Damaged and the Dragon (10 page)

“
Maybe he thinks you’re
special and wants to make your first time all special and shit?
He’s no virgin either. In fact, I heard he got a lot of play when
he started fighting. He’s not fucking around now, but he wasn’t
hurting for chicks in the past. Plus, you’ve been around the block
a few billion times.”

“
Hey!”

Raven laughed. “Point is the first time
isn’t going to be special just because his scarecrow enters your
pumpkin patch.”

Frowning at her wording, I noticed a mom and
her horde of kids approaching.

“
I just want things to work
out with Nick,” I said as the kids passed. “I’ve had a thing for
him for over a year. This is my chance and I don’t want to scare
him away or bore him or whatever. I just want him to be mine and
stay with me forever.”

“
Don’t tell him that. He’ll
get scared and run.”

“
Duh. What do I tell him to
keep him though?”

Raven let go of her hair and hugged me to
her. “Babe, it either happens or it doesn’t. There’s no forcing
these things. Trust me. I wasted a lot of time on guys that weren’t
the one. When the guy and you click, things happen even if you’re
not ready. If Nick’s not the one, no magic words will make him the
guy for you.”

“
That’s not what I want to
hear.”

“
I know, but I won’t set
you up to feel bad by telling you that you can make something
happen when you can’t. If it doesn’t work with Nick, that’s not on
you. It’s just life.”

We returned to the store where Maddy sat
next to Winnie on the bench. They both looked bored.

“
Nothing here fits my
style.”

“
Hey, when you say the
wedding will be redneck chic, will a banjo play as you walk down
the aisle?” I asked.

Raven gasped. “Ooh, I dare
you to have them play
Cotton Eyed
Joe
on the banjo.”

“
Not that redneck,” Maddy
muttered. “I do think a banjo would be a good idea.

“
I was only kidding,” I
said, leaning against a laughing Raven.

“
I know,” Winnie whispered
and Maddy leaned closer, “a guy in a blue grass band. He plays the
banjo at our church.”

Maddy smiled softly, putting on her mom
face. “That would be great. Do you think you can get him to call me
so I can see if he and his band can play the wedding?”

Winnie nodded then peeked up at me for
reassurance. Giving her a nod, I didn’t understand why she was so
edgy lately. For weeks, she followed me around like a confident
puppy. Now, her tail was wedged fully between her legs. Luckily for
us both, I didn’t express this question out loud. I sensed she
wouldn’t have liked it and I was already feeling bad enough without
adding guilt to the mix.

The Thunderdome had a single locker room, so
the girls were forced to show up in their fight gear or change in
front of guys. Sometimes, their friends acted as a human curtain
while the fighter dressed. The new girl came alone and she came
dressed to fight.

Nearby, I sat on a bench
and read
Moby Dick
. I was supposed to read the book in high school, but the
teacher went out on maternity leave and her replacement let the
classes run themselves. To ensure we passed the tests, she also
gave us the answers. The easiest class I ever enjoyed now meant I
needed to read
Moby Dick
in between head injuries and dating
Bailey.

The new girl stretched and I caught sight of
her face. Until then, she had kept her back to me as if I might
attack her if she accidently made eye contact. With her blonde hair
out of the way, I recognized her, but couldn’t place a name. She
was likely a freshman I saw on the quad.

“
Don’t stretch too much,” I
said, looking at my book. “I saw a girl strain a muscle in her
warm-up. It hurt her ability to run during the match and she lost
pretty quickly.”

“
I don’t plan to run,” she
muttered, but I heard more anxiety in her voice than
anger.

“
No one plans to run until
their crazy opponent runs at them. It’s only natural to move the
hell out of the way.”

She smiled softly. “I’ll keep that in
mind.”

After she sat on the bench, I set aside my
book. “I’m Nick.”

“
Joy. I’ve seen you fight
once. The guy was huge, but you beat him.”

“
Huge is code for
slow.”

“
He didn’t seem slow,” she
said, grinning. “You have any advice?”

“
Not really. Everyone has
their own style. I’m not the fastest and I’m certainly not the
strongest. My strength is an ability to take a punch and pretend my
opponent is the person I hate the most in the world.”

As Joy studied me, I noticed her relaxing.
“You focus your anger on the person you’re fighting?”

“
You’ll be surprised how
much energy pure rage will give you.”

Axel poked his head into the room and
gestured towards Joy. “It’s time.”

Smiling at me, she disappeared out of the
door. The silence of the locker room allowed me to think about
Bailey. About how much I’d wanted her, yet how I couldn’t overcome
my self-disgust when she touched me.

The reality was I never fucked a girl with
my shirt off. Even when they wanted to see the tattoo, I showed
them from afar. Up close, they’d see the old scars. Pity was the
best case scenario. The worst was the chick that noticed the scars
in the locker room and said they turned her on.

Irritated after thinking about those past
girls, I decided to watch Joy fight a tall skinny girl with huge
hands. I apparently missed a few solid hits because both girls were
bleeding. Joy backed away from the taller girl and dodged her punch
before running to the other side of the cage.

The crowd didn’t much care about the skills
of the female fighters. They enjoyed watching pretty girls running
around in skimpy clothes. While Joy got a laugh from the crowd
every time she ran away, the skinny girl grew more frustrated and
frenzied. For a while, nothing happened and the crowd lost their
fire.

Joy only needed one good hit to win. She
didn’t even knock out her opponent. By the time the punch came,
Skinny Girl was worn down and ready to stop fighting.

Winning her first match, Joy saw me and
smiled. I returned her grin. Women like Joy never intimidated me.
Bailey did because I needed her. The others could shit on me and I
didn’t really care. Take them or leave them, my life went on.

Not with Bailey though. She was special, yet
I couldn’t let her close.

My father took a normal kid and turned him
into trash. Dragon wanted more, demanded it really, but I was just
Nick with Bailey. Poor white trash with small dreams and a scarred
back only barely better than the horror show in my head, I didn’t
deserve her.

The guy who stood before me
smiled awkwardly and asked for me to take it easy on him.
Don’t hurt me too bad, Dragon, he
said
. The moment he said the words, I knew
he would cheat. Bite, spit, and go for my balls. His plan was
written all over his face.

Instead of facing this dweeb, I imagined my
father before me. Dad knew how to lie and hide the monster inside
him. He also knew how to fight like a man. The only thing he ever
taught me was to take and throw a punch.

Within two minutes, I left the dweeb
sprawled on the ground. A short dull fight for the crowd, but I
didn’t care. I needed to leave the noise of the Thunderdome and
ride on my Harley. Completely free, I owed no one. If I drove fast
enough, I might even be free of myself.

After two days without seeing Nick, I was
depressed. Finally when we could go out, I needed to bail on our
date when my recent lethargy turned out to be the first symptom of
a cold. Calling Nick to tell him I was sick and couldn’t go out to
dinner, I swore he sounded relieved. I hung up and cried for long
enough to get so stuffed up that I could barely breathe.

Mom brought me a few boxes of tissues and a
bag full of cold medicine. After she made me soup and tucked me in
bed, I dozed off to her humming Alan Jackson.

I woke later to knocking at the door.
Peering out the curtain, I found Nick wearing another tee too small
for his current chest size. He looked yummy and I felt crummy.
Checking myself in the mirror, I panicked at him seeing me all
red-nosed and bleary-eyed.

Ignoring his knock didn’t make him leave,
though it did draw the attention of the dogs. The idea of them
eating my dream guy finally overruled my vanity and I opened the
door.

“
I’m sick,” I said, peeking
out. “I don’t want you to catch it.”

“
Hello, Bailey,” Nick
replied, ignoring my crabbiness. “I missed you.”

My chest soared at the sound of those three
little words. “I missed you too.”

“
I’ve come to take care of
you.”

“
I’m sick,” I said again
like a dope.

“
I have no work,” he
murmured, pressing softly on the door. “All caught up on my
studies. Nothing to do, but think about you over here sick and
needing attention.”

“
You’ll get
sick.”

Nick responded by kissing me softly. Before
I could complain, he deepened the kiss while nudging me back into
the apartment. Once the door was closed and locked, he smiled and
our lips parted.

“
Were you
sleeping?”

“
Yes. I’m all gross,
Nick.”

“
Look at your pink nose,”
he said, caressing the chapped tip. “Do you want to rest
more?”

“
You’re going to sit around
while I sleep?”

“
I could take a nap too. I
even promise not to feel you up while you’re out.”

“
You want to share the
bed?”

Nick finally stopped smiling. “Do you not
want me to?”

“
Well, I just don’t want
you to get sick.”

“
Too late to worry about
that now,” he said, kissing me again.

Groggy from the cold meds and confused by
Nick’s sudden affections, I followed him to the bedroom where he
kicked off his shoes.

“
Need anything before we
crash?” he asked then flopped on the bed when I shook my head.
“Comfy.”

The relaxed expression on Nick’s face sent
me rushing towards the bed. He looked so open to the idea of us
being close. I couldn’t wait to spend time with him, even if I was
sleeping for most of it.

“
Are you sure you don’t
need anything?” he asked, resting on his side and caressing my
face.

“
I didn’t want you to see
me looking gross, but I’m really glad you came.”

Nick studied me. “I suck at relationships
and I know I’m messing up things with us. So despite my idiot moves
the other night, I hope you see how much I don’t want to lose
you.”

“
I do see,” I lied, wanting
to touch him. I kept my hands to myself and watched him instead. At
some point, I dozed off. When I woke up, Nick was
sleeping.

I never noticed how long his lashes were
until his eyes were closed. My fingers ached to touch them. I
wanted to explore his cheeks and lips. Even needing to touch him, I
stopped myself.

After sneaking off to the bathroom where I
washed up and checked for booger issues, I returned to find Nick
still asleep. He almost looked like a stranger when he slept. I
never realized how much tension he held in his jaw.

Watching him sleep, I struggled to
understand his hot and cold routine. If he were any other guy, I’d
have dumped his ass at the first mixed signal. Nick was special
though.

I downed a dose of cold medicine then
cuddled under the blanket and watched him sleep. My mind returned
to Cooper’s early complaints about Farah.

My brilliant brother thought his newest
conquest was playing with him. Her hot and cold moods were just
games to keep his attention. Cooper bitched about Farah, but
refused to give up. He wanted her. He also needed her to want him.
Like usual, Cooper pushed too hard and nearly lost her.

I thought about my brother hurting Nick and
my rage bubbled. Normally, I always took my family’s side over any
outsider, but not with Nick. I knew Cooper was wrong. I just didn’t
know why. Not really. I thought he was an idiot for losing his mind
over a girl who played with his emotions.

Farah wasn’t playing and Cooper learned to
help her. I knew Nick wasn’t playing either. He wanted me and I
wanted him. It was simple, but I needed to be patient.
Unfortunately for Nick and me, I sucked at patience.

Loneliness was a common symptom of my
upbringing that I’d learned to ignore. By high school, I didn’t
seek out close friends. Keeping everything casual, I didn’t let
people close. I refused to be in a position to answer questions
about my scars or asshole dad. Desperate to pretend I was someone
else, I found lies were easier when I kept people at a
distance.

Bailey wasn’t people though. She was mine. I
felt it in my gut, but that didn’t make letting her close any
easier.

For a few hours in Bailey’s bed, I slept
better than I had in years. Closing my eyes to the image of
Bailey’s bleary eyes and red nose, I felt safe. I dozed off to the
aroma of her summery scent mixed with Vicks.

Waking later, I found Bailey snoring
quietly. She looked like a very stuffed up baby drooling on her
pillow while breathing through her mouth. Even sick, she was too
beautiful for a guy like me.