Damaged and the Dragon (12 page)

“
You don’t want me to touch
you. Touching me is okay though, right?”

Nick responded by tugging gently at my
nipples. Groaning, I smiled at him as my hand moved past my night
shorts.

“
You can make me feel
good,” I sighed. “Serve me, Nick.”

His smile spread as his lips met mine. I
kissed him hard, cupping his cheek with one hand while the other
teased between my legs. Nick’s lips left mine then sucked at my
throat, shoulders, and between my breasts, leaving wet kisses
behind. Sighing, I leaned back and waited with hungry anticipation
as his tongue christened my right nipple.

Kneeling next to the couch, Nick propped
himself over me as he lathered my tits with the kind of affection a
girl could get addicted to. I watched him through half open eyes
while my hand stroked my clit softly.

Unlike every guy before him, Nick wasn’t
throwing in a little foreplay before his big move. Instead, he
explored. Nick claimed me, making my body submit to his touch.

Time became fluid. I saw nothing beyond Nick
teasing my overheated flesh. How many orgasms did I enjoy without
him ever entering me? When his teeth teased my nipple, I lost
control and nearly ripped his clothes off. Reaching for him, I was
startled by how effortlessly he pinned my arms over my head while
his free hand slid into my shorts and returned me to bliss.

Nick’s name echoed in the apartment as I
cried it again and again.

“
Please,” I whimpered, “I
want you inside me.”

Nick didn’t respond with words. He just
smiled then sucked on the fingers he used to making me come.

“
You’re not ready,” I
mumbled, exhausted by so much pleasure. “I can wait as long as you
do that a lot.”

A smile on his lips, Nick kissed me. “You
never let go. Do you know that about yourself?”

“
What the hell are you
talking about?” I asked, trying to sound indignant, but he was
teasing my nipples and I really didn’t care about anything
else.

Nick’s gaze was soft as he explored me
leisurely. “You can’t see it, I guess. You’re on guard though. Even
when you’re coming, you don’t really let go. I don’t think you
trust me.”

“
Do you trust
me?”

Nick shook his head, tugging at my nipple.
“Not because of you. I don’t trust you because I don’t trust
anyone. Not even me. Do you trust people?”

“
I guess.”

“
Maybe you just don’t trust
men,” he murmured.

“
You’re not
men.”

Nick grinned. “No, I’m not.”

“
Want to play in my bed
where we can stretch out and my mom won’t walk in on
us?”

Saying nothing, Nick stood in an easy
movement and lifted me to my feet. I wrapped my arms around his
neck and climbed him, feeling how much he wanted to be inside me.
Despite his plans to keep his clothes on, I figured the night was
still young.

Thunderstorms always returned me to the
closet in the dirty trailer. Knees against my chest, I would hide
my face and pray for the noise to stop. As a boy, I cried from how
loud everything echoed in the closet. As I got older, I controlled
my tears, yet clenched my jaw so tightly I often hurt for days
afterwards.

Even after leaving the trailer and moving to
Ellsberg, I struggled for control when thunderstorms rolled
through. In class once, I spent an hour digging a pen into my hand
to distract from the crack of lightning and crash of thunder.

Sitting in Bailey’s apartment, I heard the
approaching storm and knew I should leave. Yet the moment I glanced
at the door to make my escape, Bailey’s expression changed.

“
You want to
leave?”

“
I should probably head
out.”

“
Mom’s bringing
food.”

“
A storm is coming. I
better head out.”

“
Stay the night,” she
whined in a soft voice. “You already spent the night when I was
sick. Why not now?”

Desperate to leave, I paced to the door.
Bailey stood behind me and the will of her personality kept me from
turning the knob. I looked into her beautiful blue eyes and forced
out the truth.

“
I hate thunderstorms,” I
said and she nodded like she understood, but I knew she didn’t. “I
get tense in them. I can’t relax and I don’t want to ruin your
night.”

“
I don’t care if you’re
tense. I want you to stay.”

Taking her face in my hands, I was barely
able to breathe as the storm approached.

“
As a kid, I hid during
thunderstorms. I couldn’t think or talk to anyone. I still get
scared. Do you get it? I can’t be your boyfriend and watch a movie.
I’m like a fucking baby, needing to hide in the fucking corner and
wait for the storm to pass. When the thunder and lightning really
kicks in… Acting like that at my place doesn’t make me feel like
such a loser, but here with you…”

“
I don’t care,” she said,
caressing my hands which still held her face. “I want to be with
you, Nick. I have a lot of ideas about what can happen between us.
Big things like being together forever. You always run though. You
pull away and put up these walls. I don’t care though. Not about
you being scared or needing to sit in a corner. I want to love you.
I think I really can and that means I need to accept everything
about you. Not just Dragon or nice guy Nick. I accept that you come
with baggage from your fucked up childhood. You accept my baggage
and I didn’t even have a bad childhood. I had everything and I
still get weird. Let me accept even the stuff you don’t like about
yourself.”

“
I’m a grown man,” I said,
frustrated to show her weakness. “I know the damn thunderstorm
isn’t going to hurt me”

“
That’s not true. They kill
people every year.”

“
Bailey…”

“
Am I just a hot girl you
want to bang or do you think we could be more?”

“
You know you’re more to
me.”

“
Then let me see the real
you. If I am going to be an asshole about your hang-ups, why not
get the whole thing out of the way and not waste time? I know I
won’t and I want you to know too.”

Kissing her softly, I relaxed in her
familiar taste and embrace. I wanted to stay with her. Where else
would feel as good as with my girl? I just didn’t want to look like
a pussy in front of woman who grew up surrounded by badasses.

“
When I was a kid,” I said
quietly, “the storms were so loud and the whole trailer would shake
like it was going to be torn apart. I’d see other people getting
ready for the storms. They’d keep their kids close, but I was alone
most of the time. I would hide in the closet and wait for the storm
to end. Even now, I feel like I’m back there.”

“
It’s PTSD,” she said,
tugging me away from the door and to the living room. “You’re
reliving a trauma. My shrink told me about it when I asked her
about Tawny’s issues. Like how she and Farah can get really weird
when a lot of bikers are around. They know Cooper and Judd would
never let anything happen to them, but they still get jittery. They
aren’t fully in the present, Dr. Dee said. That’s your problem too.
You hear the thunder and you’re back in the trailer as a scared
little boy. No rational thinking is gonna convince you
otherwise.”

“
I’m sorry.”

Bailey gave me a soft smile. “For having
shitty parents? That’s not your fault anymore than I deserve good
ones. It was the luck of the draw. You did get lucky by meeting me
because I’m super smart and sensitive and all.”

“
You are sensitive,” I
said, running my fingers along the seam of her pale blue
tee.

When Bailey squirmed under my touch, I loved
the look in her eyes. Something between lust and love.

Reaching for her, I stopped when thunder
shook the apartment. My skin broke out in heat and I ran my hands
through my hair instead of touching her.

“
This is a good corner,”
she said softly, moving to the counter overhang. “The wall isn’t an
outside one and doesn’t shake as much as the others. It’s a good
corner to sit in.”

“
Bailey,” I muttered,
wishing to leave so she wouldn’t see me afraid like a
child.

“
Sit down here and I’ll put
on a movie. I’ll sit on the couch and we’ll be together. That’s
better than you driving home in the storm and being
alone.”

Giving up, I dropped on my ass with a thump
while Bailey knelt in front of me. “Take off your shoes so I know
you won’t leave. I feel needy, but don’t hold that against me,
okay? You still like me even though I’m messed up and stuff,
right?”

I smiled. “You’re not what I thought,” I
said and she instantly assumed the worst. “You’re better in every
way.”

“
That’s true,” Bailey said,
covering her insecurity. She stood up and sighed. “I’m going to get
a drink. Do you need anything?”

I shook my head while kicking off my shoes.
The wind had picked up and now shook everything with a fury.
Leaning my head against knees, I focused on the clean scent of the
apartment. This wasn’t the dirty trailer and I wasn’t a boy
anymore. My dad wouldn’t show up and pound on me. I no longer had
to worry about his friends smacking me around either. I was safe
with the girl of my dreams who was pointing her butt at me.
Enjoying the view, I watched Bailey search her collection of
Blu-rays.

When she turned around, I noticed an odd
look on her beautiful face.

“
I don’t judge you,” she
said, walking towards me with a movie behind her back. “Promise you
won’t judge me.”

“
Why?” I asked, suspicious
now.

“
This is my favorite movie,
but no one knows. It’s my secret and I’m sharing it with you
because I trust you. Do you trust me?”

Nodding, I tilted my head to see the movie
behind her back. When she kept it hidden, I added, “I promise.”

Bailey sighed and showed me the movie. When
I just smiled, she sighed again, sounding relieved this time.

“
The Santa
Clause
?” I said, smiling wider. “You’re
sweet.”

“
It makes me happy.
Whenever I feel down, I watch it and life gets better.”

“
Maybe it’ll work for
me?”

Smiling at my comment, Bailey hurried to the
player. While she set up the movie, I focused on her rather than
the storm.

I’d never seen the movie before, but I
watched it with the eyes of a child rather than the skeptical eyes
of a nineteen year old. It wasn’t difficult whenever I looked at a
smiling Bailey. She laughed a lot even though the jokes must be
tired after so many viewings. Watching the movie with her, I
allowed the scared little boy to enjoy something he might have once
found funny.

An hour in, I had joined her on the couch.
Every snap of thunder tensed me, but I concentrated on the movie’s
sweetness and Bailey’s warm body against mine. By the time the
movie was over, I didn’t jump at every crack of thunder. Bailey
helped me remain in the present when my past wanted to destroy me.
She was much more than I ever dreamed and I needed to make her
mine.

The storm raged for the rest of the night
and into the morning. I loved sleeping when it rained, but Nick
remained on edge. Every time I comforted him, he jerked away. If I
gave him space, he calmed enough to rest closer to me on the
bed.

Whenever I felt insecure about him refusing
my touch, I remembered how he whispered my name in his sleep. I
also thought about how I’d comforted him the night before without
using sex or jokes. I was able to be gentle in a way I normally
didn’t have in me.

I woke up later in the morning to find my
cold had passed and Nick was gone from the bed. With the heavy
winds and rain, I nearly missed the sound of running water.

Opening the door to the shower, I saw Nick
scrubbing his already red arms. I turned down the scalding water
and started to speak until his expression stopped me.

“
I need to be
alone.”

I nearly left him to clean his already clean
body. Tawny also got in her weird moods where she needed to be
alone or only wanted to be around Judd. I understood people like
Nick and the Smith sisters were raised fucked up, leaving them with
real problems, not insecurities about bra sizes.

I refused to leave Nick though. His
happiness was my responsibility, so I stripped out of my nightgown
and joined him in the shower.

Nick moved into the corner, trying to hide
himself.

“
You don’t have to hide
from me. I’ve seen your scars.”

“
In the Thunderdome. That’s
not me. That’s Dragon. I don’t feel like Dragon. I
feel…”

Nick couldn’t finish. His expression was
filled with such self-loathing that I wanted to hunt down his
father and make him pay. Going homicidal wouldn’t help Nick
though.

“
I never see Dragon,” I
said, stepping closer and placed my hands against the long healed
scars on his chest. “I always see Nick and you’re the one I
want.”

Nick didn’t budge from the corner of the
shower. “Even after living here for a year, I can still smell the
old trailer. I can never wash it off.”

My fingers slid over the circular scars on
his bicep that I suspected were cigarette burn marks. I’d seen one
on the back of Winnie’s right hand. She told me that before the
Todds saved her she was worth no more than an ashtray.