Convenience and Compatibility (4 page)

We get to the bar and play a couple rounds of
pool. To my surprise Greg doesn’t bring anything up, and we avoid
fighting – thank God! We’re all giggling and flirting like nothing
is wrong.

I’m sipping a beer and absentmindedly staring
at Greg’s ass while he plays pool with Adam, and I catch myself
thinking of Dean. I’m a little buzzed and horny and really want to
get some tonight.

Tara sidles up next me and gives me a look. I
ignore her and take another drink of my beer. “What’s going on with
you Mallory?” Tara asks. She’s been avoiding me all evening, I’m
sure because I blew off the evening’s plans and also because I
didn’t confide in her.

I choose my words carefully, not knowing if
she will tell Adam, who I am sure will rat me out. Then again, I
remember that Greg and I aren’t really a couple. Why do I care if
he knows I went out with someone else? Once again this evening, I
choose honesty – it’s just much easier than keeping track of a
lie.

“A former patient stopped me on my way home,
and we went out to dinner. I’m really sorry I lost track of time
and kept you waiting.” I hope this is enough of an explanation and
apology, and change the subject. “How are your parents? Are they
excited you are coming home for the holidays?” Tara takes the bait
and rattles on about her family and their plans for Christmas. I’m
really excited for her, but feel a twinge of jealousy for her life.
Her parents still support her lifestyle: the shopping, the
vacations, they even want to put a down payment on a house for
her.

Apparently I’m forgiven and the rest of the
evening goes by without any further mention of my earlier
transgression.

We drive back to the apartment and I’m
nauseated with what I know I have to do. We walk through the
parking lot of the complex and I instinctively look over to where
Dean’s car was. It suddenly occurs to me that we didn’t exchange
numbers. “Oh shit,” I say, and everyone looks at me.

“Um, sorry, I just remembered something I
forgot to do.” They all look at me like I’m crazy – what else is
new?

Greg grabs my hand and walks behind me,
grabbing my ass with his free hand as I walk up the steps. I roll
my eyes at his predictable behavior, not the least bit inhibited in
front of our friends. I open the apartment door and he caresses my
arm, as Tara and Adam head straight to her room, giggling and
grabbing at each other. I’m jealous with their easy love for each
other. If only I had a relationship like that….

“Wanna sit here for a bit?” I ask Greg and
motion to the sofa. I figure it’s important to be in a neutral zone
while saying this, knowing it’s going to be hard to keep him off of
me.

We sit on the sofa and he dives for my neck
like a ravenous vampire.

“Whoa Greg, hold on there. I don’t think we
should do that tonight.” I hold him back with both hands and he
looks at me incredulously, hunger in his eyes.

“Why not?”

“Remember how we said we would stop hooking
up when one of us met someone?” Greg nods and I continue. “Well,
I’ve met someone.” He’s still staring at me like it all doesn’t
make sense. I’m sure his thoughts are only on the massive erection
he has.

The look in his face changes from shock to
recognition to anger. He slumps back on the sofa and glares at
me.

“You know Mallory, I’m not always going to be
there for you to fall back on.”

“I know Greg… but I thought we were both just
having fun. Keeping it light.”

Greg looks down. “Yea… right.” I know I’ve
hurt him and my empathetic side wants to forget about the last five
minutes and enjoy his company one last time.

He gets up to leave and looks back at me
before leaving. “You know, I still love you Mallory.”

“I know Greg.” I watch him let himself out
then go to my room and hear Tara climaxing followed by Adam through
the too-thin walls of the apartment. Fuck me.

A little buzzed, and extremely horny, I take
too long to fall asleep. I hear Tara and Adam making sex noises for
what seems like an eternity. My thoughts turn to Dean and I have a
sudden fear that I will never see him again. He never asked me for
my number! He said he wanted to see me again, but I’m confused.
He’s just began his recovery, does he really want to date at this
point? Maybe he doesn’t want to see me again, and that is why John
was smiling when I got out of the car. Maybe I was a joke to them.
I smack myself in the forehead, feeling like an idiot. Just go to
bed and don’t think of him, I try to tell myself. Needless to say,
it’s a long night.

I wake up late in
the morning,
thinking of Dean. I have a mild hangover and sleepily make some tea
and sit on the couch with my laptop. I check my phone, making sure
it is on, just in case Dean calls. I realize that I’m going to be
obsessed with thoughts of him all day and probably indefinitely. I
need to keep myself busy.

Tara and Adam emerge from the bedroom kissing
and caressing. It’s so cute how in love they are. I smile at them
as Tara kisses Adam goodbye and joins me on the couch.

“Did Greg sleep over?”

“Not tonight,” I look down at my laptop,
hoping she won’t ask anymore questions.

“Are you guys okay?”

“We’re good, just taking a break.”

“Do you want to talk about it Mallory?” I can
sense utter concern in her voice. I really do love Tara, even with
her faults.

“Not right now Tara. Is that okay?”

“Of course. Now, what can I make you for
breakfast?”

Tara makes crepes while I whip up the filling
and topping. When the boyfriends aren’t around it feels like old
times when we were in college. It’s sad and nostalgic; I know
she’ll marry Adam someday and these rare moments will be over
forever.

“If you’re not busy today,” I start, but
hesitate because I know she probably has plans with Adam. “Do you
want to go shopping downtown?” I don’t mention that I want to
distract myself with busy activities all day.

“I’m sorry Mallory, I have plans with Adam.
I’ll probably stay at his house tonight too.”

My heart sinks, but I put on a brave front.
“Oh, well that’s okay. Let’s eat!”

During breakfast I try to pretend I’m
listening to Tara. She rambles on about her day with Adam and his
family. She takes a break in her monologue to look at her phone
when it pings, I assume a text from Adam. She looks at it for
awhile, scrolling down, reading furtively. I can’t take it any
longer.

“What is it?” Tara doesn’t answer. “Tara? Is
everything okay?”

She glances up at me. “Um, yes. It’s just
Adam, I need to get over there soon.”

I can tell she is not telling me everything,
but pretend like nothing is wrong and don’t ask about my
suspicions. “Okay.”

Tara takes off and I’m left to my thoughts,
all alone, for the rest of the day.

Even though Dean doesn’t have my number, I
continue to check my phone throughout the day. Maybe he has super
powers or unexplainable means to acquire my number. I tell myself
that I’m being ridiculous, but that doesn’t stop me from checking
every hour. Bedtime comes and I’m depressed. I have a shift in the
morning and I know it’s going to be hard to get to sleep. He didn’t
call.

I hit the snooze button
a few times
before I finally get up. Arghh, only four hours of sleep. It’s
going to be a tough day. I make it to work barely awake until shift
report. My patient load is a nightmare, practically running between
patients. I stop and pee only once throughout the day – sometimes I
really hate my job. After I clock out I walk into the bathroom and
check my face and hair. What if Dean is waiting for me again
outside? My face looks like I’ve aged five years; bags under my
eyes, make up smudged, lips chapped. I make myself as presentable
as possible and walk out into the cold air. Thank God this day is
almost over. I walk slowly on the sidewalk, the same way I went
when Dean found me. I cross the street and look to the spot where
we met. Nothing. I sigh and continue on my way home, no call
today.

The week goes by in a blur; I don’t see much
of Tara and am distracted enough from work to barely think of Dean.
I even pick up an extra shift – why the hell not? What else am I
going to do? My last day of work for the week finally comes to an
end and I’m looking forward to taking a shower and watching
mindless TV on the sofa in my pajamas.

I get home and Tara is in her room with the
door closed. I take my shower, grab a bowl of cereal for dinner and
plop on the couch. I’m deeply engrossed in some home-improvement
show when Tara comes out of her room and sits next to me.

“Hey what’s up?” I know something is wrong
between Tara and me; I haven’t heard from her usual chatty self all
week.

“Can I talk to you?” she asks, biting a
nail.

“Sure.” I put the show on mute and turn to
face her. Oh shit, what’s going on?

“Have you spoken to Greg lately?”

“No, why?”

“He’s just really upset about your
break-up.”

Now I’m kind of pissed, this is none of her
business. “But we broke up a few months ago, we’ve just been
fucking since then. That’s what I put an end to last week.”

Tara interrupts, “He’s still in love with you
Mallory.”

“He’s a big boy, he can handle it.” I turn
back to my food and turn on the volume. I’m not about to let her
try to make me feel bad for breaking up with Greg… again.

“That’s where you’re wrong Mallory.” Tara
walks away and I know she is mad.

Fuck this. I tired of constantly taking care
of people. I know I should go knock on Tara’s door and talk this
out, but instead I zone out on the backyard makeover I’m watching.
I’m just too tired to handle this right now. Once again, there’s no
call from Dean.

Chapter
6

The next month drags on endlessly. I spend
Christmas with my family, New Year’s evening with Tara and the
gang. Greg brought a date, a blonde, tall and beautiful – just the
opposite of me. I couldn’t help but think he did it to make me
jealous. I tried not to admit it to myself, but it sort of did. I
obsessed about it for a week until I realized that this means Greg
is over me and I can date other people without Tara or Adam
harassing me.

January comes to an end and I know I’m in a
funk. Dean hasn’t called, and I have a sinking feeling that he
never will. I’m just so confused. I consider showing up to his
parent’s house under the guise of checking on him, but having
enough self-control not to do that and embarrass myself, I stay
away from Medina. I keep reminding myself that he would find me if
he wanted to. He knows where I work, where I live, he could easily
see me. Guys can be such assholes.

It’s the day after Valentine’s
Day and
I’m just getting off work. The day has been relatively easy, my
patient load light. It’s raining and dark outside and I zip up my
coat and raise my hood as I exit the front doors. I hear what
sounds like someone shouting my name and I lower my hood and look
around.

He’s sitting on the bench under the eaves by
the front door. His ankle crossed over his knee, wearing a wool pea
coat and matching grey knitted cap, a huge grin from ear to ear. I
stare in disbelief. He looks hot! Even hotter than I remember. My
knees go a little weak, and then I remember that this is the
asshole who hasn’t called me in months.

Motionless, I stand staring while my mind
tries to make sense of the situation. Why does he show up the day
after Valentine’s Day? I thought all men knew that this day is hard
for a single woman. I deliberate between pretending it’s nice to
see him, and being mad that he didn’t contact me for so long. It
takes only a moment before I choose something in between.

“Hello Dean.” I slowly walk towards him,
carefully stoic.

He stands gracefully and walks towards me,
without a walker! I stop short, in shock, my mouth opening on its
own accord. I stand there in astonishment as he surprisingly
embraces me, and buries his face in my hair. He inhales and murmurs
my name and something else I can’t quite understand. I lightly hug
him and pat his back while he is holding on to me like I’m
Christmas morning.

He pulls away and looks at me, his face
lighted up with a smile and twinkling eyes. “I have been sitting
here the past three nights from seven to eight thirty waiting for
you to show up. You have no idea how cold it has been.”

I’m even more stunned. What? My face must
have been showing my emotions of shock, disbelief and anger.

“What’s wrong Mallory?” His face goes from
pure happiness to concern, making me feel bad for being upset.

“Where have you been Dean? It’s been two
months.” It comes out of my mouth before I can filter the words and
the tone, but it’s too late and I know I sound like a pissed
girlfriend.

“Oh, I see. You’re right.” He pulls his cap
off and runs his hands through his thick brown hair. He reminds me
of a Calvin Klein underwear model; the stubble on his square chin,
his full lips, those fuck-me eyes. Lord, why am I punishing this
man? I want to grab him and pin him against the wall of the
hospital, pushing my tongue down his throat.

“Are you busy? Can I take you out?”

“When?” I barely whisper, as my previous
thoughts about him start fading and are replaced with my desire to
be with him.

“Now.” He shrugs and smiles and I’m once
again captivated by his dark eyes. I nod and smile shyly. I’m yours
Mr. Sexy. I’m usually quite confident with men, but this one has me
discombobulated. He takes my hand and we walk to the parking garage
in silence. He’s a good foot taller than me and takes long
confident strides – I have to walk fast to keep up. I can’t help
but compare the Dean I’m seeing in front of me to the one I had
dinner with two months ago. Physically he’s changed; not using a
walker, more muscle and straighter posture. But something about his
personality has changed as well. This Dean seems a little more
confident and aggressive. Like a guy that knows what he wants and
takes it.