Cursed (3 page)

He smacked me in the arm frowning, “Dude did you
see the Facebook posts coming off my mom lately?” I smiled at him
calling me dude. I shook my head as he took off on a tangent.

“Clearly people don’t get the whole its for
connecting or reconnecting with people, its not twitter. My mom has
what she ate for lunch yesterday, she has that she went to her yoga
class, she has that she bought a new bra and for her friends to
check that store out. WTF dude, like what the hell. I told her that
from now on I’m posting everything I do in a day.”

His face was red as he ranted, I loved his
rants.

“I told her tomorrow my Facebook is going to
read, “Blake McGinnis had a great shit today, came out with very
little pushing. I just want to thank Kellogg’s for upping the fiber
count in the cereal.”

I started to laugh again as we walked to the
nerd table where the other nerds raised eyebrows at me
laughing.

“I think then about three hours later I will
put, “Blake McGinnis just held his cat Chuck down and sniffed his
neck fur.”

I couldn’t even stop myself if I wanted to; the
laughing was starting to actually get quite painful.

His arms flailed about now, “Then I think at
around seven I will post, ‘Blake McGinnis is questioning his
humanity and had a bad thought about his neighbors.’ Then at least
my mom will have something to think about. Jesus I get tired of
reading this crap.”

I smiled thinking about something other than
myself for a few moments and just enjoyed Blake’s friendship.

That was the moment, on that day in that moment
I felt like the Grinch as my chest expanded and my heart seemed to
shake off its icy winter coat and let a small amount of the spring
sunlight in. I didn’t know what to do with the new sense of freedom
I was having inside of me but suddenly the school looked brighter,
I noticed the other kids talking and making movements which before
I would have ignored obsessively.

After lunch we walked into class and for a split
second I felt a tiny amount of peace, Mr. Mac was smiling at the
class explaining how to get ready for our latest experiment. The
sunlight shone into through the windows and the air sparkled with
dust and inspiration.

For the first time without feeling like I had
betrayed my mom I looked forward to something. Chemistry was my
favorite class and not for the same reason as all the other girls
which was Mr. Mac looked much more like a student than a teacher
having only graduated with his masters two years before.

He was very handsome but I only noticed it after
my sister pointed it out. Something about his face didn’t do it for
me, he was handsome but not my type.

I loved the reaction of chemicals and the
predictability that came with knowing the elements. It was a
controlled environment. Blake loved the class too but he loved it
because Mr. Mac was Blake’s hero, he held three degrees and a
masters by the time he was twenty-four.

On the way home from school I took a detour
instead of the bus or a ride with Satan, aka Alise. The long road
never cleared with huge trees on either side of it and thick brush
on the edges of the forest making it impassible.

I felt a small sense of serenity as I saw the
spot and smiled knowing my mom was waiting for me. The wind blew my
long blond hair up in the air like a tornado was sucking it up as
the cold concrete froze my legs but I tried to ignore it all as I
talked to my mom.

I had gathered the new dandelions of the year in
my pocket on the way to her spot and was making myself a crown as I
sat there talking.

“So then Mr. Mac said that I could just do my
own project since my partner wasn’t there, again. God I don’t know
what’s up with her but it’s been like four classes and she’s still
sick. Maybe it’s the plague. I really like Mr. Mac mom, he treats
us like people not students. He is an actual chemist too, not a gym
teacher filling in a spot.”

I finished my crown and placed it on my head as
a tear rolled down my cheek, “there mom just like you made.” I
pushed back my pain and smiled, my mom didn’t need to see me sad
like that all the time.

Suddenly it was there, the warm wind.

My skin lifted with a shiver as I closed my eyes
and let the wind surround my. I knew people made fun of the fact I
would go and sit on the side of the road beside the tree where I’d
made the mark.

The fact my mom hadn’t died anywhere near this
spot was what made me the town weirdo but in truth someone had died
in this spot, I had, which was why I was haunting it.

Twenty-eight hundred people only populated the
little seaside hamlet of a Town. In Port Mackenzie everyone noticed
when Don James’s quiet daughter sat on the side of the road talking
to a tree.

I looked at the mark on the tree feeling
slightly ashamed of hurting it that way. There in the torn bark and
skin of the tree was my blood making a cross. I had pulled and
ripped the bark in a panic cutting my hands up so I would never
lose this spot. The spot where my moms warm wind had hugged me for
the first time. I was surprised that the blood hadn’t washed away
in the winter rains but the tree held onto enough color that I
could always find it. The bloodstain was old and brown now but if
you knew where to look you could see the cross faintly. Maybe the
tree knew I needed it so it stopped the rain from washing it all
away. I smiled at the tree grateful someone understood me.

I sat there staring at the mark realizing I had
come a long way in the last few months and soon I would be normal
again, I could feel it, my heart was healing.

Blake was part to blame with his funny sarcastic
ways that cheered my up even when I resisted. I smiled thinking
about him distractedly. I wondered if we would ever become lovers
or if we would just get married. I knew we were perfect for each
other; it just made sense and really all that was in the way was
both of us were unbearably shy and inexperienced. I had wanted a
boyfriend for a while before my moms’ accident, something romantic
like an Austen movie but I just couldn’t face the feelings I was
having now that I didn’t have a mom to give me advice.

Slightly betraying my mom I felt a tear drip
down my cheek.

“Mom I can’t fight it much longer. I can’t stay
sad forever. I’m really trying to honor you and I know this isn’t
what you would have wanted but I don’t know how else to see you.” I
heaved slightly, “I see Alise so happy and normal and I hate her.
If I’m not sad do I miss you the same amount?”

I let the tears fall staring down at the cement
trying to see the design my splashed made on the concrete. I felt a
cool wind suddenly twirl around me and it felt like the winds of
change would. Refreshing and energizing. I knew my mom would want
me to be happy.

I stood up feeling blood rushing back into my
legs with painful pins and needles, “Love you mom. See you soon
k.”

I enjoyed feeling the blood find its way back
into my legs, it felt like a small sacrifice to the pain my mom had
felt. I walked letting the cramping leave my legs one step at a
time like the aching pain did in my heart.

When I got home my sister was pouting in the
corner with a face that could devastate a coastline. Our father had
put her on restricted party attendance in the last month. Alise
hadn’t been to a party in four weeks, which no doubt was starting
to affect her most popular girl in school status. Our father was a
marine biologist so his sympathies didn’t lie with social
standing.

Her big silver eyes glistened as if she had been
crying which wouldn’t surprise me, she would pull out all the stops
to get her way. Thus far I had seen fainting, holding breath,
screaming, not talking to people for months on end, refusal to eat
or drink, and many many more dramatics all in the pursuit of her
eternal happiness that always seemed to last about an hour.

I rolled my eyes as my sisters’ gaze fixed on me
seeing the desperation click into action and an evil plan formed in
the mind of the feeble but wickedly scheming brat.

Pretending to be grasping at straws she went for
the back up plan she no doubt had been holding onto for the entire
afternoon but acted now as if it were impromptu, “There is a party
tonight, at Shane’s house. It’s a party Aims, a fun party. Come on.
Pretty pleeeasse. How can the girlfriend not be at the party? This
could end our relationship. He could cheat on me or think I’m lying
about not being allowed and think I’m cheating. My entire happiness
is riding on this party.”

My heart dropped, of course that was why Shane
had asked me to go to his party. It hurt but I knew it made sense.
He wanted his girlfriend at the party.

I squeezed my lips together and thought about
Blake. Blake was the one who was right for me.

She begged on her hands and knees on the floor
pouting her perfectly glossed lips at me like I was a boy under her
spell and batting her lashes like butterfly wings.

“You know I’m a girl right?” I asked shaking my
head in disgust although I had to confess the idea of being at
Shane’s house did make my stomach do a little flip. Looking down at
my stomach I grimaced, traitor. What was wrong with me? First a
heart flip for Blake and now a stomach flip for Shane, my sisters’
boyfriend, it was like emotional whoring.

“Hardly Aims.” Alise sneered at me but seeing
the look of revulsion on my face she opted to go back to batting
her eyelashes at me once more.

I rolled my eyes at her again, “Your pouty lips
and eyelashes do nothing for me.”

I grabbed a cookie and some chocolate soymilk,
“Besides I have plans tonight.” I finished my snack and walked to
the counter in the kitchen to put my empty glass of soymilk down on
the bar.

I could see her eyes twitching as her poor
simple brain worked over time trying desperately to come up with a
new back up plan.

“Aimee I can’t go without you. If you go I will
give you a hundred dollars.”

I could see her regret it as she said it but the
poor little hamster that moved the thoughts around in my sisters
tiny little brain was clearly on a smoke break.

Alise knew she not only had no money to follow
through on the promise she made but that I didn’t care about money
in anyway, shape or form.

When Alise saw my expression she desperately
blurted, “I’ll do your laundry and be nice to you for a month. Even
at school.”

I squeezed my lips together contemplating the
possibility, “Ok deal but you have to be nice to me and Blake for a
month and do my laundry properly according to washing instructions
and drive me anywhere I want. And I want drink service tonight,
nothing nasty or filled with booze but good drinks all night,
handed to me from your hand to mine. And I’m bringing Blake tonight
and you have to drive us to the party as you would any other
friend.”

Alise stuck her hand out excitedly, “Deal.”

I walked past her not taking her hand, “Like I
would touch that hand, please I know where your hands go. Besides
you have no honor. I will draw up a contract and I’ll tell Blake to
be ready for eight.”

She laughed, “You’re a bitch Aimee, a funny
bitch no less. Eight sounds like it’s on.”

She jumped up and down excitedly.

I went to my room to decide on an outfit for the
night.

I wanted to go to the party.

That was new, not since my moms’ accident new
but since forever.

I had never been the party type.

Maybe tonight would be the night Blake would at
least try to kiss me and we could start our courting before
university as I had planned.

I had never been kissed and it seemed like the
most amazing experience when it happened in the movies. The idea of
kissing Blake didn’t make me feel like the world would stop to give
notice to our kiss but I knew he was right for me. One side of me
was reasonable and the other was romantic, just like my
parents.

I just didn’t know which side should win in the
case of romance.

I looked at myself in the mirror and pictured
myself in a ball gown. My dress would be soft pink colored and my
hair would be up. I reached behind and made a bun with my hair. I
could see myself ready for the ball. I closed my eyes and imagined
Blake in a tux but suddenly he wasn’t Blake.

He was Shane.

Shane standing tall and handsome and putting a
hand out for me.

My stomach flipped again and I opened my eyes to
see a flushed face looking back at me in the huge stand up mirror.
There was a very guilty look on the face of the girl in the
mirror.

I put my hands down and turned to face reality.
My sister was dating Shane and he barely knew I existed except as a
tutor or the sister of the girl he was dating.

No biggie Blake was a very agreeable
alternative.

I groaned feeling like Mr. Collins surveying the
possibilities.

Who was I kidding, Blake was my soul mate or at
least the mate of my mind, which I felt, was probably more
important in the long run.

I turned and went to my closet to start getting
ready. My closet was bleak, or rather black. It seemed some time
ago I had gone through everything and removed all of the color and
joy from my closet.

I groaned and grabbed a black pair of skinny
jeans and a dark blue sweater. I changed quickly and looked at my
reflection with a smirk, my sister was right which had never
actually had happened before, our mom would freak if she were
here.

My long slightly wavy blond hair hung around my
gaunt face. My eyes had dulled to a lifeless grey with no zest or
expression. My skin seemed not just white but powdered and flat. I
looked skinnier than ever and my skinny jeans looked ridiculous
hanging off of my body.

I couldn’t help but worry about the girl in
mirror. Her once perky nose almost looked a little big on her face,
which had grown horridly thin. Her full lips looked chapped and
peeling, I grimaced at the girl, not very kissable. Her eyebrows
looked like they needed a little weed whacking and her hair was
stringy.