Courage in the Kiss (28 page)

Two hours later, Hadley was sitting in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for an image to pop up on the screen. The doctor had put all the gel on and moved it around her stomach with the device, but she hadn’t seen anything yet. Just a lot of fuzzy white dots on a black screen.

“There,” Maxx said, pointing toward a brighter shade of white on the image. “That could be a head, right?” he asked, uncertainly.

Hadley smiled as the doctor repositioned the device and the shape became more pronounced. Then she flicked a switch and the sound of a heartbeat filled the tiny room.

“Well, from the looks of things,” the doctor said, reading notations that appeared on the screen, “you’re almost correct about your due date. Probably out by a few weeks. So...I’d say you’re due for a February baby.”

“February,” Maxx repeated in awe. He shook his head and gripped Hadley’s hand tighter, while staring at the screen. “And, is it a boy or a girl?” he asked, glancing her way.

Hadley gave his hand a squeeze in reassurance; she hadn’t changed her mind. It was better that they knew the sex of the baby as soon as possible.

“I’m sorry,” the doctor said, with a consoling smile. “That’s something we’ll discuss at the next scan. It’s too early to determine sex,” she apologised. But then there was a skip in the steady heartbeat that made Hadley’s breath hitch.

“What was that?” she asked, looking up at Maxx in concern.

The doctor turned to the machine and typed a few keys that softened then amplified the sound of the baby’s heartbeat. It stuttered a second time and the doctor remained silent.

For a few minutes, the heartbeat sounded normal, but Hadley couldn’t let herself relax. Then another five minutes passed in tense silence, with nothing but the heartbeat filling the room.

“Okay, I know that must have been scary for you,” the doctor said with a gentle smile. “But it’s stable now. It may have simply been a stress reaction. Or a glitch in the machine. We’ll be here a little longer, to do the 3-D scan you asked for, so while it’s printing, I’ll let you keep listening. If you still have concerns, before you leave, I’m happy to talk things over with you,” she explained.

Hadley nodded and waited impatiently for the exam to be over. That stutter terrified her, but she was willing to do what the doctor suggested. She held onto Maxx and waited for the print out to finish, for the doctor to place it into a folded card frame and hand it over. Then, finally, the doctor tapped the keyboard and the sound stopped.

“Does that relieve your mind?” she asked.

“For now,” Maxx replied with a bite. He turned and kissed her temple, only to whisper in her ear. “I’ll have a specialist look at the baby,” he promised, faithfully.

Hadley appreciated the comfort and nodded her agreement. She was worried, and if Maxx wanted a second opinion, she was more than happy to accept his help. Either way, she wasn’t going to sit back and wait for another eight or ten weeks to find out if that stuttering heartbeat was something to worry about. And she knew Maxx wouldn’t, either.

As soon as
they returned home, Hadley escaped into the downstairs bathroom and brought up her entire breakfast and lunch.

Maxx’s footprints were casual, as though sauntering in behind her and stalling outside the door.

As she vomited and attempted to clean up at the sink, she could hear faint voices outside the door that suggested Maxx was explaining what had happened to someone. She wasn’t sure if Conway was still around, or if Emerson or Micah had come home.

“Had,” Maxx’s voice called out, “baby, are you alright?” he asked.

“Yes,” she lied, managing to squeak the word out around her tight throat. She felt like being sick again, but the lie stuck in her throat. “No,” she corrected herself as the tears welled in her eyes.

The door handle rattled but didn’t budge, giving Hadley enough time to rinse her mouth and spit again, before she had to open the door. When she did, Maxx was patiently leaning against the frame of the door, arms folded across his chest.

“Morning sickness, or because of the appointment?” he wondered, while handing over a tissue.

Hadley waved it off and stepped out of the room. “Both, I think,” she confessed, self-consciously touching the back of her hand to her chin, to make sure she hadn’t missed anything.

“The boys just got back, and Conway is keeping them busy in the living room,” Maxx explained, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Do you want a few minutes alone, or should I ask Dad to leave the study and we get this over with?” he asked, letting her choose what she was ready for.

Honestly, she wasn’t sure she was ready for either option. Alone, her mind would spin from all the possibilities, but if she told everyone, that might make it more real. And that was just as terrifying.

“I don’t know.” She looked up at Maxx for guidance.

He smiled and let the back of his finger caress her cheek. “Let’s tell them and then we can call the specialist,” he suggested. He held out his hand and waited for her to take it, before drawing her further into his arms. “I promise. We’ll figure this out and we’ll get a second opinion. From someone who actually sounds convincing,” he promised while holding her tight.

Hadley couldn’t stop her reaction. She cried into his shirt and wondered if she’d cursed herself, by getting too excited about the pregnancy and the prospect of spending the rest of her life raising a child with Maxx.

“Come on.” He stepped back and offered a smile, as he wiped her cheeks free of tears. “If we break the news now, we should catch Dr. Stein just after his clinic hours,” he explained, stepping aside to let her go ahead.

Taking her emotions in her hands, she headed for the living room, afraid that she’d have another breakdown, especially if Emerson said something. And although Conway and the boys were here, she’d still have to call Jay and Ronnie, to tell them.

Stepping into the room, all eyes turned her way, with hope and laughter that just about had her running in the other direction. But then Maxx’s hand settled on the small of her back and she remembered that she wasn’t in this alone.

“Here,” Conway said, patting the seat next to him on the sofa. “Sit next to me and let me see the ultrasound,” he suggested, with a beaming smile and an excited tone that said he was close to gushing.

Hadley looked back at Maxx, who winked and took the seat next to Conway and helped her onto his lap. He seemed to realise how scared she was. Once she said the words, it would make it real and she didn’t want it to be.

“Had and I have something to say, before anyone can see the ultrasound,” Maxx announced, patient and calm. He was all the things that she couldn’t be, and she knew why; he’d resorted back to that business voice of his. “We saw the baby and it looks healthy. All the parts are there that should be. We won’t know the sex until the next scan, but...” He trailed off and cleared his throat.

Hadley leaned against his shoulder, closing her eyes as he continued.

“But there was a problem with the heartbeat,” he explained, bringing a shocked silence over the room.

No one had spoken since he started talking, but there was now a tension that made her wonder if he’d actually rendered Emerson speechless, for once. Then, quietly, Micah spoke up.

“What kind of problem?”

“We’re not sure,” Maxx explained, reaching up to twirl her hair around his finger. “There was a bit of a stutter, which could be nothing, but we won’t know for sure until the next scan.”

“The next scan?” Conway bellowed, in shock and anger. “That’s nearly ten weeks away!”

Maxx turned to glare at him and silenced him with one look. “We know. Which is why I want to ask Dad to contact Dr. Stein and arrange a second opinion,” he continued, getting straight down to what they wanted.

Emerson nodded, though he looked far away and thoughtful. “Yes. Yes, I’ll phone him right away. He should be able to get you an appointment this week,” he said, almost to himself.

“Thanks, Dad.” Maxx nodded to him in gratitude. “Now that we’ve got that out of the way, who wants to see the scan?” he asked, clearly trying hard to change the subject and convince them all that it would be fine.

Hadley could tell from the way Conway discreetly took her hand and gripped it tight, that she wasn’t the only one who had cause to doubt him.

Two Months Later

Hadley couldn’t avoid the strength of just how much she loved Maxx, even when all he did was sit across the dining table from her.

Since having Dr. Stein’s confirmation that the baby’s heartbeat was as strong and as consistent as it should be, the whole family had been able to relax. Maxx had even stopped being so over-protective about her going out and actually working.

“No, I distinctly remember that it was an essay,” Micah insisted, while pointing his fork at Rowan. They were the only two interested in the conversation, while Maxx stared across the table at her.

Dr. Stein thought the real problem with the heartbeat was that she’d been forced into inactivity after a life of constant action, and the baby had responded to her stress levels. It was such a relief that she hadn’t told Jay and Ronnie about the scare until after it happened.

They had a family dinner to celebrate and everyone had laughed at her, when she left the table shortly after dessert, with another round of ‘morning sickness’.

Morning, my ass, she thought to herself. Her sickness hadn’t been confined to the morning for nearly four weeks.

“I’m pretty sure that your homework had to be in last week,” Rowan argued, staring across the table at Micah, who continued to protest otherwise.

Still, the pregnancy had given her some benefits. Hadley had noticed an increase in her libido, after the scare had been explained away. She hadn’t been the only one to notice, though, as Maxx’s approval for the baby weight intensified. He was constantly showing approval for the ridiculously puffy, saggy parts of her that the baby had created.

“No way. They only gave it to us last week,” Micah persisted, as he dug into his steak with relish.

“Yes!” Rowan laughed and threw his hands up. “It was one of those overnight assignment things. To test us and see how much we could write for it, over one night,” he explained.

Micah groaned and shook his head.

Hadley ignored them both and ran her hands over the growing baby bump that made her back ache. She’d put on quite a bit of weight in the last two months, but it was apparently normal for someone of her height and appetite.

“You’re not eating enough,” Maxx complained in a quiet voice, as he pushed food around his own plate.

“Dr. Stein said I shouldn’t be eating for two,” she reminded him.

“You’re barely eating for one.”

Hadley waved him off and yawned. She was so tired and yet her mind wouldn’t stop churning with ideas. Mostly, the ideas involved getting Maxx alone and making the most of everyone’s plans for the night. Rowan and Micah had a project that demanded hours of intense study alone in his room, and Emerson kept insisting he had phone calls to make.

Before she could react, Maxx was out of his seat and walking around the table. He picked up her plate and nodded her toward the door. He didn’t wait for her agreement; he just headed for the door, grabbed his own plate, and addressed the room.

“Had and I have something to take care of before tomorrow, so we’re going to finish dinner upstairs,” he explained, excusing them. No one blinked at the lie, since she had her second scan tomorrow.

Hadley followed him out of the room, regardless. She wasn’t sure what he really wanted, other than for her to eat, but she was willing to find out.

Upstairs, Maxx placed her dinner plate on the coffee table. He sat on the sofa, situated on the art side of the room, and waited for her to join him.

Hadley sat down and snuggled into his side, where she’d wanted to be for the last hour.

“You want to tell me what’s wrong?” Maxx asked, as he picked at his food. Since he was making a show of eating, while talking, Hadley attempted to do the same. “You’ve been quiet all day and it’s kind of freaking me out. Are you worried about tomorrow or about this meeting I have?” he quizzed.

Hadley thought about tomorrow; her nineteen week scan, just a little early. Dr. Stein had been keeping track of the baby, since the whole heart stutter thing, but she had noted something in his voice, when he asked them to come in a week earlier than usual.

“I don’t know,” she confessed awkwardly. Nothing much was making sense now, but she’d managed to pretend that it could all be okay if she just didn’t think about it. That wasn’t helping either. “We never really got an explanation for the heart stutter. Not one that I can accept. I mean, how could I have stressed the baby when I was calm?” she asked desperately.

She hadn’t meant to say it, but she couldn’t hold back any longer. This was all her fault, if the doctors were to be believed. She’d been stressed and apparently that meant she was the cause of that horrible stall in the heartbeat.

Maxx kissed the top of her head and dropped his fork onto the plate, to reach across to hers. He stabbed a piece of meat and held it out for her, in encouragement to eat. The insistence was a little tiresome, but she understood the concern and appreciated it.

Hadley opened her mouth, accepting the bite, and chewed it slowly.

“You did nothing wrong,” Maxx whispered in her ear. “I know it doesn’t make any sense right now, but if it turns out to be nothing then does it even matter?” he asked, his voice so soothing and tender.

But she had one argument to that. Looking up at him, she felt more tears prickling at the back of her eyes. “And if it turns out to be something? Will it matter then?” she wondered, feeling the full force of the weight on her shoulders.

“It will matter, but it still won’t be your fault,” he soothed, slowly moving their plates to the coffee table. It seemed that he understood how incapable she was of swallowing food, with a lump of emotion stuck at the back of her throat. When he sat back, he wrapped her up tight in his arms and let out a deep sigh. “Baby, no matter what happens tomorrow, we’ll be together and we’ll figure out our next step from there,” he promised.

“I haven’t felt him,” Hadley confessed, though she hadn’t really thought about it before. She pressed her hand to their baby and still felt no movement. “Everyone says it’s normal, but I haven’t felt so much as a nudge, never mind a kick.”

“And you won’t,” Maxx reminded her. “Dr. Stein said you might not feel anything up to twenty-three weeks. It’s only been nineteen. We have time and so does he,” he swore, with real determination and conviction in his voice.

Hadley wished it was enough.

“Or she,” she muttered, not sure what else to say.

“You said it first,” he whispered, with a hint of cheekiness that surprised her.

She looked up and caught a sparkle of mischief in his big blue eyes. The next thing she knew, she was being kissed and gently pushed back onto the sofa.

It was absolutely the wrong time. Definitely not appropriate. But she needed it. She needed the distraction, the reminder of how he felt about her, the comfort of losing herself and not having to think for a while.

Hadley found it hard not to notice the way her pulse started to race faster as Maxx lowered her to their bed, after the ridiculous stumbling they’d done to get there. She couldn’t deny herself the pleasure it brought to just spend some time with him; but to spend it like this was heaven.

Opening her mouth teasingly against his, Hadley urged him on as he pulled her that extra bit closer and slid his hand under her top, repositioning himself until he’d reclaimed his control over her.

Her breath quickened as he pulled back from his teasing kisses, and began to lead a trail of playful kisses down to the base of her throat.

He slowly began to unbutton her shirt, following his progress with kisses. Not just ordinary kisses. No, Hadley was almost breathless with the lingering sensation of his teasing kisses and the way Maxx’s lips moved slowly over her skin, until he’d discarded the shirt she was wearing.

She couldn’t stop her eyes from flitting over his perfect body as he pulled off his T-shirt before capturing her mouth with his in a sensual kiss that made her skin tingle.

Maxx continued to wring those soft and sweet moans of delight from her, until Hadley couldn’t stand the way he teased her any longer and broke away.

“Maxx…please…” she begged in a hushed whisper, gazing up at him, completely breathless.

“Say you love me,” he bargained, a similar pleading tone in his own voice.

“Hmm…you know I do…” she whispered, closing her eyes out of sheer ecstasy, as he continued to toy with her. “…please…” She smiled softly, arching her body, as his warm hand slid between her thighs and a tender finger began to caress her inner pulse. It already beat so strong and so dominantly that there was barely any other sound in her world.

“Say you love me,” he repeated, his tone more playful as he sat over her. He had the look of a triumphant conqueror, adoring his prize.

Hadley knew that he was deliberately toying with her, that he knew just what he did to her, and it brought a smile to her lips to know that. Secretly, this was the part he loved the most. He loved hearing her breathy confessions of loving him; he loved seeing the pleasure it brought her every time he touched her.

Maxx was a dominant man, with a possessive streak, and she knew only too well how happy it made him, to know he was the only man who would ever get to take her so close to the edge that it were as though they’d already made love.

But when Hadley whispered those words he sought to hear so much, she knew that all he wanted, the thing he loved the most in the world, was to know just how badly she wanted him and how much she was completely his and no-one else’s.

“I love you.” She smiled, her voice raspy with desire and anticipation. And it was then, when Maxx knew Hadley was completely his, so completely his that there was nothing she wanted more than for him to make love to her, that he gave in to her and brought his tantalising, teasing to a slow halt.

Hadley felt that an eternity had passed since she’d spoken those low and breathy words of defeat.

When Maxx kissed her so delicately, she couldn’t contain her need and yearning. The second his lips met hers, she responded, opening her mouth hungrily against his, sparking a new light to the passion that was already growing beyond control. A control that was quickly forgotten as Maxx slowly eased his way inside of her and his eyes closed.

She understood that sense of relief all too well. Having him this close to her was like a hit of her favourite drug; it made her feel things that no one else could make her feel. Things that felt so wrong, when they were in a room full of people, but so right when they were alone.

Maxx buried his face in the nape of her neck, whispering incoherent things as he thrust slowly and surely into her. She couldn’t tell if the pleasure was off the scale because she was nearly five months pregnant or if it had more to do with the three people downstairs who might hear or attempt to interrupt them.

And it would be an attempt.

As Hadley held Maxx close, tilting her hips toward his every thrust, while she wrapped her legs around his calves, she knew that this was more than just making love. This wasn’t about how they felt about one another or what they needed. This was about forgetting reality for just a little while and pretending that everything would be okay.

But they both knew it wouldn’t be. It couldn’t.

The signs were there, but Hadley was too terrified to read them and discover their meaning. It was better to hide and face the truth another day.

Tomorrow.