Craving Absolution (24 page)

He
had leaned down to kiss my lips, sliding his tongue into my mouth before pulling back again. “You come first, Ladybug, you and our children. Always.”

• • •

I smiled at that memory as I snuggled in as close as I could. Cody lay down on his back next to me, pulling the covers over us both.

“
Don’t leave without waking me up, okay?” I whispered, wrapping my arm around his waist. “I don’t like waking up with you gone.”

H
e tightened his arm, understanding the meaning beneath my words. “I’m not going anywhere, baby,” he promised.

I fell asleep knowing that I
’d wake up with him beside me, but I was under no illusion that he’d always be there.

Farrah

The last week had been brutal. I was ornery, pissed off, and had a six
-pound baby pushing on my bladder about ninety percent of the time, which meant most of my days and nights were spent on the toilet. I was done, done, done with being pregnant.

Don
’t get me wrong, I was happy as hell that the little nugget was sticking in there, waiting until she was fully ready before she made her appearance . . . but
come on
. It was time for her to vacate the premises. Like, yesterday. My due date was only three days away, and I was doing anything and everything I could to get her out.

I dragged
Cameron with me all over the neighborhood, walking for hours until I felt like I couldn’t take one more step. I ate the spiciest food I could stomach, which did nothing but give me righteous heartburn that kept me awake all night. I’d even tried using castor oil to get things started. After sitting on the toilet for hours, I wouldn’t recommend that to anyone.

I was finally at the end of my rope,
and I was taking it out on Cody. He had something I wanted.

“
Fuck me,” I demanded the minute he walked through the door that night.

“
What?”

“
Fuck me. Get undressed and meet me in the bedroom.” I pulled at the elastic top of my strapless sundress and dropped it to the floor, leaving me in nothing but a pair of panties that had covered a whole lot more of my ass a few months ago.

He stared at me, dumbfounded
, as his gaze roamed over my body, and he was silent and immobile for so long that I began to get really irritated.

“
Strip!” I snapped.

“
What the fuck are you doing?”

“
Are you joking?” I asked in annoyance. “Hello? I’m practically naked, let’s go!”

When he still didn
’t move, I strode toward him, my huge belly bouncing with each step. “Okay, I guess you can stay mostly dressed,” I conceded. “We just need to unbutton your—”

He grabbed my hands in a tight grip as I reached for his jeans, and the pressure on my fingers had my head snapping up in surprise.

“Stop, Farrah! Fuck!”

“
What is wrong with you?” I screeched, yanking my hands out of his. “You haven’t touched me in months! Is it because of this?” I gestured to my belly. “Because seriously, dude. You put that in there, so you can just deal with it for a couple more weeks!”

“
You’re beautiful, Ladybug,” he answered calmly. “More beautiful than ever.”

My breath caught in my throat, and I could have screamed in frustration when I felt tears start falling down my cheeks.
“Then what’s wrong?”

“
Nothing, nothing’s wrong.”

“
Then touch me. Please. I’ve tried everything. Nothing is getting her out of there!” I started sniffling, my words coming out garbled. “The doctor said sex might work. Please, Cody.”

I
’d been reduced to begging the man I was living with to have sex with me.

“
You want me to fuck you so you’ll go into labor?” he asked incredulously, reaching for the button on his jeans. “Well, shit, I’ll just drop my pants and you can go to fucking town then!”

That was it. I was toast.

I dropped my face, hiding it behind my hands, and sobbed.

“
Ladybug,” Cody said with an exasperated sigh, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “She’ll come when she’s ready.”

“
I know!” I wailed, still hiding my face. “I just miss you. It’s been so freaking long, and I need you.”

“
Okay, baby,” he replied, rubbing my back gently. “Okay, come on.
Shit.
It’s all right. Don’t cry.”

He leaned down and slid his arm under my legs, lifting me up to carry me like a baby. And even though I was a snotty
, crying mess, it felt so good that I couldn’t be sorry for it. He smelled like home to me, his familiar cologne and the leather of his cut that I’d grown accustomed to over the past couple of months.

When he laid me on the bed, I refused to let go of his neck, whimpering deep in my throat and pulling him with me until he was kneeling over my body.

“Shhh,” he said, shrugging his cut off his shoulders. “I’ve got you, Ladybug.”

He leaned down and kissed my face, running his lips over my cheeks and forehead before meeting my lips and pulling the bottom one with his teeth.
“You gotta let go so I can get my shirt off,” he whispered.

I immediately let go of his neck, my hands going to the bottom of his shirt as he grasped it behind his neck and pulled it off. When he leaned back down, I could have cried again at the feel of his bare chest against mine. It had been so long since we were that close, and I
’d almost forgotten the sensation of the hair that grew in a small diamond on his chest rubbing against my skin.

I raised my head to kiss him again, and before I could do anything, his hands were all over me and h
e had parted his lips, pushing his tongue against mine. His hands glided down my sides, then back up over my belly, stopping to rub where my belly button had popped out from the pressure on my skin.

“
You’re so gorgeous, Ladybug,” he said on a breath into my mouth as his hands slid up to cup my breasts. My nipples were sensitive as hell, and he used it to his advantage as he ran his fingers over them in feather-light touches, teasing me until my back was arching off the bed.

“
God, what is
wrong
with me?” he mumbled to himself, watching his hands on my chest. “I’m an idiot.”

I was frantic, wrapping my legs around the back of his thighs and squirming
, trying to get his hips closer to mine as he dropped his mouth to my breasts. He used his tongue to flick at my nipples, then closed his mouth around each one, sucking them hard in turn as I writhed and moaned.

When he leaned up and pulled my underwear down my thighs, I sighed in relief. Finally. It was finally happening after months of waiting and trying to be patient
, doing everything I could not to take whatever was bothering him personally.

“
I like this.” He groaned, running his fingers through the closely cropped hair at the apex of my thighs. “It’s different.”

“
I didn’t want to wax while I was pregnant. I didn’t trust them not to fuck it up,” I explained, my voice hitching as two of his fingers slid inside me.

“
Yeah? How do you keep it short? Can you even see down here?” He moved down the bed and lay on his belly between my legs, looking at me as if fascinated.

“
I use your beard trimmer,” I answered as his tongue took one long swipe at me. “And a mirror.”

His head popped up, and his eyes were so dark I
could barely see the blue irises in them anymore. “Yeah?”

“
It’s not easy,” I replied jokingly.

“
Why do it?”

“
I kept hoping—” My voice trailed off, my face growing hot.

“
I’m an asshole,” he said flatly.

“
You’re here now.”

“
Baby, you gotta stop cutting me so much slack.
Fuck
.” He dropped his head until it rested at the base of my belly. “You remember when I asked you to fight?”

“
Yeah, I remember.”

“
I need you to do it. My head’s so fucked up, Ladybug. I keep messing this up.”

“
You’re not messing it up,” I argued.

“
You’re not getting what you need from me. I’m messing it up.” He lifted his head and shook it slowly.

“
So, fix it,” I whispered, pushing my hand into his hair and gripping it tightly. When I pulled his head to my hips, he growled, and within seconds his tongue was everywhere. He licked and sucked and bit me tenderly, his hands holding my thighs open as he loved on me.

When my orgasm finally rushed over me, I called his name, making noises I
didn’t even know I was capable of.

“
Fuck, you’re so goddamn sexy.” He groaned, climbing from the bed so he could take off his boots and drop his jeans and boxers to the floor. “I missed the way you taste.”

I smiled blearily at him as he climbed up between my thighs, still feeling hazy from my orgasm. I just wanted to cuddle at that point, my body so boneless I felt like I could slither right off the bed.

“No, you don’t, beautiful,” he said teasingly as my eyelids started drooping. “Up on your knees.”

“
Why?” I whined as he used my arms to pull me up.

“
You’ve been on your back too long already, Ladybug,” he said, chiding me.

“
Have you been reading my pregnancy books?”

“
Shut up and get on your knees.”

He positioned me so I was sitting on my heels, my hands holding on
to the headboard. When I didn’t feel him move up behind me, I turned my head, flicking my hair over my shoulder so I could see him.

“
Well?” I asked.

“
Let me look for a second.”

“
No. I’ve been waiting long enough. Get up here,” I ordered, making him smile.

I loved the way
the skin around his eyes crinkled when he smiled; it was like he didn’t just smile with his lips, but his entire face. Gorgeous.

He moved in behind me, and I leaned forward so he could scoot his knees under me and between mine. H
e ran his hands down my back from neck to tailbone, and tears hit my eyes at the familiar gesture.

“
You ready?” he rasped, reaching down to position himself as one of his hands gripped my hip.

“
For fucking months now,” I smarted back, the words turning into a yell when he got sick of my smart mouth and jerked my hips down until I was full of him.

“
You okay?”

“
Stop asking!” I griped, moving my hips against his hands.

“
There’s my girl,” he replied. “Take it, Ladybug.”

He let go of my hips, reaching around to hold my breasts and tweak my nipples as I rode him.

Both of us were breathing heavily, and my head fell heavy against his shoulder when his hand slid down my belly in a soft caress and didn’t stop until he’d reached where our bodies connected.

“
You wanna come again, beautiful?” he asked.

“
Yes, please.”

“
So polite. Where’s the filthy-mouthed woman I’ve been living with for the past three months? Hmm?”

His fingers twisted, and his breath shuddered against my
skin before he bit down on the back of my neck, pushing me over the edge.

Holy hell, I
’d missed that.

“
I love you,” I said with a sigh as he held me close and lowered me to the bed.

“
I love you too, Ladybug,” he whispered into my neck.

Casper

Farrah was passed out across the bed. She
’d moved around so much trying to get comfortable that she’d ended up completely sideways, with her head resting on my lower stomach and her hands in one of my armpits. The way her body was positioned looked ridiculous . . . and beautiful. I propped a pillow underneath my head so I could stare.

Her body had grown curvier and curvier as
her pregnancy progressed, and it wasn’t just her belly. Her ass, legs, arms, and tits had grown too. Even her face had changed, her cheeks rounding out and her lips swollen into a pout that was as sexy as hell. It was like looking at a completely different woman, still just as beautiful, but in a different way.

She looked like some sort of fertility goddess.

I ran my fingers through her hair as she slept, and hated myself.

God, I
’d been such an idiot. I hadn’t touched her in so long that I’d felt like my dick was going to fall off, but I thought that was what she wanted. After her surgery, she’d been out of commission for about six weeks, and we’d gotten into a pattern by then that I hadn’t been able to shake.

Farrah had never been shy about sex. We
’d tried everything, and more often than not she’d initiated it. So when she wasn’t pushing me or asking for it, I’d assumed that she just wasn’t feeling it. And you know what they say about people who assume.

Christ.

I should have known. I really should have. Because here was the thing about Farrah—if she was sure about someone, she was an open book, but if she wasn’t sure, she closed up tighter than a bank vault. I
knew
that. But after her discussion with Slider and my complete fuckup, she hadn’t been sure about me anymore and I’d missed it. She’d needed the reassurance that I still wanted her in order to get to the place where she’d ask me for what she deserved from me. And I hadn’t given her that reassurance.

Instead, I
’d walked around on fucking eggshells, trying to show her how much I loved her without stepping on her toes.

My head was still so fucked up from that shit in Portland, I couldn
’t tell which way was up.

The whole time I was trying to give her fucking space, she
’d been waiting for me to make the first move. Me—the guy who had left her on the fucking bathroom floor while her appendix was close to bursting because he thought she’d been out partying. The guy who could have killed her because his head was so far up his ass he couldn’t even see what was happening right in front of him. She’d waited for me to figure my shit out and take charge like I had before, but somewhere along the way I’d lost my balls and hadn’t done it.

What a goddamn mess.

The woman I’d killed in Portland had been Ramon’s daughter, and that shit was messing with my head. I wasn’t sure if it would have been easier if she’d just been some McCafferty whore, but I thought it probably would have been. Then I wouldn’t have had to deal with the fallout.

Ramon
’s wife and teenage daughter had been in the club when we’d gotten back, and I’ll never forget the sobbing I’d heard when she realized that he hadn’t come back with us. We’d ended up leaving his body with his daughter’s for the police to find, hoping that they’d assume all the players had been killed for the same reason. Drugs. We’d left him like the traitor he was, and I knew none of the boys felt comfortable with it, including Poet, who’d made the call.

After Poet had ushered Ramon
’s wife, Roberta, into one of the back rooms, her screams had echoed through the clubhouse.

I
’d never forget the sound of that as long as I lived.

I knew logically that I hadn
’t had a choice. Carmella had shot Slider and wouldn’t have hesitated to keep shooting if I hadn’t dropped her, but that didn’t make it any easier. I’d been raised to protect women, to coddle them and make sure they were safe. It was one of the things that my dad had been absolutely relentless about, teaching me from the time I was old enough to understand that women were made to be protected, that it was my job to look after my sister and any other women in my life.

I
’d failed more times than I could count.

I was still failing
, and for some reason I couldn’t name, it felt like something was coming and I had no clue how to prepare for it.

I turned my head to the side to check the clock, surprised to find it was already close to ten. Farrah
had been sleeping for almost three hours already. Apparently the sex hadn’t worked to get her labor started. Poor thing, she was miserable. My little princess needed to get a move on before Farrah completely lost it.

I was debating whether I should get up and make her something to eat, or let her sleep, when she began to stir.

“Hey, handsome,” she called sleepily, moving her hands out of my armpit. “Did you get any sleep?”

I shook my head, and couldn
’t help but smile as she crinkled her nose at me. Why was that so fucking cute?

“
You’ve just been watching me sleep like a creeper?”

“
Pretty much.”

She thought about it for a minute
, then smiled and nodded. “I’m okay with that.”

“
You hungry, Ladybug?” I asked, running one finger down her cheek and into her mouth. God, her lips had been killing me since they’d started to swell up a couple weeks before. I wanted them around my cock.

She sucked my finger into her mouth, smiling around it.

Game on.

“
Hands and knees, baby,” I ordered, then waited for her to comply before climbing to my knees.

Her eyes were sleepy, looking half
-drunk and mysterious, and I wondered if I’d ever completely know the woman in front of me.

I pulled her hair gently from her face as I knelt in front of her, gathering it into a ponytail and wrapping my fingers around it. When she licked her lips, I shuddered.

“Keep your hands on the bed, Ladybug,” I warned her. “I don’t want you to fall.”

I slid one hand over her shoulder, making my way to where my cock rested against my belly, but before I could push it level with her mouth, she
’d leaned forward, pulling against the grip I had on her hair to suck one of my balls into her mouth.

“
Motherfucker!” I hissed, making her laugh. The vibration of it was like a jolt to my already sensitive cock and it flexed, bobbing against my stomach. “Holy hell, baby,” I said with a groan.

She switched to the other side, humming quietly, and my head snapped back. God, that felt incredible.

When she pulled back, it took me a second to get with the program. She tilted her head back as far as it would go to meet my eyes, and the smile on her face made me want to cry like a bitch. She was happy, and it was the first time I’d seen that look on her face in a long fucking time.

“
You set the pace,” I said, pushing my cock down to her lips. “Don’t want you to choke.”

She pulled me into her mouth, using her tongue to rub over the sensitive spot right under the head, and I huffed out a shaky breath. She knew exactly what I liked, and there was something to be said about learning a person for months. The sex—any type or variation—just got better and better.

I cupped her face gently, rubbing my thumb over her lips where they were stretched around me.

“
Sexy as fuck,” I said.

Swaying her hips, she bobbed back and forth, pulling back until she could lick the tip and then sliding forward until I was as far back into her throat as she could stand. She could go deeper, she
’d done it before, but I didn’t care. It was her show, and while I loved the silky feeling at the back of her throat, I had absolutely no complaints.

My balls drew up tight, and I relished the feeling for a moment before pulling out of her mouth, gripping her hair tight
ly as she tried to follow.

“
No more, Ladybug.” I gasped, trying to catch my breath. “Lay down.”

She pouted as she followed my direction and
lay down on her side, and if my jaw hadn’t been clenched tight enough to crack a tooth, I would have smiled.

I leaned down to kiss her, and my cock jumped
when she sucked my tongue into her mouth. Reaching behind her, I drew one of her legs up so I could run my fingers over her pussy. Wet. Fuck me.

“
You like sucking my cock?” I asked, raising one eyebrow.

“
I’ve missed him,” she answered with a shrug.

I laughed. I couldn
’t help myself. How had we gone so long without this?

“
Lift your arm up,” I whispered, running my lips up her side. Once her top arm was lying relaxed over her head, I leaned back to take her in.

She was on her left side, her belly resting against the bed, one leg slightly bent, and the other pulled up until her thigh touched her belly. One of her arms was curled under her, pillowing her head
, and the other was lifted high, showing off her fucking fantastic tits.

They
’d grown a lot. More than I could have ever imagined. They were so big that they sloped toward the bed, resting against each other, something they wouldn’t have done before she was pregnant. Her nipples and areolas were darker too, and they’d grown right along with the rest of her tits.

I decided right then that as soon as she had the baby and I didn
’t have to worry about her on her back for too long, I was going to fuck those tits.

“
You want me here?” I asked, running my fingers over her clit and pinching it hard. “Or here?” I slid two fingers inside her. “Or here?” I pulled my fingers back, running them lightly over the small pucker of her ass.

She moaned long and deep, arched her back
, and groaned. “Fuck me.”

“
You didn’t answer my question.”

“
Vagina,” she said with a growl as I continued to play.

“
Are you a doctor?”

“
I’m going to kill you.” She moaned in frustration. “Quit fucking around.”

“
That’s my girl. Use your words, Farrah.”

She screeched in frustration as I pulled my fingers away, and the hand resting above her head gripped the sheets.
“My cunt!”

“
God, that dirty mouth is sexy,” I said, scooting up her body until I was braced above her and pushing inside.

Then I saw her face more clearly.
“Aw, don’t cry, baby. What’s wrong?”

Tears were running over the bridge of her nose and dripping onto the sheet under her.

“I’m frustrated,” she said, then sniffled, arching into me. “Stupid fucking hormones!”

“
I was just teasing, Ladybug,” I murmured, leaning down to run my lips over the eyelid I could reach as I started to thrust.

“
I know. Ah, harder,” she demanded.

Leaning
back up so I had some leverage, I slammed in harder, trying not to worry that I’d hurt her. She’d tell me if something hurt, right? Yeah, she’d tell me. And, fuck, I didn’t want to stop, she felt so good.

As
I watched, her face flushed and her eyes closed. She was concentrating hard, trying to get there, but I knew she wouldn’t. She needed my hand for that, and I wasn’t ready to let her come yet. I started thrusting in short jabs, my eyes locked on the way her tits bounced up and down, and almost paused as her pussy started tightening around my cock in pulsing waves.

Holy shit.

Her moan was high pitched and sounded almost painful as she came around me.

I couldn
’t stop my orgasm. The surprise of hers and the way her muscles gripped me pulled me right over the edge.

Well, shit. That had never happened before.

“Good Lord.” She groaned as I panted above her, not ready to pull out quite yet. “I take it back, these pregnancy hormones are the shit.”

“
You think you’re in labor yet?” I asked, leaning down to rest on my forearms above her so I could reach her lips.

“
Nope,” she answered against my mouth.

“
We’ll just have to try again.”

“
Damn right,” she said with a tired smile.