Cowboy Gangster 02 - Gunnin' for Love (CMS) (MM) (3 page)

♦

Axel didn’t know the name of the man monitoring the entrance of the Phoenix club, though he recognized him from the few times Axel had visited. He’d set foot inside the establishment three time; first with Wade, next with Clint, and the third time being on Angel’s birthday. He hadn’t stayed for the private party within the club, though he’d been invited. It felt like months ago, but in reality had been less than two weeks. Could so much really change in such a short period of time? He glanced at Clint as he paid the cab driver; it could.

The pup squirmed in his arms and he adjusted his hold. He’d been uncertain about bringing the animal with him, but Clint assured him it would be fine. Axel suspected that Clint maybe wanted the kid –Gavin –to see for himself that the pup was in good hands. Of course, the cowboy wouldn’t admit such a thing out loud, which somehow made it all the more adorable. Axel buried his face in the pup’s fur and smiled.
 
Adorable
. Clint might not take that as a compliment.

“Ready?” Clint touched his back and Axel raised his head. He wasn’t ready. The last time he’d come here, on Angel’s birthday, he had left for fear that spending too much time with Angel and Maddy might bring back bad memories for them… and remind them of all the reasons they had for hating Axel. It was unlikely that Maddy was here now, he was only fifteen and couldn’t legally hang out in a strip club. As far as Axel knew, though, Angel still worked here. He couldn’t imagine Angel still wanting to strip after all he’d been through, but maybe he’d found his healing within his new family.

“Clint…” Axel hesitated.

“I was there when they forgave you,” Clint spoke quietly. “It wasn’t a whim. It was for real.”

He spoke true, yet Axel still suffered severe anxiety as he entered the club at Clint’s side. They passed through the shadowed corridor just beyond the entrance doors and emerged into the club itself. So early in the day, the activity was toned down. Yet being a Saturday, there were nonetheless a substantial amount of customers. Even so, the music was at a moderate level and the small crowd watching the stage show was less than raucous.

The dancers caught Axel’s focus momentarily. There were two of them –one near Axel’s own age and the other appeared a few years younger–their bodies glistening with sweat, swaying and rocking in perfect erotic rhythm to the music and one another. It was hypnotizing and…beautiful in its own way.

Axel thought he recognized the oldest of the dancers as the boy Angel had been dancing with the first time Axel had come to the club with Wade.
 
To check up on Angel and make sure he was properly shaking his ass to bring in the cash.
 
Guilt punched him hard in the gut and he looked away. It had been Wade’s idea to get Angel into the Phoenix –and it hadn’t really been for the purpose of stripping. That was just the “front”. He’d sent Angel in to discreetly solicit sex from the wealthy patrons. The Phoenix was a classy club and attracted high end customers. The place was nicer than the other clubs Wade had sent Angel into, but at the end of the day –he was still simply pimping Angel to the highest bidder.

Axel followed Clint to the bar, walking behind him, his head ducked and hugging the pup to his chest. His stare was glued to the floor and only glanced up briefly when someone greeted Clint cheerfully. Axel didn’t know any of the Phoenix guys personally, but he recognized Gabriel and knew that he and Clint were old acquaintances. In his mid-to-late twenties, Gabriel had the body of a pro-athlete. Even fully dressed, the man’s physique was adeptly defined beneath the fabric of his tight black t-shirt and snug jeans. Beneath a head of short-cropped black hair, baby blue eyes gazed back at Clint from a classically handsome face. Axel had never really taken the time to “look” before now, but the guy was quite a beautiful sight.

His first time encountering Gabriel –he hadn’t been in the frame of mind to appreciate another man’s appearance. He had come here with Wade and Gabriel had taken great pleasure in tormenting Axel with sexual advances and offers that freaked the shit out of Axel. Clearly, both Gabriel and his boyfriend, who had been present at the time as well, were adept in spotting “straight” guys.

Straight guys.
 
Had Axel ever really been straight? Had
 
Wade?

“You missed one hell of a party.” A gorgeous grin lit up Gabriel’s face as he stepped off the bar stool and thrust out his hand to Clint. His baby blues skipped fleetingly to Axel and the mild shock was evident; he hadn’t expected to see Axel with Clint. Axel averted his gaze and remained partially concealed behind Clint like a shy child frightened of strangers. Not that he was “frightened” of Gabriel –the man had played a major part in rescuing Axel that night at the apartment. Not that he had come there for Axel, but he had helped save him nonetheless.

“Sorry,” Clint cleared his throat as he clasped Gabriel’s hand. “Something…came up.”

That
 
something
 
had been Axel. That was the day Clint had picked Axel up in his cab and taken him to his apartment. The day he had started to walk out and Axel had asked him to stay. The real beginning of…all this.

Gabriel cast Axel another glance and a shadow of a smile played at the corners of his mouth. “I understand.” There was veiled amusement in his voice and Clint simply grunted at the guy.

Clint looked to the stage. “How’s he working out?” Axel followed Clint’s stare to the younger of the two dancers. He’d told Axel he had instructed Gavin to leave the Blue Grotto and come to the Phoenix. So the youngest of the dancers was…Gavin?

Axel inspected him more closely. He was almost “pretty” with his ultra-lean, supple body, black hair just a little shorter than Axel’s own, soft facial features. In many ways, he was reminiscent of Angel.

“Great,” Gabriel said and chuckled. “A hot little number. Ricky has taken it upon himself to teach him the ways.” He nodded towards the older boy on stage whose body was snug up against Gavin’s ass, hands on his hips, guiding Gavin’s movements. Gabriel’s smile softened and he looked at Clint. “He seems like a good kid. I can’t imagine him in a fucking shithole like the Blue Grotto.”

“Fuck,” Clint muttered. “After being in that place, you want to peel off your fucking skin.”

Gabriel laughed, nodding emphatically.

His eyes drifting across the club, Axel’s stare settled on a closed door at the far side. The club owner’s office. And the room in which Axel had been offered his redemption the day Angel and Maddy had pardoned his sins against them. He flinched when the door suddenly opened and a tall, blond, well-built man emerged. Axel instantly recognized him as Gabriel’s boyfriend –and another of his rescuers that night at the apartment. Behind him, a man of equal height and similar build also stepped out of the office, his short dark hair neatly styled and eyes nearly black as night.
 
Angel’s boyfriend
.

The memory of the power in the man as he’d burst through the apartment door that night, a raging storm of fury, vengeance and…fear. Fear for angel –the love of his life.

How had Wade survived the man’s burning rage?
 
Why
 
had he survived?

You should have killed him for what he did to Angel.

Axel hugged the pup a fraction tighter, careful not to squeeze too hard, and quickly averted his eyes when both men stared at him with the same mildly stunned look as Gabriel.

Was Angel’s boyfriend as forgiving as Angel? As the man approached, Axel was afraid to meet his eyes and discover the truth for himself.

♦

The intrigue in the eyes of the three younger men informed Clint he wasn’t getting away without offering up an explanation for Axel’s presence. Behind closed doors, alone with Axel, everything was simple. Out here, in a world that knew him as one thing and one thing only…things became more complicated. And not only for himself. Axel was doing nothing to draw attention to himself, though his presence alone drew all focus to him.

“I asked the boy to give you my jacket,” he spoke to Gabriel, his tone firm and steady as if nothing about any of this was out of the ordinary. “Do you have it?”

“Even had it washed,” Gabriel smirked.

“Thanks.”

“What the hell were you doing at the Grotto?” Disgust pinched Gabriel’s face as he moved around behind the bar.

“Dealing with a scumbag,” Clint mumbled. Bringing up Quinton’s name to Gabriel was something he avoided as much as possible these days, after the hell Gabriel had endured at the man’s hand. Clint wanted those memories to fade as much as possible, for himself as well as for Gabriel and Cole. And everyone who loved Gabriel.

“Your jacket.” Gabriel came out from behind the bar and handed Clint the denim coat. He glanced at Axel then reached out and scratched the pup’s head. “This the pup we’ve been hearing about?” An amused smile tweaked his lips.

Clint frowned. “What?” But then it dawned on him –Gavin. Of course he would have told them how he had met Clint. “Yeah.” Clint turned and looked at Axel who seemed unwilling to raise his eyes. He still felt like an outsider. One of the “bad guys” who had done Angel wrong. And within the Phoenix, Angel was deeply loved. Clint knew enough about these boys to know that if Angel had forgiven Axel, then they were good with him as well. Axel just didn’t yet understand that.

“Clint.” Cole shook Clint’s hand. “Good to see you again so soon.” He shot a quick glance at the stage. “Thanks for the gift, by the way.” He winked and grinned.

Angel’s boyfriend –Dane –shook his hand next, though his dark eyes rested on Axel. Dane had the strongest cause to hold a grudge against Axel, but Clint detected no animosity in Dane –simply curiosity. As was present in them all.

When Axel shifted the pup in his arms and faced the three men more directly –all attention was immediately seized by the sight of Clint’s belt and buckle wrapped securely around Axel’s waist.

Clint breathed deeply as Gabriel, Cole and Dane slowly raised their eyes and met his stare, brows arched and an entirely new level of intrigue visibly surging through them.

He groaned inwardly and shifted his gaze to Axel who met his eyes with hesitation and uncertainty. What was Axel expecting him to say? What did he
 
want
 
him to say?

The loud clink of bottles broke the trance they all seemed momentarily trapped in, and all eyes shifted to the end of the bar where a young man had set down a small box of liquor. He smiled and started to speak when he caught sight of Axel and he blinked like maybe he was seeing things. His slim fingers slid absently through his sandy brown strands and he came forward.

Angel
. The boy even moved with the grace of an angel and his crystal clear eyes radiated warmth as he held Axel’s gaze for a moment before drifting down to the pup in Axel’s arms. Something deeper, even heartbreaking, flickered strongly then softened. Like Axel, did he remember that day from their childhood when Axel had brought the stray pup home and for a brief moment, they had all played with it and been “real” brothers? Or had the memory gotten buried beneath the years of horror that came after?

Angel approached Axel slowly as Clint and the other men watched in silence. His slender fingers reached out and touched the pup’s fur, caressing gently over the bandage wrapping the small animal’s ribs. “The puppy…” he whispered, and his eyes turned softly to Clint. “…that you rescued?”

Clint nodded, captivated by the boy as he had been the day he’d forgiven Axel and claimed him as his brother.

“You gave him to…” his gaze shifted back to Axel and held the young man’s stare. A thin film of tears glossed Axel’s eyes as he looked back at Angel. A tender smile touched Angel’s lips and he asked quietly, “What’s his name?”

Axel swallowed thickly and whispered, “Jonah.”

Angel’s eyes shimmered and his smile grew brighter. “Wait till I tell Maddy.”

Yet another of the many walls surrounding Axel came crashing down in the glow of Angel’s smile and the reality that he, too, retained those rare, precious memories that Axel clung to.

Clint blinked against the sting in his eyes and resisted the urge to give Angel a crushing hug.

The boy was truly heaven sent.

Gabriel caught his stare, a smile twitching his lips and a gloss to his own eyes as the look he shot Clint insisted the cowboy had a hell of a lot of explaining to do.

♦

“You remember?” Axel stared at Angel.

The other boy looked up from the pup. “I remember.” He smiled and his eyes glowed with warmth. “I remember how happy Maddy was when you said he could give the pup a name.” Humor mingled with a thin film of tears. “A real one, besides just
dog.
”

Axel ducked his head and laughed softly at the recollection of how Maddy’s face had wrinkled at the suggestion of such a bland, generic name. “Yeah,” he cleared his throat and raised his eyes. “I didn’t have much of an imagination.”

“You were teasing him,” Angel grinned. “And you know it.”

Those moments had been so rare and fleeting –bonding as brothers. Feeling like “family”. Axel smiled and swallowed thickly. “Yeah, I was.” His dropped his gaze to the pup, stroking his fingers through its fur.

“I also recall,” Angel chuckled, “Maddy’s disgust when you tried to get him to fetch your sock –to show the puppy how to fetch.” He laughed. “He wasn’t having any of that.”

Axel’s throat worked and his eyes burned but he couldn’t prevent his smile from widening. “He was a smart kid.” The pup blurred as he kept his eyes trained on the small animal.

“Maddy remembers it all, too,” Angel whispered. Axel just stared down at the pup, his fingers sliding back and forth through its short, soft hair, and his tears forming thicker. “He started…” Angel’s voice strained with emotion. “…He started calling you our brother, without even thinking about it. It’s just…who you were to him after that day.” Angel’s breath shuddered. “Who you were to me, too.”

Axel tried to blink back the tears before they spilled over. His eyes shifted a fraction and caught Clint’s stare, then dropped back to the pup again.

“We thought we lost you,” Angel said softly, an unsteadiness to his words.

A tear rolled down Axel’s cheek and shakes began to grip his body. He gently pushed the pup into Angel’s hands and turned away as more tears trailed the first. He walked quickly toward the club entrance.

“Axel...?” Concern and uncertainty laced Angel’s voice, which only made the swelling pain in Axel’s chest hurt even more.

He passed into the shadowed corridor then shoved through the restroom door to the left. He was barely inside before he broke and leaned against the wall, arms wrapped tightly around his stomach which clenched beneath the strength of his sobs.

He started calling you our brother…it’s who you were to him…who you were to me.

Axel ducked his head and sank slowly to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest. Pain squeezed his heart until he could hardly breathe.
You were their brother…they loved you more than Wade ever could…and you turned on them. Viciously. You let Wade hurt them –so bad! You didn’t do a FUCKING thing to help them!

“You hurt them, too,” he choked on a rush of sobs and buried his face in his arms.
You fucking COWARD!

The restroom door opened then closed with a soft click but he didn’t raise his head. The dull clack of boot soles on hard tile brought him a sense of comfort yet he couldn’t look up as he cried against his arms.

He barely felt himself being lifted to his feet before he was buried in Clint’s embrace and clinging to the cowboy, a fresh swell of sobs wracking his body. Clint didn’t speak, just held him tight, his face pressed into Axel’s hair and his hands caressing his back soothingly.

“I don’t deserve this,” Axel cried quietly against Clint’s neck, tremors rushing through him. He clung desperately to Clint. “I don’t…I don’t deserve anything good.” His fingers dug into Clint’s hair and he shoved his face deeper into the man’s neck. “I don’t deserve you.”

A slow, uneven breath forced out of Clint and he rubbed his hands up Axel’s back and gently gripped his head. He drew him back and pressed his forehead to Axel’s brow, his thumbs stroking over Axel’s wet cheeks. Clint’s eyes were closed, a pinch of anguish to his face. When he finally opened his eyes, they were damp. Axel’s chest hitched with quiet sobs struggling to work up his throat as fresh, warm tears brimmed and slipped over, trickling down his cheeks only to be wiped away by the cowboy’s touch.

“Come here,” Clint whispered and drew back. He led Axel to the sink and –with a sense of déjà vu –he watched the man pluck towels from the dispenser, lightly dampen them under the faucet, then gently wash Axel’s face.

Axel stared at Clint. The last time they had been in this restroom…

‘Stay with me…I won’t hurt you.’

It felt like they were replaying that day. His emotions heightened from Angel and Maddy’s forgiveness…and his confusing feelings toward Clint. “I lied that day,” Axel whispered, breath catching.

Clint tossed the damp towels in the trash. “What?” he murmured, a knit in his brow.

“The last time we were here,” Axel trembled. “I lied. I…I said I didn’t want to stay with you. That I didn’t want…this.” Clint traced his thumb over Axel’s lips and Axel closed his eyes, new tears seeping out beneath his lashes. “But I did. I was so scared but…” he opened his eyes. “…I wanted to stay. I-I don’t know why I ran away.”

“I do.” Clint urged him back into his arms and held him close as Axel again clung to him and buried his face in his neck.

“I don’t know how to do this,” he whispered, chin trembling.

Clint’s arms tightened and he kissed Axel’s hair. “Do what?”

Axel shuddered against the cowboy’s warm, strong body. “How to accept forgiveness…” He choked on a sob and hugged Clint’s head, shaking. “…When I don’t deserve it.”

Sighing, Clint dragged his fingertips tenderly up and down Axel’s back. “Maybe that’s the real gift,” he whispered. “Being forgiven even when we don’t deserve it.” He shifted and kissed Axel’s damp cheek, then brushed his lips across his mouth. “Who does deserve it, really? God knows, if I only got what I deserved…I’d be filling a vacancy in hell right now. I sure as shit wouldn’t…” He swallowed hard and kissed Axel again. “…Have you.”

Axel sniffed and wiped his eyes. “I’m hardly a…reward or a gift,” he mumbled, throat tight. “I’m all fucked up.”

“The entire human species is fucked up on some level,” Clint spoke low. “So don’t think that makes you special or unique.” He laid a warm kiss on Axel’s lips. “Not when there’s so many other
good
things that make you special.”

“What good things?” Axel whispered doubtfully and laid his head on Clint’s shoulder.

A soft exhale of breath puffed Axel’s hair and Clint kissed his head. “Well, for one, you like me.” The smile in his voice was evident. “No one likes me.”

Axel closed his eyes, a small smile forming. “Gabriel likes you.”

“Gabriel is family. That doesn’t count.” Clint chuckled quietly. “They’re obligated to like me, and I’m not even sure they all do anyway. And maybe Gabriel is faking.”

Axel shook his head slowly against Clint’s shoulder. “He isn’t,” he laughed softly. Clint’s arms tightened a fraction, his embrace soothing away some of the pain inside.

“Now that I think about it,” Clint murmured with mock suspicion. “Maybe
you’re
faking.”

Warmth swept through Axel and he pushed closer to Clint. “I didn’t know men could fake.”

♦

Clint was hardly an expert in emotional matters, yet he took Axel’s veiled sexual innuendo as a possible defense mechanism against the pain and anguish he was suffering toward his stepbrothers. Axel felt safe when consumed by Clint’s passion. Wanted and…of worth. It hurt like fuck for Axel to face the reality of his involvement in Angel and Maddy’s hellish life. And their forgiveness –in its own way –caused more agony. And this was how he was trying to cope…by luring Clint into sexual banter and momentarily distancing himself from the hurt within.

This was a process for Axel, and it would take time for him to come to the place where he could fully accept the forgiveness offered to him. It wasn’t Clint’s place –or his intention –to force Axel to try and deal with everything all at once.

“Anything is possible.” Clint nuzzled his ear.

Axel tucked his chin to his chest. “Not for me,” he smiled, then raised his eyes. His silver-gold lashes glistened damply as he gazed at Clint with both amusement and intensity, a stray curl falling across his brow. He kissed Clint on the chin and then his mouth, his humor wavering. “I don’t think you deserve hell,” he said quietly and ran his fingertips over Clint’s face.

“Bad guys go to hell.” Clint stared intently into his shimmering eyes and with a single fingertip gently shifted the rogue strand of hair back with the other slightly uncooperative curls. “Or so I hear.”

“You’re not a bad guy. Not to me.”

You don’t know the things I’ve done.
He didn’t speak the words and take the chance of planting a seed of doubt in Axel’s mind. Before Axel, he couldn’t have fathomed how powerfully it affected him to hear those words; you’re not a bad guy.

‘I don’t think you’re so bad.’

Maybe it somehow worked in conjunction with witnessing Angel and Maddy’s forgiveness of Axel’s sins against them. Until he stood there and saw it with his own eyes, heard it with his own ears…he hadn’t known such redemption existed. That human beings were even capable of such mercy.

Clint gazed at Axel as the kid stared back at him with a look he hadn’t thought he would ever see again.
You’re not a bad guy.
If ever anyone could make him believe he was redeemable…it would be Axel.

♦

“I didn’t mean to upset him.” Angel hugged the pup carefully and looked at the three men. “I thought it would make him feel good to know that Maddy and I saw him as our brother.”

“I’m sure it makes him feel real good,” Gabe said quietly. “He’s going through a lot right now, I think.” He glanced at Cole and Dane then back to Angel. “Maybe more than we realize.”

Angel licked his lips slowly and stared down at the pup.
Maybe more than we realize
. He looked toward the club entrance. “Why is…” He shifted his gaze to the men. “Why is he still with Clint?” A frown pinched his brow.

Again, the guys exchanged a glance and Gabe rubbed his hand over his mouth. He cleared his throat and shifted on the stool. “We have a theory,” he murmured, lips twitching with a smile.

Angel stared at him. “You don’t think…” He looked at Dane who sat a couple stools down from Gabe, his back against the bar. Dane shrugged and smiled. “But…” Angel’s frown deepened. “But Axel isn’t…”

Gay?
He’d always been disgusted by “fags”. And even more so when Wade and Byrd had started snorting coke and doing
each other
. Byrd had never been shy about taking his turn at Angel, or revealing his lust to have Maddy –Angel shuddered, a cold chill passing through him –but when Wade had gone after Angel as well…that was when Axel had shown outright disgust for his brother.

And Wade always making snide remarks to Axel when they were younger, about him and Angel and Maddy sharing the same bed –though they never had –it had really bugged Axel and even prevented the three of them from getting “too” close, despite those rare moments as with the puppy.

“He isn’t gay,” Angel murmured.

“You sure about that, babe?” Cole cocked an eyebrow and rested his arm on Gabe’s shoulder.

“Then again, maybe he isn’t,” Gabe smirked. “He sure wasn’t having any of me when we first met.” He chuckled.

“That’s because you frightened the poor boy,” Cole scolded with a twist of his lips. “You do tend to come on a bit strong.”

Angel smiled, recalling the way Axel had scurried away from Gabe, nearly tripping over himself to get away from him.

“What?” Gabe chuckled. “I was just welcoming him to the club. Even offered him a freebee…I think.”

Cole snorted. “That’s just what any young man confused about his sexuality needs –strong advances from a hot, seasoned stripper.”

“So you admit I’m hot?” Gabe looked up at him, brow arched.

“Just an expression,” Cole muttered and shook his head.

Gabe smirked. “Was it just an expression last night?” he wondered. “When you were like
‘You’re so fucking hot, baby –fuck me harder! Harder!’
”

“Fuck you,” Cole scowled and laughed. “You’re confused about who was hollering and begging to be pounded.” He snaked his arm around Gabe’s neck and kissed his head. “But I can tell you for sure who’s gonna be begging and pleading tonight.”

Gabe twisted his head and kissed Cole firm on the mouth. “I do love it when you beg, baby.”

Sighing, Angel laughed softly and moved closer to Dane, settling between his legs, his back to Dane’s chest. “You two are enough to make an angel blush,” Angel smiled wryly, stroking the pup’s fur.

“Fuck,” Gabe winked. “We’ve heard the tales of your bedroom escapades. You’re not fooling us with your illusion of innocence.”

Angel leaned to the side and looked at Dane. “You talking to them about our sex?”

“Not me,” Dane smiled sweetly, innocently. “Never.”