Courage in the Kiss (12 page)

Early the next morning, Hadley woke in Maxx’s arms, the delicate touch of his skin caressing hers. She turned to look at him, their faces inches apart.

“God, how can you look so beautiful first thing in the morning?” he asked as he turned so he was lying on his side, head on his hand.

Hadley laughed it off and ignored the compliment. It was sweet of him to say, but she had no clue how to respond to it. “Did you get some sleep?” she wondered, hoping he’d caught up on the sleep he’d missed by heading to the hospital.

Maxx nodded and curled his hand around her neck, to pull her into a surprisingly passionate kiss. Pulling away slowly, he smiled and brushed his thumb over her lower lip. “Thanks for being here last night. You always know just how to take care of us,” he said, sounding sad and nostalgic.

Then he leaned in and kissed her again. Hadley accepted the appreciation and affection for what it was; gratitude and sadness.

Their lips brushed in a gentle caress, simple and patient. A second caress teased the corner of her lips, until Maxx lay his forehead against hers and let out a deep sigh. “I hate to ask this, because I’ve asked enough of you this week,” he began, ominously. “But would you be okay keeping this a secret from Dad? I’m just not sure he’d understand, right now. He’s got his mind set on this adoption idea,” he confessed.

Though Hadley would normally fight the very idea of having a secret relationship, she knew what she’d agreed to and no part of it held the word ‘relationship’ in high regard. “Sure,” she agreed, somewhat reluctantly. How could she say no, when Maxx was already at his wits end with his father?

She still thought that telling Emerson might nix the entire adoption plan, but once he knew it was a non-serious fling and not a real relationship, he’d probably blow a gasket. Or have a heart attack. And none of them wanted that.

“I should get up and make breakfast. We should be ready, in case the doctor calls to say your dad can come home,” she decided, backing away from Maxx. She slid out of bed, in her pyjamas, and left the room to return to her own.

Hadley had to do some serious thinking. She didn’t regret her decision to be with Maxx, even if it wasn’t how she wanted it to be, but she needed to think logically about what it meant. That Emerson and Micah could never know.

This easy, no commitment fling was turning out to be way more complicated than she thought.

Hadley left the breakfast cooking on the stove, while she rushed through the hallway to answer the incessant ringing of the hallway phone. None of the boys had appeared yet, and she half wondered if Maxx had fallen asleep again after she left him alone. She wouldn’t blame him if he had.

Grabbing the receiver, she managed to catch the caller before they rang off. “Hello?” she said, wondering if it was the doctor.

“Had?” a voice spoke on the other end, through a lot of traffic noises and static.

“Hello?!” Hadley shouted, to be heard over the interference.

“Hey, gorgeous!” Conway’s voice called back to her. “How are you?” he asked, practically having to shout at her, to be heard.

She smiled and shook her head, wondering why he hadn’t called from his mobile, which would have given a better reception. It sounded like he was using a public phone, if such things even still existed.

“I’m fine. Where are you?” she asked, plugging one finger into her ear to try to amplify the call.

Conway laughed and replied, “A phone box in Paris. I managed to get an International pre-paid card from Abelie. She speaks the lingo,” he confessed.

It only served to remind her of how funny it had been when he was in high school, listening to him stutter his way through the practice for his French oral exams. “Right. Good thing, too,” she agreed.

“Yeah, no shit. This place is amazing, Had,” he continued, in awe. “So much more beautiful than we thought. And everyone has been really nice, so far,” he explained, as though he was just calling for a chat.

Hadley glanced at her watch. It was already after ten o’clock in the morning and would be nearly noon where Conway was. So what had him calling in the middle of the day?

“Conway, why did you really call?” she wondered, since he generally kept this kind of stuff for letters and postcards. Sure, she’d longed to go to Paris her entire life, but she’d had to accept, a long time ago, that it would never happen.

“I did it, Had,” Conway replied, excitedly. “I finally got up the guts and asked Abelie to marry me. She said yes!” he exclaimed through the phone.

Though ecstatically happy for him, Hadley’s stomach dropped. They’d promised to get married in the same year, so they could have kids that grew up together, as best friends. She’d marry Maxx, and Conway would marry Abelie. Now only one of them was keeping that promise.

“That’s great. Congratulations,” she said, trying to inject some happiness into her voice. This really was great news...for Conway. But it just reminded her that there would be no happy announcement coming from her, any time soon. Not if Maxx got his way.

“We did it, gorgeous.” Conway laughed again, sounding giddy and ready to celebrate. “We’ve got what we wanted. You have Maxx, and I have Abelie. I brought her to Paris to celebrate and we’ll come back, all four of us, for the honeymoon. What do you think? I’m already scouting hotels,” he clarified.

Hadley opened her mouth to speak, only for Maxx to walk down the stairs in a sharp business suit. He looked so sexy she could have drooled over him, but Conway’s words just brought home the compromise she’d made between her head and heart.

“I wouldn’t bother, Conway,” she replied to her friend, trying to think of how to say what had to be said, without alerting Maxx.

Maxx stopped at her side and gestured to the phone, surprising her. When he slid it out of her hand and put it to his ear, she could hear Conway shouting an answer to her.

“Don’t be stupid! Look, if you and Maxx don’t want to honeymoon with us, fine, we’ll go to separate hotels or something,” he rambled on, sounding halfway between amused and angry.

Maxx met her gaze briefly, before glancing toward the stairs. “Conway,” he said, interrupting her friend’s enthusiasm. “Hadley and I aren’t getting married. In fact, we’re not even…” He stalled and cupped her cheek, with a sad look. “We’re not even together. What made you think we were?”

There was an audible silence on the other end, as passing cars and chattering drifted through the line, from the street around Conway. It took a minute for him to reply.

“Put Had back on,” he demanded, with a hardness that wasn’t like him.

Maxx reluctantly handed over the receiver and stood by, waiting to find out what she discovered.

Half of her was terrified of hearing it, and the other half was desperate. Hadley had to know why he thought she’d got her dream, when no one was supposed to know about her ‘fling’ with Maxx.

“Is it true?” Conway asked, sounding so deflated that she hated to tell him the truth.

“Yes,” was all she could manage.

There was silence again, for just a moment, then he spoke up. “The last time I called, you were out and Emerson answered the phone. I told him to let you know I’d bought the ring for Abelie and was waiting for the right time to propose,” he began, all of the happiness gone from his voice. “I hinted at how he should call me, if you suddenly became part of the family. He said not to bother, because he planned to ensure it. I figured he was going to set you and Maxx up, to give you your dream.”

It sounded so like Emerson, to misinterpret something and then think he knew the solution, though he had no idea what was going on. Hadley wished he’d stop interfering in her life and how she lived it.

“He wants to adopt me, Conway,” Hadley explained, looking up at Maxx, who sighed and ran his hand over his face. He seemed to understand what that meant and why Conway had got the wrong end of things.

“He what?!” Conway yelled down the phone in anger.

“He asked me the other day. I said no, and now he’ll barely talk to me,” she confessed, refusing to explain the entire Maxx situation, while Maxx was standing there and the boys were home.

“But Maxx knows how you feel,” he objected.

“I opened my big mouth when I was upset and spilled the beans,” she admitted, not going on to admit how she’d spilled them or what it had resulted in.

“Jesus, Hadley.” Conway seemed to get distant from the phone, as he swore a few more times. “I’m so sorry. Have I made this awkward for you?” he asked, full of regret and guilt.

Hadley smiled and felt her heart swell with love. He only ever used her full name when he was upset, so she understood that this was a mistake he wished he could take back.

“It’s not your fault,” she reassured him, as Maxx’s hand slid over the small of her back and he leaned in to kiss the top of her head. She closed her eyes for a second, taking comfort from the embrace. “I’m really happy for you, Conway. I just know that you and Abelie are meant to be. I knew it right from the start,” she admitted, trying to change the direction of the conversation.

“Yeah, you always did,” he agreed softly. Then, with a sigh, he cleared his throat. “I should go. Abelie is getting us a table for lunch. I’ll call you tonight, if that’s alright?” he asked, still sounding guilty.

“I’d love that. But how about you enjoy your celebration and call me when you get back home?” she countered, hoping to reassure him that she was fine. It was a stupid mistake, by Emerson’s big mouth, but it wasn’t Conway’s fault.

“Yeah, I guess.” Then he laughed and went quiet again, as though caught up in a whirlwind of thoughts. “You’ll get your dream, Had. I just know you will,” he said, before saying goodbye and hanging up.

The echo of his last few words rang in her ears, as she put the receiver down and looked up at Maxx. He leaned in close, in what she assumed would be a kiss, until running from the stairs made him step back.

“Sorry, Had!” Micah shouted his apology, as he and Rowan rushed downstairs. “I smelled the bacon and realised we’d slept in. How’s Dad?” he asked, gazing at them expectantly.

And, suddenly, everything was back to normal.

Hadley ran her hand through her hair, as Micah and Rowan said goodbye. They were heading out to a football game, though Micah had tried to wiggle out of it, claiming he should be home for when Emerson returned. On the agreement that Maxx would collect them from the game if Emerson got home before they finished, the boys took off, leaving her alone with Maxx.

“You alright?” he asked, handing her a cup of coffee.

Hadley sat back and smiled, comforted by the roaring log fire and her favourite chair. They were waiting for the call from the hospital to see if Emerson would be getting kept in or if he’d get home.

Maxx had dealt with a few business phone calls and moved back all of his appointments for today. He wasn’t too happy about postponing them until Monday, what with it being Friday already, but he didn’t have much choice.

“Hadley,” he said, once again capturing her attention.

“I was just thinking about Conway,” she confessed, still conflicted over his phone call. Emerson had no right telling people she’d be a part of the family soon, without even discussing it with her. He had no right dictating her future, either. And now Conway was getting married, and she would be left a spinster for the rest of her life.

That’s a bit dramatic,
she scolded herself. She was about to turn twenty-one next week; she was hardly some forty year old maid, rejected by every man she came across. She was a stupid girl, waiting for the only man she’d ever love to wake up and think her worthy of wearing his ring.

“I’m sorry,” Maxx said, taking the armchair opposite her, on the other side of the fire. “I know you had plans for yourself and I’m fucking them up,” he apologised.

“I had every chance to say no. Or to speak up years ago,” Hadley confessed, uneasily. She’d been such a fool. Maybe if she’d made it clear that she loved Maxx and wanted more than a fling from him, he would have never coveted such a long held lust for her. Maybe he would have seen her qualities and appreciated them better?

Now she’d never know.

She took a deep breath, before looking into his eyes. “Do you remember that painting I threw at you?” she asked, with a quirk to her smile as she recalled the look on his face when it sailed past his head.

“Yes,” he said with a scoff.

Hadley leaned over her knees, coffee mug in her hands, and tried to figure a few things out. She didn’t know how to bring Conway into the conversation without him exploding.

Maxx looked at her questioningly, waiting patiently to be told what she was thinking.

“I want to tell you the truth about the painting and about Paris,” she said, watching a muscle in his jaw tighten, as though from jealousy. It was the same reaction she’d caught from him twice this week. Once concerning the painting, and the other time when she threatened to leave. “Contrary to what I led you to believe…I’ve never been to Paris in my life.”

“But…why would you lie?” Maxx asked, clearly confused as he frowned and looked into the fire.

“Conway knew I’d always wanted to go. Neither of us could afford it, so he told me that if we couldn’t go to Paris, he’d bring Paris to me.” She giggled quietly, remembering the events surrounding her trip. “He met this guy in town, who was an artist, and he’d been to Paris loads of times. Conway asked him to make it look like we’d been there. He gave me the dress as a birthday present, because he wanted me to have something French to show off, when I got back home,” she continued.

Maxx eased up and listened to her explanation intently, his fingers gripping his mug in a looser hold.

“We stayed at his mother’s house, planning what we’d do when we finally got to Paris,” Hadley confessed with a faint smile. “It was sweet and fun, but not where I wanted to be. It only took three days to finish the painting, and I spent the rest of the time riddled with guilt over lying about where I was,” she continued, shaking her head at herself.

“I’d been naïve enough to hope that going away with Conway would make you jealous enough to realise you were in love with me and admit that, when I got back,” she went on. God, she’d been such a stupid child back then. Maxx didn’t love her then, or now, and probably never would.

Maxx sat quietly, as she gave him details of her every thought of him and how she wished that, when she returned, he’d take her in his arms and tell her how much he loved her.

“So you see…” she said, softly. “Nothing has ever happened between Conway and me. I know for a fact that it never will,” she promised.

“I always knew you’d wanted to go to Paris,” Maxx commented with a faint smile. He didn’t say anything about her admission yet, so she listened, wondering what he was thinking. “I read it in your diary when you were sixteen,” he revealed.

Hadley looked up at him and smiled. “You never told me you’d read my diary.”

“Yeah, well…I didn’t want to piss you off.” He laughed, finally confessing to how sneaky he’d been. “I read about how you would go there with your husband, for your honeymoon, and how perfect it would be. Where you wanted to go and what you wanted to do. That was when I realised I could never have you,” he explained quietly.

She wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but she had a feeling that he was in a place to tell her. Clearly, Conway’s phone call had dragged up a few things for both of them and it was time to air the dirty laundry, before it became a problem.

“I thought that if you were going to Paris with him, you must have been in love with him,” Maxx went on, shaking his head and smiling. He raised his coffee cup to his lips, took a sip, and sat back in his seat. “I resigned myself to the fact that I’d never be able to be with you, the way I’d always wanted. You were still too young, but I figured he was taking you to Paris to make all your dreams come true. He’d propose there, you’d come back and get married, then return to Paris for your honeymoon. Or maybe you’d just get married while you were there,” he said, with an uncertain shrug.

“Then you came back – unmarried and looking a little lost.” Maxx looked up and offered a small smile. “I didn’t understand, back then. I’d probably have made a move, to comfort you, if I’d known you were in love with me.”

Hadley blushed and appreciated that they could have this. A real, tender moment of honesty, without the need for physical contact or removing clothes. As much as Maxx kept saying he just wanted a no-strings-attached fling, he was doing and saying all the right things for a boyfriend. He was doing more now than he’d ever done before.

“After the party,” he continued, “I was so jealous of you spending the whole night with everyone that wasn’t me. I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted you too much to keep my hands to myself,” Maxx explained. “You always seemed so young and unreachable. I never knew how to act around you, because I knew I could never give you the relationship you deserve. So I had to force myself to push my feelings aside and respect your youth.”

Knowing the boys were out, Hadley got up from her armchair, placed her coffee on the side table, and crossed to where Maxx sat.

He leaned back and looked up to meet her gaze. He set his cup to the side and caught her waist, as she leaned down to kiss him.

She couldn’t bear
not
to. Hearing him talking about wanting her, for so long, and how he would have ‘comforted’ her when she returned from her trip away, had her head all tied up in knots.

Their lips met in a slow, lingering kiss until Maxx’s hand caught the back of her thigh and guided her closer.

Tongues brushed, as she climbed onto the chair to sit over him, throwing her standards, morals, and anything else that screamed at her to back away, to hell.