Cursed (5 page)

Shaking it off I looked around the house at the
drunken teenagers everywhere.

“Want a drink little sister?” Alise was beside
me with a glass.

I took it suspiciously looking into the glass at
what appeared to be lemonade.

“Its lemonade Aimee, remember the deal we made,”
she laughed as I eyed her up. “Besides I might need you to drive
home.” she sighed and walked away.

“Thanks Alise.” Blake smiled at her. He looked
into the glass she had given him and took a drink. I waited a few
seconds for the foam to start pouring out of his lips from the
poison but it seemed harmless. I drank some as well surprised by
the flavor; it was a great glass of lemonade. I was shocked Alise
was actually holding up her end of the bargain, shocked and
suspicious.

“It’s really loud in here, want to go to a
quieter room?” I asked Blake who nodded.

People around us glared, took a second look and
when it registered nerds had crashed the party they started to talk
to each other while still maintaining a steady glare in our
direction.

“Not in the least bit obvious are they?” Blake
asked sipping his drink and looking around. His grumpy face was
back; I assumed that deep down he had hoped to be accepted by them.
I had never seen Blake care about what the popular kids thought or
did until this moment.

We walked past the kitchen where Shane was
standing in a group of the popular kids. He looked over at me and
smiled. I loved how his face lit up when he saw me. I wanted to
talk to him but Alise put a hand on his arm and laughed with the
group of kids. Shane looked embarrassed and looked down blushing as
they all continued to talk. I felt a new hurt inside my heart.

I looked over at Blake and decided it was time
to start making some of my dreams come true and Blake was the
answer to the question of whom, besides the one I couldn’t have,
would make me happy. We found a sunroom off the back of the house
where there were couches and a few couples making out. The lights
were dimmer in here but the music was quieter. To me this was the
place to pass a few hours till it was time to go home.

I sat on the older floral couch and admired the
house, it was a very large place with a contemporary feel to it,
not too modern to feel cold but crisp and clean. All but this
sunroom, which was cozy.

Pictures of Shane and his sister lined the walls
of the sunroom above where a large fireplace sat.

Only on the North West Coast was there a wood
stove in a sunroom, I chuckled looking at it.

Blake had sat down nervously beside me. He
seemed to be very uncomfortable in the make out room. I decided to
go with the flow of the room and take my sisters advice.

I turned and looked him deeply in the eyes as I
took a deep breath, “Blake I need to tell you something. I like
you.”

He smiled, “I like you too Aims, you’re my best
friend pink shirt or no pink shirt. At least it isn’t black or one
of the variations.”

I shook my head starting to feel a little
breathless; “No I mean I really like you, like how they like each
other.” I pointed to the couples making out that clearly were fond
of one and other.

I took another deep breath, “I’ve thought about
this long and hard and we make sense for each other, we’re both
smart and we both want to go to university and we both love
intellectually challenging and advancing experiences.”

He frowned, “Like them, you like me like them?”
he pointed as well and seemed to look panicked and
flabbergasted.

I nodded gulping as he looked around at each of
them and then back to me, “Aimee you are the most incredible girl I
have ever met. You’re my favorite person in the whole world. You
are graduating with advanced placement in literature but at the
same time rock at trig and advanced chemistry. You’re funny and
really pretty.”

He started to fret.

I interrupted, “But.”

My heart dropped into my stomach.

He was sweating profusely now suddenly as he
grasped at straws, “I think the world of you, and you must know
that.”

I crossed my arms, “Blake I told you how I feel
just say what you need to say.”

I felt myself getting angry as he flailed in
front of me. My stomach was weakening waiting for the final
crushing blow.

He closed his eyes and shook his head, “I wish
you had never said those words Aimee. I need you in my life, the
way things are. I don’t feel the same way. You are the sister I
always wanted.”

I knew it was coming but it hurt more than I
thought it would. I had counted on him for the last couple years to
feel like a normal girl who any boy coveted, he had always been my
back up plan for love. I thought that as long as he liked me it
didn’t matter that all the other boys didn’t.

I knew that to be a girl who could feel good
about herself I didn’t need the approval of boys but somehow
believing that Blake liked me in the romantic way made me just a
little more confident.

Realizing none of this was true and I truly was
an unlovable monster took away my breath.

I nodded trying to avoid his eyes and feeling
the weight of the discovery, “I need some air Blake. I’ll be right
back.”

He put his hand out to stop me but I burst past
him leaving him in the make out room alone and upset.

I didn’t hate him, I couldn’t hate him but I had
been banking on him being the one I could fall back on. I was so
frustrated and embarrassed. I had been so certain; all this time he
had lead me to believe it. I thought of the million times he
touched my hand or smiled at me but kept his gaze there, lingering
almost. He came to my house every day. I thought about when my mom
died and he slept in my bed with me for two weeks holding me.

Tears threatened to spring from my eyes but I
looked around at the ridiculous group of drunken teenagers and I
knew I would never cry in front of them.

I rushed through the back door in the kitchen
and felt the refreshing wind hit me like a beacon of safety. I ran
down the back steps of the deck onto the back lawn. Shane had a
massive yard with a small amount of oceanfront, but honestly the
whole town had either oceanfront or ocean view.

I walked to the far side of the lawn where I sat
down on the cool grass. I lay back and looked up at the sky as it
darkened and the first few visible stars were starting to poke
their faces out.

My sister had chosen a car for our birthday but
I had opted for a telescope. I wished I was at home now with it
instead of lonely and embarrassed by the one guy I thought I
actually had a chance with and in the back yard of the one guy I
had truly liked forever.

I knew Shane was the one true person I had
always wanted even though I told myself I suited Blake. Being a
rational romantic wasn’t panning out like I’d hoped it would. I
felt like no one would ever want me, maybe being a twit like my
sister would pay off. She did seem happier than I was by a long
shot. I contemplated the possibility of playing dumb and twirling
my hair.

I picked up a lock of my blond mane and twirled
one thick chunk. It did seem relaxing in a repetitive way but
definitely couldn’t replace thinking for me no matter what.

I heard the grass beside me crunching and
assumed it was Blake coming to try to rationalize with me. I
prepared for the most embarrassing conversation ever. I decided
standing and running was my best bet.

I panicked even more when I recognized Shane’s
voice from behind me, “You okay Aimee? I saw you run out the back
door. I thought maybe you were sick.”

He sat on the grass next to me and lay back. I
clenched inside and tried not breathing. I contemplated the hair
twirl but decided on playing it cool.

I smiled softly, “Yeah I’m not much of a
partier.”

“Thanks for coming I was hoping you would come
to a party at least once before grad.” He was an easy person to be
around, I had noticed it right away when we were little kids.

Uncomfortable still from my inability to be
loved I changed the subject, “Hey Shane who is the guy from Handley
with the crazy blue eyes?” I asked desperate to have something to
discuss but also truly out of curiosity.

“Wade, his family owns the gym there. He plays
hockey and goes out with Melissa Grouper.” He spoke trying to jog
my memory but I was coming up blank.

Thinking about him I smiled lost in the daze in
my mind, “His eyes are crazy blue, it’s almost weird. I swear I
know him from somewhere.” I muttered more to myself than him.

“Mmm, maybe at school. He’s pretty serious about
Melissa, has been for about three years. So what’s up with you and
Blake?” He asked obviously convinced, as I had been, that we were
something more than friends.

“Nothing, nothing now and nothing ever. We are
friends. Friends who can sleep beside each other and be comfortable
but I guess that’s it. I’m destined to be alone forever I think.”
The words flew out before I could really think them or my tone
over.

Shane laughed, “Okay okay, jeeze you and your
sister have that in common I guess, more spice in you two than
sugar.”

I burst out laughing, “I’m sorry Shane. You’re
right that might be the only thing we have in common,
unfortunately.”

‘Besides loving you.’ I thought to myself.

I looked over at him; he was a very gorgeous
guy. Sandy colored hair styled messy and a nice smile won over
every girl but he had a kindness about him I found even more
attractive. His face was strong but kind and his eyes held a secret
passion only the person he loved would understand. He was like a
treasure chest that only if you were lucky enough to find the key
would you ever enjoy what was inside. He was always kind and cool
around everyone but I could see the underlying passionate
romantic.

He shook his head, “No you’re night and day
there is no doubt. I’m kind of glad though.”

I suddenly realized he was looking
at me intensely making my stomach feel weird, a good
weird. I wanted him to move closer.

I wanted him to stretch his hand across the
grass and take mine.

I wanted it more than anything in the
world; I would have given up food, air or water to have him
touch my hand, even in kindness.

“You look nice tonight, finally wearing colors
again huh?” His voice seemed laced with some kind of emotion.

I looked at him quizzically, “Yeah how did
you notice I was only wearing black?”

“I notice you Aimee, everyday.”

Okay and that was the magic word.

I squealed with joy in my mind but remained calm
even though I was freaking out, my super hot sister’s
boyfriend was hitting on me.

I didn’t know what to say or do.

Maybe he was just being nice to me, maybe I
was being an over reactive idiot. His eyes didn’t seem to say kind
they looked more like steamy, I smiled inside enjoying
the moment.

I panicked and looked away from him
pretending to look back up at the stars remembering my sister had
already been there and polluted that, not that I truly cared
but I needed an excuse to not like him. Whether I hated Alise
or not I wasn’t going to steal my sister’s boyfriend.

I struggled in the silence now not sure what to
say so I relaxed and let my harsh side, my dominant side, take
over.

“I know she’s hot but I don’t actually get what
people see in my sister. I know that’s mean but I would never
date anyone that abusive. I guess guys tolerate a lot more than
girls do though.”

He laughed his soft chuckle again but this time
it sounded a little pained, “yeah otherwise the world would stop
going round.”

We sat in silence staring at the stars for a
long time; he was my kind of company.

“So Blake isn’t the one for you huh?” He asked
so nonchalant.

I shook my head, “Yeah. I guess I thought
we should be together cause we’re the same person you know. I
figured at least with him I would be safe in my choice of a
boyfriend. Not very romantic huh, it’s hardly fair to make a
relationship that way though. Blake isn’t interested in me like
that. I kinda wished he was so then at least someone was.”

The words hurt to say but it hurt even more when
my brain whispered, ‘No one is.’

“Well that sounds ridiculous. You want to keep
him on stand by so that someone likes you?”

I grimaced, “everything sounds bad when you say
it like that, all judgmental.”

He laughed, “Sorry I’m not really one of those
sugar coat people.”

I looked back over at him instantly startled by
how intently he was looking at me.

He bit his lips for a second and then spoke
softly, “So you aren’t in love with him?”

I shook my head as my brain whispered
again, 'Just embarrassed.'

“You’re so amazing Aimee you don’t need boys on
stand by. You just need to go for the right guy.”

His eyes locked on mine and he leaned
slightly toward me. I could see it in his eyes he was fully
going to kiss me, I felt nervous but didn’t move or
breath in anticipation.

Hearing a crash behind us I knew my sister was
coming out the back door off the stairs from the deck I could
hear her from a mile. She was the skinniest elephant ever,
stumbling and cussing as she made her way over.

“Shane are you out here, who’s that bitch with
you?”

She was drunk already. I looked at her
judging her harshly the entire time.

“It’s me you idiot.” I spoke clearly
so my sister could catch every inch of my annoyance.

“Oh it’s just you, dear god Aims you scared the
shit out of me. I thought some hooker was out here trying to steal
my man.” She plopped herself down on the grass as ungracefully as
was possible. Nearly landing on me she wedged herself between
us.

“It was nice sitting in the quiet with you
Shane, see you guys inside.” I spoke quietly as I stood
up and left them. I looked back to see him watching me
go, he looked like he wanted to say something but he didn’t.
Instead Alise climbed on top of him.