Dance For Me (24 page)

      Hope made her eyes small as the smoke filled her head.

      And there he was, looking all happy with his buddies and his girl. Hope knew he definitely wasn’t thinking about her these days. She often wondered why he went back to Tristan. It had to be because she was a ho. Why else? Hope knew she was no beauty queen but Tristan was nothing to look if it weren’t for her fake breasts. Hope felt herself hating on Tristan and tried not to look at her again.

     The waitress approached Dominic’s table as Hope’s server appeared with their plates. Shane’s eyes scanned the restaurant. He turned around casually to see if that really was Hope he saw when he walked in. He saw her with a hand over her eyes, not touching the food in front of her. Hope knew he’d see her eventually, and so would Dominic and Tristan. 

       “Let’s swap sides,” she whispered to Glenna.

      “Okay,” Glenna said, trying not to ask questions. They quickly swapped spots so that Hope’s back was to Dominic’s table.

      Suddenly a red blur was under Hope’s nose. A little startled, she looked up from the rose to Shane who slid into the seat beside her. She looked up at Glenna and Mercedes. Glenna was making a funny face like, ‘What the fuck is this?’ and Mercedes had a silly smile on her face. 

      Hope licked her lips, tried not to smile but couldn’t help it.

    “Where did you get this?”

     “I’m a magician,” he said in a sexy raspy voice. 

     She reached for it and put it to her nose.

        “How you doing?” He put his hands on his lap and nudged her with his arm. The flame in her stomach glowed bright, making her face appear flushed.

         “I’ve been good, working.”

          Shane leaned his head in and put his lips to her ear.

         “I’ve been waitin’ for your call.”

         Her arms broke out in chills against his rasping voice. It could have been awkward with the girls staring but Hope wasn’t so focused on them.

        “I’m sorry; I’ve been busy with work.” She twirled the rose in her hand.

       “Are you going to or will I be waitin’ forever?” He nudged her again, his head turned toward her.

       “Let’s do something.”

        “When?”

       She looked back at him.

       “Tonight, after this.”

          He stayed quiet a moment, just looking back at her face. He bit his lip and then put his leg against hers. She smiled.

         “Aight.” He looked up at the girls, barely acknowledging them now. “She’s going out with me after this, you heard it.”

         The girls still had the same expressions on their faces.

        “He’s a cute white boy,” Mercedes said, smiling and dimpling her cheek. 

             The situation was all around awkward. Dominic didn’t know what to think or how to feel. He saw Hope when she and Glenna swapped spots. Luckily Tristan hadn’t noticed but he did and so did Shane. Dominic couldn’t believe the balls Shane had. He blatantly got up and went over there to talk to her. Dominic felt a tiny bit at ease with the possibility Hope would never go for Shane. Sure, Shane was a nice guy and he made Hope laugh once or twice, but she would never go out with him. 

          Dominic cleared his throat as Shane got up sans the rose and suavely returned to the table. He acted like nothing, sticking a cigarette above one ear and flipping through the menu. This would be a hell of an interesting night.

            Hope explained to the girls her need to stick around after dessert. Mercedes and Glenna left and Hope stayed. Dominic and Shane saw the girls get up and leave. Not giving a straight fuck, Shane excused his self and slid back into the seat next to Hope. From where he sat, Dominic couldn’t see her. He could only see Shane’s leg.

               Tristan squeezed Dominic’s leg and went back to conversation. Dominic squeezed her shoulder back but kept his attention on the booth. Minutes passed and they dragged on like sandbags but eventually Shane stood up on his feet. Dominic’s heart pumped fast as Shane held out his hand. Shane pulled her up on her feet. She was laughing and they were holding hands. Hope walked ahead not once looking at Dominic or his friends. She was still smiling to herself; rose under her nose as she walked passed and breezed out the doors.

              This time Tristan saw her. She looked at Shane in confusion. He came back to the table and put a twenty on the table top.

             “Sorry boys, gotta bail.” He turned away and went out the doors.

           Tristan felt herself go up in flames. She looked at Dominic. He knew why she was looking at him. It was a test and one he couldn’t fail. But the situation was all around painful. He was trying to suppress all kinds of emotion.

           “Let’s get out of here,” Tristan said. She went through her purse for her compact mirror and lipstick. Dominic knew she wasn’t happy and he couldn’t blame her. She was trying her best to let it go and so far, she was doing well.

Out on the warm street, Shane and Hope held hands. He swung their arms up and down, making her feel childish. She didn’t care. The street was super black and shone red and gold, yellow and green. When the cars on the busy boulevard would speed by, a wind would gust over them, blowing her hair back. That last whiff smelled like motor oil and burnt rubber. 

          “Don’t you love that street smell?”

           Hope stopped suddenly and turned into him. Her eyes were low.

          “What up?” he said when she wouldn’t say anything. Right now she looked a little younger than her age. Maybe it was because she wasn’t wearing much makeup so her face had a glow with that matted shine.

           “Nothing,” she said, looking down and shaking her head.

         Dominic and Tristan stepped out. They both looked to the left and saw Shane and Hope a few yards away. Seconds later Shane and Hope linked hands again and carried on, headed up the street.

        Shane and Hope hit the bar -his idea- and within a short time Hope was already tipsy. They backtracked out of the casino and onto the hectic street. Before she knew it they were in the quiet of his car making out. She was hiking up her dress and he was working on his pants. Everything was spinning with Euphoria but still, that nagging in the back of her mind wouldn’t free up her head. She moved her breasts away from his face and sat back. Shane moved his hands away from his zipper and put them on her thighs.

       “What’s up?” he asked.

       She hiccupped. 

       “I don’t want to do this…here.”

      She climbed off him and sat in the passenger’s seat, buttoning the top buttons of her dress. Shane pulled his seat upright and zipped up his pants.

       “My place or yours?”

         Hope didn’t respond. She was staring through the windshield at a wall but it was Dominic she saw. She couldn’t get him out of her head. Everything she did, everywhere she went and there he was like sky. He wasn’t in the picture physically but he was dominating every thought in her mind and affecting every aspect of her life. She could feel him in her chest, in her veins, flowing through her head. For the first time in a long time she thought of killing herself because being love sick like this was a reminder of how harsh life can be and she wandered if she could ever do it.

        “Hello?”

        Hope blinked and looked at the stubble on his face, his heavy dark lashes draping his clear eyes. She thought of something crude Shamayla had told her a couple days before; that all Hope needed was “a good dickin” and she would forget about him altogether. But Hope felt sick literally, and fell out of the mood, even drunk.

    “Let’s take this slow. I don’t want to-I don’t want to move too fast.”

     Shane licked his lips and sighed.

    “All right,” he agreed, though he was frustrated on the inside. 

    “Why do you say it like that?”

      Apparently that inner frustration was showing. He was obviously disappointed and she hated that he was disappointed in her. She really wasn’t trying to come off as a tease. After all, guys make that sound like the worst thing in the world. She couldn’t understand why they always had to get all worked up over it. 

      “You’re upset with me because I don’t want to do this right now.”

      “Well,” he held his arms up in a shrug. “You go from sixty to zero in like, a second. It’s like we’re running and you stop and I haven’t realized it yet so I’m still running…”

      “Well you shouldn’t be expecting it.”

      He choked on his spit when he tried to retort.

     “You had your hands down my pants!”

     “You guys and your bullshit,” she said, shaking her head. “It hurts it hurts, yet you go to strip clubs.”

    He rolled his eyes.

   “Guys go to strip clubs to get their dicks up.”

     “Now that's pointless…”

     “Which is why I don’t do strip clubs.” 

    Her jaw clicked-she couldn’t think of any truths to back up her nonsensical front.

     Shane tried not to show it. He half smiled and dug in his pocket for chapstick.

     If she could bang Dominic seconds after meeting him, what the fuck?  They went at it in a public restroom! What was this “take it slow” bullshit she was spewing? He wanted to say this but he would ruin things up on the spot. So he wore the mask of indifference but she could see through it.

     “Do you even…” he motioned with his hands trying to find the right words. “…like me?”

   “Yes, yes,” she insisted.  “Of course I like you.”

    He liked hearing it but at the same time, he couldn’t fully believe it.

    “I would never try to push you into something like that…I wouldn’t. I just want to know that you feel me like that or not. Girl, I’m not one for head games.”

    She had her legs curled up on the seat, sitting sideways looking into his side profile.

   He didn’t want to look at her. He just couldn’t.

   “Yes,” she looked down at self, her coral dress against her cinnamon skin, to her thick and glossy false nails.

  “I do like you. But I need time. I have my reasons for walking before I run. It’s hard to put the brakes on Dominic, but I’m try… ing.”

 SH III TT.

She wondered if she really just said that, if she was really this stupid.

 “I’m an idiot,” she said, covering her face. 

“It’s cool,” he said flatly. “I figured. He’s still got a boner for you, too.”

 For the first time ever she could completely understand the cliché of the earth opening and swallowing her. She wished tonight hadn’t happened. Yeah, if she had just stayed home and stayed in bed all night, she wouldn’t be here in this dreadful position.

   She cracked open the passenger door and stepped out of the car. She turned around and knelt into the darkness of his car to pick up her shoes. She looked at him but his head was turned to the other way and he was biting his thumbnail. At a complete loss for words, she grabbed the rose, closed the door and walked bare feet to her car at the neighboring hotel/casino.

On her lonely stroll back to her car, the wind from cars on the street blew into her just it as it had earlier, but now it was cold. She turned away from the loud and animated world and went to her car. Inside it was dark and familiar. It was hers and she was safe now, away from it all. She reached in the center console for her paraphernalia. It was in a little black and purple sequined mini clutch. She popped it open and dug around the center console for her Bic. She glanced in her rear view mirror and when she was sure no one was around, lit up.

Her phone lit up in the dark car. She stared at it, Shane trying to reach her. She picked up.

“Where you parked?”

“Why?”

“You’re drunk. We both are. Let me get you a cab.”

Her eyes watered at the tone of his voice. Just earlier he sounded so happy. 

“Next door…come out of the garage, I’ll be outside.”

“I already am,” he replied.

She gathered her things and locked up her car. He was out on the sidewalk smoking, glassy eyes on all the cars flowing by. They said nothing to each other. He saw her into a taxi and closed the door after her. She saw him turn away without looking at her and head back to his car. She knew he was going to risk it and drive home. She felt real shitty, rolled down her window and let the air blow against her face.

            Tristan just wasn’t feeling it. She climbed off of Dominic and got on all fours. She couldn’t stand looking at him right now so she asked him to switch position. She closed her eyes for a moment but kept picturing him doing this with Hope, thinking for sure he was the one imagining Hope in his mind. She swept her hair behind her ear and rolled her eyes every time he reached around her and squeezed her breasts.  Out of nowhere she told Dominic to stop. 

 “Why?”

 “You pulled my hair. Just get the fuck off me.” She hastily pulled away from him and sat up on the edge of the bed. Dominic asked her what was wrong. She said “nothing” but obviously that was a lie. He moved aside and lay on his back, staring at the familiar ceiling above his bed. Tristan grabbed her shirt off the floor and pulled it over her head.

  “What’s wrong Tris?”

  What was wrong? Everything was wrong down to way he asked that question. It was out of frustration more than it was out of concern. Tristan hated when Dominic asked her that. Didn’t he know how good things would never be because of the whole Hope thing? Running into her tonight was awful. Tristan still felt sick at the sight of Hope. She was such a slut it angered Tristan to her core.

  “I don’t think I can do this,” she said, surprising herself.

       “What are you talkin’ about?” Dominic cocked his brow and stared at her.

       “I can’t get passed it.”

      “Oh come on Tristan! Are you serious with this shit?”

      “I can’t!” She hopped out of bed and grabbed her stuff off of the floor. “I can’t help it Dominic, it makes me sick. You make me sick right now.”