Covet Not (37 page)

James' face
was soaked in sweat, and his eyes were red-rimmed and full of moisture. He
looked at them both, one after the other, then at his gun in Raphe's hands.

He ran.

The boys
extinguished the light and ran for the woods once James was out of sight. Jude
grabbed his arm as soon as they passed the tree line.

“
Please don't be disappointed in me.
Please,”
Raphe begged.

“
You're in love with me?”

It took Raphe
a moment to understand the question. “Of course I am.”

Jude pushed
him up against a tree. “Can I have you right now?” It wasn't assertive or
aggressive. It was desperate and scared. Raphe heard the real question being
asked.

“
You can have me forever.”

It was
difficult and messy.

Saliva was used
to help ease the entry into Raphe's body. A spit slick cock and a tongue fucked
asshole.

It was
painful and sublime and Raphe could feel Jude's tears on the back of his neck
where he pressed his forehead.

LXIV

Josephine was as he remembered
her. Except she looked exhausted from having a baby. Raphe was led to her room
by the woman who answered the door. The others hovered around the living room,
unsure of what to do or say.

He ripped up
Josephine's note and Sophia's directions, and threw them in the small bin by
the door. It wouldn't do for him to lose them in the truck.

The drive was
uneventful, though they didn't completely relax. If James had gone after Raphe,
or sent someone, this was on the route to Texarkana. But, they were off the
beaten path a bit.

Once they
left with the baby, they would be driving through west Texas, and it would be
difficult to find anyone there.

They would
need a safe place to sleep that night, though.

He felt a
little guilty for putting everyone in even more danger, but far too satisfied
to dwell.

He didn't
want to hurt Clara, but she was much too hurt having to live without Jude. He
understood that. But they would all be together again.

And they
would be safe.

“
Mama induced me last night, so that she
would show up this morning. I was already dilated enough, whatever that means,
but she said she wouldn't have if I wasn't.” Josephine stopped talking as Raphe
sat beside her on the bed and watched the baby suckle. “She was due in a week,
and Mr. Agnesson would be here for it.” Josephine had difficulty catching her
breath. “He can't have her.”

Raphe was
captivated. “She's utterly perfect.”

“
You'll care for her?” She asked timidly.

“
I'm doing her one better. It's dangerous
here. And I'd likely drop her. I found her a couple in the States.” He put his
fingers to her temple and stroked down her cheek. She wouldn't be dissuaded
from the breast.

“
You'll see her, though?” Josephine watched
Raphe watch the baby.

“
I don't know the logistics while I'm still
in Texas. It's too dangerous as long as Agnesson lives, but I know where she's
going and who she's going with. She won't want for anything. It's an affluent
coastal city with the best schools
‒
”

“
Schools?”

“
Yes. Girls go to school same as boys.
She'll be brilliant.” Raphe saw the baby open her eyes and focus on her mother.
“She's breathtaking.”

“
They are nice people?”

“
The best kind of people.” He didn't know
really, but he trusted Sophia. “They've wanted a child, but couldn't conceive,
and they are flying all the way down here to get her. We need to have her out
of the country before Agnesson finds out.”

Josephine
took a few deep breaths. “He's my father.”

He took his
eyes off the baby. He didn't know what to say. It wasn't his job to say
anything. Not when she had family near. They had entertained the idea about a
sister called Josephine Grace and that it was an odd coincidence that the name
popped up again. But of course, the resemblance was fucking there. Now that he
was looking for it. “I have two of your brothers with me.” Raphe turned and saw
the door was cracked. He rose his voice slightly, so the baby wouldn't be
frightened. “Jude, Jared!”

“
Jude and Jared?” She asked.

Raphe nodded
as Jude opened the door slightly and peeked around the corner. He stepped in,
and was followed by Jared.

Raphe looked
to Josephine, who was arranging her gown to cover her a bit more. “Meet your
sister.”

Both men
stared at her, searching for likenesses. She carried many of their features,
except her hair, which was long and blonde. “Then it was her grave in the
woods. I never asked Father because even if he told the truth, he was still a
liar,” Jared said gravely and sat on the other side.

“
I have two brothers?” She asked.

“
You have five brothers. You would've come
after number four, I think.” Jared said. “After me.” His hand went up to touch
her hair, near her ear. “I can't believe this. Why were we meant to believe you
died? Why did our mother have to suffer over a lie?”

Josephine
coughed, then inhaled. “Mama told me I was very early. She resuscitated me. She
told...our father, but he didn't want me. Said I would be dead in a week. But,
I didn't die. Mama was already attached. She told him I was dead.”

“
I delivered every one of you boys. And
your mother was sicker for each one. Your father was
is
a very cruel
man.” The woman who let them in spoke. “The youngest, Jude, barely survived,
and when he took his first breath after resuscitation, Grace-love, took her
last. She couldn't be revived, and your father broke all of her ribs trying.
She didn't so much as leave you, as leave him. Dying that way was better than
anything he'd inflict.” Her tone softened as she looked at how the boys looked
at their sister. “Now, can you help my Gracie Jo?”

“
Mama, please don't.” She whispered.

“
What's wrong with her?” Jude hadn't spoken
yet, and all eyes moved to him, then back to the woman. The woman who smelled
of gin, but was articulate all the same.

“
Her lungs are scarred from being so tiny
at birth. She needed to be at a hospital, but I could only make do with a
little compressed air. I was too scared to take her to Austin because I was
afraid Mr. Agnesson would find out, and I knew he was capable of anything.

But I
should've taken her. I regret that. And this pregnancy has been very hard. I
didn't know she was going to go through with it. I thought she was only going
to see James.”

“
Of course, we'll do anything. What can we
do specifically? We can send you money
‒
”

The woman
looked at Josephine. “The doctor didn't tell you because I asked him not to.
You've been prepared to die for a while, but you've romanticized it, my love.
It's not going to happen quietly in your sleep. It's going to be drawn out and
horrible until infection sets in and each breath will feel like a stab to your
heart. I want you in a hospital, where you will have pain relief.” She walked
to Josephine and pressed a kiss on her head. “I would care for you until your
last breath, but to see you in such pain, and to not be able to stop it would
break me. It
is
breaking me.” She looked at the somber boys, one after
the other. “I have money from this pregnancy, but it's not enough.”

“
Think nothing of it. Tomorrow, we'll take
her. In the morning we can set up payment before we leave. We will send
whatever is needed, and we will come personally as soon as we can.” Jared
looked at Josephine, who was clearly not pleased with her mother. “But, we've
only had her for a moment
‒
”

Jared's
depressing words were broken by a baby's cry. Josephine would live on through
her daughter.

Brother
William Mikkelsen never liked Josiah Agnesson. Sure, he was handsome and
charismatic and loved the Lord, but he behaved as if the Lord liked him best.

He behaved as
if he were the arm of God himself, but William knew the only reason Josiah was
chosen to Mission in New York City was because of who he was and how much money
he'd given to Communion.

He overheard
a little gossip earlier. Usually he doesn't partake, but he heartily believed
that God lent him his ears just then. “We've not heard any word about Brother
Josiah. He has not contacted us. Any calls to his room go unanswered, but he is
still checked in,” Brother Aaron relayed to the pastor.

“
It wouldn't be the first time a man was
tempted from his role as the spreader of Truth,” Pastor Micah said.

“
What should we do?”

“
I don't rightly know. If we don't hear
from him, we'll have to report him missing, and I'm not sure the legal
ramifications of that.”

“
Should we send another Brother?”

“
I think we need to. We'll keep it quiet
until we get word,” the pastor said with a sigh.

Brother
William volunteered right away. He had been picked to go originally until
Josiah brought out his money.

He dressed in
his nicest white button up shirt, but his nervousness from the flight required
him to change.

They
reluctantly put him in the same hotel, though the price was more than they
wanted. He had two days to find Josiah, and if he didn't catch his plane home,
he would need to pull from his own meager funds.

He had no intention
of staying. It was fascinating, but overwhelming, and there were far too many
ill-dressed women hanging by Satan's puppet strings.

It was also
cold.

Hell was hot.
An eternal fire. But sometimes the cold burned just the same.

He didn't
recognize Josiah at first because the woman on her knees with her mouth on him,
indecently, was quite distracting.

He'd cracked
open his door at the commotion. “I don't think this is the right floor,” Josiah
laughed and looked down. “You're going to get lipstick on me.”

The whore
spoke. “That's why I asked you what color you liked earlier?”

“
Oh,” he said breathlessly. “That's...
naughty.”

William heard
the girl laugh with her mouth full and wanted to vomit. He grabbed the tourist
camera he bought at the airport and snapped a few photos through the crack of
his door.

He couldn't
wait to tell Pastor Micah about Saint Josiah fornicating in a hotel hallway.

LXV

Jared checked Josephine into
the best hospital in Texas. It was in the middle of Dallas which wasn't easy to
navigate when you'd never been.

He paid two
weeks’ worth and would come up in person to pay more. His father didn't have
access to this account, but he could do some sleuthing once he came for the
baby and found her gone. But, he may never put it together.

Jared didn't
fucking care. The baby would be safe and Josephine would be comfortable.

Josephine
kissed her baby goodbye, but she seemed to be in a good deal of distracting
pain. Childbirth hadn't been wise.

Raphe
promised that when she was safely with her new family, he would let her know,
and she was relieved. He would ask for them to send a photograph of them all
together, and send it along with Jared.

Jared left
Ellen to sit with Josephine, and they were on their way. It would be hours and
hours still, but they'd had a good night's sleep, and a good breakfast, and Ms.
Reed was very hospitable. She insisted they stay, and she filled their bellies.

They bundled
the baby warmly and was given formula and bottles, diapers and wipes, and a
small layette. Raphe could hardly keep his eyes from her.

“
You're in love with her,” Clara said
plainly.

Raphe glanced
upwards, then back down at the baby. “It's hard not to be.”

“
You won't want to give her up.” Clara was
resigned, and it was clear in her tone. Not that she wouldn't want her around,
but Raphe had the opportunity to leave now.

“
It's not about giving her up. It's about
her safety. I know without a doubt her life will be good. One day she will know
me
‒
”

“
You could go with her.” It wasn't bitter,
but she felt it needed to be said. It sounded as if she was trying to convince
herself.

Raphe wasn't
going to bite. She was hurting. “I could. But it wouldn't be fair to her new
parents for me to fall more in love with her after each passing day.” He
stroked her downy cheek. “I've heard that babies shit. And spit up. I don't
want anything to do with that. I just want pictures. I just want to look at
her. It's pure vanity.”

The truck was
silent for a little while. “My life is with you, Clara,” he spoke softly, not
taking his eyes off his daughter, Josephine Grace. “It's what I've chosen. It's
what I
choose
.”

Clara didn't
say anything, but she let Josephine curl her tiny hand around her finger.

They got to El
Paso at nightfall. Jared had access to the mailbox next to the bank, and
retrieved their Passports and bank cards.  The packages for the phone and
laptop were in there as well.

Crossing over
the river wasn't an ordeal at all. The guard didn't even look at the baby.

The house
wasn't very far away. It was close to all the shops, so food would be easy.

Anton and
Agatha Hildegard were waiting at the house.

Anton shook
Jared's hand and he handed over Josephine's Passport and other legal papers
Sophia needed them to fill out.

Agatha walked
up to Raphe.

And it was
plain to see how much Agatha desired a baby. Raphe swallowed against the lump
in his throat, and he felt his eyes water, but she looked at him with complete
understanding as he handed her over. “You don't have to worry. She will be
rotten, I assure you.” She smiled at him, and he liked her immediately.
“Josephine Grace?”

“
Yes. It's her mother's name. Born on New
Year's Day.”

“
It's not very common, but not so uncommon
that I'm just making things up,” Agatha laughed. “I like it.”

Raphe touched
the baby's cheek one last time. “Can you...will you send photos? To Sophia? She
can forward them to me. I don't want to interfere. I just want to see her. And
if you have medical questions or whatever. You can always contact me.”

“
Of course.” She cradled Josephine. “Her
mother is ill?”

“
Yes. Not genetically, but lung scarring
from being premature.”

“
Ah. Anything we need to know about you?” A
wink.

Raphe
laughed. “Why don't we just let it be a surprise.”

“
Oh, you were a handful, weren't you?”
Agatha laughed. “I will certainly contact Sophia if I have any questions and to
send updates and pictures. And I...thank you. The last couple of years have
been difficult. My body has failed. This...well, like I said: She will be
spoiled.”

They watched
them drive away.

It was
heartbreak number one, and he knew number two was just about to happen.

When he
turned, Jude grabbed the back of his neck and pressed their foreheads together.
“I'm sorry.”

Raphe sniffed
and grabbed at the material on Jude's shirt.

“
Please care for her.”

“
You don't ever have to ask.”

“
I know,” Jude whispered. “Love her.”

“
I
do
love her.” Raphe wanted to
scream.

Jude seemed
to want to say something else, but wouldn't, but then they both heard Clara
walking out of the house. She and Shula had been exploring. He spoke quickly.
“Wait for me, please.”

Raphe
understood then. “Don't forget to come fetch us, then.”

Clara wormed
her way between them then, body wracked with sobs, and Raphe regretted again
not killing Agnesson.

Shula had
never been in such a new house before. She looked in every room and every
closet. It had beds and bedding, and the bathrooms had towels and toiletries.

The kitchen
was stocked with plenty of food.

Sophia had
thought of everything.

There was a
postcard on the fridge held down by a magnet. It was of the ocean at night and
it was reflecting a million stars. It was beautiful and she remembered Jared
talking about how ancient people created so many stories about them.

She lifted it
and turned it over to see if she recognized it. She frowned at Jared's familiar
script.

They are
ghosts, the stars. Long dead, but shining tales of the greatest loves ever
known.

And ours
will shine the brightest.

      
Forever, Jared

Shula dropped
the card and ran outside. The truck was gone and her bag was next to Clara's.
She hadn't brought her bag.

Her legs gave
out.