Dance For Me (12 page)

 21…The big nothing      

         Hope woke up first. The lamp was out and the room was dark blue. She had to look at the clock to tell the time because she couldn’t get a sense of it in the dark. It was six, and she could hear the rain tapping the windows. It was way too early for her to be awake. She stood perfectly still, the events of last night playing in her head like a movie reel. Dominic was passed out, his back turned to her. She knew that in a matter of hours he would be back be back with Tristan, and Hope would be back to her oh so glamorous life of being a pole dancer.

        Dominic rolled over, nearly panicked when he felt someone next to him. He forgot where he was and scanned the room that resembled some aquatic cave. Hope was staring back at him with her common reticence that had him wondering if she was contemplating murdering him.

    “Hey Beautiful.”

     “Morning.”

     His chest rose as he inhaled, carefully considering everything he’d done.

     Hope noticed the face he made, saw him mouth the word “fuck”.  If he regretted being with her, then she would instantly regret being with him. She didn’t want to feel regret because everyone is much better off without it. Dominic covered his eyes with his forearm and thought of Tristan. He felt like his guts had gone sour. What you want is what you don’t know. He knew it now, so what next?  He knew the guilt would fill him up sooner or later but he didn’t think it would be this soon. 

Hope’s mind started to run wild like fires. What if things got weird now? He was her next door neighbor so she couldn’t exactly avoid him all the time. And when she’d see him with his girlfriend, would it make her jealous? Would she be able to handle it? How could she even face Tristan?

   Hope was positive Dominic was regretting everything. She turned over remembering that her car was back at The Lucky Star. So was Shamayla. Maybe Shamayla could drive it back later. Hope didn’t like the way she was feeling on the inside. Why did she have to purposely make the choices that left her feeling like waste? Sometimes, most times, she hated herself. In the midst of her self-loathing Dominic rolled over and stamped a little kiss on the back of her shoulder. It was the little jolt of electricity she needed to spark her up and kill the funk she felt herself falling into.

    “I gotta go home.” He sighed and grunted, pulling himself out of bed.

     Hope stayed put, her eyes open but staring into nothingness with her back turned to him.

     “I’ll come back around eight to take you to get your car?”

     “It’s fine. I’m going to have Shamayla drive it here later.”

     “Are you sure? I told you I would take you to pick it up?”

     She rolled over now.

      “I’m sure.”

      Dominic pulled his shirt over his head.

      “I would stay but I don’t want to get too comfortable.”

      Hope lay there on her back, motion and emotionless. Serious had never look so dead.

       When he was fully dressed he grabbed his car keys off the floor and knelt down beside her bed, giving her a kiss on the head.

    “I’ll see you later, okay?”

        Hope closed her eyes. He left. She had to snip off the feelings that were beginning to flower. She knew the game and its mechanics. She knew exactly what she needed to do to insure she wouldn’t get attached to him. She couldn’t like him too much. For Hope, falling in love with guys like Dominic wasn’t a possibility and Dominic was someone she could very well fall in love with. Why? Who knew? Hope surely didn’t but she knew she was feeling something serious in the middle of her stomach that reeked of trouble.

       When Dominic walked into his dark apartment, the first thing he did was go to the refrigerator for cold water. He was dehydrated from the beer last night which was always a nice reminder to him why he wasn’t a drinker. He was so tired that he didn’t even remember falling asleep. He remembered massaging her scalp and running his fingertips up and down her arm, just lying there thinking of nothing but the elation he felt that he finally had her. Now he felt drained and thirsty and guilty. He didn’t want to think about it right now. He had to get out of Hope’s apartment and be in his own surroundings so he could get some real sleep. Being next to her was nice but he was too uncomfortable there, like he didn’t belong. He went to the couch and pulled a blanket over his body and face, and fell asleep.

        Dominic woke up at nine-thirty. His apartment was filled with mild sunlight like it hadn’t been raining at all that morning. He turned on his phone and saw that there were new messages; at least ten texts and four voice messages. He already knew they were all from Tristan.

   Tristan dialed Dominic’s number in another fruitless effort to reach him. She wanted to leave him one last message before giving up completely.

       “I’m worried. Please call me.” She paused for four seconds. “Okay, I love you.” She hung up, dropped her phone in her purse and jogged downstairs. Josephine was snipping thorns and leaves off red roses at the kitchen sink, the fresh morning sunlight blaring through her coffee bean hair.

    “Good morning. Where are you going so early?”

    “I’ll be right back.”

     Josephine turned back to what she was doing but pointed at a plate of toast on the counter. 

     “You should eat something. Grab one on your way out.”

      Tristan couldn’t eat. She was too worried about Dominic. She had been trying to reach him all night and still he hadn’t gotten back to her. He had never done anything like this before so she didn’t know what to think. She eyed the toast and then grabbed one. Maybe the bread would sponge her nausea should a wave of it sweep her.

           Tristan pulled into Dominic’s parking lot, saw his truck parked in his spot. She pulled in next to it, in Hope’s spot, and hurried off the car, hurried up the stairs. She knocked and he answered after her second series of knocks. Tristan saw that he was dressed but the color was washed out of his face and his eyes were swollen with too much sleep. 

         “Where have you been?” She put her hands on his stomach to sort of push him inside and force her way in along with him. He stumbled back, rubbing half of his face.

      “Here,” he half-lied.

      Tristan closed the door behind her and crossed her arms. He already knew he had a lot of explaining to do but he didn’t feel like talking.

     “Why was your phone off? Why haven’t you called me back?”

      He scratched at the back of his neck. It was hard to look her in the eyes but he had to unless he wanted to look guilty.

     “I was sleeping.”

      “Sleeping?” She saw the blanket on the couch so she put the back of her hand to his forehead. “Are you sick?”

      “I think so. My stomach, it hurts. Well, it did. It feels a little better now. It was probably uh, food poisoning.”

       “Why didn’t you call me? I would have brought you something.”

        “I just needed to sleep. The food and work, it had me drained.”

        “Oh, what happened to your lip?” She traced his bottom lip with her thumb.

        He moved his head away and put his fingers to it, remembering it was sore.

         “Training, I got socked.”

         “Awww.” She kissed the exact spot Hope had bitten him. 

         Tristan smiled all big and cheery.

          “Don’t scare me like that again. I almost thought you were fuckin’ around.”          

         He hugged her really tight, feeling renewed with her love. He kissed her head and closed his eyes, squeezing the life out of her.

           “I missed you too!” she said, squeezing back.

          He grabbed her face and kissed her hard, as if her lips could undo the stain of Hope’s kiss on his.

          “Are you all right?” she asked. “You’re being really strange.”

          “I just love you. That’s all.” He kissed her again.

           “I love you too.”

           She playfully pinched his nose and then moved from him to the kitchen.

          “Suddenly I’m starving. What do you have?”

            Dominic wanted to feel something. He wanted to feel that guilt fill his stomach as heavy as water would but suddenly he wasn’t feeling it much.  What he’d always feared was coming true. He didn’t feel the same about her anymore. He was falling out of love with Tristan. 

22… He was with who?

         Tristan was sitting at her desk handwriting notes when she got a call from Charla telling her she was outside. Tristan took a moment to finish up, stuffed the notes in her binder, jammed it in a bottom drawer and dug around underneath her desk for her purse. She clocked out and headed out to the parking lot where Charla was waiting for her in her car. Charla as usual, was overdone. She had her hair up in a fancy up do, clean makeup, a pearl necklace and a long sleeve blazer over a silk blouse. She smelled like expensive perfume and her nails were manicured.

          The girls went thru a drive thru to order fries and burgers and parked in a shady spot in the parking lot of the company Tristan worked at. Tristan was fourteen weeks pregnant now and a small baby bump was begging to appear. Of course it was still very small and only noticeable to Tristan. Her daily bouts of morning sickness were starting to wear and she could eat whatever she wanted now. She understood the whole “eating for two” concept now because as soon as she would eat, she could feel her energy draining and would have that empty stomach feeling in about an hour. She ordered two cheeseburgers instead of one and a large milkshake.   

    “I take it you’re keeping the baby?” Charla asked.

      “And I’m going to tell Dominic.”

     “When?”

   Tristan picked one ketchup drenched fry and laid it on her tongue.

   “This weekend. My dad and Josephine are going to Tahoe to visit friends. I already thought about it. I’m going to invite him over, I’m going to cook for him, I’m gonna blow him, and then I’m gonna lay it on him.”

     “I can’t believe you still haven’t told him. How far along are you, again?”

      “A little over three months. I’m starting to show.”

     Charla took the paper bag off Tristan’s lap and looked at her midsection.

      “I don’t see anything.”

     “You will in like another month. My tits are getting bigger too. They’re like, super sensitive. Dominic will definitely notice. I can’t put it off anymore.”

       Charla sipped her soda. 

     “Your tits are huge.”

    “Can you breast feed with implants?”

    “Oooooh yeah. I ran into Dominic Friday night.”

    Tristan didn’t look away from her food. She was dousing her fries with ketchup.

    “Where?”

    “He didn’t tell you?”

     “No.”

     “I was coming out of Palm Nation and he was out on the sidewalk. I told him what’s up.”

     Tristan shook her head.

      “Are you sure it was Friday ‘cause Dominic was sick.”

      “Yeah, Friday.”

    “Hmm.” Tristan crinkled her brows. “That’s strange. He didn’t mention going out. I guess that’s when he got sick. Right after that.”

       “He didn’t look sick to me.”

       “Who was he with?” Tristan sipped her strawberry malt.

        Charla crumpled the cheeseburger wrap and stuffed it into the paper bag. She dropped her head back and looked at Tristan who was obliviously drinking her malt.

         “He didn’t tell you he went out?”

         “No. Well he didn’t tell me he was downtown. Who was he with?”

         “Um…” Charla shrugged. “He was alone I think.”

          “Alone?” Tristan looked at her now.

           “Well sort of. Like, he was talking to a chick but I don’t think they were together. It looked like she was leaving the Lucky Star and he was just…”

        “He was at the Lucky Star?”

         Charla was playing the part, like she was hesitant to tell Tristan what she saw, but really she was anxious to let her know the dirt. If there was no dirt, she would make it appear dirty anyway.

        “Yeah, well outside the Lucky Star.”

        Tristan moved her cup away from her mouth.

        “What did the girl look like?”

        “Um, she was a brunette.”

        Little prickles rained down in Tristan’s body.

       “Uh huh?”

         “I don’t know, her hair was in a ponytail, she was skinny-“

        “Was her name Hope?”

         Tristan got that feeling again.

         “Uh…let me think…” she thought back to that night on the sidewalk. He did introduce them but did she remember her name? 

       “I don’t remember…I know it was something like that…” she squinted her eyes. “I think it was.”

        Tristan felt cold, the feeling in her stomach an uneasy one. She could feel the food forming into a hard rock in her stomach, wanting to come up.

      “What’s wrong?” asked Charla. “Are you all right?”

     “Yeah.” She shook her head. “No. He told me he was sick. He didn’t tell me he went to the Lucky Star, that fucker.”

      “Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he just ran into her. Do you know her?”

      “If it’s who I think it is, I met her once. She’s his neighbor.”

     “That’s his neighbor? The stripper?!”

       Tristan tossed the rest of her food in the paper bag.

        “Hope is his neighbor and a stripper, yes, maybe even a hooker. What the hell was he doing with her?”

         Charla shrugged.

          "I don’t know if they were together. He was talking to her.”

          Tristan angrily opened her purse and took out her phone. Charla sat back, knowing she’d not only whipped out the fireworks, but lit the fuse.