Country (19 page)

“How does your house look?” He meant tidy or not, not how fancy, and she understood.

“It's okay, empty, lonely. You're not here,” she said softly, sounding like a woman who couldn't have broken anyone's nose in a hundred years. “It's not as nice as your house,” she said, remembering his. “It feels like a relic of the past, from another life.” Her children had grown up in the house, and her marriage to Bill had waxed and waned, and she had lived here when he died. Now all those memories were intertwined, and she felt overwhelmed by them as she walked around. “Time for another trip,” she said jokingly, and he groaned.

“That's not funny, unless you want to charter a plane. Get some sleep now. We'll talk tomorrow.” She knew they would. He had literally talked her across the country, watching over her like a guardian angel, and he had delivered her safely home. She dragged her large bag upstairs to her bedroom, bumping it on each step, but she got it there and set it down. And as she glanced around her bedroom and thought of the three men outside the diner, she realized she would never be afraid again.

Stephanie could hardly wait to see her friends. She called Jean and Alyson the morning after she got back from her trip. Jean had been waiting to hear from her and knew she was driving cross country. Alyson had only just come up for air after the kids were sick and had no idea where Stephanie had been. She had lost track the week before. And it seemed impossible to believe, for all of them, that Stephanie had been gone for three weeks. Even more so for her, in those few weeks, her whole life had changed. And now she was back where she had started, having met new people, done new things, stepped into Chase's world in Nashville, seen two of her children, and driven across the country by herself. She felt like a different person, and yet everything at home was the same.

The three women agreed to meet for lunch on Union Street the next day. And somehow Stephanie expected them to look different, because she felt so different inside. There was no way to tell them how much she had seen and experienced, or even why she had gone to Las Vegas instead of coming home, had followed Chase to Nashville to explore his world, and then wanted the challenge of driving three thousand miles alone. Their lives were so safe and predictable, she knew they'd never understand the feelings she had, of being alone and vulnerable since Bill died. She had needed desperately to find out if she could take care of herself now, and the night she was almost raped by three men, she had. It gave her self-confidence and a feeling of independence and security that she'd never had before.

She strode into the restaurant and saw her two women friends sitting at a table, talking quietly, waiting for her. Alyson was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, her hair was a mess, and she had circles under her eyes after weeks of too little sleep taking care of her sick children. And Jean had had a manicure and a facial, and had her hair done and blown out that morning. She looked terrific in a white cashmere Chanel tracksuit. And Stephanie was wearing one of the pink T-shirts she'd bought in Las Vegas, with a pair of ragtag jeans. She looked young and healthy, with her hair in a ponytail, and her big blue eyes the color of a summer sky. There was a sparkle in them that Jean hadn't seen in years. They smiled the moment they saw her, and Stephanie kissed them both on the cheek before she sat down.

“Hello, ladies,” she said with a broad smile. Just seeing them made her feel better about coming home.

“Welcome home,” Jean said, delighted to see her friend. She instantly noticed the change in Stephanie.

“I'm sorry I look such a mess,” Alyson apologized. “I was about to get ready when the dog got sick, and I had to drop her off at the vet.” Her life was one of children, dogs, a house to run, kids' lives and after-school activities to organize, and a husband who wanted her full attention every night. There was never any time left over for her. Stephanie had lived that same life for twenty-six years. She had thought she still missed it, but when she looked at Alyson, she realized that there were advantages to her new life. “Wow, you look great. I can't believe you drove home from New York. Why?” Alyson asked her. They all knew what they were going to order. They had the same salad every time, with iced tea for Stephanie and Alyson. And Jean always ordered a glass of white wine.

“I just thought it would be exciting to drive home. I decided to go to Nashville to see my old friend Laura Perkins from college.” She had almost become real to Stephanie by now, she had mentioned her so many times. “And I wanted to see Michael in Atlanta. I decided to go to New York to see Louise at the last minute, and by then, I was there, I had my car. It seemed stupid to ship it back, and I've always wanted to do it, so I drove. It took six days, and it was great.” She didn't mention the incident outside the diner. She knew it would have terrified them for her. And she was fine, although it had scared her too, and Chase. She had been very lucky and instinctively used her wits. Chase had said afterward admiringly that she “had balls.” “What about you two? What have you been up to?” Stephanie asked them.

“I'm on the benefit committee for the Diabetes Ball in September. I just got put on the ballet board. And I'm spending Fred's money as fast as I can. I bought a new sable coat last week,” Jean said with a grin. “I can wear it when we go to New York in the fall.”

“I've been nursing sick kids,” Alyson said, looking apologetic. She had nothing to contribute to the conversation compared to the other two, but they loved her anyway. She was a good person, a great wife and mother, and their friend. She didn't have to prove anything to them. “And Brad just got a distinguished service and lifetime achievement award from the Orthopedic Surgeons' Board,” she said proudly, and Stephanie had to resist saying “What about
you
?” It was always about him or the kids, just as her life had been until now. Now it was finally her turn. They were almost the same age, but Stephanie had finally graduated. With young kids, for Alyson, time for herself was years away. Stephanie had never felt as free or as comfortable with herself as she did now.

“Okay, so tell all,” Jean said as their salads came. “Who did you meet? Any cute men in Nashville or New York?” She knew about Chase but didn't want to let on to Alyson that she did.

“Jean!” Alyson said with a shocked look. “Bill's only been gone for four months and one week, I'm sure Stephanie doesn't want to think about dating for at least a year, if then.” As she said it, Stephanie thought about her long, hungry kisses with Chase. But she hadn't expected that either, so she couldn't blame Alyson for thinking it was out of the question. Stephanie still considered what had happened with him an aberration. She had never even thought about “dating” until then. And she still told herself they weren't “dating,” they were friends. With a hint of future romance. But she couldn't deny, even to herself, how close they were and how much she liked him.

“Don't be ridiculous,” Jean said, taking a sip of her wine. “You don't expect her to sit around alone for the rest of her life? Look at her, she looks thirty years old. Some hot guy is going to sweep her up in a New York minute. And they damn well should.” She didn't say anything, but she had noticed that Alyson needed to get her nails done, and she had three inches of dark roots. Unlike Stephanie, she wasn't a natural blond. But she never had time to take care of herself and lately didn't seem to care. The only time she dressed in something other than jeans and sweatsuits was when they went away on their couples weekends. The rest of the time she said she didn't have time, and the kids got food, markers, or paint on what she wore anyway.

“Are you thinking about dating?” Alyson asked Stephanie with a look of amazement after what Jean had just said.

“No…not really…I don't think so. I don't know,” she said, looking embarrassed. “Maybe one day. I'm not ready yet. Bill's clothes are still in the closet, his flip-flops are next to the bed, his glasses are in every drawer in the kitchen.” But more than that, he was still in her head. But now so was Chase. But she didn't want to say that to Alyson. “I guess I'll have to eventually. It's hard to figure out. I still feel married, and if I slept with someone else, I'd feel like I was cheating on him.” That much was true, and she had said it to Chase. He understood.

“That never stopped him when he was alive,” Jean said wryly and finished the glass of wine. She was always more outspoken when she drank, and Alyson looked uncomfortable. She never said anything to remind Stephanie of that terrible time. And Alyson was sure he had never done it again. They had been back together for years. And Stephanie had never shared with her how dead their marriage had felt after that. She hadn't even admitted it to herself until now. “That's how guys are,” Jean added, and Alyson looked pained. “It never seems to bother them to cheat on us. But if we do it, it's the end of the world. What makes them think they're any different from us? We like cute guys too. We're just too scared to do anything about it. They're not. They never care about the consequences if they want to get laid.” Alyson hated Jean's theories about men, and changed the subject.

“So when is Charlotte coming home?” Alyson asked Stephanie.

“Next week. She hasn't told me what day. She's been all over Europe with her friends. She's going to be bored stiff here. It'll do her good to take it easy for two months before she goes back to school in New York. I really miss having her in the house.” And she knew it might be the last summer, since she would be graduating in a year and working after that, maybe in another city, like Michael and Louise. “It was great seeing Michael, although Amanda is still firmly entrenched. I'm scared she's going to get him in the end.”

“I hope not,” Jean said firmly. “He's such a sweet boy.”

“She wants to buy a house with him. I hope they won't. Then he'll really be stuck with her, married or not.” But knowing that he had invited Sandy to Atlanta, Stephanie wondered if things in his life had changed. He hadn't said a word to her. And all she knew was from Chase.

“I'm sure that's what she has in mind,” Jean said, suspicious. “Let's hope she doesn't get pregnant first.”

“Don't even say it,” Stephanie said, rolling her eyes with a look of dread.

Jean picked up the check, although Stephanie offered to—the three of them always took turns paying—but Jean was happy to do it today. And Stephanie's cell phone rang while Jean was paying. It was Chase.

“Hi,” she said discreetly, lowering her voice. “I'm having lunch with friends. Can I call you back in a few minutes? We're just leaving.”

“Of course.” He had gotten used to checking in on her all the time, while she was driving, but now she was home, so things had changed. “Sorry, Stevie.”

“No worries. I'll call you when I get home.” Her house was only a few blocks away, and she saw that Alyson was watching her with interest when she hung up.

“Who was that? Your whole face changed when you answered.” Jean had seen it too, and was smiling. She could easily guess who it was.

“It was Laura,” Stephanie said quickly, not knowing what else to say, but Jean knew the truth, and Alyson didn't. Stephanie just didn't feel ready to tell her about a man. She didn't think Alyson would understand. Jean did, and was more open-minded about it, and even enthusiastic. She had been encouraging Stephanie to get involved with Chase since the first day. But Stephanie sensed that Alyson would be shocked, and maybe even disapprove out of loyalty to Bill.

“Since when is Laura so important that you drove across the country to see her? I never heard you mention her before. And you didn't tell us in Santa Barbara that you were going there,” Alyson challenged her.

“I decided at the last minute, when she called to invite me,” Stephanie said, trying to sound vague, and wondering if it was true that she looked different when Chase called. She was always happy to hear his voice. “We were friends in college, and we recently reconnected. She just lost her husband too. So we're both at loose ends.” The story was getting more convoluted, and the lies were taking on a life of their own. Her fictional friend had even begun to seem real to her, and was really just a disguise for Chase, to her kids and now to her friends. “Laura” was her excuse for spending two weeks getting to know Chase and discovering his world. But what she had just said to Alyson sounded plausible to her, and she seemed to relax about it.

“Well, I'm glad you have her to be with,” Alyson said kindly. “I feel so guilty sometimes that I'm so busy with the kids. I always want to spend time with you, and then something happens and I can't.” She looked genuinely sorry, and Stephanie knew that Alyson cared about her, and was just overwhelmed by her life. “Why don't you have Laura come out to visit you here, if she's alone now too?” She hated to think of how lonely Stephanie must be in the empty house without Bill.

“She probably will,” Stephanie said easily. “We had a nice visit while I was there. We even went to Graceland.”

“It's good for you to have someone to do things with,” Alyson said
sympathetically.
And then all three women hugged each other as they left the restaurant and promised to get together soon.

“Say hi to Laura for me,” Jean whispered to Stephanie as she kissed her goodbye, knowing full well it was the code name for Chase.

“I will,” Stephanie promised, and went back to her car, happy to have seen her friends. She was home five minutes later and called Chase. She was out of breath from running up the stairs.

“Sorry. I couldn't talk in front of them.”

“I didn't mean to bother you. I just missed you. And we're going to work in the studio in a few minutes. I wish you were here.”

“So do I,” she said honestly. “I have nothing to do here. I'm almost sorry I came back.” She was planning to go to the shelter to work, but they just didn't need her enough. They had plenty of volunteers. And she had to get ready for Charlotte to come home in a few days. And while she was driving home, she had decided to put Bill's clothes away. She wanted to do it before her daughter got home. It would be upsetting for her to see her mother empty his closets.

“You can come back anytime,” he reminded her, and she smiled, thinking about it.

“I'd like that a lot.” And she hoped he'd come to San Francisco one day, although they had no plans.

“I'll call you when we finish,” he said. She could hear the others shouting out to him, and knew he had to go. And a minute later they had said goodbye, and he was off the phone. She sat thinking about him for a long time, with her cell phone still in her hand, remembering the good times they'd had in Nashville, and lying in his arms on his bed. She was startled when the phone rang as she held it. It was Charlotte, back in Rome, after her trip to Paris.