Coming Home (27 page)

“Only because you had what I wanted.”

“What? His time? His ear? I never tried to take advantage of him or what he could offer, but you dove at the chance to make it seem that way, thinking I would trade him in for some other man with money if the benefits were in my favor. Unlike everyone else in this world, I’d take him with nothing at all. I love
him.
The rest is just fluff.”

He nodded, and she didn’t understand the tired expression on his face. “I’m glad you feel that way.” His tone and expression didn’t ring true with his words. “Too many people see the money and prestige before the man.”

“And you don’t?” she asked indignantly. Slade’s professional life was no doubt suffering since Lucian had cut him off.

“No,” he rasped. “I never did.” The quiet confession sounded raw on his lips, as if it had to travel from somewhere deep in his soul.

Her face slackened as her lips parted. Suddenly she saw something she doubted anyone else saw in this man, not even Lucian, not even Jamie. She’d met a myriad of people in her life, and where she was from, most hid their vulnerabilities as carefully as they hid food, money, or drugs. But she always had a gift for seeing what others missed. That’s why they called her Scout.

“Oh my God,” she breathed. It was all suddenly so clear. “This has nothing to do with your grief over Monique or your hatred for me. It’s
him
.”

He cleared his throat and looked away. He didn’t deny the accusation.

Her lips parted as her heart beat against her ribs like a caged bird. “You’re in love with him.”

Sharp blue eyes sliced into her, and she knew her statement to be true as a slight flush showed under his collar.

“She was just a convenient cover for you, and when you lost her you lost him.” Lucian never showed any signs of being interested in men. But Slade must have hoped.

“I cared for Monique very much,” he argued unconvincingly.

“But not as much as you cared for him.”

As he swallowed, his Adam’s apple made a slow journey up and down, traversing the long line of his throat. “He doesn’t know,” he rasped.

Yes, she believed he didn’t. Tilting her head, she quietly said, “You could have told him. He loved you like a brother. You could’ve told him and saved your friendship.”

He nodded sadly. “But I didn’t, and that will be my regret to live with for the rest of my life.”

How did two men entertain a relationship with one woman for years and not know one of them was bisexual? “Is it just Lucian or have there been other men?” She shook her head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that. It’s none of my business.”

His shoulders lifted and he let out an audible breath. “None of it matters now.”

How had she gone from hating this man to suddenly pitying him in the span of a minute? Perhaps it was because she knew what it was to love Lucian Patras and not have him.

“You played a part in taking him from me,” she said fiercely. “I know what it is to love him and not have him. I actually can sympathize with you. Maybe that makes me an idiot. But I’m not some prattling little girl you and so many people think I am. So let me make this clear. I’m sorry you will never have the person you love, but he’s
mine.
I won’t share him and I won’t take kindly to anyone who tries to take him from me, ever again.”

He nodded. “For the record, if I thought you were just some ditsy piece I never would’ve felt threatened by you, Scout. You’re strong. You have scruples. And you tell it like it is. I saw it in you the first time I met you, and that’s why I panicked. You’re everything he needs, deserves, and wants.”

She didn’t like getting compliments from people she didn’t trust. They were usually backhanded and she tensed at the niceness, awaiting the sting. When it didn’t come, she simply said, “Thank you.”

The door opened and they both turned. Lucian stepped in and scowled. “What the hell is this?”

“Nothing. We were just talking,” Slade said, his voice again cold and emotionless. She couldn’t imagine living such an act.

Lucian came to her side and placed his arm protectively around her. He gazed at her as though appraising her emotions.

“Everything’s fine. I was looking for the restroom and got lost,” she covered.

He glared at Slade then whispered to her, “It’s the fourth door down the hall. I’ll meet you there in a few minutes.”

She nodded and left, but paused at the door. Slade didn’t get a chance to explain. Lucian’s voice was a low growl. “Stay the hell away from her.”

“Lucian—”

“I don’t give a fuck about your explanations. I don’t want you talking to her. End of story.” At the sound of his retreating steps, she lifted her gown and quickly found her way to the restroom.

The rest of the evening passed in a surreal succession of events. Lucian never left her side and there were no more signs of Slade. There was dancing, cake, and plenty of drinking, but she never had her third. Lucian was overly attentive and seemed curious about what she and Slade said to each other. She wasn’t sure if she should tell him.

Part of her felt sorry for the friendship lost, but the part of her that sometimes missed Parker and knew they would never be friends like they once were, resented Slade Bishop for playing a part in that and hoped he’d rot in misery.

Then there was a very insecure part of her she didn’t want to face. A part that worried if Lucian knew, he might leave her. Perhaps he harbored similar feelings. She dismissed that worry quickly, but insecurities lingered. The part of her that was never convinced she was good enough wasn’t entirely convinced.

At the end of the evening she was tired. The ride home was peaceful. Her head rested on the soft leather seat as the world buzzed by in a breezy wash of black sky. It wasn’t until they reached the highway that she realized they weren’t heading back to the hotel. “Where are we going?”

“The estate.”

She frowned at his clipped tone. Trying to make light conversation, she asked, “Did you give Jamie his gift?” They hadn’t opened presents, but there were stacks and stacks of beautifully wrapped packages sitting around by the time the party was over.

“I left the keys in a gift box with the other presents.”

“Didn’t you want to see him open it?”

“No. I know he’ll like it.”

She would liked to have seen the car. No matter how he explained it, she couldn’t imagine it. “Oh.”

He didn’t seem to be in the mood for conversation. She scooted closer and he gently rested his hand on her knee in between shifting gears. When they arrived at the estate, she was ready to pass out. Her hair smelled like summer wind and her cheeks were slightly chilled.

Lucian opened her door and escorted her to the front of the house. Lucy didn’t greet them, which was odd, but she assumed that was because it was nearly two in the morning.

Once inside, she slipped off her shoes. They dangled from her fingers as they made a silent stroll up the grand staircase. In the master bedroom, they quietly slid out of their clothes. Lucian helped her from her gown and she shivered as he hung it in the closet.

He emerged from the walk-in and tossed a satin bag on the bed. He was already in his silk sleeping pants. His expression was unreadable. She wished he’d say something.

When he spoke, his words did nothing to relieve the awkwardness that accompanied them since leaving the party. “On your belly.”

She blinked and eyed the satin bag.

“Do I need to repeat myself?”

There was a bite to his words and she frowned. “No,” she whispered and climbed on the bed.

The thick down comforter was cool beneath her weight. Her nipples tightened as she lowered herself. Her arms lifted to rest above her head in the plush pillows. The soft whisper of Lucian stripping away his pants came just before the bed dipped under his weight.

Gentle lips pressed into her spine and kissed a trail down to the backs of her thighs. Her body reacted, but her mind detached. Why wasn’t he speaking to her? The little satin satchel disappeared, and there was a snap followed by cool liquid being drizzled over her creases.

His finger massaged the oil over her back entrance and something inside of her panicked. Not because he intended to take her this way, but because he’d done little to acknowledge it was she he was taking. As he hoisted her hips off the bed and his thighs pressed into hers, her mind began to play tricks on her.

Was this because he saw Slade and this was what seeing him made Lucian crave? Was he being silent because he was imagining someone else? His fingers fondled her sex. Outwardly she breathed and reacted the way her body normally responded to his touch, but inwardly she tensed.

When his cock pressed at her tight entrance she gasped suddenly. “No!”

He stilled. “What’s wrong?” He sounded genuinely worried.

She quickly crawled away and faced him, only after she’d snatched a pillow to cover herself. She was on the verge of tears. “I don’t want to do that!”

His head tilted in confusion. “You usually enjoy
that.
”

Her head shook and she swallowed. “I don’t want to do that now.”

“Why?” He sounded frustrated.

“I just . . . don’t.”

“That’s not an answer. You’re supposed to be honest with me at all times, Evelyn.”

Because I’m afraid you’re thinking of him.
“I don’t know why.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Can we just do something else?”

He frowned then his expression softened with concern. “Did I hurt you the last time?”

“No. I just . . .” The frown was back. “Please.”

He appraised her for a long moment. “You aren’t telling me something. You’ve been acting strange ever since I found you in the den with Slade. What did he say to you?”

“Nothing.”

“Too fast, Evelyn. Now I know you’re lying.”

“I told him to leave you alone and that he didn’t deserve your friendship.”

His lip twitched as his brows shot up. “You were defending me?”

“Well, yeah. Someone has to.”

He chuckled and looked down. His finger traced over her knee and slowly snagged the fringe of the pillow covering her. He pulled it away and tossed it to the floor. “I appreciate the sentiment, but would rather you leave that sort of thing to me. I don’t trust Slade and prefer you to keep your distance. Now, tell me what else is going on.”

She hunched into the pillows and looked away. His strong fingers clasped her chin and turned her so she was again facing him. He gave her a stern look.

Quietly, she admitted. “You weren’t talking to me. It felt distant. I didn’t like it.”

He exhaled and seemed to sag a little. “I’m sorry. I was irritated because I couldn’t find you and when I did, you were with the last person I wanted to see you talking to. I’ll let it go.”

She nodded and whispered, “Okay.”

He climbed over her and pressed his lips to hers. “I still want your ass.” She stiffened and he drew back. “What the hell is going on, Evelyn? The truth now.”

Her breasts lifted with each deep breath. “Why do you want to have sex with me that way?”

Half his face tightened. “Why the hell not? Because I like it and so do you.
Why
are you questioning me when you should be submitting to me?”

“I’m not a puppet.”

He threw up his hands. “Goddamn it, Evelyn. Don’t pull this shit. You know that isn’t what I want.”

This is why she knew she couldn’t be submissive all the time, because there would be days like this where submitting to him would feel demeaning, and her insecurities would run rampant in her brain and make her second-guess everything she knew about him. “Not tonight.”

His eyes narrowed. “Are you calling checkmate?”

“If I have to.”

Lips thin, he finally said, “Fine.” He stood and pulled on his pants.

“Where are you going?”

“When you’re ready to be honest with me about what’s going on, I’ll be down in the library.”

“Lucian, don’t leave. I don’t want to fight.”

“I asked for your honesty and surrender, Evelyn. That includes your secrets. I don’t keep secrets from you. I don’t appreciate you being secretive with me.”

He turned and as he was about to walk out the door and leave her there, she blurted, “He’s in love with you.”

He stilled and slowly turned. “Excuse me?”

Her throat was dry as she swallowed. “Slade. He’s in love with you.”

“I think you misunderstood—”

She shook her head quickly. “No. He admitted it the moment I said it. He’s in love with you. It was never Monique. His grief was partly for her, but mostly because she was the only link to being intimate with you.”

His face contorted. “Slade and I were never intimate. We shared her. It wasn’t like that.”

“I know, but he hoped that would change.”

“That’s insane. I’ve known Slade almost my entire life. He’s been with countless women—”

“If you don’t believe me, Lucian, ask him. But you asked for the truth and that’s what I’m giving you.”

His expression fell as his eyes drifted as though he was seeing events of the past. “I’m not gay.” The words were whispered as if he were clarifying things for himself, excusing the entire confession based on his own preferences. Relief filled her at the uttered assurance, but she knew that all along, didn’t she?

“I know.”

He looked at her, eyes sad. “And he’s never said anything . . .”

She swallowed again. “If he did . . . would it have changed anything?”

Shaking his head emphatically, he looked utterly shocked. “No, but it would’ve explained a lot.”

“I don’t think he ever really wished to hurt you, Lucian.”

His face hardened as his dark gaze locked with hers. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions, Evelyn. I could give two shits about what he did to me. The moment he hurt you, our friendship was over.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. “Does knowing his feelings change anything for you?”

“Hell no. He’s a grown man who needs to deal with his shit on his own time. I—” He was suddenly silent. “Is this why you said no?”

She met his gaze. He was furious. “I didn’t know if you knew and were maybe . . .” She shrugged, and he turned and cursed.