Cowboy Gangster 02 - Gunnin' for Love (CMS) (MM) (4 page)

His pulse quickening, Angel was sure if he and Dane were together one hundred years, not a day would go by that he didn’t take a moment and marvel that Dane was really his, that this beautiful man loved
him
. They had gone through the very depths of hell –and made it out alive, hearts and minds intact. There remained a distant shadow behind Dane’s eyes, but it no longer haunted him. Maybe it would never go away entirely, but perhaps its presence –in some way –actually made their love stronger, reminded them what they truly had and how precious it was. Dane was healing. Angel could see it happening right before his eyes, a little more every day. After a long and painful struggle, he had accepted Angel’s forgiveness.

Would Axel one day come to the same place…or forever bear the burden of his sins because he didn’t feel he had the right to lay them down in favor of happiness and love?

Clint and Axel
. They seemed like such an unlikely pair, yet…somehow it made sense. Angel gazed down at the pup as it began to squirm a little in his arms and lick his hand. Clint had given Axel a puppy. Had it been divine intervention that he just happened to choose the most perfect gift imaginable?

It felt strangely obvious –in a
hidden in plain sight
kind of way –that Clint was the perfect man for Axel.

♦

Doubt shadowed Clint’s jade green eyes as Axel’s words –
‘You’re not a bad guy’ –
hung in the air between them. Axel flattened his hands on the cowboy’s chest and kissed his throat.

“It’s all I know how to be,” Clint whispered and swallowed beneath Axel’s lips.

“That isn’t true.” Axel brushed his lips along the line of Clint’s lightly stubbled jaw. “You’ve done good things.” He smiled. “You saved a puppy. Bad guys don’t save puppies.”

Clint slipped his fingers into Axel’s hair and kissed his head. “A few good deeds don’t cancel out a lifetime of bad ones.”

Growing still, Axel’s throat squeezed.
If there’s one thing I got from the bible…it’s that one sacrifice covers a multitude of sins.
Maddy’s words the day he and Angel offered Axel his redemption. But what if he was wrong? Clint clearly didn’t believe it. A heaviness bore down on his heart and he gazed blankly over Clint’s shoulder. “Then I’m a bad guy, too,” he whispered thickly. “And Angel and Maddy shouldn’t have forgiven me, because just standing up for Angel one time…it don’t mean shit.” Tears clenched his throat and burned his eyes. “It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t…make me good.”

“Axel.” Clint cupped his head and lifted his face. “I’m talking about me, not you. Those boys forgave you because they see the good in you, because they remember who you used to be to them.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Axel choked quietly. “I did them wrong. And one good deed doesn’t undo it. You just said so yourself.” His vision blurred as the whole of his pain crept back in. “You can’t have it both ways. If good deeds can’t redeem you…then they can’t redeem me either. If…if you’re a bad guy –then so am I.”

Clint’s brow knit hard and he kissed Axel on the mouth. “We’re not the same, Axel,” he spoke low, an unsteady gruffness to his voice. “You were thrust into a bad life, without a choice. I chose my life. I made a conscious decision to be a
bad
guy.”

Shaking his head, tears forming, Axel whispered, “No, I did have a choice. And I chose to side with Wade. I-I turned on Angel and Maddy because…because I wanted Wade to think I was strong, that I wasn’t a fucking sissy like him and my dad always said I was.” He trembled. “But mostly I was scared…” he choked. “Scared of what he would do to me if I sided with them.” Tears coursed down his face as he clutched Clint’s shirt in tight fists. “I chose Wade because I was a weak
fucking
coward.” He shoved his face into Clint’s shoulder, sobbing hard as his shame and self-hatred rushed over him in a flood of anguish.

Clint hugged him tight. “You were a kid, Axel,” he said thickly, quietly. “You were scared…and a victim of a bad situation, just like your stepbrothers.”

“I wasn’t a fucking
kid
,” Axel cried unsteadily. “I was almost
seventeen
.”

“That’s still a kid,” Clint murmured. “An abused and intimidated kid.”

Axel swallowed hard and asked, “And…and how old were you when you
chose
your life?”

Exhaling low, Clint said, “Thirteen.”

“You were more of a kid than I was,” Axel whispered. “But I’m supposed to believe that you had a choice but I didn’t? I don’t buy that. How does a thirteen year old kid choose to be a bad guy?”

A shudder ran through Clint and he tensed. “I was thirteen,” he mumbled dully, distantly. “But I wasn’t a kid anymore. I’d already killed two people in cold blood.” He looked down as Axel drew back and met his troubled eyes. “We’re not the same, Axel. You were just an abused kid trying to survive the best way you knew how. I…” his eyes darkened with a storm of emotions that chilled Axel to the bone. “I
wanted
to hurt others…to cause pain. And I didn’t care if they were innocent or not. I hated everyone and I
chose
to become what I am.” Some of the darkness receded and he stroked his thumbs over Axel’s damp cheeks. “You and I…we’re
not
the same. I
do
deserve hell, Axel.” He shook his head slowly and leaned down, brushing a kiss across Axel’s lips. “But you don’t. You are a good man.”

Axel clung to him and kissed his mouth. “I can’t accept that,” he trembled with emotion. He gripped Clint’s face, fresh tears rising. “I don’t care who you were back then, that’s not who you are now.”

“Axel…” Clint whispered.

“No,” Axel choked on a sob and kissed him again. “You could have hurt me…that first night. But you didn’t. A bad guy would have hurt me. He would have. But you didn’t.” He kissed him harder, desperately, tears streaking his cheeks. “You didn’t, Clint. You…you made love to me…even then, that first night…you weren’t trying to hurt me…”

A sharp, broken breath caught in Clint’s throat and he kissed Axel back, his arms crushing Axel against him.

“You made love to me,” Axel cried softly, shaking, as Clint’s mouth grabbed at his lips. “Bad guys don’t do that…they don’t…” he choked on a swell of sobs. “…They don’t make someone feel this way…the way you make me feel.” He hugged Clint’s head and kissed him, breath shuddering, heart pounding. “So safe and…” he clung to him harder and cried through their kiss. “…Loved.”

Clint’s arms tightened in desperation and intensity, squeezing Axel within his embrace, impairing his breathing with his powerful hold. The cowboy didn’t speak, instead he kissed Axel with equal desperation with which he clung to the younger man.

Gripping fists of Clint’s short hair, Axel gasped into his mouth, their kiss hardly breaking enough for him to plead – “Make love to me…now…right here…please.”

Clint loosened his hold, his hands urgent, unsteady as he tugged Axel’s shirt up over his head then grabbed his face, kissing him hard. Axel’s fingers shook, hurriedly plucking loose Clint’s shirt buttons. The man shed the garment and crushed Axel in his arms again, devouring him with a hungry kiss, pushing him back against the short counter next to the sink. The kiss broke with a forceful gasp from Clint and he shoved his head to Axel’s brow, panting, eyes glossy with tears. His hands dropped to the buckle and quickly unfastened the belt, and then Axel’s pants. A shudder swept through them both and Clint kissed him again with a surge of passion and…so much more.

♦

Safe and loved.
Clint’s heart beat wildly.
Loved.

Everything about Axel had the effect of a hammer and chisel chipping away at Clint’s exterior. Except at this moment –Axel was ripping chunks from the already crumbling walls Clint had so painstakingly built up around him. His entire world shaking on its foundation.

Axel’s arms were around him, his warm, anxious hands rubbing up Clint’s back, his mouth on Clint’s throat, then his mouth. Axel withdrew his hands and tugged at the front of Clint’s jeans, unfastening his pants.

“Clint…” Axel shuddered, his voice thick with emotion and sexual want. Tears continued to leak out and trickle down his cheeks, his lips trembling as he grabbed kisses from Clint. Whenever their eyes met, Clint was consumed by the truth reflecting back from the kid’s warm blue-gray depths. A part of him wanted to reject it and run from Axel, terrified of getting caught. But a deeper part of him knew he was already caught…and he didn’t care.

Shaky breaths puffed from Clint’s lips. He hooked his thumbs in the belt threaded around Axel’s waist and shoved the kid’s jeans off his hips and down his thighs, releasing Axel’s stiff member. Clint kissed him deeply then turned him around. Axel’s body trembled beneath Clint’s touch and he flattened his hands on the counter and watched Clint through the mirror in front of him, strong emotion churning in his eyes.

Clint kissed his shoulder and rubbed his hands down his back and lower down to his ass cheeks.

Swallowing hard, Axel whispered unevenly, “The door…is it…?”

“Locked,” Clint moaned against the nape of his neck. He nuzzled Axel’s hair, breathing in the fresh scent of shampoo from their shower earlier, the memory of Axel’s “dominance” igniting him with a surge of sexual heat. His fingers sank into Axel’s ass cheeks, rubbing and massaging his soft flesh as he pressed up against him. Ragged breaths shuddered across Axel’s shoulder and he caught his reflection’s stare. Clint held his eyes in the mirror as he shoved down the front of his Wranglers –breaking eye contact only long enough to spit in his palm –and wet his stiff erection with saliva.

Axel’s gaze grew heavy, burning with his want and need of Clint, the emotions so intense and vivid there was no mistaking their origin. The kid’s eyes shimmered, filling up freshly and spilling over one tear at a time as Clint took him, pushing in deep, claiming him. Clint shuddered fiercely as the heat and tightness of Axel’s body encased him and the low, trembling moan worked up Axel’s throat, his back arching in pleasure.

“Clint…” His name fell from Axel’s lips again as the boy’s throat worked around a sob, his breath uneven. The look in his eyes cut straight through to Clint’s heart and suddenly he was holding him in bed, Axel cuddled up to him and whispering in his sleep…
I love you.

Clint buried his face in Axel’s hair, tearing away from his gaze and the truth so clear and bright. He hugged Axel with desperate arms and caressed his body as he shoved into him again and again, his heart pounding hard and erratic.

“
Uuuhh
…” Axel arched against him, his head dropped back onto Clint’s shoulder as his arm curled up around Clint’s neck. “Yes…” Their bodies rocked against one another, a smooth yet intense motion. Axel choked on a quiet sob and his arm tightened. His head twisted and warm, trembling lips brushed Clint’s temple. “You’re a good man, Clint…” Axel whispered in a breathless moan. “You’re…you’re not a bad guy…you’re not…” A sharp shuddered breath caught in his throat when Clint hugged him harder and his thrusts intensified a fraction.

One hand sought out Axel’s rigid shaft and Clint stroked him firmly, his pace matching his thrusts.

“
Fuuuck
…” Axel gasped and whimpered. His nails gouged Clint’s arms as his body curved back against him. Soft lips touched Clint’s face and Axel twisted enough to kiss his mouth, clutching at Clint’s head with one hand. “Clint…” He moaned between shuddered kisses. The boy’s eyes were closed, lost in the ecstasy and passion, his voice unsteady and so soft, almost distant. His fingers dragged through Clint’s hair, across the top of his head, whimpers drifting up his throat. “
I…love you.”

Hardly more than a whisper, Clint wasn’t sure they were audible or just a figment of his imagination –but they punched him hard in the chest, imploding his heart. He clung to Axel and took him with wild abandon, his face shoved against the boy’s neck. Clint’s throat knotted and squeezed, tears burning behind clamped eyelids. The floor beneath his feet suddenly felt in motion and he held onto Axel with greater desperation, sure if he opened his eyes the entire world would spin out of orbit.

Axel’s soft cries enveloped him, warm tears streaking the kid’s face as Clint carried him higher and higher with each thrust of his body.
I love you
. Clint squeezed his eyes tighter, his jaw clenching as his orgasm swelled. Or was his jaw clenched against something else…biting back words he was terrified to set free?

I love you
. He pushed his face deeper into Axel’s neck, his skin hot and damp against Clint’s cheeks, his lips. Groans and pants exploding from him, Axel tensed in his arms, his body straining as he choked on a loud cry and then released as Clint pumped him furiously.

“Clint!
Uuuhh!
”

Clint shook with the need to unload. He let go of Axel’s member and clutched the boy’s hot, damp chest with both hands.

I love you
.

Clint came hard, a cry wrenching out of him on a choking sob as
‘I love you’
spun round and round in his head… no longer whispered in Axel’s quiet voice –but with a soft and low southern brogue;
I love you.