Crushing Desire (20 page)

“My bosom is embarrassingly large, as is my whole frame.” She looked at the offending body parts.

He placed a finger on her chin, guiding her face toward him.

“Reena, Your body is the right size to fit mine. You are the perfect height and have enough size that I don’t have to fear crushing you the way I might with another.”

He pulled the blanket from her grasping hand, and it pooled at her waist.

“As for your breasts.” He gazed at them. “I find them delightful.” He closed a hand over her breast, and her nipple hardened immediately. She gasped at the miraculous power that he had over her flesh. He winked, and a dimple showed in his mischievous smile. “And very responsive.”

His hands slid over her, and Reena arched into his touch, the need in her body responding to his call. She reached up and traced the square jaw line that she had so longed to touch.

“The truth is Reena, I’ve wanted you since I first laid eyes on you.” He moved his body over hers.

Reena lifted her eyebrows in disbelief, and he laughed in response.

“That’s right. When I came to your eighteenth birthday party.” His butterfly kiss on her collarbone accentuated his words. “You looked so lovely, yet still so young.” Another delicate kiss on her neck. “You came out to talk to me, and I knew that I wanted you. I wanted you so that I didn’t even think of what would happen if someone had come upon us.” He nipped gently at her neck, running his hands over her waist and hips. “That would have been quite the scandal for the society pages, don’t you think?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Joshua Sinclair found in a torrid embrace with Maureen Harrison at a party last evening. When asked why, he simply said: ‘There was something irresistible about her.’ That would have been interesting indeed.”

She laughed, amused at the picture he painted, but her laugh turned into a moan as his hand explored the soft hair at the crux of her thighs.

“That was a wonderful and terrible night for me.” His hands held, and his words ceased. His eyes seemed to focus on something in the past. “I was so lost. You anchored me, Reena.” He stared into her eyes, the weight of his gaze told her how much that moment had meant to him. “When I touched you, I lost control for a moment. I’m glad I found it again when I did, or we might have had this conversation that night.”

He laughed, and she couldn’t help but grin.

“That was why you stopped so suddenly?”

“Why did you think?”

“I see now that what I thought doesn’t matter,” she said. “I’ve been wrong about so many things. I guess I can’t lend much weight to my own thoughts and memories anymore. At least not my interpretation of them.”

“Well, that is why I stayed away from you, especially when we came aboard ship. I couldn’t be sure that I wouldn’t try to seduce you. You really are a wicked little temptress.” He kissed the hollow of her throat.

She put her hand on his shoulder, enjoying the firmness of his muscular flesh beneath her fingers. Reena moved her fingertips over his back, exploring the flesh there. He closed his eyes, throwing his head back at the pleasure of her touch as he covered her body with his own.

“Since I went into business with your uncle, he has been insisting on those meetings each month, which are more talk than business most times. I found it all but impossible not to see you.” He lay atop her, resting on his elbows, hands absently covering her breasts. “If I didn’t see you on the porch, I would seek you out. I needed to have you near me, but that nearness was hard too. I wanted you so badly, but I couldn’t touch you.”

He drew his lips over her nipple, the light touch made her body flood with warmth, and she released him, nails digging into the mattress.

“The only time I was actually happy was when I found an excuse to be with you. If you had put me off, I don’t know what I should have done.”

He settled himself between her legs and placed his hardened manhood at the entrance to her body.

“Do you still think we should forget? Pretend this never happened?”

“Never.” Her whisper was barely audible, even to her.

She threw her head back as he plunged himself inside her in one swift motion. He drove fast and deep, filling her with ceaseless sensation and driving her to the brink and over. She moaned her release. Joshua continued on with reckless abandon, taking her back to the edge. Reena dug her nails into his biceps. He stiffened, and her name filled their small room on a shout. Reena cried out, his completion triggering another of her own.

When the sweat and heat between them had cooled, Joshua pulled her into his arms and soon fell asleep. Reena lay awake, watching the even movements of his chest. She had done it, for better or worse, she had been with the man she had always loved. Glancing down at her body, she ran the tips of her fingers over her stomach.

A woman now.

She had given him her most prized and highly fought for possession, and she did not regret it. Biting her lip, she glanced at Joshua once more. What would happen now? She was a woman, yet not his wife. What would he expect from her? What would she expect from herself?

She rolled over, searching for the peaceful sleep that stayed just out of reach.

Chapter Twenty

Joshua eyed Reena across the chessboard. The elaborate board and its hand carved pieces were of no real interest to him. Joshua hardly ever beat Reena at chess, but he didn’t care. The distracting way that she bit her lower lip as she contemplated her next move, the attractive pout that she wore when she couldn’t find a way to save a needed piece, all these things were more than he could take at times and stole his concentration. He had never been able to focus on the game when she was there, but now that he had tasted her sweetness, it was even worse.

His mind moved from one thought to the next, flying through the last days with abandon. One minute he was imagining her lovely soft body responding to his in a way that no other woman had. In the following minute, he was berating himself for believing that bastard Martin and not knowing her to be innocent. Then he would reprimand himself for taking her virginity, especially when he thought of the way he had done it. It had been his first time with her. He should have been much gentler, even if she weren’t a virgin. He had thrust into her so fast and deep that he hadn’t even felt her virginity until he’d ripped it asunder.

“Your move.”

His mind drew back to the present, and he blinked at the chessboard, trying to make sense of the pieces, which for a moment seemed foreign to him. Moving his knight to guard his king, he looked back at Reena. She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, and her eyes scanned the board from piece to piece. Joshua’s gaze slid to the spot where the blood pulsed in her throat, longing to press his lips there. He fisted his hands as he contemplated the softness of her flesh beneath his. His mouth tasted the fresh sweetness of hers. His body ached to be inside her.

Mind flying again to the feeling of her barrier being broken, he closed his eyes. He had to stop thinking about it. What had been done was done, and he was glad for it. He cared for her more than he cared for anyone, and he wanted her more than any woman he had known, and now she was his. She would be his forever. He would make sure of it.

Joshua took her hand, and she dropped the piece that she’d been holding. His eyes met hers, the heat in his body immediately speaking to hers. He stood, walking around the table to stand before her. Holding out his other hand, he stared down at her wide gaze.

“But we haven’t finished our game.” She smirked as she reached out and took his hand. He hauled her gently to her feet and led her to their bed.

Now that he had her, he knew that he would never let her go.

9

They lay together on the bed the next morning, reading a copy of John Donne poetry, some of which made Reena giggle. Hearing the softly spoken and sensual poetry coming from Joshua’s mouth was amazing, though, and Reena found herself cuddling closer to him. He held her, kissing her hair while he read a poem where a man tried to convince the woman he loved to share herself with him in a less than innocent way. She giggled again, trying to contain her responses but unable to. The thought of the man trying desperately to convince the woman that loving him was no different than being bitten by a flea struck her as very silly. Besides, if she really loved and wanted him, there would be no need for words as there never had been between Joshua and her.

“It’s almost time for me to leave and join the crew on deck.” He closed the book.

She’d been trying to ignore that fact. Reena hated the time in the day when he left her to do his duty by the captain, and she wished that he could stay with her all day like this. Only the two of them, alone in their bed. She also worried that she might be with child. They made love often. She couldn’t seem to control her body when he was near. The bliss of their lovemaking stole her mind. All she could think of was how much she loved him and how good it was to touch and be touched by him.

Reena didn’t wish to explain to her family that she was going to have a child without the benefit of marriage, but she didn’t want to have nothing left of him either. She didn’t know which was worse, the idea of having to tell her family about their child, or the idea of Joshua leaving and her having nothing left of him.

As Joshua slipped from the bed, she trailed her fingers over the scar on his stomach.

“Where you injured in the war?” she asked.

He glanced down at the jagged raised flesh, which ran from his side to the center of his stomach, just above his belly button.

“I was wounded during the war.” He pulled his breeches on. “A kind family took me in and gave me care. I owe them my life.”

“It must have been a terrible wound.” She eyed the scar. “I heard something about your being a hero.”

“Bah.” He waved his hand. “We were in the midst of a bloody battle. I’ll never understand why, but our Colonel decided to lead the dragoon charge himself. I was fighting a rebel when the Colonel rode by, and the man lifted his bayonet, hoping to attack him.”

Reena gasped, biting her lip.

“Anyhow, I tried to parry, but his weapon struck me. I was called a hero, but I was doing my duty same as every man on both sides of that battle field. No man should be called a hero for doing his duty while another man dies.”

“Oh my. The wound must have been very painful. Why I remember—”

“Yes, well, it’s all right now. Don’t think too much on it. I’m very well and shall be so long as I have you.” He kissed her lightly on the forehead, and then pulled his shirt over his head and left the room.

Did he really mean to have her? Reena’s mind wandered, as it often did, to what would happen when she returned home. There was nothing keeping them together, and when Joshua had fulfilled his obligation to return her to her parents, he could very well leave and return to England. What if he wanted to keep her with him but merely as his mistress? Could she handle a title like that to be with him? Could she swallow the scorn and ridicule of others and herself?

Reena stood from the bed and walked to the basin that sat near the table. She filled the basin from the nearby pitcher and began to bathe. She ran the cloth over the curves and hallows that she had always taken such objection to, but Reena realized she no longer saw them in the same light. Not since Joshua’s hands had been on her, worshiping the very parts that she’d always thought to be so terrible. In his eyes, she was beautiful, and that was all that mattered. It has been said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not the beheld.

As she dressed, she imagined herself stunning him with her beauty. She envisioned his eyes turning to fire when he saw her, his lips quirking in that special way. Reena twisted her hair up into a loose bun and left trailing tendrils around her face. She knew that he liked her that way, and she wanted to be attractive for him. To let him see what he made her believe of herself, not just physically, but emotionally. For the first time in her life, Reena believed she was beautiful.

9

Later that evening, Reena sat across from Joshua, eating their meal of hard biscuits and salt pork. She couldn’t help but notice the way Joshua’s gaze moved over her body. He seemed to be memorizing her, taking in every perfection and imperfection alike.

“If you keep looking at me that way, we shall never finish our meal.” The corners of her mouth lifted, but fell in an instant when her smile wasn’t returned. “What is it?”

He dropped the pork onto his plate and took her hand, eyes shining.

“Marry me, Reena,” he said. “I don’t know what I was thinking, letting other men court you while I stood by and did nothing.”

A noise from the large wooden door called Reena’s attention away for a moment. It sounded as though the heavy door had closed, yet she hadn’t heard it open. They turned and glanced at the door, but no one had entered the room. Joshua stood, and crossed the room.

“Hello?”

When no one answered, Joshua opened the door and peered into the hall.

“No one there?” Reena cocked her head, waiting for Joshua’s reply. He closed the door, and turned in her direction.

He shook his head, and
returned to the chair across from hers, hovering a moment like a bee, pacing a step this way and that.