Conduit (11 page)

“No!”
Lev yelled, rushing toward him.  Although Riley was moving to block him just in
case, Lev never made it.  Evan suddenly jumped in front of him and wrapped his
arms around Lev, keeping the sword pinned to Lev’s side.

“Easy,”
Evan said.

“Elizabeth!”
Lev called, struggling to break free, yet there was no end to Evan’s strength
and determination.  The only way he’d get close was if Evan let him go, and
that wasn’t going to happen.

“What
is he seeing?” Celia asked, stepping near.

The
girl screamed and struggled to get away from the blade, but no matter how she shifted,
Riley kept the steel against her, making her howl louder.

“Stop
it!” Lev screamed, watching as Elizabeth’s body suddenly seemed to go limp
right in front of him and sink back into the wooden crate.  Riley stood over
it, his sword disappearing into the opening, and Lev could still hear her screaming
like the angel were killing her.

“Let
her go!” Lev yelled.  He struggled to break free, but it did no good, at least
not until the world suddenly went silent around him and Riley withdrew his
blade.  Then Evan released him.

Riley
had finished.  Elizabeth was dead.

“You
killed her!” Lev yelled and threw himself at the angel, intent on taking his
life, just as he’d taken Elizabeth’s.

“Lev,
calm down,” Riley said as their blades met mid-stroke.  “I didn’t kill anyone.”

“Like
hell!” he yelled and tried to swing again.  Riley chased it with his own sword
and gracefully knocked the blade free of Lev’s hand.

“Calm
down,” Riley demanded, his dark eyes seething with barely restrained anger.  “I
don’t know what you think you saw, but you need to take a peek in that crate.”

Lev
didn’t want to.  He couldn’t bear the thought of finding her there.  It would
be too much, yet even with that fear eating away at him, he couldn’t seem to
stop himself from edging forward as Riley stepped aside, allowing Lev to see
the
dybbuk
.

Yes,
it was a teenager with dark hair, but that’s where the similarities abruptly
ended.  Lev’s eyes had been playing tricks on him, making him look completely
foolish yet again.  He now spent his life looking stupid, and there was nothing
to be done but to suck it up and accept the hand he’d been dealt.  Why couldn’t
he have been dealt such a hand when he was still an angel?  Why now, when he
was human and useless?  The only thing he was good at anymore was messing up.

“I
don’t understand,” he muttered, backing away.

“Lev,
what did you see?” Celia asked, trying to catch his arm, but he quickly pulled
away.

“It
doesn’t matter,” he replied, trying to make the words true, but he knew they
were never going to be so.  “My head is pounding.  I need some time.”

“We
will try again tonight,” Riley said. 

Lev
wanted to tell him he’d be ready, that this time he wouldn’t fail, but he knew
better than to taunt fate.  It had a way of striking back.

* * *

            Even though Lev tried to banish the image
of the blade bearing down on Elizabeth, he couldn’t. 

            Still, despite all the fear and anger
swirling amid a toxic mix inside Lev, that night, he’d managed to deal with the
third
dybbuk
using the tactics Riley had so relentlessly drilled into
them.  Granted, Lev had been less than thrilled at a third go-round, but he
wasn’t going to fail in front of everyone again.  He’d already given Riley
enough pleasure to last two human lifetimes.

Still,
even after it was over and he’d watched Evan, Celia, and Riley deal with the
hosts, he’d felt empty.  All he’d been able to think about was Elizabeth and
how, in this mortal body, he had failed her so completely, and if Evan spoke
truly, no hope for escaping it.  Returning to an angelic form just wasn’t a
possibility.

Right
now, sitting on his bed, his entire body hurt, and he was tired.  He felt no
closer than before.  He was about to go outside and hade even opened the door,
only to find Celia standing there, a thoughtful frown on her face.

“How
are you holding up?” she asked.

Resigned
that he wasn’t going anywhere, Lev retreated into the room.  “How do you
think?”  He folded his arms across his chest, ignoring the way his shoulders
ached so relentlessly.

“Well,
judging from what happened earlier and the expression on your face, you want to
give up, but I know that can’t be right because the Lev I know would never do
that.”  She sank down on the bed.

“The
Lev you knew no longer exists.  He was an angel. And I’m a human, so I’m really
not sure why you’re confusing the two.” 

“Who
you are doesn’t change based on the current form you take.”  She reached to
touch his chest above his heart.  “It’s all about what’s in here.”

 “What’s
in there?”  His voice rose angrily.  “There’s nothing in there.  In case you
missed it, Celia, that part of me was ripped out the day Elizabeth was stolen. 
The whole reason I became a mortal was for her.  Now I’m just uselessly human
and unable to save the one person I’d die for.”  He sank onto the bed next to
his sister.

“While
you are human, you aren’t useless, Lev.  It’s not like you’ve had all that long
to get acclimated to this human body.  It’s no longer a disguise.  It’s you. 
That’s not easy—not by a long shot.”  She leaned against his arm and rested her
head on his shoulder.  “It’s going to take some time, and even when you were an
angel, you had very little patience.  That part of you certainly hasn’t
changed.”

“There’s
no amount of time that’s going to fix what’s broken.  You saw me today.”  He
shook his head. 

“I
saw that you didn’t give up.  That’s what’s going to save Elizabeth when it all
comes down to it—refusing to let go when everything seems incredibly difficult
if not impossible.”

“Half
the time I feel like I’m going crazy.  I’m seeing things that aren’t there.  I
can’t focus.  All I can think about is how much I’ve messed up.”

Celia
wrapped her arm around him and gave a reassuring squeeze.  “You’re in love,
Lev.  There’s no shame in that.  Part of you is missing, and I think under
those circumstances it would be a major miracle if you could focus.”

“Celia,
you don’t understand.  Now that I’m human, I’m more a liability than anything
else.”  He looked up at the ceiling.  “I keep saying that I sense something bad
in Riley, but maybe I’m just angry because he has the immortal powers to do
something I can’t.  All I seem to do these days is further complicate
everything.  It took three tries for me to get the best of a
dybbuk
. 
Three tries.  Riley was at it for a handful of minutes and got the job done, even
with me getting in the way.  You can’t tell me that when we are in the heat of
battle you’re going to feel oh so confident with me guarding your back.”

“How
I feel about you hasn’t changed, Lev.”  She regarded him with penetrating blue
eyes.  “When the chips are down, you’ll pull through.  It’s what you do.”

Lev
didn’t want her to believe in him, not when things could go so horribly wrong
and at the worst possible moment.

“You
can’t mean that, not considering how flawed I am.”

“I
do. Lev, I know you.  I know all that you are, and I would trust you with my
life.”

Looking
down at his sister, the angel he had trained so many years ago, he wanted to
see himself through her eyes but couldn’t. 

Chapter Eleven

“Lev! 
You have to help me!”

The
panicked voice nudged him from sleep, but he refused to shrug off the cover of
darkness, so convinced was he that he must be dreaming—or, worse, hearing
things that didn’t exist.

Again.

“I
can’t hold out much longer!”  She was louder now, and more frightened. 
Elizabeth. Lev jerked awake and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the
bed while his heart raced, sounding like a galloping horse in his ears.  He
searched for her among the spill of moonlight and shadow from the open window. 
Her voice was so clear she had to be here right next to him.

“It
hurts!” Tears filling her voice.  “You have to make it stop.”  She broke down
completely, then, and Lev jumped out of bed, searching frantically.  Logically,
he knew he wouldn’t find her, but that didn’t stop him.  Nothing could stop him
from trying, half wild as she was with desperation.

“Elizabeth!”
he hissed.  “Where are you?”  He whirled, feeling someone watched him but as though
despite what he most wanted, the watcher, whomever or whatever it might be, wasn’t
Elizabeth.

“Listen
to my voice,” she answered, whimpering.  “Follow it.  Come alone.”

Lev
stiffened, recognizing a bad idea when one presented itself, but the delay only
lasted a handful of seconds before he’d reassured himself.  He reasoned that
there wasn’t enough time to warn the others, and considering his little
outburst the previous afternoon, he didn’t think they’d listen to anything he
had to say.  They all knew he was a disaster waiting to happen.  At least if he
went by himself he wouldn’t be dragging anyone down with him.  That had to
count for something.

“Lev,
you have to hurry.  I don’t know how much longer I can keep this connection
open.  I don’t even know how I’m doing it, but you’ll never find me unless I
lead you.”

That
was what he was most afraid of.  It was like she’d picked the one thing that
would spur him into action, and now there was no going back.

“I’m
listening.”

“Come
outside.  I’ll show you the way as you go, and you’ll have to follow.”

Frowning,
Lev felt another set of warning flags rising, but he quashed them down.  This
was probably his best chance, even if it was a trap.  Besides, why would the
dybbuks
be doing this?  What would they want with him?  He wasn’t even an angel
anymore.

“All
right.  Give me a couple of minutes.”

He
slid his feet into the shoes by the door, then wrapped his fingers around the
doorknob and gave it a slight twist while pulling it toward him.  He only opened
the door halfway, remembering that it squeaked, and the last thing he wanted
was to alert Evan or Celia that he was on the move.  The odds were hardly in
his favor that he’d escape unnoticed, but he had to try. 

As
he tiptoed down the hall, it occurred to him to ask why she didn’t want the
others to come, and once he’d spoken the question, a silence filled him, almost
as though she had left him again, but she soon responded.

“I
don’t want them to see me like this.  I don’t want Jimmie to know what I’ve
been through.”

The
breath caught in his throat, and he stopped moving, shaken. 
Jimmie
, he
thought to himself. 
Don’t go there, Lev.

Lev
changed the subject.  “What have they done to you?”  The question terrified
him, but still he asked.

“It’s
not something I can explain, but the angels will know, and it’s bad.  I can’t
face them.” She was crying now. “Please don’t make me.”

Lev’s
chest ached, but he couldn’t afford to let his feelings get the best of him. 
He had to be strong.  That was the only way he’d make it.

“I
understand.” He continued down the hall, looking around, trying to determine whether
anyone else were awake.  Once again, he thought back to being an angel and about
how darkness had rarely obscured his vision.  Granted, it might’ve dulled the
colors somewhat, but it’d never caused difficulties for him.  Now he found
himself half blind as he bumbled through the house, easing his hand along the
wall to guide him toward the living room.

It
seemed to take forever, but he was afraid to go any faster, afraid of rousing
the others.  Evan and Celia didn’t need human sleep, so he figured they were
probably off somewhere, discussing plans with Riley, plans they feared he would
botch.

By
some stroke of luck, he made it down the hall to the front door.  His fingers
carefully unfastened the chain at the top and then unlocked the door.  Here
again, he only opened the door enough to slip out because he knew it, too,
sometimes squeaked.  Such was the curse of old houses.  They spoke to their
owners like that sometimes, and Lev really needed this house to be quiet.

He
held his breath.  Around him, all was still, and he whispered silent thanks for
it, knowing this was the best scenario he could hope for.  Maybe he could slip
away undetected.  He hadn’t thought it possible; then again, maybe, for once,
fate was smiling upon him. 

He
waited a few seconds more just for good measure and eased himself outside,
gently closing the door behind.  With care, he avoided the second riser on the
front porch steps, knowing it would creak under his weight.

He
wanted to celebrate getting out of the house undetected, but knew he wasn’t off
the hook yet and wasn’t sure when or if he ever would be—when he’d be able to
convince himself he’d escaped to do what needed to be done. 

As
such, he waited again after he’d stepped off the back porch.  There was no
point in trying to run and hide.  There’d be no hiding from Evan and Celia, he
knew.

When
nothing moved, he faced a cloudless sky tossed with stars.  It was perfect and
infinite, and suddenly he wished he could fly again.   

“Okay. 
Where to?”

            “Move forward.” 

            Unsure how well directional broadcasting
would work, he followed her lead blindly until he reached the well-trodden path
that he’d often taken. 

            “Now what?”

            “Keep coming.”

            Frowning, Lev tried to think if he’d ever
traveled farther down that path than the bank, but for some reason, he couldn’t
remember.  They’d never really had a reason to because the lake had always been
their destination.  Thinking about that, about all those moments with Elizabeth,
tied his stomach in knots until he struggled just to breathe. What he wouldn’t
give to be back there, in one of those moments—any but this one.

            “Hurry!” Her voice filled him, her tone
more hurried and desperate.

            Lev broke into a run.  Although the path
wasn’t even, there was enough moonlight for him to make out what was in front
of him, if only just.  It didn’t stop him from stumbling and almost spraining
his ankle, but he couldn’t slow down, nor could he stop.  He had to get to her.

            “Am I still going in the right direction?”
he asked even though logically he knew there was no other path, no other place
to go.  This had to be right.

            “Yes,” she answered.  “Just keep coming.”

            He took a quick look over his shoulder to
see if he were being followed, but despite the moonlight the world around him
was dark, so he really couldn’t tell.  Besides, he had a pretty good idea that
even if he were, Evan and Celia would keep their presence hidden until a time
of their choosing.

            Just ahead, he saw the lake shimmer
darkly.  The water was still and reflected the full moon—a gorgeous sight, one
he wished he could have shared with Elizabeth.  He ached for her.  The
emptiness was all-consuming, and he didn’t know how much more he could take.  There
was no other option, however, and nothing else could fix this damnable hole in
his heart. He slowed and finally stopped, hands on his knees, gasping for
breath.

            “What now?” he asked, stressed out by the
stillness.

            “Wait.  Where are you?  I’m confused.” 
Her voice sounded uncertain, panicky, giving Lev the eerie feeling that
something had happened, something bad.

            “Elizabeth?” he prompted, glancing out
across the still water.  Out here, even the air was still, as though it, too, were
waiting.

            Lev didn’t want to admit it, but a little
voice in his head was telling him to go back.  Even so, the stubborn side of
him refused to admit his error and pushed him to stay put.

            “I don’t know what’s happening.  It
hurts.”  Her voice quickly rose into a keening wail that sliced through him
like a hot knife.  He covered his ears to try and squelch the wretched noise, to
no avail.  Her cry forced him to his knees amid stones that gouged and stung
the flesh.

            She went silent, and the sudden silence
chilled him through, stealing his breath.  He looked around, trying to get his
bearings, but everything seemed out of place.

            “Elizabeth?” he called, desperate to hear
her voice again.  The silence made him feel that much more disconnected from
his hope of somehow finding her before it was too late.

            He kept calling, but she didn’t answer. 
The whole world was stillness.  His heart hammered in his chest, and all he
could think about was the emptiness that washed over him in cold, steady waves. 
He’d lost her again, and he couldn’t stand it.

            “Answer me.  Please!”  Lev’s voice cracked,
and he wondered whether his legs would support him.  The thought of going back to
the house empty-handed gnawed at him so that he could barely breathe.

            Nothing and no one answered, and he was
swimming in darkness and pain, alone.

            He waited a few seconds more, thinking
that at the last moment she would come back, but no sound came.

            “I can’t take this.” He rose, heading back
to the house, but in his path there stood a woman, probably in her mid-forties,
with auburn hair that seemed to glow in the light of the full moon.  She’d closed
the distance between them and settled her hand on his chest before he could
react.  An unbearable pain ripped through him.  In a haze of anguish and
unreality, he heard himself scream.

           
I can’t breathe,
Lev thought,
gasping.  He fell and tried to roll onto his side.  It was more a reflexive
movement than anything else, but the woman’s hands kept him in place.  Lev
gaped at her through half-closed eyelids.  Her expression was stony—mechanical. 
Her lips formed a straight line, and her eyes barely acknowledged him.

           
Is she a dybbuk?
he wondered, his
thoughts scattered to the winds.  It hurt even to think.

            Part of him wondered how the
dybbuk
had known where to find him, but the thought was fleeting and incoherent, which
made him do the only thing he could.

            “Elizabeth!” he yelled, trying to
understand what was happening to him.  Besides, he didn’t have a clue who else
to call for the madness claiming him.

            “You’ll see her soon enough,” the woman
replied, her lips slowly twisting into a grin, which unnerved Lev all the
more.  It was like she was happy not only because he was in intense pain
physically but also emotionally.

            Lev clamped his eyes shut, trying to drive
her face away.  He was starting to see things—lines and shapes crossing his
vision—and it took everything he had for him not to pass out.  The woman’s
hands heated up, and he felt his skin blistering beneath her touch. 

            He desperately tried to wriggle free, but
he was way too weak to manage, no matter how hard he attempted it.  The pain
only increased, and Lev arched his back under the strain of it, gasping as
though every breath might be his last.

           
Think, Lev—go back to training. 
And
he did, but the pain wouldn’t let him focus.  Still, if he didn’t break free,
he was going to pass out or die.