Crash & Burn (6 page)

We hang out watching dumb shit for a while, so I decide to go get us some food. I’m
standing in the kitchen making me and Rampage something to eat when I hear my phone
ring.

“Will ya get that?” I call for Rampage. He’s been silent since his advice, and I appreciate
the silent company and support. He’s always been good for that. A moment later he
comes into the kitchen looking mildly annoyed.

Handing me my phone he grumbles, “We gotta go. Somethin’ ‘bout Tank bleedin’ all over
the fuckin’ club floor.”

Bleeding Like a Stuck Pig

Tank

             
My arm stings like a bitch. Nothing a little tequila and a blunt can’t fix.

“You’re going to need some stitches for that.” The good doctor says, pushing his glasses
back up his nose. I figured as much. Fuck, I’m bleeding like a stuck pig all over
the place and I think I can see bone. King drug that damn dirt bike right the fuck
over my arm, leaving a nasty slice.

“Well then, stitch it up doc.”

“Would you like some medication for it?” Does he really fucking think he needs to
ask me that?

“Fuck yes. The good shit.”

A couple of pokes and I’m numb as a motherfucker. Too bad he couldn’t do that shit
to my heart.

“What the fuck ya do?” Stitch stares down at my arm as doc sews it up.

“King’s a stupid asshole.”

Throwing his head back, King laughs and raises his beer in some half-assed toast.
Stitch shakes his head and walks away. Getting pretty fucking sick of all the looks
and disapproving stares. Fucking assholes. They don’t stop that shit, I’ll be breaking
faces real soon. Sitting at the bar with my arm on a towel, the doc starts the pulling
and tugging, sewing my shit up as I start my drinking and smoking routine.

             
“Shit Tank, what happened?” My baby’s voice asks all soft and sweet, just like I like
it. I hear her from somewhere beside me. I’m numb, high and feeling fucking good.
Somewhere deep down, I knew she’d come. She always does. Turning my head over on my
rested arms I see her standing by me. She’s leaning over the bar, staring at my arm.
Fuck I’ve missed those eyes. The way she’s looking at me with sadness, love, and with
her whole heart has me feeling fucking desperate all of a sudden. I feel out of control.
I want her here. I don’t’ want her to ever fucking leave me again.

“Aye baby, c’mere.” I just want her close to me. Holding my hand out to her, she steps
toward me and right into me, where I want her to be. I have no fucking clue what’s
gonna happen tomorrow, no fucking clue if this is the last time I’ll see her, touch
her, or even be near her again, so I have to have her. Just can’t let this shit go.

“Let’s go.”

“Tank,” she says hesitantly. I watch her battle my request. I know she doesn’t really
want to come with me, but her love for me won’t let her tell me no, and I’ll use that
against her to get my fix, always hurting her to get what I need. If I was a good
guy I wouldn’t do this shit to her. I wouldn’t ask her to do shit I know she doesn’t
want to, but I’m not a nice guy.

“Just want you Lil.” She takes my hand and comes with me. No questions asked.

             
Pushing her body up against the bathroom door she molds right into me. Those legs
go instantly around my waist, arms around my neck and fingers digging  as I touch
every square inch of her body. I run my hands over every sexy curve and feel every
part of that perfect fucking body pressed against mine. Those big tits pressed against
my chest, that sweet pussy rubbing against my dick. I am fucking crazy for her. I
crave her like a fucking junky, and she’s a fucking habit I just can’t kick.

Alcohol runs through my veins, pain meds numb my body, and the weed makes shit hazy,
but I can still feel her. I’d know this body anywhere. I’ll always know my baby’s
body.

“Why do you keep doin’ this shit to me?” she asks in a pained whisper against my neck.
I know I’m slowly killing her, but still she lets me. Fuck, I don’t think I could
even stop if I wanted to. Biting down on my skin, she licks her way up my neck. Shit
makes me so goddamn hard, it’s painful. This isn’t to hurt her, this shit’s all for
me.

“Shut up baby. Just for tonight. Give it to me tonight.” I know she will because she’d
never tell me no. She loves me to goddamn much. And like a selfish prick I take it
from her. I’ll keep on taking until there’s nothing left of her for anyone else.

             
I don’t do this shit nice. This is for me. Pushing that skirt to her hips and barely
pulling my dick out of my pants I shove into her hard, so rough that her head hits
the door. Pulling all the way out, I slam back into her tight, wet pussy so hard my
balls slap against her ass. Her fingers are biting into my shoulders hard, her nails
breaking skin. Her legs tighten around me as she holds onto me like her life depends
on it. I fuck her hard, giving it to her rough and mean.

This shit is worth dying for, yet I don’t even fuck her on the bed. I take it from
her right here against the door of this dirty fucking bathroom like she’s some club
whore. I didn’t even take her panties off, I just slipped them to the side and shoved
into her. She’s so fuckin’ warm and wet, gripping the fuck out of my dick when I slide
in and out. She’s always so fuckin’ tight that the shit makes my balls ache. I feel
that wetness running down my dick and it’s amazing. Even if she hates me, her body
still craves mine. She might not want me, but I can still get her pussy wet. 

“God fuckin’ damn, Lil. Your pussy always wants me. You know no one but me will ever
own this shit.”

This shit is so fucked up. So good and so fucking sad. Pulling out fast, I slam back
into her hard as she bites down on my lip. Tearing at my hair, pulling at my clothes,
hurting what little skin she can find. She’s trying to hurt me. There is no skin on
skin. The only shit I can feel is that sweet pussy and it’s not enough. She’s trying
to keep her body from me. I’ll never fucking have enough of her.

“I hate you,” she whispers around my lips.

“Baby yeah, I know you do.” I fuck her like I hate her. I fuck her like I love her.
I fuck her like it’s the last time.

****

             
Fucking Lil last night just made things worse. I fucked her and let her walk away
just like any bar bitch. She pulled that skirt back down and walked out the door,
tears in her eyes and hate rolling off her in waves. She left without a goddamn word
to me. Her hate is a potent thing, it’s so goddamn thick it was almost palpable. I
could feel it.

I know this shit fucks with her. I know she’s confused. I know she’s scared. I know
she wants to get away from me. But I also know she’d do anything for me. I know she’ll
never be able to tell me no. As much as it kills me to hurt her like this, I can’t
help myself. I just can’t fucking stop.

This last time was different ‘cause it was for me. That shit wasn’t for her. I treated
her like gash, like some bitch not even worth any more time than it took to fuck her.

During times like this, when I lie down alone in this uncomfortable ass bed at the
club, I wonder why I do this. Why I keep putting us both through this. I promise myself
I’ll fix shit; I’ll get it together enough to get my woman back. I’ll treat her the
way I know she deserves.

Then I have one of those dreams, and all that shit blows up in my face. A few hours
later, I’m right back to square one with her. I’m right back to drinking myself to
death and trying desperately to get her the fuck out of my head and system, but feeling
like shit for thinking about her that way.

****

It’s been a week and I haven’t seen or heard from her. She avoids me now and don’t
want shit to do with me. I hate not knowing what’s going on with her. I know she’s
around ‘cause my brothers keep me updated. It’s not enough, but it keeps me from losing
my fucking mind. The small updates and information about her keep me from starving.

I feel empty and lost without her and I’m fucking going insane. Fuck, I want so badly
to go back to before that night. I want to forget all the fucked up shit I saw. I
want the dreams and guilt to go the fuck away.

I try to focus my attention on the club instead of Lil, working to figure out all
the legal shit for Low. I try to keep every fuckin’ thing together for my brothers,
but all that shit requires me to be sober. When I’m sober I think of Lil. When I think
about Lil, shit goes downhill real quick. So I drink, and when I drink, I can’t focus
on my club. I’m stuck in this vicious cycle I can’t get out of. It’s eating me alive
and slowly but surely, it will kill me and I’ll probably take her right along with
me. No matter what I fuckin’ do, we keep crashing and burning. I’m just waiting until
the crash is too bad to come back from.

****

             
I’m sitting at the bar, where I spend most of my time now, when I hear her laughter
drifting in through the door. I miss that sweet ass smile when she used to look at
me like I’m the only asshole on the planet for her. I miss the way she lights up for
me. I miss her laugh. Miss the way she loves me. I miss it all.

“Oh please, shut the fuck up. I didn’t butcher it that bad.” she giggles. It’s my
favorite fucking sound, until I hear Rampages deep gruff laugh with hers.

“Whatever ya fuckin’ say Sis.”

In they walk together. Lil’s smiling over at Rampage ash he’s laughing down at her.
Shit slices into me. She’s not looking at him like she used to look at me, but she’s
still looking at him with something close to love, and that look is nothing like the
ones she gives me now. I get nothing but disappointment and disgust.

Things start to get a little hazy and I know I’m about to flip my shit. I’ll kill
them both. I don’t want to, but I will.

“Lil! Get the fuck in the office now!” Her big brown eyes swing in my direction. She
looks a little surprised to see me, but there’s no guilt there. Deep down I know she
wouldn’t do that shit. She’s loyal to a fault, but still I can’t stop myself.

“Tank … ”

“Get in the fuckin’ office.” She doesn’t flinch. She doesn’t even bat an eye as she
shakes her head sadly and gives me those heartbreaking eyes, turns around and walks
out the door. She really just walked the fuck away from me. That’s a fuckin’ first.

Turning my attention to Rampage, I feel the rage work its way up and the need to break
something has me on edge. He says one wrong thing, I’m breaking his motherfucking
neck.

“You fuckin’ Lil?” I throw at him. His eyes widen and he gapes at me. Yeah the motherfucker
actually looks shocked, but it doesn’t last long. Rampage is not an asshole you fuck
with. You bring shit to him, you better be ready to take it right back. He’s one of
the only person I try to avoid throwing shit at, but right now I just don’t give a
fuck.

“You’re shittin’ me, right?” he asks lamely.

“Sure the fuck ain’t. What the fuck was that shit?” I nod at the door Lil just walked
through.

“You drunk?” He throws back. I ignore his little dig.

             
“You looked pretty fuckin’ cozy n’ friendly with Lil.” Even to myself I sound crazy.
I’ve got crazy pouring out of me.

“Well, you look pretty fuckin’ stupid,” he counters without a second thought.

“Fuck you.” All kinds of crazy shit runs through my head and I just let that shit
spill out everywhere. It’s like once I start I can’t stop.

“You finally lose your goddamn mind?” he asks calmly.

“Sure the fuck haven’t. You tryin’ to fuck my Old Lady?” He actually laughs. Throws
his head back and laughs at my question. I don’t let him laugh long. Planting my fist
into his chin, he shuts up real quick. Done laughing so fast?

“Imma let ya have that one,
brother
. Here’s some education for your stupid ass.” He growls at me, shoving his hands into
his pockets, probably trying to keep himself from beating me to death.

“Ain’t tryin’ to fuck with Lil. She’s been like a sister to me since long before your
ass came along fuckin’ shit up, so don’t bring your shit to me. I’m helpin’ her out.
She needed shit moved from your place, so like real family does, I helped her. If
your head wasn’t so far up your motherfuckin’ ass, you’d figure it out.” Rampage doesn’t
speak much, but when he does he doesn’t hold shit in.

This shit is all news to me. He helped her move her shit? She really is fucking done
with me. She moved out? She wasn’t supposed to go this far. She’s supposed to fucking
stay so I know she’s still mine, whether she want to be or not.

“None of this shit would be goin’ on if you’d act like a man. Suggest you pull your
shit together before you fuck it all up because believe me when I say she’s ready
to leave your ass for good. N’ when she does, there won’t be a goddamn thing you can
do ‘bout it because she won’t be your
Old Lady
any goddamn more.”

****

             
It’s all gone. When I walked into the house it didn’t feel the same. The air is cold
and quiet, empty and fucking sad. Every goddamn thing is gone. She took it all except
for a pair of boots by the side door. Seeing that shit makes me feel fucking crazy.
She left the house shit, but took all her shit. All the important stuff is gone. That
last nail in my coffin is the house key sitting on the kitchen counter. This is it.
That shit ripped my heart out and let the bastard bleed all over the fucking floor.
I couldn’t be in that house any more. I wanna burn it to the ground. Strike a match
and let that motherfucker burn. It’s not a place I want to be without her. Nothing
left in my heart anymore but hate. I hate that bitch. I hate that I loved her. I hate
that I don’t have her in my house and in my life anymore. She finally came to her
senses and I am pissed.