anymore. I can’t take it Willow; I can’t take wondering every day if you’re going to run because it gets too hard. I can’t take you hurting yourself every time things go bad…”

“I don’t do that,” I whisper.

“Bullshit, are you telling me you won’t go to the bathroom and think about cutting yourself?”

I look at Maggie, Mary, Bull and the other men that have come out and are now staring at Jagger and
I going at it. He just revealed my darkest secrets to them all.

“You think I’m weak, I get that, but how dare you throw that around…”

“I don’t think you’re weak,” Jagger snaps. “It’s you who thinks your weak!”

“I am weak!”

“NO YOU’RE NOT!” he roars. “You are what you let yourself be.”

“You know nothing!”

“I know everything. I know what you’ve lived through, I lived through similar but do you see me running every time things get tough? You have to fight Willow; you have to fight for what you believe in because no one else is goin’ to do it for you.”

“I…”

“You have to let go, if you don’t you’ll drown. You have a mother that so desperately wants to make it up to you, but you refuse to see it.”