Crossroads (28 page)

“I’m sorry.  I got caught up at work.  I’m on my way now,” Em says in a rush when I answer the phone.  “Did you want me to pick up dinner?”

“Sure.  How ‘bout I order it so it’s ready when you get there?”  Even I can hear the desperation in her voice reflected in my own.
  I have been pacing the booth waiting for her to exit a train, wondering what was taking so long.  I close the kiosk in ten minutes time.

“Anything to
make coming home to you quicker,” she says.

***

Forty-five minutes later, Em enters the apartment with a plastic bag full of Chinese food containers.  She hugs me fiercely before placing them on the bench.

“
Mmm that smells good.  I’m starved.”  I give her a peck on the lips.  “How was your day?”

“Hectic
.  And the order wasn’t ready when I got there, waiting was torture.”

I give her another kiss, squeezing my eyes shut with understanding.  Waiting for her to get home was torture.  What’s it going to be like for her when she’s waiting for me to come home from overseas?  I hate that I will be putting her through that.  But what can I do?  She is adamant she will wait and of course I want her to, but it doesn’t make it any easier. 
I just wish she would change her mind and come with me, but I know better than to push that again.

My eyes catch her bracelet as she sets about dishing up our dinner.  I love that she will have constant rem
inders of me on her wrist.  Is that wrong of me?  To feel so possessive that I would prefer she have a torturous piece of jewellery on her arm than to forget me?

Dinner passes by in a blur of hand holding, sad eyes and food I barely taste, pure torture.  And before I know it it’s time for me to leave.  I have an early set tonight
, so I can go home to get the last of my belongings and then my parents are driving Yiayia and me to the airport.  We have to be there by four am.

“Well… this is it.”  I stand next to Em at the front door of her apartment.

She throws herself into my arms, clinging to me desperately.  I feel her body shake against mine as she silently sobs.

“I don’t want you to go,” she mumbles into my chest.

I pull from her embrace and grab my phone from my pocket.

“Who are you calling?”

“The club, I’m going to cancel.”

She grabs the phone from my hand before I get a chance to.

“No, don’t do that.”

“But I’d much rather spend the next few hours with you.”  I kiss her, putting my arms back around her body.

“I’ll come with you, to the club.”

“You will?”

“Yeah,” she sniffs, “I’ll get ready really quick.”

“Can you wear the dress you wore last night?” Nick asks as I rush into my bedroom, wiping tears from my eyes.  It’s not too dirty I suppose, whatever makes him happy.

***

“I do love this dress you know,” Nick says as he packs up after his set, loading the last of his things in the boot of his car in the alleyway.  I have had the best time again tonight.  Clubbing is a lot of fun when it is with Nick.  And learning all about DJing these past two nights I can now understand why he loves it so much.

“You’ll like
what I have on underneath more,” I whisper back, boldly.  He stares at me wide-eyed.  “Dance with me?”

“Here?” he asks
, looking around the dark and empty alleyway.

“Well we could, but no I meant back in the club.  We still have a little time before you
need to leave.”

“Okay,” he says grabbing my hand and tugging me back into the club.  He stops in the middle of the dance floor.  “Be right back
.  Don’t move from this spot,” he says and a strong feeling of déjà vu comes over me.  Those are the words he spoke to me months ago in this very club.  That night he left me extremely disappointed, I smile knowing that won’t be the case tonight.

“What did you do?” I ask when he returns to me with a wickedly sexy grin.

“I just requested a couple of songs, that’s all.”

He
stands opposite me as one song ends and the next one begins.  “I Need Your Love” comes out over the loud speakers as Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding put me in a trance.  Nick gives me a nod when I look at him, his message loud and clear and returned by me.  I take his outstretched hand and he slowly pulls me into his arms.  I crane my neck so I can look at his face.  Our eyes remain locked for most of the song, and when Nick suddenly swings his arm out for me to spin in an old-fashioned dance move, my eyes quickly make their way back to his. Then we dance to our own beat, as close as two people can get when clothed on a crowded dance floor, the music and lyrics washing over us.  I breathe him in and hold him tighter, sucking every last bit of him into my heart.  My heart that will never be the same once he leaves.  My heart that is already wishing for his return and feels like it might burst from all that I am feeling in this moment.  So much love, so much more than I ever thought possible.

When the next song starts tears spring to my eyes.  “Just One Last Time” by David
Guetta bursts forth bringing me crashing into Nick, my lips hard against his.  Then I pull from his embrace, grab his hand and tug him towards the bathroom.  Pushing through the crowd in an almost sprint, I cannot move fast enough.  He has chosen the perfect song for what I want to do, what I intended when I got dressed for tonight.  I hurriedly push him into the women’s toilets, he doesn’t fight me, he doesn’t argue when the door closes behind us.  Instead, that’s when he takes over.

The bathroom door shuts behind us and I push Em towards a stall, kissing her at a frenzied pace on the way.  Locking that door behind us, I lift her up and she locks her legs around my waist as I push her against the wall.  This is not the way I wanted to spend our last time together; I thought this morning was it and it was perfect.  But that’s not to say I don’t want this too, because I do, more than anything.

Her grip on my back tightens and I feel myself slipping as the music continues to play the perfect words for this moment.  I can’t get close enough
. I can’t get inside her quick enough.  My hand slides down her body onto her bare thigh, pushing up the tight black shimmery dress she’s got on, when I reach the side of her knickers I pause at the feel of them.  Looking down I see she is wearing her bikini bottoms, my favourite scrap of clothing.

“God,” I mumble looking back into her heated eyes.  She smiles and it hurts my chest.  She intended for this to happen, she came to the club with the intention of fucking me senseless.  Why else would she put those on?  “You are amazing Em.”

Her eyes water and she crushes her lips back to mine. I tug the bow free on one side and then the other, the bikini bottoms coming loose.  I pull them away and tuck them into the back pocket of my jeans, while Em quickly undoes my button and fly.  And then I slide inside of her with ease, her body wet and warm with desire and so damn perfect.

“Harder,” she begs, one eye finally allowing a tear to escape.  I lean in and taste it as it rolls down her cheek and then I fuck her hard and fast, giving her what she wants, what we both need
, one last time.

I feel as though the walls are closing
in around us, I feel as though my heart is breaking and mending at the same time.  I need her so bad.  Our frenzied pace is so different from the love we made this morning, we are wild with passion, hands pulling and tugging, as I move in and out of her with quick desperation.  Our desire is so strong that before long we are both climaxing in flawless harmony.  As I breathe a shuddery breath against her shoulder I feel my own cheeks wet with hot tears.

That cannot be our last time.  It
will not
be our last time. We will be together again.  One day.

I place her feet back on the floor and kiss her again.  She looks up to my face and wipes my cheeks of tears, hers now gone.

“I love you Nick,” she says with a sad smile

“I love you too,” I say
, kissing her gently on the lips.

I help her clean up,
and then pass her the bikini bottoms.

“You can keep them.”  She pushes my hand away and readjusts her short dress.
I shove them back in my pocket, then take her hand and pull her from the club, towards my car.  When we reach the alleyway, she stops walking and I turn to her with confusion.

“This is goodbye Nick.  Kat’s parked over there.”  She points to a car parked at the end of the alley.  I c
an just make out Kat’s silhouette in the driver’s seat.

“How?”
I ask.  She doesn’t answer, just stands on the tips of her feet so she can kiss me again.

“Bye Nick.”

She turns and hurries away, her underwear still in my pocket.  I stand there frozen, watching her get in the car.

Then I watch
the car pull away with my girl inside.

“What is going on Em?  You had me worried, I thought you were stranded at the club, by yourself, clearly that is not the case.”  Kat nods towards Nick standing in the alleyway.  He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and I almost jump back out of the car and into his arms.  “And then I was waiting for a parking officer to give me a ticket for parking here.  What was the emergency?  What’s going on?  It’s the middle of the freakin’ night!”

“Please just drive.”

Kat starts the car and I somehow manage to hold myself together until Nick is out of sight.  I had texted her about an hour ago, with little explanation as to why I needed her to collect me from the club.  I just couldn’t go through another goodbye at the apartment - I couldn’t have Nick drive me home.

“Em?”

I can’t talk, I can’t respond to Kat.  She’ll just have to get an explanation another time, because I am too busy sobbing my heart out.  Kat’s arm comes over and gives me a gentle rub on my back.  She doesn’t say another word as we drive home, my sobs the only noise inside the car.

***

Three days after Christmas I received my first silver charm from Nick.  A donkey from Greece.  His reason being “You wouldn’t believe the amount of people that travel on donkeys here!”  That made me genuinely laugh for the first time since he left.

***

New Year’s Eve came and went.  Nick Skyped me at midnight our time and again at midnight his time and even though that woke me up I didn’t care in the slightest, I was just happy to hear his voice and see his handsome face.  And so very happy to be in his thoughts.

***

Coming home to an empty apartment again, after yet another bland day at work, I start thinking about Julia’s words from the night Nick left. “What are you still doing here Emma?  Go.  Have fun.”  That’s what Julia had said.  Of course she didn’t actually mean for me to leave the country, she was just talking about leaving her office that night.  But it doesn’t stop me finding a different meaning in her words.  Maybe now is my best chance “before responsibilities”.  I’m sure as hell not having any fun here and I miss Nick so much.

But what about my career?
My apartment?  I already
have
responsibilities.  That’s the difference between me and Nick, he didn’t have anything holding him back.  Not even
me
.  Of course, that was my fault, I told him to go, I would never expect him to give up on his dream for me.

My problem is I have no idea what
my
dream is any more.

I flip the postcard over in my hand.  It’s a pretty photo of the same view of Santorini that I am looking at from the café.  Yiayia and I have been sitting here for the past hour or so.  Our second coffees were drunk long ago.

“Are you about ready to
leave?” I ask her again.

“Soon, soon.
  What is your hurry anyway?  It’s nice here.  I’m leaving tomorrow you know, just let me enjoy this a little longer.”

True.  It is nice here. 
We are seated outside on the edge of a cliff top overlooking the Aegean Sea.  The sun is setting, lighting the view in gold as grey clouds are rolling in.  The blue domed rooves on white buildings exactly what I expected before coming here, even better in reality.

I write on the postcard.  It’s
simple and cliché, but it’s all I need to say.  “To Em, Wish you were here, Love Nick.”  It doesn’t seem like enough, but what else is there?

It’s all I want, all I can think about.  I miss her and I want her so bad that I see her everywhere I turn.  It’s been a month, a whole month since I last saw her
(if you don’t count the couple of times via Skype).  I’ve emailed her nearly every day but spoken to her only a handful of times.  It’s not enough.  She haunts me at night and in the day time too.

I see her in the mannerisms of the waitress that looks nothing like her, the v
oice of the tour operator the other day, the hair of the girl standing on the other side of the balcony…

W
hen I close my eyes in bed at night I imagine her beside me and when I eventually sleep I dream that she is.

I blink rapidly at the girl across from me as she scans the area looking for someone.  I feel my mouth curve into a smile, imagining the girl is Em, imagining she is looking for me.

Then her eyes lock on mine, her beautiful green eyes, the eyes of the girl I love.

Am I hallucinating?
  I glance back at the postcard in my hand then back up at the girl… I’m just wishing… I’m losing it… this can’t be real.

I feel a hand on mine and turn to my
right.  Yiayia gives me a wide reassuring smile as she squeezes my hand then let’s go.  She stands and walks in the girl’s direction.  The two embrace briefly before Yiayia looks back over at me with a nod and leaves the café.  Confusion gives way to understanding.

This.
Is. Real.

Looking at Em again, she look
s nervous and shy, like the first time I spoke to her at the train station.  I sit frozen as she heads apprehensively in my direction.  My eyes drink her in from top to toe and back again… sandals, sexy legs, sundress in a pale green, her flowing reddish-brown locks, full lips… they break into a broad and glorious smile that matches my own.  And then I am done sitting still.  Before I am even conscious of my movements, I am running to her.

I slam into her with such force I almost knock her over backwards.  My arms encircle her in a vice like grip and her hold on me is just as tight.  Her head is on my chest and mine is buried in her hair. 
I breathe her in.

This is real.

Em is really here.

Her body is
pressed perfectly against mine, where it belongs.  Her scent fills my nostrils, from where it has been absent for too long.

“Can’t breathe Nick,” she mumbles against me, the warmth of her breath against my chest, right on my heart, the heart that belongs to her.

I reluctantly let her go, but only just enough so she can breathe and look up at me with those green eyes I have missed so much.

We stand like that for I don’t know how long… holding onto each other for dear life, silently staring at one another until I can bear it no longer.  I move my palms to her cheeks, my fingers to her hair and my
mouth to her lips.  I kiss her deeply, passionately, and indecently - my hands eventually moving from her face to roam her delicious body as my mouth explores hers.

When we eventually break from our kiss I watch as her face brightens to a delicious red.  She glances around self-
consciously and that’s when I remember where we are.  People in the café are staring, I don’t care but Em does, she’s embarrassed.  So I take her hand and lead her back to the table I was moping at just moments ago - before she totally changed my world.

I sit and she moves towards the opposite chair, a chair that is too far from mine,
so I pull her down onto my lap instead.  She lands with a giggle.

“I didn’t know my wish would be so instant,” I murmur, staring at her in a daze.

“What?” she asks confused and crinkling her brow in an adorable way.

I grab the postcard from the table and show her.

“I would have made this wish sooner if I had of known it would come true.”

She reads the postcard and laughs - the sound that I have longed to hear
in the flesh for a month now.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” I say, playing with her hair.

“Well believe it.”  She leans in and kisses me softly.

“How?”

“Airplane, how do you think?” she answers sarcastically, and then giggles.  I kiss her again, I have to.

“Yiayia knew you were coming didn’t she?” I ask, things starting to click into place.

“Yes.”  She nods.  “I’m friends with her on Facebook, she helped me.”

“
Ah da faceybook!  That sneaky little woman.”  I stare at Em in awe, still in shock that she is here.  “How long do I get you for Em?  Please tell me you are here for at least a week.”

“Well
here’s the thing…”  She looks downwards and I can’t see her face.  For a moment I start to worry, then she lifts her head and with a smile, she says, “I’m here for as long as you are.  And then…”

“And then?” I
ask, my voice filling with hope.

“I’ll go wherever you go.”

“Are you for real?”  She nods, biting her lip.  “Oh Em!”  I crush her body to mine and kiss her hard.  “But what about your job?”

“I chucked it.”  She shrugs.

“You quit?”  She nods, still smiling.  “Your apartment?”

“April is living in it.  It was the perfect solution, she
was fighting with her mum and needed a place to live, plus she didn’t have any furniture.  My rent is fairly cheap, and letting April take the apartment over means I can go back to it at any time.”

“Does that mean
Ethan will be having sleepovers at your place?”

“
Eww, please don’t put those thoughts in my head!”

“Sorry,” I say with a chuckle.

“So anyway, I had a little money saved and I sold my car too.  After paying for the airfares, it still leaves me with a fair bit of money to live off.  Enough to pay my way for a bit, and I thought maybe I could practise my drawing, possibly make some money selling pictures.”

“That’s a great idea, why didn’t I think of that?” I say sarcastically and she shoves my shoulder.  “
What about your folks?  What did they say?  They haven’t even met me properly, I’m sure they’re not happy you left,” I say running my fingers through her hair.

“Mum was happy for me.  She kn
ows how important you are and how miserable I’ve been since you left.  She’s actually jealous I’m going to see the world before she does.  Dad was really shocked, but then he busied himself with lists to get me organised to leave the country - that’s his favourite past time anyway.  They gave me some spending money too.  Dad’s always told me to follow my heart.  So I did.”

“And that led you here.”

“That led me to you.” Her fingers run through my hair. “It’s grown back, it looks so much better.”

I kiss her again.
 

“I love you,” she mumble
s into my mouth.  I stop the assault on her lips and pull back to look at her.

“Say it again.”

“I love you,” she says again, her voice full of strength as she gazes into my eyes, her face full of warmth and love.

“
Mmm, I will never tire of hearing that.”  I say clamping my hands to both of her cheeks and drawing her face back to mine, our foreheads and noses touching as I breathe her in. “I love you too Em, so much,” I say before our lips met again in an all-consuming kiss.