Compulsion: Magnetic Desires (24 page)

May 2012

I twisted my keys round and round my fingers as I stared through the window of the jewelers. Mellie was supposed to be meeting me, but she hadn’t arrived yet, and I wanted to get on with picking out the perfect ring. The display cases in front of me cradled gold and diamond rings that caught the thin light and sparkled from it. There were other stones too, and the variety confused me.

Clo had such simple elegant style. Should I get her a simple diamond? Or would a sapphire be better? I’d never bought jewelry for anyone other than Mom and Birdie. This was so important. I had to get it right. She’d be wearing it every day for the rest of her life.

Mellie hurried along the pavement toward me. Her face was drawn and her hair shoved into a messy bun. "Sorry I’m late."

"Are you all right?" I opened the door for her, letting her move ahead of me. Her eyes were puffy and rimmed with red. "What’s going on?"

"Nothing," she answered over her shoulder as she approached the glass cases and leaned over them to inspect the jewelry. "What are we looking at?"

Knowing she wouldn't talk until she was ready, I let it go. "I don’t know. That’s why I asked you to come. You have much better taste than I do."

"Did you at least get her ring size?"

I pulled a small gold band from my pocket. "I found this in her jewelry box. Do you think she remembers she has it?"

Mellie took it between two fingers and peered at it. "Hard to tell, it’s possible she doesn’t remember."

She waved to the thin woman in a black suit who crossed the room to us, her skirt as tight as the bun on top of her head. "Can I help you?"

Mellie handed her the ring. "We need to have this sized, thanks."

The woman disappeared into a room behind the counter, leaving us to browse.

"Do you want a diamond, or something different?" Mellie bent over the display case.

"I like the sapphire," I said, pointing to the round stone surrounded by tiny diamonds.

"Gosh, Orion, did you check the price tag. It's a beautiful ring, but she’d murder you if she found out you spent that much money on an engagement ring."

I examined the three-carat sapphire. "Money isn’t an issue, and I like the color on her." I'd especially loved it when I'd been peeling off a certain piece of lingerie the other night.

"If my opinion counts for anything, I like it too," Mellie said. "Do you need my help with anything else?"

"No, I can finish up here. Why don’t you pop around to the house later? I want to know what’s going on with you."

"It’s nothing." Avoiding my gaze, she curved her lips up, but there was no sparkle.

"Okay, when you’re ready you know where to find me."

With a quick nod, she left me to purchase the ring.

Leaving the store with a black velvet box tucked in my pocket; I jumped in the truck and drove out toward Reverence High. I’d had an idea while I was in the store. It was unusual, but when it had come to me, I knew it would be the perfect place to propose.

"I
spent weeks practicing the song on my guitar, wanting it to be perfect when I proposed to her. I figured she would probably laugh at me, and that she’d probably tell me to go to hell, but I was going to make her my wife, and if that meant getting down on my knees and begging, I wasn’t adverse to the idea."

May 2012

I drove into the car park of Reverence High. We were going back to where it started. We’d left the past and our regrets behind us, and I couldn’t think of anything more fitting that starting from when I knew she was supposed to be mine. Phillips met me at the door, looking older than I remembered. He’d gone from teacher to principal since we’d left. I pumped his hand and he let me into the building.

"Good luck," he said as he left me to set up in our homeroom from senior year.

I sat on my old desk covered in old and new graffiti, and traced my fingers over the marks I’d etched in the wood long ago. Reaching to tug on my hair, as I had so many times when I’d sat behind this desk, my fingers found short-cropped hair instead and I ran them through the inch of fuzz that covered my scalp. When she entered the room this time, there would be no Zack. It would be the two of us, and there would be nothing in the way of her being mine. She already was, but I wanted to give her my last name too.

Checking my watch, I pulled out my phone to call Birdie. I heard Mom and Genevieve in the background. "It’s almost time."

"If you screw this up, Orion, and I have to watch you be miserable for another ten years, I’m going to put you out of your misery myself," Birdie said, and I imagined her with one hand on her hip.

"I’m not going to screw anything up. We’ll see you soon." I shoved my phone in my pocket and picked up the guitar, strumming it while I waited for Clo to arrive. We’d never talked about giving this relationship status. Hell, I’d never even called her my girlfriend to her face. It had been off the table for so long, and then we’d had to adjust to the idea of a baby when it shouldn’t have been possible.

I held my breath as I spied the top of her head through the window. She opened the door enough to squeeze through. The tiny bump of her belly wasn’t noticeable under her clothes. "Orion, what are we doing here?" Her quiet voice echoed in the empty room.

Focused on her face, I crossed the room to her, plucking notes from my guitar. Curiosity turned to shock, horror for a split-second, and then to anticipation as she realized what was happening. Finishing the song, I put the guitar down and took her hands.

"Orion." She tried to stop me, but I held my hand up to silence her so I could get the words out.

"This is where it all started," I said. "You walked into this room, and I was gone. I loved you from that moment, and I have loved you since. I will love you for the rest of my life. Nothing is going to change that. I lost you then, before I got the chance to be with you, and now you’re mine. I am never going to let you go."

Holding her hand, I lowered myself down on one knee. "I want you to have my name. I want everyone to know you belong with me and nobody will have the chance to come between us. I want you to marry me."

She had her hand over her mouth while I fumbled in my pocket to pull out the box and show it to her. "Will you, Clo? Will you marry me?"

Shaking her head, tears sprung to her eyes, and my heart dipped. I clenched my jaw, and strengthened my resolve. Given time she would say yes.

Her hands settled on my shoulders, and she pulled me closer. I pressed my cheek to her belly, as I tried to work out what to say to convince her.

"I never thought, not after... You put me back together." She sank down in front of me. "Yes, Orion, yes. It has always been you and me through everything. Of course I’ll marry you."

Cupping the back of her head, I possessed her mouth as I stroked her belly where she carried my child. She melted against me and slid her arms around my neck, her fingers caressing my nape. "Um, what happened to your hair?"

I moved my hand to my hair. "I wanted to leave the past behind. We have so much to look forward to."

"T
hings were perfect, you know. We hadn’t set a date, but that was okay. It could wait until after the baby came. Despite the doctor’s previous diagnosis that Clo wouldn’t be able to have children, it seemed it didn’t matter once she actually was pregnant." Orion shifts in his seat and wrings his hands.

"Clo was healthy for the entire pregnancy. She didn’t really suffer morning sickness, and she got that glow about her. Her slim body changed to accommodate our baby, but she was all belly." He pauses, and glances at his hands. "I’ll never forget that day. We were... so nervous and so excited to be parents. She’d been in labor for six hours, and she was getting tired."

November 2012

"I need to have this baby, Orion. It needs to come out already." She huffed and panted through another contraction.

My arm wrapped around her to hold her weight, I rubbed her back. The nurse led us toward the delivery room. I kissed the top of Clo’s head and we shuffled down the corridor. Stopping again, she moaned and her eyes rolled back as she clutched the wall rail, rocking her hips as she worked through the brute force of another contraction. I’d never been so helpless in my life. I was tempted to scoop her up and carry her into the room, but I knew better. Labor or not, she’d kick my ass if I did.

"Not much longer babe, then you’ll be holding him in your arms."

Collapsing against me, she sobbed. "I can’t do this." Each word was drawn out, and despite my excitement I ached at the pain in her voice.

The nurse patted the bed, "Let’s get you onto the bed, Clo, and I’ll check to see how you’re progressing."

Another contraction hit and Clo doubled over, leaning on the bed for support. I massaged her back as we waited it out, and then I helped her climb onto the bed. I took her hand as the nurse did something between her legs. I didn’t want to know what was going on down there, so I gazed into Clo’s eyes.

The nurse glanced up from the end of the bed. "Clodagh, it looks like you’re almost fully dilated. I’ll get some things ready, and then how about we have this baby?"

Clo grunted and swiped at her damp hair to get it out of her face. I pushed it back from her forehead. "It’s almost over, babe."

Clo clutched her stomach as she arched off the bed. "I can’t..."

I stayed beside her, feeling each wave of pain as if it was my own. It was hard to watch the woman I loved in so much pain. The nurse bustled around the birthing suite, and another nurse stuck her head in the door. "How are we doing in here?"

"We’re almost ready," the first nurse said.

The second nurse shut the door behind her, and I leaned on the bed beside Clo as she gripped my hand, and howled.

The first nurse came over to the bed and lifted the sheet to check on her progress. "Are you ready Clodagh? You’re about to have this baby."

Clo screamed as her muscles tensed and she squeezed my hand like a vise as her body worked to push the baby out into the world.

"That’s a clever girl, Clodagh. The baby’s crowning, I need you to push again for me," the nurse crooned.

Clo was in some ways missing from the room. She writhed in pain as her body took over to push our child into the world.

He slid from her body, and the nurse held him up for me to cut the cord. I grinned at her. "Clo, he’s beautiful."

Her whole body shook, but she ran a tongue over her lip and gave me a weak smile. The nurse carried him over to a plastic crib and I followed her. His head was so tiny and scrunched up as his dark blue eyes stared at nothing in particular. He was enchanting, and I loved him as much as I loved his mother.

The other nurse was still with Clo. She was carefully putting stitches into an area that I would miss for at least six weeks. "Clo," she said, "Can you hear me? Clo?" She shook Clo’s leg. "Clo?"

The nurse who had been carefully wrapping my son up in a fuzzy yellow blanket turned at the other’s insistent words. I darted glances between the nurses and Clo. The nurse beside me placed my son in my arms and hurried across to Clo.

The other nurse had moved up beside her. She pressed her fingers to Clo’s neck. "Call a code blue," she barked.

I cradled the tiny squirming bundle in my arms as I stared at the three of them.

The nurse who had been looking after my child picked up the phone. "Code blue. Ob 14."

The words code blue echoed through the hospital. They rolled over and through me like thunder. I took a step toward the bed.

One of the nurses stripped her. She stood on the bed rail and pumped Clo’s chest. "One. Two. Three. Four. Five."

Was she performing CPR on my fiancée? Holy fuck! Each count was a mere second, but it felt like an eternity.

"Please be all right, Clo." I stared at the textured tiles on the ceiling.

People rushed into the room. "What have we got?"

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five."

"Cardiac failure."

The tiny boy in my arms squalled.

My knees buckled. My body shook as each thump of my heart resounded in my ears.

"Placental abruption during childbirth. She’s hemorrhaging." Those words meant something.

My face stung. My eyes burned as each word slapped into my brain.

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five."

My heart stopped along with hers. Was she dying?

Blood drenched the sheets. Crimson on white. The only colors in this cacophony of hell.

She was bleeding out in front of me. This wasn’t happening. The phone rang from so far away. Nobody answered it. Should I? I couldn’t move. I couldn’t take my eyes off the swell of people around the bed.

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five."

Machines beeped. More people rushed into the room. A woman with hair that smelled like strawberries guided me back.

"Is that line in? Get those pads on her."

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five."

Who was in charge here? They couldn’t let her die. I had to speak to whoever it was and tell them. She couldn’t leave me.

"Give her 10mg epinephrine."

The small bundle wriggled again, and I clutched at it tighter. My lifeline. I couldn’t lose her. He needed her.
Don’t you dare leave me. Stay with me
.

"Check those pads. We’re not getting a reading."

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five."

Hold on Clo. God, take me instead.

Beep, beep, beeeeee... Is that her heartbeat? It’s still beating. She can’t die if her heart’s still beating. Can she?

"She’s shockable. Charge the defib."

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five."

"Clear!"

"Please, please, please... " It was a prayer from my gut, and my heart, and my head. I prayed with everything, every atom, and every cell of my being. I couldn’t move. If I changed one thing in the room? Her life was in the balance. I couldn’t risk it. She had to stay. She had to come back to me.

"Just be okay, Clo. Don’t leave me."

Beep, Beep, Beep, Beeeeeeee...

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five."

My legs gave way. The nurse with the strawberry hair pushed me gently into a chair. "Stay there."