Crossroads (23 page)

I don’t know what happened or why it happened.  But somewhere along the way I felt Nick pulling away from me.  We were having fun
, Nick’s hands hardly stopped touching me in some way or another all morning and part of the afternoon and then… nothing.  He seemed to be moving away from me, physically and emotionally, and his mood has changed.  And just then he ended our kiss, like he no longer wanted me.  The rejection hurt.  I decide to take his advice and get ready to go out to dinner with Nick’s friends.  Surely his mood will improve when he’s surrounded by friends.

When
I leave the bathroom in a towel, fresh from a shower, I find Nick sitting on the couch.  He turns to look at me but doesn’t say a word.  Now instead of feeling hurt and rejected I’m feeling angry.

“What’s up?” I ask
, walking towards him.  No response.  “
Nick?
”

“You tell me.” 
I come to a stop standing in front of him.  He’s casually slumped against the couch, but nothing about the anger in his eyes says
casual
.  “Why are you wearing that?”

“What? 
A towel?  I just got out-”

“
No.  Not the fucking towel,” he says viciously, pointing at my arm, “that bracelet.”

“Huh?  I don’t know.”
  I look down at it and recognise it as the one Seth bought me for my birthday.

“I do. 
He
gave it to you.  Do you wish you were still with him?  You’ve been fiddling with it all day and you haven’t worn it in a while.  Are you regretting being with me?  Is that it?  Because I’m leaving?”  His piercing blue eyes bore into mine.

“Are you kidding me?  You’re jealous of a piece of jewellery?  It means nothing.  I didn’t even think about who gave it to me when I put it on today.”

“You were looking at it all melancholy and shit, you kind of zoned out on me before.  What am I supposed to think?”

I tug angrily at the bracelet trying to get the clasp undone.  This morning I noticed it in my jewellery box and I put it on without thinking.  Now
I wish I’d never seen the piece of shit!  The last thing I want to do is fight with Nick, especially over something so bloody insignificant.  I finally give up on the clasp and try tugging it over my hand.  It doesn’t work, it won’t come off that way, it’s too small.  Tears sting my eyes and blur my vision as I tug and tug.  It’s hurting my skin, pulling on it so ferociously. Nick watches me silently with wide eyes as I claw at it, making the skin on my wrist red.  I give up and put my arm in front of his face.

“Please, take it off,” I say through tears.  He unclasps it and then gently puts it in my
palm.  I fling it across the room angrily.  It smacks against the wall and slides down behind my bookshelf.  “There, happy now?” I yell.  “It means nothing, it’s just a piece of jewellery Nick.  That’s why you’re in a bad mood?  Because of a piece of fucking jewellery?  You think I was melancholy because of Seth.  I don’t give a damn about Seth.  You’re all I care about.”

He finally stands up from the couch and I feel the heat of his body close to mine, but not touching.  He doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t make any attempt to
close the gap.  It only makes me more livid.  Hot, angry tears roll down my face.

“
Why are you being like this?” I shout angrily.

I stumble backwards and I feel the towel slip, reminding me that I’m naked.  I grab hold of it and s
torm off towards the bedroom to get dressed.  Nick grabs hold of my arm and spins me back to face him.

“I’m sorry
,” he mumbles.

I
stare at his hand still clutched around my arm, too angry to look at his face.  Tugging my arm free I wipe my eyes with one hand and tighten the towel around me with the other before storming from the room.  Nick follows me to the bedroom and watches me rifle through my cupboard looking for something to wear.

“Fuck!  I’m sorry, alright? 
I didn’t mean to upset you.”

The concern in his eyes is evident.  I think my reaction has shocked him. 
My reaction has shocked me
.  The intensity between us is unbearable sometimes.  It’s like we are in a pressure cooker and either one of us could explode, and blow off the lid at any moment.  It seems we have both reached that point right now.  Is it all because our relationship is a ticking time bomb, set to go off on a big jet plane in a week’s time?

O
r would it be like this with us anyway?

“
I just - I don’t know how to handle it.  I’m leaving and you will be with whoever you want.  It’s driving me crazy.  I finally have you and-”

“And so you fight with me?”

“I was stupid, I know that now.  Em?” he reaches out, taking my hand from inside the cupboard and holding it up against his heart.  “Em, you know I’ve never been here before and it breaks my heart that you have.  You’ve been in love before and you will again.”  His words sound choked and his eyes are watery.  “I’m in love with you,” he shakes his head and grips my fingers tighter.  “You need to know that I love you.”

Tears again roll d
own my face.  This time I find the words, as much as it hurts to say them, I know he needs to hear it, “I love you too.”

He smiles sadly at me.

“I’m scared that when I leave, you will move on and be happy with someone else.  The bracelet reminded me that you’ve done that before,” he says.

“I didn’t love Seth.”

“But you loved Josh-”

“I love you,
” I say again, cutting him off.

“I know you do
… but I’ll leave and you’ll find someone else.  I don’t think I can do it…  I can’t move on from this.”

His voice is shaky and so is his hand when it reaches over to brush the hair off my shoulder.  His piercing blue
, watery eyes focus on mine and I know without a doubt, I can’t move on from this either. 

Nick l
eaving… that’s going to destroy me.

I swallow hard and tug at the
towel that was securely wrapped around my body, letting it fall to the floor.  Nick moves closer but his eyes never lose their focus on mine as he walks me backwards towards the bed.

“I didn’t know I was lost
… I didn’t know who I really was, until I found you,” he whispers when his body is finally naked and on top of mine. He enters me gently and lovingly.

When we arrive at The Junction, Hailey, Dan and Jo are already seated at the table.  I pull Em forward through the crowded and noisy bistro, glancing back at her smiling face more than once.

“Here he is!” Dan hollers when he spots me.  “It’s about time!”

“Sorry, we uh, lost track of time,” I say, looking back at Em with a wink as she takes the remaining steps to the table.  She giggles and reddens making my dick jump to attention again. 
God, I will never tire of this woman. 
My eyes stay focused on hers until Dan steps in between us and Em lets go of my hand.

“Hi
, I’m Dan,” he says, holding his hand out for her to shake.  “I saw you at your brother’s 21st but we didn’t get properly introduced.  It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Em says with a friendly smile.  She looks past Dan when he turns to Jo.  “You must be
Jo, it’s nice to meet you.”

Jo pulls Em in for a hug, “Hi Em.”

“And well, you know me,” Hailey says shoving Jo to the side, “Good to see you again Em.”

“You too Hailey.”
  They quickly embrace and then my three friends sit back at the table.  I grab hold of Em’s hand again and move to two vacant chairs side by side.

“Are we waiting on anyone else, or can we order?  Because I’m starving,” Hailey says.

Em and I take our seats and I pull her chair closer to mine.  I keep my eyes on Em, who smiles self-consciously and clears her throat, reminding me that Hailey is waiting on my answer.

“Nope this is it,” I say to Hailey
, glancing her way.

“Well you’re a popular fella aren’t
ya?” she jokes.

“He’s burnt too many bridges being a
manwhore,” Dan kids.  If looks could kill, my former best friend would be dead right now.  I see Jo nudge him under the table and then Dan catches my glare and cringes. Looking in Em’s direction, he mumbles, “Sorry.”

I feel
Em’s hand squeeze mine and my mouth goes dry when I turn to her.  But she’s not looking at me, her focus is on Dan.

“No Dan, it’s fine, he’s a sexy slut and I know it.”  Now I’m the one cringing, but Em smiles at me reassuringly, letting me know that she’s not mad. 
Again with the surprises.
  “Well I’m happy to say I’ve tamed the wild beast, for a little while at least.”

I want t
o argue that last part.  I want to correct her and say forever, but words escape me when Em presses her lips to mine.  I move my free hand to cup her face and then I deepen our kiss.  The fire between us quickly gets doused when Hailey speaks.

“Watching them suck face just isn’t doing it for me.  I think I might go order some food.”

“Good idea,” I hear Jo say.

When I realise that Dan is still seated, I reluctantly pull from
Em’s lips.

“You don’t want to go order?” I ask
, only removing my face a short space from Em’s and turning slightly in his direction.

“Nope, I’m all
good, my woman’s taking care of it.”  He smirks at me, crossing his arms on the table and leaning forward.  He continues to watch us, purposely distracting us from continuing our kisses.

“I might go order,” Em says pulling away.  “What do you want?”

After going over the menu, I give Em my order and she goes to line up at the register.  I watch her as she catches up to the girls.  I watch her smiling and chatting and even though I can feel Dan’s eyes still on me, I ignore him.  Well, until he sighs loudly that is.

“What?”
  I turn to glare at him.

“You finally get it, don’t
ya?” he asks with a smug smile on his face.  He shakes his head when I don’t respond.  “You found the right girl and that’s all it takes.  I would know.”  His eyes focus back on Jo as the girls giggling with one another in line.  “I’m gonna marry that girl one day,” he says.

I nod my head but I don’t say anything.  I know he means it and now I can actually understand it.  Em catches my eye and winks, causing my heart to skip and a goofy grin to spread across my face. 
Yep, I finally get it.

“I’m gonna miss you mate,” Dan says giving Nick a bear hug.  “You stay safe and keep me updated on Facebook.  I want heaps of pictures, you hear?”

Hailey pushes Dan out the way and throws her arms around Nick’s neck, giving him a tight squeeze.

“I’m going to miss you more than he will,” she mumbles into his chest.  “Who am I going to pick on when you’re not here?”

She pulls back and cups his face with her hands.  A lesser woman would be jealous at that kind of affection shown towards her boyfriend.  But I don’t feel jealousy, I only feel sadness.  We are nearing the end and Nick’s three friends
saying goodbye to him, only highlights that fact.  Dan, Jo and Hailey are genuine people that have proven to me tonight just how highly they regard Nick.  It only makes me value him even more.  Hailey kisses Nick on the cheek and takes a step back.  I can see tears in her eyes.  She’s wondering when she will next see him, I can tell.  It makes tears form in my own eyes.  When he leaves in six days’ time, I will be wondering the exact same thing.

“Don’t go getting sappy on me.”  Nick chuckles and then
it’s Jo’s turn.  Nick squeezes her and she whispers something in his ear.  When she pulls back, I see a silent, and serious, conversation take place between them, with a flick of their eyes.  Then Nick smiles his devilish smile.  “FYI I could still make you scream louder than that guy,” he says pointing towards Dan with his thumb.  Jo laughs and then punches him in the bicep.

“Yeah well, now I’m thinking I might not miss you at all,” she says, stepping into Dan’s waiting
arms.  Nevertheless, I can see the tears forming in her eyes too.  She looks at me then.  “Em remember what I said, any time.”  She reaches over and gently squeezes my forearm.

“Thanks Jo.”

“Well let’s get out of here before everyone starts crying,” Dan says pulling Jo away.  “Did you want that ride home Hailey?”

“Yeah thanks.”

Everyone says their final farewells and Nick and I silently watch the three of them get into Dan’s car and drive away.  I can’t help but feel saddened by the finality of it.  Nick will be here for six more days, but he won’t be seeing those three at all in that time.

“Let’s go home,” Nick says, pulling me from my thoughts.
  We head in the direction of his car, Nick’s arm over my shoulders.  “So what was Jo going on about?”

“Whatever do you mean?” I say, playing innocent.  Nick only looks at me but doesn’t speak
and continues to walk.  I sigh.  “Okay, she said if I was ever feeling lonely and wanted to talk or hang out, she’d be there.”

“She did?”

“Yes, she’s a nice person.  All three of them are.  I had a fun time tonight.”

“Me too.”
  Nick leans in to put a gentle kiss to my temple.

“Anyway what was with that whole silent convo
you
had with Jo?  And what was she whispering about?”

“Same thing.”
  He shrugs.  “She said she’d take care of you while I’m gone.”

We reach Nick’s car and he opens the passenger door for me to climb in.  I watch him round the front of the car and then I put on my seatbelt.

“You know, it doesn’t have to be like this Em.”  I watch him as he puts on his own seatbelt.  He puts the keys in the ignition but doesn’t start the car.  He turns to me instead.  “Come with me.”  I blink at him, I can tell by his tone that he’s serious.  “Let’s travel together.”

“
Nick
…”

“You’ve never been overseas and neither have I.  We could do it together.  It’s a great idea!”

“It’s ludicrous!  What about my job?  My apartment?  I can’t just up and leave, I don’t even have a passport!”

“That’s just details.  Those can be fixed.  It will take some time but I could try to rearrange my flight.  We could leave in a few weeks
, when you’re ready.”

“No you-”
I try to interrupt but he continues to speak over the top of me, his face becoming more animated as he goes.

“Or you could meet me
somewhere, so I don’t let Yiayia down.  I’ll meet you anywhere.  You said it yourself you don’t really like your job and imagine the drawings you could do - the beaches in Greece, the Eiffel Tower, the-”

“Nick!
”

“Please Em.
”  The anger in his voice increases.  “Just imagine the-”

“NO!”  Nick jumps at the loudness of my harsh voice in the confines of the car.  “I said no Nick.  Now please drop it.”

“Why Em?  Your excuses are lame, you should come with me.  I want you to come with me.”  I hear the desperation in his voice and it hurts my chest.

“I can’t.”

The tension in the air is palpable.  He’s upset with me, that much is obvious, but I can’t do what he’s asking.  He stares out the front windscreen and doesn’t speak for at least one minute.

“You
can
… you mean you
won’t
,” he says sullenly.

I don’t respond to him
, I can’t think of the right words.  Even if I could, I know he doesn’t want to hear them.  He doesn’t say anything more but I can feel the anger and disappointment rolling off him as he silently starts the car.

The tension lingers between us
the entire ride home and so does the silence.  When we get back to the apartment it continues.  I dump my bag on the kitchen bench and stand in the middle of the room facing him.  He stands opposite me with his head down.  I take a couple of tentative steps towards him.

“Nick, please don’t sulk about this.  My answer is no, you just have to accept it.”  He keeps his head down and doesn’t respond.  “Ugh!  You’re being childish!”

That gets his attention.  He looks up at me, his eyes full of sorrow and reaches out for my hand.

“
Please don’t call me that, I get enough of that from my dad,” he says sadly.

“I’m sorry.”  The last t
hing I want is to insult him the way his father does.

“
You’re right though, that was immature.”  He tugs me against him and sighs.  “I just don’t understand why you won’t come.”

“It’
s not about understanding.  You need to accept that I am not prepared to stop my whole life on a whim to travel the world with you.  I’m sorry, I can’t do that.  I have a job, an apartment… responsibilities.”  I pause for a moment, I’m having trouble finding my own words convincing.  “This is your dream, not mine.  Please, we’ve had enough drama.  Can we just enjoy the time we have left?  I can’t keep fighting with you.”

I put my arms around his waist and he holds
my head to his chest, his other arm crushing me tightly against him.

“So we say goodbye at the airport and just forget we ever happened?  I can’t do that.”

“Good, I don’t want you to forget,” I mumble into his chest.  I hold him tighter and exhale.  “Please promise me you’ll let this go.  We’ve wasted too much time already.”  I crane my neck to look up at him.  “I love you and I don’t want to waste any more time fighting.”

“I love you too.” 
We embrace and everything feels right again.  He leans down to give me a quick kiss on the mouth.  “You know the best bit about fighting with you?”  he asks, smiling wickedly.  “You look hot when you’re feisty!”

“Nick!”  I slap him on the chest.

“Yes, exactly like that,” he says pointing his index finger in my face.  “
And
now we get to have make-up sex!”

He lifts me up and over his shoulder so I am once again hanging upside down.  I don’t fight
him as he carries me to the bedroom.

“I love how strong you are caveman.”

“Caveman?”  He throws me down on the bed.  “I’ll give you caveman.”