Dancing Through Life (13 page)

Don’t you just love that description? Val is my frame. And whether or not I am “flourishing” depends, in part, on his consistent love and support. Marriages aren’t made up of honeymoons and date nights. Almost two decades after saying “I do,” I can tell you there’s a lot of mundane in between the peaks and valleys. But that is where the good stuff really happens. I am so grateful for Val’s support as I took on this huge challenge on a massive stage, but I am equally grateful for his support as I face the tasks of parenting, running a household, and finding purpose in life’s many routines.

The arc of my deepest relationships mirrors the arc of my walk with Christ. Yes, there are times of crisis when I need those relationships desperately. There are also times of great joy when the people I love most are a natural part of the celebration. But there are times when life is just life, the road is smooth, and the scenery is nothing special. I still need Jesus then. I still need friendship then. I still need family then.

As week eight wrapped, the end of the roller-coaster ride was in sight. I wanted to cross that finish line so badly now with a mirrorball trophy at arm’s length. But for so many reasons, I was looking forward to normal, in all the ways that mattered most. My life was the same on and off the
DWTS
stage. God’s goodness was a constant; so were my most important relationships.

By now, I’m sure my love for the Lord is pretty clear, but do you know
why
my relationship with Jesus is so important? You hear about people finding God when they’ve come into crisis or hit rock-bottom. There’s nothing left and they have no hope, so they find hope in God. But what about someone like me, who had everything going for her and never really hit any major roadblocks? Life has been good! Is that you? You’ve got a job, maybe a family and good friends, you’re happy and most of all, consider yourself a good person? Have you ever wondered why you’d need Jesus if life looks perfectly good the way you’re living it?

For me, the gospel moved from my head to my heart when I realized that even though I was a “good girl” living a “good life” when I used others as my measuring stick, compared to the blinding white of God’s holiness, my goodness looked like a pile of dirty rags.

Romans 3:10 says, “There is no one righteous, not even one.”

Righteousness
is a churchy word for being free from sin. When we hold ourselves up to the perfect, holy nature of God, it’s easy to see that we can’t measure up. I’m sure you’ve heard of the Ten Commandments, the rules for living that God handed down to Moses for the people of Israel in Exodus 20. Sure, I look like a good girl when I consider some of God’s rules. I’ve never murdered. I’ve never stolen. But what about lying? Gulp. How about that commandment not to want something someone else has (the Bible calls that coveting)? Guilty. How about His commandment that I have no other gods beside Him? I’ve been guilty of idolatry before, worshipping comfort, or security, or acceptance instead of God. But, I’ve only broken three commandments so far. I’ve still kept 70 percent. That’s passing!

But . . .

“For whoever keeps the entire law, yet fails in one point, is guilty of breaking it all” (James 2:10).

Double gulp!

Since I am guilty of breaking
some
of God’s law, the Bible says I am guilty of breaking
all
of it.

All of us have failed to meet God’s standards. That’s called sin. And no matter how hard we try, we cannot stop sinning on our own. Sin nature is an unfortunate and irreversible part of humanity.

Romans 3:23 puts it this way, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

It doesn’t matter if you were valedictorian or a high school dropout, if you have a rap sheet a mile long or have never even had a speeding ticket. It doesn’t matter if others see you as a bad girl or a good girl. Every one of us is a sinner who misses God’s mark.

When I finally saw myself as a sinner, in need of grace from a sinless God, suddenly I understood the gospel. All of my clean living couldn’t earn me a place in heaven because it didn’t make up for the fact that I am a sinner, and I can’t stop sinning.

That’s the bad news, but there is good news.

Jesus died to pay the penalty for my sins. He paid the price that I could never pay. It’s kind of like breaking the law and not having the money to pay your fine. If you can’t pay, you have to serve your time. But just before you head off to a life of imprisonment, a man shows up with money and pays your debt for you, not wanting anything in return. He does it out of love for you, to free you from the punishment you should have paid yourself. That’s exactly what Jesus did for you and for me. And He didn’t stop there! When I realized my desperate need for Him and surrendered my life for Him, He began a miraculous work of transformation in me. Every day, He is making me more like Him. He’s not making me a better version of a good girl. He is making me a holy version of a good girl. Someone who thinks, acts, and lives more and more like Him because of His work in me. And the Bible promises that He will continue to mold and shape my heart until I am complete and can stand before Him holy and blameless.

It’s this constant molding and shaping that makes me a person of conviction. This is what informs my decisions about what is right and appropriate for me as a Christian woman. At the very beginning of this book, I told you that my convictions were set before I ever received the offer to be on
DWTS
. Those kinds of life decisions shouldn’t be made in the heat of the moment or in the valleys. They are made in the constant, day in and day out, walking with the Lord. He guides and leads every day and when the going gets tough, our convictions are set and He’s there to pull us through.

And what a wonderful testimony to a watching world! When we as Christians move through this life leaning on Him, in good times and bad, becoming more and more like Christ, we point others to Him all along the way.

“But now He has reconciled you by His physical body through His death, to present you holy, faultless, and blameless before Him” (Col. 1:22).

As you face the peaks and valleys of life, I hope you know where to look for your “frame.” God will love you well and shore you up no matter what you face in life because He paid the ultimate price for our sin, reconciling us to God and promising us the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control—along with all His strength at all times in our lives, not just during our difficult circumstances. David knew that lesson well. He ran to God when the going was tough and when the living was easy. No matter where you are on that spectrum right now, you can lean in to Jesus. May His praise be ever on your lips.

I will praise the L
ord
at all times;
His praise will always be on my lips.
I will boast in the L
ord
;
the humble will hear and be glad. (Ps. 34:1–2)

Chapter 10

But my eyes look to You, Lord G
od
.
I seek refuge in You; do not let me die.

—Psalm 141:8

W
ho is your hero?

Did you know the Bible actually gives us the qualifications for heroes? It’s true! Hebrews 11:1–2 says, “Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen. For our ancestors won God’s approval by it.”

That passage goes on to applaud the superheroes of the faith like Abraham, Moses, David, and Samuel. These spiritual giants didn’t possess extraordinary talents or supernatural abilities. It was their faith that made them strong! They are the superstars of the Bible because they trusted and obeyed the Lord.

It was the semifinals and week nine of my
DWTS
journey was Icon Week. Each remaining celebrity was asked to choose one of their heroes to be interviewed for the show. While others selected TV personalities, record executives, or Olympic athletes, I knew I wanted to pick a Bible teacher as my icon. I’ll admit it’s exciting to rub shoulders with celebrities, but it doesn’t compare to the thrill I get from connecting with my favorite Bible teachers and pastors. Through their speaking and studies, Bible teachers have had a huge influence in my life. They genuinely excite me more than any celebrity. Because of that, I selected Angela Thomas to be my icon for the show. Angela is a Bible teacher, speaker, and best-selling author of many books and Bible studies. We met at a series of Extraordinary Women conferences. As we worked together at events over the years, Angela became a friend and a mentor.

I knew that Angela had been watching the show every week. She sweetly let me know that she and her family had been getting together faithfully every Monday night to watch, and I was absolutely tickled to death that she was rooting for me. Her support was particularly encouraging because I admire her so much, but also because within the Christian community there were still some Bible teachers who questioned my decision to be on the show. As the weeks went on and I proved that it was possible to be on
DWTS
and stand with conviction, more and more Christian voices lent their support, but Angela had been cheering me on since the beginning. I wanted the whole world to know that her faith inspired and encouraged me.

I reached out to Angela and asked her if she could fly in to be interviewed for the show. Here’s a snapshot of our text conversations:

Me:
Hey Angela!! SO, this week on
DWTS
is Icon Week and I have to choose my personal icon or influencer and I really want a Bible teacher. Is there any chance you’re available today, tomorrow, or Sunday to fly in for an interview with me for the show? The notice is crazy short, so sorry.

Angela:
I am so humbled. And honored. YES. I can come! Just landed in Minneapolis to speak. Can’t come until Sunday if that works for you.

Angela later said that she thought I had sent her that text by mistake and considered sending me a list of “big name” people to invite instead. That made me giggle.

It’s true that my icon didn’t have the star power that some of the other contestants tapped into. Amy Purdy called Oprah Winfrey. You can’t find a bigger name than that. James Maslow asked for legendary record producer L. A. Reid. Charlie and Meryl called on fellow Olympic champions Scott Hamilton and Kristi Yamaguchi. There’s just something about star power that makes people “ooh” and “ah,” so the producers and my team of managers started pushing me toward someone with celebrity status even though I had already asked Angela. I was convinced in my heart that Angela was the right person for the job, but I allowed them to come up with alternative names to investigate to satisfy them. They sent out a request to a handful of celebrities to be on the show, but the time line was too short and none of the alternates were available for an interview. It didn’t surprise me one bit when those doors closed. I knew it was a God thing and was relieved. Angela was the one I wanted; I knew she was the perfect person to represent my personal icon.

Her response to the whole thing was precious. She proved to be the woman of faith that I admired so much.

Angela:
This is the craziest, most fun change of plans ever. Thank you for inviting me to come. I’ve wanted to text you a thousand times because I have been bursting with pride. So very blessed each week to watch you shine. And especially God in you!

Me:
Xoxoxo. Can’t wait!!

In no time, Angela joined me in L.A. Our interview together was such an encouragement and blessing. They also interviewed Angela alone, asking her questions about me and my journey and what she thought about all of it. The producers chose the song “Nasty” by Janet Jackson for me to dance to that week and they tried to corner Angela on it a time or two with questions like, “Candace has the song ‘Nasty.’ What do you think God would say about that?”

Angela just refused to go there or give them a sound bite that could be misunderstood. She never wavered in her support of me and her commitment to point people to Jesus. She humbly and graciously acknowledged that she wasn’t the real icon that week. Jesus is my icon. Angela knew that and her graciousness and reassurance was a priceless gift.

She continued to pray for me and send me Scripture for the remainder of my journey. Here’s a taste of what happened after the cameras stopped rolling:

Me:
Angela, I hope your flight back home was good! Just wanted to say another thank-you for not only your willingness to fly here on such short notice and be a part of my DWTS journey package, but for all your encouragement, support, wisdom, and AWESOME cheerleading skills! You’re the best. Your enthusiasm for me made me feel so special, and as fun as this journey is, it’s been exhausting and such a spiritual battle and difficult on numerous levels. Thank you for coming up alongside me any time I’ve asked you. You are such a valuable, dear friend and mentor to me. I love you. Xo.

Angela:
With all my heart, I believe this will be your most confident week of dancing yet! Nobody predicted this. Not Mark. Not the DWTS producers. But when God is for you, who in this world can be against you? The answer is, though they try, no one is bigger than your God. He will do as He wills. I hope you and Mark are having a blast. I’m praying that even the hardest technique moments are filled with joy and a spirit of celebration.

Unbelievably, the semifinal show kicked off with my video package with Angela. God’s name was declared and glorified at the very start of the show! In the end I was so grateful to have the opportunity to showcase one of my true heroes. She may not have many red-carpet walks under her belt, but she’s a superstar in my book because she loves Jesus with her whole heart and serves Him with her whole life. Angela was the perfect pick because I knew and trusted her and there was an intimacy between us that was unique. She brought me back to reality and reminded me:

• This is who I really am.
  
• This is who I look up to.
  
• My role models are people who are running the race of faith with reckless abandon.
  

Angela continued to encourage me and point me to Jesus for the last leg of the journey. Her steady drip of praise and truth meant so much to me! I know I’m not the only one who has been inspired and strengthened by her words. They matter for all of us who desire to earn our commendation through faith. Here’s one more snapshot of her wisdom:

Angela:
You’ve done it. All. The. Way. You have done every hard thing with integrity and grace. God’s assignment to you means one last night to give a blessing to everyone you speak to. Grips. Stylists. Judges. Mark. No Christian has done this show with the same spirit of faithfulness to God. You’ve taught us all how to shine in the dark. How to love even when others are unloving. We all pray that when the time comes, we will act and respond like Jesus. This was your time and you radiate the beauty and joy of Christ!! I speak for so many who are bursting with pride over you . . . Savor. Enjoy. Celebrate. I love you and cheer wildly for you. He chose brilliantly when He chose you!

A Smile That Wouldn’t Stick

My time with Angela was one of the highlights of my
DWTS
experience, but like so much of the journey, that week was bittersweet.

At this point in the show, we were learning two full dances each week. Mark and I were assigned to do the waltz, a dance in triple time characterized by rhythmic turns around the dance floor. Our second routine was a jazz dance. At this point in the contest, couples were allowed to practice up to twelve hours per day, seven days a week. Mark and I were the only couple using all of our hours, because I needed the practice. I picked up the waltz easily. I had the routine down in a single day. We had a flawless dress rehearsal. It felt like a no-brainer routine. I had this one!

The jazz didn’t go so smoothly. Since the song “Nasty” was selected for us, I knew that might ruffle some feathers, but I really wasn’t stressed about it. I was gaining some ground in not being afraid of those who seemed determined to criticize the song or my wardrobe choices. Plus, Janet Jackson was one of my favorite artists growing up. No doubt, she’s fun to dance to. For me, the stress was tied to the type of routine Mark choreographed. Mark was strategic. When he heard our song choice, he said up front that he did not want to do a dance that looked like a Janet Jackson video. He wanted to do a classic jazz routine, more like what you’d see in Broadway theater productions like
Chicago
than you would see on MTV. He was trying to protect me from being put in a compromising position with moves that were overtly sexual. Because of that, Mark developed a routine where he and I would dance side by side. There was hardly any connection between us on the dance floor so if I messed up, it would be obvious. There wasn’t any place for Mark to get me back on track. I had a history of needing him to help me course-correct during each live performance. He had stepped in and saved me in every previous dance except the fox-trot. As we practiced, I started to panic because, ultimately, I was learning to do a solo routine to be performed beside a professional dancer. I knew that every mistake would be noticeable.

During rehearsals I started to get very frustrated and upset. I told Mark I needed a break and gave him every excuse I could think of for why my attitude was deteriorating and I couldn’t learn the steps.

While Mark had a history of being an empathetic teacher, his tone was different this time around.

He said, “I understand that you are frustrated, but this is what you have to do. Your attitude is so bad. You’re bringing everything down. You’re not learning this routine
because
of your attitude.”

His words felt like a punch to the gut because I knew he was right. I promised I would try to turn my attitude around, but I just couldn’t do it. At one point, I was just beyond myself. I couldn’t get the steps right. I messed up in different places every time, so it wasn’t like there was a specific stumbling block that Mark could address and correct. I was so discouraged. I was visibly frustrated and down on myself. Mark was done trying to give me any pep talks. Understandably, he was frustrated too and he simply ran out of peppy words.

I’m sure you’ve been there. For whatever reason, you just can’t talk yourself out of your funk. The people around you have run out of inspiration and you feel stuck. What then? I did the only thing I knew to do. I stopped, right in the middle of the routine. I took my microphone off and I went and hid in a closet.

If you watched the show, you might be wondering if you missed this scene, but the inside scoop is that none of it was caught on camera. In fact, I don’t believe it would have happened if the cameras had been rolling. I literally hid in a closet to escape the cameras because I needed to get out of my headspace. I needed a radical change of scenery so I could step into the ring and wrestle with my out-of-control emotions.

Inside the closet I tried to pump myself up. I tried to plaster on a smile like I had in week three, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not get that smile to stick. The happy chemicals in my brain were overwhelmed by the frustration and self-doubt I was feeling. I just couldn’t seem to force myself to get happy. I prayed my heart out. I said, “God, I am asking for Your help to get out of this funk. I don’t know what to do. I cannot figure this out and I need it to stop.”