CORAL - Forever (A Romance Trilogy, Book 3) (49 page)

“I am resigned to my fate,” she says, her head hung low.

“You don't want a second chance?” I ask.

She shakes her head at me, keeping her eyes downcast. “I
miss them,” she whimpers. “Every day. I can't stand the pain. I don't want it
anymore,” she adds, wiping her hand across her nose.

“Do...do you mean your husband and your baby Susannah?” I ask.

She winces again. “There’s nothing more for me here now.” My
sharp intake of breath makes her look up. “Thank you for coming to see me
Coral,” she adds flatly and gets to her feet.

The male nurse comes over and takes hold of her arm.

“Susannah,” I whisper, staring back at her with wide eyes. I
think I know what she’s trying to tell me. As the nurse tugs on her arm, she
suddenly turns back and looks at me.

“I just want to see him again,” she whispers in such a sad,
melancholy voice. The male nurse drags her away, I watch him walk her out of
the room and close the door behind him.

I feel sick. I think Susannah was trying to tell me that
she...I can't even say the word, she’s already attempted it twice and failed.
But that look in her eyes, and what she said, it wouldn’t surprise me if she
succeeds. I guess that’s made my decision for me. I’m dropping the charges,
there’s no point putting someone on trial for attempted murder, when they
couldn’t give a damn about their own life –
Ugh! I need to get out of here!

Getting to my feet, I dash over to the door, yank it open
and start running down the corridor. It makes my shoulder throb painfully at
me, but I don't care. I keep looking above me, following the exit signs so I
don't get lost. Reaching the door to reception, I knock loudly so the woman on
the front desk can buzz me through.

Just as I push the door open, a loud alarm starts pulsing
through the building, red lights begin flashing everywhere. Several men in
white uniforms come dashing out of a door, and run in the direction I went when
I came to see Susannah.

“Solitary!” I hear a man shout into his radio as he runs
past me – And I know, I just know – It’s Susannah.
No!

I have no idea why I do, why I feel so compelled, so
concerned, but I start running down the corridor, my shoulder protesting
painfully at me again, the jolting movements making my lung burn. I finally
reach the solitary section, slow down to a walking pace, and follow one of the
uniforms into the room.
No!

I feel like I’ve walked into the set of a horror movie –
only this is real, so real!
Oh my God!
I slap my hand to my mouth in
shock.
Susannah, what have you done?

Susannah is in her room. She’s lying on the floor in a pool
of thick, dark red blood – The male nurse who bought me here is lying in the
corner, seemingly knocked out. I shake my head in horror I don't think I have
ever seen so much blood before.

One of the nurses has his hand over her throat, trying to
stop the blood from pouring out of her. Another nurse is trying to stop the
blood pouring from her wrists, whilst another injects her with something.
Susannah is still alive, but choking and gurgling on her own blood. I am
frozen, completely horrified by what I am seeing.

‘There’s nothing here for me now’

‘I miss them’

‘I can't stand the pain, I don't want it anymore’

I shake my head as her words from the conversation we just
had rush through my mind. I watch, feeling helpless as the nurses try to save
her.

This is what Susannah wanted – This is her peace.
Oh
Susannah!

I take a step forward, someone shouts ‘I shouldn’t be in
here’, but I don't take any notice of them. I take another step forward, get to
my knees and lock eyes with her. We stare at each other for a few seconds, an
unspoken truth passing between us. I nod in resignation, reach forward and place
my hand on her forehead.

Susannah is going to die.

This is what she wanted. I can see she looks frightened and
I don't want her to be afraid, or think she is alone, because she’s not – I’m
here!

“It’s ok,” I whisper. “You can let go now.”

Her lips twitch, trying to smile I think, and then she is
gone...

I
PUT MY KEY IN THE LOCK AND TWIST IT.
Everything feels surreal. I
don't even feel like I’m in my own body. I push the door open, take out my key,
step inside and shut the door behind me. I can't believe I just witnessed that
– that I was there, when it happened.

I stare down at the floor, feeling numb with shock.

I hear laughter. Tristan and Edith are in the kitchen. As my
senses start to come back to me, I realise there’s music playing – James
Morrison’s I Won't Let Go – That’s probably why Tristan hasn’t heard me. But
the song, which I know so well, makes me think of Susannah, about her desperate
love for her husband that died and the baby she lost. I bring my hand to my
mouth and blink back tears. Is she with him now? Is she at peace? Have they all
found one another? Oh, I hope so...

In my peripheral vision, I see Stuart coming up the stairs
from the ground floor, he gasps in horror when he sees me. “Jesus Christ –
Tristan!” He bellows, dashing over to me. “Where are you hurt Coral?” He
desperately says, completely panicked.

“Coral!” Tristan bellows as he runs over to me, his face
completely horror struck. “Coral! He gasps as he reaches me, taking me in his
arms, checking me all over. “What’s happened, where are you hurt? – Christ,
call an ambulance Stu’!” Stuart pulls his mobile out of his pocket.

“Coral?” Tristan bellows, shaking me. “What’s happened?”

I frown up at him, still feeling shocked by what I just
witnessed. “What?” I tremble, trying to work out why he and Stuart are acting
so panicked, they don't know what’s happened yet?

“The blood,” Tristan shouts, his eyes wide with panic.

“What?” I say, bemused.

“Coral look,” he says, gesturing to my body. I look down and
see what he means –
No!

I’m covered in Susannah’s blood. It’s on my wedges, and my
white linen trousers are now deep red, my green vest top has splatters all over
it, there’s blobs of blood on my arms, and my right hand, the hand that I put
on Susannah’s forehead; is stained a deep red too.

I shake my head, revolted.

“Coral!” Tristan shouts, shaking me again.

“It’s not my blood!” I manage to shout.

Tristan and Stuart freeze. “You’re not hurt?” Tristan
questions, his eyes searching my face.

I shake my head at him. “Then who Coral, who’s hurt?” He
asks, his voice lower, calmer. I look up at him; he looks desperately worried.

“Susannah,” I manage to whimper.

His face falls but I can see the relief behind his eyes.
“Susannah?” He questions. I shake my head, unable to give him any explanation.
I have to get out of these clothes – now!

I pull out of Tristan’s hold, and run full pelt down the
hallway, past the kitchen, up the two flights of stairs and into our bedroom.
Tristan is right behind me as I yank the en-suite door open, then the shower
door. I turn the shower on, rip my vest top off, kick my one foot, then the
other, my wedges flying into the air, and finally strip my linen trousers off,
taking my knickers with them. Completely naked and feeling as though I want to
throw up, I dive underneath the shower. I pick up my loafer, squirt some shower
cream onto it and start frantically scrubbing, the water pooling at my feet
becoming a red river, swirling round and round –
No!

I close my eyes, and choke back the horror as I continue to
scrub at my skin. I know Tristan is right beside me, I can feel his body heat,
smell his potent scent.

“Coral, what happened?” he softly asks. I open my eyes and
look up at him. I shake my head, still unable to articulate anything, still
scrubbing hard.

Tristan’s hand stills me. “Baby, please, tell me what
happened?”

I take a deep breath and meet his worried gaze. “She...she
killed herself Tristan...she’s gone,” I garble – then burst into tears.

“Oh my God!” Tristan looks horrified, but wraps me into his
arms and holds me for the longest time...

I’M
SAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BED WITH MY HAIR WRAPPED UP IN A TOWEL
. The
warm fluffy robe that Tristan bought for me is wrapped around me, keeping me
warm. Tristan has gone downstairs to get me a Brandy, I think he is getting one
for himself too. He looks just as shocked as I feel. Tristan enters the bedroom
with two large glasses of amber liquid. He sits next to me, hands me my drink
then puts his arm around my waist, giving me a gentle squeeze.

We are both silent as we sip our drinks. I still can't
believe that’s just happened. Susannah must have been so desperately sad to do
that, to resort to such drastic measures. I look down at my glass and glug the
rest back. I can feel it hitting me; burning at first, then warming as it trickles
down. Even though he hasn’t asked yet, I know Tristan’s going to need an
explanation, and I’d rather get it done, out of the way now. I take a deep
breath, and tell him what happened, from beginning to end...

“I wish you’d have told me you were going to see her,” he
says, his eyes closed, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Why? What difference would it have made,” I whimper.

“I’d have pulled you away, got you out of there so you
didn’t see any of it,” he says through gritted teeth. “That must have been...just...so
horrific Coral,” he adds, shaking his head in disbelief.

“It was,” I choke. Tristan hands me the last drop of his
Brandy.

“I think you need it more than I do,” he explains.

I half smile at him and glug it back. I’m starting to feel a
little calmer now, less shocked, and more resigned. I don't know how Susannah
did that, what she used to cause such damage, especially considering the fact
that she’s in a mental institution and patients are spot checked for weapons,
but whatever it was, she was determined to get it right, to succeed.

I shake my head not understanding it, what a waste of a
life, and such a young life too.

I mean, I didn’t have an easy start, it was bloody
horrendous actually, but never, at any point, have I thought about taking my
own life. But I have to think about Susannah’s situation, how she evidently
felt about her husband, losing him must have hit her so hard. I couldn’t
imagine Tristan not being in my life, and I know, deep down inside, if he died
I would not survive that.

“She must have been so sad,” I say.

“Yes, much worse than...” Tristan breaks off. I look up at
him, he looks like he’s in pain. I’m reminded of what Susannah told me about
the man that used to work for Tristan that committed suicide, how he felt bad
that he didn’t know what he was going though, that it was too late to help him.

“You couldn’t have done anything to help her Tristan. This
isn’t your fault, you know that right?”

He sighs heavily and slowly nods. Then he looks up at me. “Baby,
let me dry your hair,” he softly says.

“Can we have another Brandy first?” I ask.

“One condition,” he tells me. He’s frowning deeply, I want
to reach up and stroke the v that forms between his eyebrows.

“What is it Tristan,” I softly ask.

“You promise me you’ll eat tonight. Edith has made a fish
pie, she’s keeping it warm until you’re ready.”

My stomach grumbles in appreciation – I only had a small
salad at lunch.

I nod once. “I just want to...I don't know, get over the
shock a little first,” I breathe.

“That’s understandable baby,” Tristan says, kissing my
temple. “I’ll be back in a moment.” I watch him stand, and walk out of the
room. I have desperately missed him today. I think I was actually starting to
piss Rob off! The amount of times he had to snap me out of another daydream
about Tristan was unbelievable – Embarrassing now I come to think of it!

I get to my feet then head over to my walk in closet so I
can get dressed...

WE
ARE SITTING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE EATING EDITH’S FISH PIE
. It’s
really delicious, but not going down too well. I force myself to eat it though,
I need to build my strength back up, and put some weight back on. Tristan and I
both look better, I can't see his ribs anymore, and I don't look so skinny, but
I want to get back to how I was before. Tristan is glancing across at me every now
and then – I think he’s mad? –
Why oh why did that have to happen?

I was only going to see her so I could come to a decision,
and then she – “You promised me,” Tristan says, his voice raw.

“I know,” I whisper, feeling guilty for not telling him, but
if Susannah hadn’t have done what she’s done, I’m sure this would be a
different conversation.

“Then why?” He asks, dropping his fork onto his half-eaten
plate of food.

“I didn’t want you to worry. I just thought...if I see her
then I can make a decision. I don't like not having the answer to something,
and I didn’t want it hanging over me before I married you. I wanted to know,
one way or the other, what direction my life was going in once I’d committed
myself to you.” I state. “I didn’t know she was going to do that Tristan...” I
add in a whisper.

He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. Ok, he’s not mad,
he’s fuming! I can tell. He silently picks up his fork and continues shoving
food into his mouth.

The silence stretches between us.

I sigh inwardly and try to eat some more pie.

Thankfully, Tristan’s mobile begins buzzing on the table in
front of us. With one furious glance at me, he picks it up and answers it.

“Freeman!” He snaps and listens for a moment. “Detective
Marsh...yes’ he looks across at me, glaring again, ‘we’ve heard the news.”
Releasing me from his glare, he listens again, nodding his head several times.
“No, I don't...Detective, I really think, considering the tragic circumstances
that all charges are dropped.....No, let them be, I want them to get on with
their lives as we will endeavour to do....Yes, thank you Detective.” Tristan
hangs up.

“What was’ – “Should I tell you?” He questions, his voice
low. He
is
furious with me –
Great!

“Yes, you’ – “Why should I tell you?” He shouts, his hand
slamming down on the table, making me flinch. “Yet again Coral, you did
something behind my back, instead of telling me you were going to do it!” He is
apoplectic with rage.

I look down at my plate. I will not cry!

“I’m sorry Tristan,” I whisper, twisting the fork round
between my fingers.

“Sorry!” He chokes, almost bouncing off the chair.

“You’re only this mad because of what Susannah did,” I say.

“No I’m not!” He shouts. I look up and meet his glare. “This
has nothing to do with that!”

“Tristan...” I reach out for him.

“Don't!” He warns, recoiling from me – I hear Edith
disappear into the Utility room – “Do I scare you so much that you don't feel
like you can be honest with me, talk to me?” He questions, his voice shaking. I
glance down at his body, he’s bristling with tension and his hands are balled
up into fists.
Crap!

“No!” I bark, glaring back at him. “You don't scare me!”

“Then what?” He shouts. “You don't trust me?”
We’re back
to that?

“I’m sorry!” I repeat, shaking my head and looking down at
my plate.

“Not good enough!” He shouts.

“No-one is perfect Tristan, everyone makes mistakes!” I
shout back.

“Mistakes yes, but purposely not telling me, is hiding the
truth from me. I know you did that Coral, I just don't understand why? What,
did you think I was going to stop you?” He asks, laughing sarcastically at me. I’m
about to answer him, but he cuts in. “Because let’s get something straight’ –
he’s still being sarcastic – ‘no-one tells you what to do, do they Coral!” He
says, throwing my own words back at me.

Now I’m getting pissed. I look up and grit my teeth at him.
“No they don't!” I snap.

“So what’s the reason Coral?” He booms again. “What, cat got
your tongue?”

I am no good at this, at confrontation – I want to run and
hide!

“You are making me doubt us, doubt what we have!” He
bellows.

I gasp aloud and look up at him. “What?”

“You heard me!” He booms, launching to his feet, knocking
his chair back in the process. “How am I supposed to build a trusting
relationship with you? You tell me about that fucker who abused you, the slime
ball that raped you, but you can't tell me something as simple as this? All you
had to do is pick up the phone and say ‘Hi Tristan, just to let you know I’m
going to see Susannah’ It’s that fucking simple! Jesus Christ Coral, every time
I think we’ve taken a step closer to one another, you do something or behave in
a certain way that takes us ten steps back! It’s like your purposely
self-destructing us.” He stops shouting and starts pacing the room, looking up
at the ceiling, running his hands through his hair.

Then he stops pacing, and still staring up at the ceiling he
starts laughing, hysterically. It’s unnerving. Then he turns and glares at me,
his hands on his hips, he’s deciding something, I can tell. I watch his facial
features change from anger to completely impassive, like he’s turned to stone,
there’s no emotion there at all.

I try to breathe, but no air will come. “Tristan...I,” I break
off, he looks like a complete stranger to me; his expression is so cold.

“I love you and I wanted to marry you, but you decided this
on your own, so I’m deciding this on my own. Until you can learn to communicate
effectively with me, the wedding’s off!” He tells me, his voice as emotionless
as his face.

“What?” I breathe. I try to stand, but my legs are shaking
so badly that it doesn’t happen. So I just stare up at him, mouth open, trying
to think of something to say.

“Oh fuck this!” He snarls stomping away from me. I turn and
watch him pick up his jacket, and his keys, open the front door and slam it
behind him.
Ok, that did not just happen!

I stare blankly at the front door....He didn’t mean what he
said, surely? I swallow hard. He was just threatening because he was so mad, he
must have been? Or maybe he wasn’t?

Stupid, stupid, stupid! I should have told him I was going
to see her. I turn back around and stare blankly out the window, hoping and
secretly praying he’s going to come back through that door. I imagine him
running over to me, we fall into each other’s arms, both forgiving, both loving
one another. Then I see his face again, the unemotional, faceless expression he
wore before he walked out, it was so cold.

Not like my Tristan with his warm cheeks and eyes that
crinkle sweetly at the corners when he smiles. Not my Tristan with eyes so warm
and soulful, I could spend the rest of my life swimming in the depths of them.
Not my Tristan with his cute freckles and dimples on his face, and a smile so
beautiful that he must be straight from heaven, my own personal angel. No, the
man that walked out on me was not my Tristan.

A shiver runs right from the top of my head all the way down
to my toes. I suddenly feel very, very cold. A hollow sob tries to escape me. I
slap my hand to my mouth and choke it back – I will not cry!

I take a deep steadying breath, and it’s in that moment of
complete numbness that I realise that I need to prepare myself for the
possibility that he was being truthful, that he really does feel that way – I’m
not even sure if he’s coming back –
Oh God!

His words start reverberating around my head, over and
over...

‘You’re making me doubt us, doubt what we have’

‘How am I supposed to build a trusting relationship with
you’

‘It’s like your purposely self-destructing us’

‘I love you and I wanted to marry you’

‘Until you can learn to communicate effectively with me,
the wedding’s off’

I inhale sharply and grip my stomach, trying to stop it from
turning over. I hear Edith coming out of the utility room, I guess she went to hide,
or give us some privacy. Either way, I don't want any kind of conversation with
her right now, so I get to my feet and make my way into the library, locking
the door behind me.

I curl up in the recliner, wrap my arms around my legs and
stare numbly ahead, wondering if I will see Tristan tonight, wondering if he’ll
ever come back? I can't even think about not seeing him, or what it would feel
like not to have him in my life – But then something happens, a shift within me,
and I actually start to feel really pissed off. I mean, there’s a part of me
that understands his frustration that I didn’t tell him, but that’s no excuse
to go bonkers at me –
Who the hell does he think he is?

I get to my feet and start pacing the room, clenching my
fists in anger. I just watched a woman die, a woman take her own life. He
should be comforting me, not shouting at me. The more I think about it, the
more I just think screw you Tristan Freeman, you don't want to marry me, well
the feeling is mutual! I don't want to marry a man who acts like that, in-fact,
what the hell am I doing marrying a man I hardly know? This is unbelievable! How
dare he walk out on me! – And how dare he threaten to call off the wedding!

God, I’m so mad, furiously beyond pissed off. And I can't go
and punch the crap out of the punch bag to relieve the tension. I squeeze my
fists tighter trying to relieve some of the tension. Then I stop pacing and
take a deep breath to calm myself. Getting this stressed is not good for me, I
know that, but I’m still so mad, so hurt...

And then it hits me – George! I need to speak to George.
Maybe he’ll have some words of wisdom, something that will help calm me down.
Because right now, Tristan is not the only one re-thinking our relationship –
Right!

Marching out of the library, I grab my mobile, stomp back
into the library and make the call...

HALF
AN HOUR LATER
, I say goodbye to George – He has helped calm me down
a little bit, and also explained that relationships can be like this, that they
take work, patience, understanding. He understood my point of view, but he also
understood Tristan’s, although he didn’t completely agree or disagree with him
walking out on me. So once again, I feel lost, out of my depth and really
confused. I still don't know what to do. Part of me wants to pack a bag and go
stay with Rob, but the other half wants to stay. I can't keep running away from
situations I find difficult or challenging – And I think, tonight, Tristan has
been both of those.

At some point during my internal battle I fall asleep in the
chair...

I JERK
AWAKE. THEN I HEAR A STRANGE NOISE.
Shit!
I’m still in the
library, what time is it? Though the room is pitch-black, I stagger to my feet
and look down at my watch – 3.35am? A shiver runs through me. I feel so cold. I’m
guessing Tristan isn’t home? Surely he’d come to find me if he was? – The
sinking feeling washes over me again – What if he says we’re through? Then I
remember I’m mad with him too, well sort off, it’s kind of faded a bit now. I
shake my head and try to push those thoughts away, then I hear it again, the
strange noise.

My heart starts hammering against my chest.
What is that?
I hear it again, sounds like someone moving furniture around? Then I hear a
loud bang, which makes me jump, but it’s quickly followed by an epithet –
Tristan?

I launch myself forward, un-lock the door and take a
cautious step into the living area. The room is eerily silent, the only light
coming from the full moon, making strange patterns across the floor and the
furniture. I look to my right and see the front door is wide-open –
Holy
fuck!

“Tristan?” I whisper. Stuart silently appears opposite me, at
the foot of the stairs, which makes me jumps. He lifts his finger to his mouth,
telling me to be silent. Then he holds his hand up flat, and beckons me to move
away, back into the library, into safety.
Fuck!

I nod once and take a step back. My mouth is dry, my fingers
tingling – Both our heads whip round when we here another bang. It’s coming
from the kitchen!

Then we hear what sounds like hysterical laughter. Stuart
warns me to stay, and silently walks over to the kitchen. My heart feels like
it’s going to explode – Who the hell is it?

Smiling in relief, Stuart looks up at me. “Coral, there’s no
danger,” he says.

I dash over to the kitchen, and find Tristan in a crumpled
heap on the floor, and I can smell what I think is pizza? Stuart flicks on the
lights, and I gasp aloud at the state of him. There’s pizza slices splattered
all over the kitchen floor and a broken plate – Oh Tristan!

“Hey baby,” he slurs as he tries to focus on me.
Holy
crap! Tristan is drunk!

“Hi,” I squeak, kneeling in front of him. “Tristan, look at
me. Are you hurt?” I ask, holding his face in my hands.

“You...are in...trouble,” he slurs. I want to shout at him
that he is too, but I don't. There’s no point trying to put your point across
to a drunk person!

I sigh inwardly. “Where have you been?” I ask.

“Joyce,” he says.

“You went drinking with Joyce?” I question, that’s odd!

“Yes...she really loves you...” He looks up, barely able to
focus on me. “And so do I.”

I stare back at him feeling embarrassed because Stuart is
right here, hearing all of this. “Coral, I’ll get the door and reset the
alarm,” he says, he must have sensed my unease.

“Thanks Stu.” He nods once and walks away. I sit down on the
cold tiled floor next to Tristan. “So I’m guessing you were hungry?” I say,
sighing heavily.