Damaged and the Dragon (25 page)

Returning to Ellsberg, we moved into our
renovated farmhouse just outside of town. Every room torn down to
its studs, the place was essentially brand new. The summer after
college and before I started teaching at St. Joseph’s Catholic
Academy was a tranquil one. Bailey and I spent most of our time
lounging at the house and learning to bowl so we might beat Vaughn
and Raven. The latter goal was never to be realized.

A year later, Bailey decided we should have
a baby. Only a few months later, she was carrying our first boy
while I struggled with the fear of turning into my father. Of
course, nine months felt like forever. By the time of his birth, I
was more than ready to see my boy.

Unable to tell my sexy pregnant wife no, we
named our first son after me. I did worry having two Nickolas
Davies in the house might prove confusing, but Bailey had that
covered.

Bubba began our tradition of giving the boys
a normal “N” name then calling them a “B” nickname. Each following
two years apart, Nathan and Noah went by Butch and Buzz.

Mothering didn’t come naturally to Bailey.
Fortunately, Bubba was born at the end of the school year and I
could be home to help. Despite declaring being a mom was her thing,
Bailey just couldn’t get the hang of the noise and Bubba cried a
lot. Like his mommy, the boy had a temper. Jodi and Maddy helped a
lot. Between the three of us, we kept Bailey from going nuts as she
suffered post partum depression made worse by her inability to
connect with the mini-her.

One day like the sun breaking through the
clouds after a long storm, Bailey and Bubba bonded. Once he smiled
at her, she was hooked on the little guy. By the time Buzz came
along and displayed a similar stubborn streak, Bailey was an ace at
outlasting his temper.

Yet Butch was all me. He even had my dark
hair unlike his brothers. Butch was slow to try new things, shy
around people, and hung back when playing with his rowdy cousins.
Sly as hell though, he was never found during hide and seek.

With Butch as my shadow, I did everything I
could to give him the confidence I never had growing up. A
confidence I only found when I let Bailey close. Cooper warned me
that his sister came with baggage, but she really brought a whole
amazing life with her.

The first time I saw Bailey, I just wanted
her to know I existed. In the end, I could only survive when she
held my heart in her hands. Bailey Fucking Johansson was my
salvation.

One of my family’s traditions was RVing for
several weeks each summer. We travelled all over the country and to
Canada. Growing up, Nick didn’t have any traditions besides his
father getting drunk on Christmas Eve and screaming that Santa was
dead. My man never knew what he was missing until he spent a few
weeks in a rented RV. After following around my parents and
brothers, Nick became a believer.

Eventually, we bought a RV that I named
Bailey’s Badass Bus. Our three boys loved driving the RV everywhere
even to the grocery store. During the summers, they viewed the
world the way I did growing up. We ate at campgrounds, sat around
fire pits until late at night, and played in hotel pools.

Bubba and Buzz took to water like me while
Butch and Nick were more likely to sit with their feet in the
water. Nick and his shadow smiled in unison whenever they caught me
looking at them. In those moments, I wasn’t sure how I managed to
get so lucky, but I hoped the blessings never ended.

Taking time away from managing the family’s
legit businesses, I also gave Cooper slack on the RVing trips. In
Ellsberg, I was always on his ass, protecting my assets. As the
head of the club and family’s less legit businesses, he was always
putting my stuff second. Our relationship involved a lot of fit
throwing and silent treatments. Occasionally, objects were thrown
and offensive nicknames given. On our family trips away from home,
we returned to brother and sister. Objects were still thrown and
names were still given, but we laughed a lot more and screamed
considerably less.

Cooper and Farah decided four cuties were
enough for their family when they welcomed their final daughter
only weeks before I had Butch. Audrey reminded me of Sawyer as a
baby. Quiet, devious with a hint of evil, they were both prettier
than angels.

I never regretted not having a daughter. I
liked being the queen of an all male family. As much as love
soothed me, I never quite got over my need to be the center of the
whole fucking universe. For Nick and my boys, I was just that.

The summer after Buzz’s first birthday, we
drove to the Grand Canyon to appease Cooper who humped the place
even more than he did Farah. Aaron and Lark came along with their
three rugrats. The tattoo artist claimed Cooper wanted the Grand
Canyon on his ass, but my brother never took the plunge. Instead, I
heard he wanted his butt spotless for Farah’s hickeys.

On the trip, Raven was pregnant with
Vaughn’s seventh kid and I figured child birth at that point would
be her farting and the kid falling out. How they dealt with so many
wild kids I’d never understand. Hell, I couldn’t even tell all of
their blond offspring apart.

Tawny and Judd were especially silly that
summer as a result of their water pistol obsession. They were
forever chasing each other around with their kids toddling after
them. Protective of her big brother, Heidi was known to shoot
anyone in the face who gave him less than complete adoration. One
day, Heidi and Audrey would likely rule or ruin the world. Evil
geniuses the both of them, I suspected they would con Bubba and
Butch to be their henchmen. Yep, keep the world domination plans in
the family.

During that trip, Maddy and Tucker
celebrated nearly ten years together. We all celebrated since no
one figured they’d last. Love made fools of logic, I guess. Scarlet
was still a wild beauty while their son Jack might have been the
dumbest smart kid I’d ever met. He was reading before kindergarten,
yet struggled with push/pull doors. Common sense was never going to
be his friend.

Sawyer and I stopped hating each other when
she turned ten. I never knew why she didn’t seem so awful anymore,
but we often talked for hours. Mostly about my life since it was my
favorite subject. When she was a teen, we’d talk about boys which
were her favorite subjects by then.

During those road trips, Pop and Mom watched
over us all like the protective parents they never stopped being.
We grew up and they backed off, but I never forgot they had my
back. Nick’s too. My parents still babied him, giving him the love
he never had growing up. Pop introduced him as one of his boys and
Mom was always feeding him. Nick looked at them in the same way as
our boys looked at us.

Love wasn’t something Nick knew growing up
and he struggled with it when we first dated. Eventually, he was a
man in love with his life. His wife and sons. His extended family
and friends. His school and teaching. He even loved riding the
lawnmower shirtless while I watched and thought about how I might
reward all that sexiness.

Nick no longer feared his shitty past or how
it might taint his future. He was mine and I gave him peace. I was
his and he gave me confidence. Nick no longer hid behind Dragon. He
wasn’t the scared kid versus the brave fighter. Everything good and
bad about Nick was rolled into one amazing man and our happy lives
together were just beginning.

Living in Indiana with my three sweet
sons, two wacky cats, one super mom (and her ugly dog), I love
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***Bijou Hunter is the
pseudonym of author Angela Horn.