Compulsion: Magnetic Desires (20 page)

***

I
dumped my tools in the back of the truck and climbed in to check my phone; still nothing. Tossing it onto the passenger seat, I pointed in the direction of her house, practicing in my head what I would say to her.

The phone whistled, and my heart skipped a beat as I picked it up. Finally, she must have calmed down enough to realize it wasn’t as bad as she’d made it out to be. One hand on the wheel, I thumbed the screen to check the message.

Five fucking words were all she had to sum up what we’d had, and what I’d wanted to last forever. She had to be fucking with me. I almost threw my phone out the window, but instead I let it drop to the floor.

I didn’t realize I’d accelerated as her words ran through my head. ‘We’re over. Don’t contact me.’ My knuckles went white as I gripped the steering wheel in a death grip and overtook traffic. Numbness seeped through me as I held myself together.

How had it come to this? Everything we’d built between us imploded and fell like a building to a wrecking ball. The dust would settle, but I could never be rebuilt. I would never be anything more than the scattered bricks and debris of who I was with her. My anger dissipated, leaving a raw ache. Without her, did I even exist?

Cresting the hill the sun’s rays splashed through the windscreen and blinded me. I eased my foot on the brake as I squinted to see the lines on the road. I didn’t see the silver car swerve into my lane until it was too late.

Seconds passed like years, and my palm slapped the horn as I jerked the steering wheel and slammed my foot on the brakes. We were both going too fast. The sedan clipped my truck as I took in the horrified expression on the driver’s face. It mirrored my own. The truck hit the embankment but couldn't gain traction. Dirt billowed up around me as the truck wobbled and began to spin. Tortured metal screamed, and rocks and branches smashed against the side of the truck, the roof, and the side again as it flipped its way to the bottom of the embankment. I braced myself for the impact that would come. The metallic taste of my own blood on my tongue as my face collided with the window. Its sticky warmth ran down my face from a gash on my forehead. I couldn’t feel it. It didn’t hurt at all. A giant oak hurtled toward me. The squeal of the motor was the last thing I heard, as metal tore from metal and compacted. Smoke billowed into the cabin, and the airbag inflated a second too late. My head smashed into the windscreen.

"I
’d been in a collision, and had sustained a head injury that forced the doctors to put me into an induced coma. I’d gotten lucky." Orion tilts his head to the side to reveal a scar that runs the length of his neck. "It took a while to remember the three years that I forgot in the accident. Sometimes Mike will mention something that happened, and I won’t be able to remember it. I don’t know if I ever will."

November 2011

I woke up with an itchy throat
,
and struggled to breathe. Something filled my throat, making me want to gag. I clawed at it but my arms weren’t working. They stayed at my sides. The smell of antiseptic surrounded me, and machines beeped in the distance. Whatever I was lying on rocked beneath me, making my stomach churn. My eyes refused to open no matter how hard I tried.

"Let's check you out, Orion." A soothing voice I didn't know spoke to me, and then cool fingers touched the pulse point on my wrist.

"Can I..." her voice cracked when she spoke, "come in?" What was she doing here? Where was here? What the hell was going on?

Oh God, I was dying, or blind, or both. I couldn’t breathe, I was sure of it. I was going to die, never seeing her face again. She was beside me and I couldn’t reach out to her.
You’re panicking, Orion.
My heart raced.
Slow down. Just think
. Whatever had happened, wherever I was wouldn’t come to me. Why couldn’t I remember?

A chair scraped closer to the bed. Why couldn’t I open my damn eyes? I wanted to see her face one more time. Warm fingers touched my forehead, and trembled as they stroked my cheek.

"Has he woken up?" Concern and something else intertwined in her voice.

Another voice spoke up. I didn’t know who it belonged to. "It looks like he’s coming out of it, but he hasn’t woken up yet."

"Oh."

I’m here. I’m right here,
I wanted to tell her, but I couldn’t talk around the damn thing in my throat.

"He can probably hear you. You should talk to him." The other voice spoke again.

Warm fingers slid into mine and I squeezed them as hard as I could.

"Do you think so?" Her voice lilted with hope.

Talk to me, love. I’m here, just talk to me.

"I’ve got to go see to other patients. Why don’t you sit with him for a while?" Footsteps drifted across the floor.

"Orion, I’m sorry. It’s my fault you’re in here. I’m so sorry." When she pressed her lips to my wrist something wet and warm slipped onto my hand.
Don’t cry, Clo. I’m right here
.

She laid her head on my chest, and more tears soaked me. Vanilla tumbled through the smell of antiseptic, as her hair caressed my jaw. God I loved this girl. When I got out of this I would tell her. Life was too short to keep my feelings hidden.

"I need to tell you something, Orion. You need to know no matter how long it takes, I will wait for you, always." She gulped as her body shook against mine. My arms remained unresponsive to my desperate need to hold her.

"I love you, and you waited for me for so long, because you knew we were meant to be together, and I, foolish as I was... I couldn’t see that. If I’d let go of my past then this wouldn’t have happened. You’re not Zack, and you never were. You’re the man I need, and I will wait for you, for an hour, a year, for however long it takes. You waited for me, and you never gave up. Don’t give up on me now. Not when I know I can’t face life without you." The last of her speech faded into a whisper.

I love you too babe. If I could open my eyes, or say something I would let you know how much.

Her fingers brushed over my hand one last time before I heard her heels clip across the floor. She said she loved me, and it felt like she meant it as more than a friend. But how could she say that? Unless... Zack was no longer around. God, I needed to wake up.

***

T
he second time I woke up I was able to open my eyes. The textured white tiles on the ceiling went with the antiseptic and quiet beeping of machines. Apparently, I'd ended up in hospital. Scratching my jaw, I turned my head to find Birdie beside me and I reached out to squeeze her hand. My throat seemed to be coated in sandpaper, and every damn inch of me ached.

Dark shadows lined her eyes, and her lips were pressed together as she dozed. She jumped when I squeezed her hand tighter, and then leaned in to hug me. "Hello big brother, glad you’ve come back to the land of the living."

"Water?" I was surprised at the quiet rasp that was all I could muster.

She poured water from the pitcher and held it for me to sip. "What happened?"

"You were in a car accident," she said softly, and glanced away from me. "I need to get the doctor."

"Don’t." I had questions I wanted to ask her, but she flew out the door.

She came back with the doctor, a petite woman with a pixie cut and cornflower blue eyes. "Hello, Orion. It’s nice to finally meet you."

I knew her voice. It was the other voice from my dream. "Clo?"

The doctor checked me over, and Birdie played with her phone.

"I don’t understand why I’m here." Why wasn’t anyone telling me what I wanted to know?

"You were in a car accident." The doctor made notes on a clipboard. "We had to put you in a coma to let the swelling around your brain go down."

"A car accident? Was anyone hurt?"

"The person in the other car got lucky. The police picked him up a mile from the accident site."

"I have to pop out for a minute," Birdie chimed in.

The doctor waved her away. "We have some tests we need to run, and then he’ll probably go back to sleep. Why don’t you come back later?"

"Okay?" Birdie shot a glance in my direction, and I nodded. "I’ll see you soon."

The doctor asked questions, and I tried to answer them the best I could, before they took me to another room for more tests.

Clo sat beside the bed when they finally brought me back to the room.

"Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?" It was the cheesiest line I’d ever used, but she seemed so forlorn sitting there beside the empty bed. The last thing I wanted was to see her sad.

Sobbing, she swooped in for a hug. "Oh God, Orion, I’m glad you’re okay."

"Easy there. It’s okay." I held her closer than I should have, but hell I could have died.

The doctor interrupted, "Let’s get him on the bed, then he’s all yours."

Clo nodded and tried to support my weight, as they maneuvered me onto the bed. My muscles were wrecked from laying down for two weeks. The doctor left the room, and Clo fluffed the pillows behind me, before she perched on the edge of the bed.

"How are you feeling?" She stared at our hands as she laced our fingers together.

Staring at them too, I pulled my hand from hers, and wished I hadn’t. "Where’s Zack?"

"T
hose two weeks in rehabilitation were the most confusing and frustrating weeks of my life. I couldn’t remember things that had happened over the past three years, though my memories were slowly coming back to me, and I had horrible nightmares. I was still waiting on an answer from Clo, as to what had happened with Zack, but it seemed it was too painful for her to talk about. And while I was sure the others knew what was going on, it seemed they’d come to the agreement that it was best for my recovery if they kept me in the dark. Maybe they were right and maybe they were wrong. I’m not sure. I don’t think any of them expected me to react the way I did."

December 2011

I’d been getting better every day, and since Birdie had advised the doctor she’d be moving in with me, they’d decided I could go home. There was no way I'd let Birdie move back in with me. Last time it had taken months to get her to move out again, but I saved that conversation for the car since she might not let me leave the hospital.

I dragged on a fresh shirt. Another week and I’d go back to work, as Mike had suggested. It would only be a day or two at first, but I needed it to normalize me.

I left the bathroom, but instead of finding Birdie, who had been packing my bags when I went into the bathroom, Clo sat on the end of the bed.

"What are you doing here? I thought I’d see you at home. You know, for the welcome home party Birdie isn’t planning?" I smirked.

"I...we need to talk." She got off the bed to stand inches from me. "I know you’ve been struggling to remember everything, and there’s still a lot missing."

"I’m sorry if I’ve forgotten something important." I got a little lost in her stare. "You can tell me what it is. That might jog my memory, but I can’t promise anything. The doctors said it would take time."

"They did, and I can be patient, but I need you to know... I’m not with Zack. I need you to remember I’m not with him."

"Really?" Without Zack, maybe I could find a way to make her mine once things had normalized.

"Really..." She took my hand and placed it over her heart. "I’m with you."

"With me?" I stared at my hand close to her heart, her skin warm beneath my palm. Either I was dreaming, or the episodes of confusion I’d suffered were worse this time. God, I hoped not, because I couldn’t stand one more minute in this hospital room.

"I’m with you, and when you’re ready... when things aren’t confused, I’ll be waiting for you."

I didn’t want to wait, but what if all this was in my head. My mind playing tricks on me and showing me what I wanted instead of what was real? Shaking my head, I sunk down on the bed. "I don’t understand. I just want everything to go back to normal. I want to remember."

She scooted closer and wrapped her arms around me. "It’s okay. You will. Give it time, Orion. I’ll be right here."

I groaned against her belly. "I don’t want to give it time. If this is real..."

"It is. I promise you." She pressed her lips to my forehead. "But I get that it’s a lot to take in."

I wanted to pull her onto my lap and kiss her like I’d always wanted to. Like I had the day my father died. It was the one clear memory I had of her and I, and it wasn’t enough. Pulling back I explored her jaw line with my fingers. I could kiss her now, but something held me back, and it wasn’t Zack, because he’d never be enough to make me stay away from her, and it wasn’t her, with the way she was looking at me now. It was the simple fact that I wasn’t me. I wasn’t whoever I had been for her, and until I could remember, until things were as they were supposed to be, I would never be able to give her the man who had finally managed to make her fall in love with him.

Birdie cleared her throat in the doorway, and I stood up.

Fingering a lock of Clo’s hair, I brushed my lips over the top of her head. "I’ll remember. I’ll find my way back to you."

Letting her go, I picked up my bag. "Let’s go home."

"I
grilled Birdie all the way home on this development between Clo and I. But it was only after she blackmailed me into letting her stay with me for the week that she gave me answers. I struggled to wrap my head around the fact Clo and I were together, although it made sense of some of the wicked dreams I’d been having." Orion shakes his head and scratches a knuckle over his jaw. "Some nights I’d dream of things we’d done together, and I’d wake up with new memories. Other nights, I’d dream I was dying."

December 2011

Bolting upright, I clutched my chest and tried to catch my breath. My heart pounded as I kicked off the tangled duvet from my legs and it cascaded off the bed. When would these dreams end? I’d been home for two weeks, and during the day life had settled into a routine of sorts, but at night the dreams kept coming.