Come to Me Quietly (Closer to You) (22 page)

I was in deep. So deep.

She held on to me from behind, that gorgeous body wrapped around me as if it were supposed to be there. As if she were molded for me.

Wind whipped through my hair, hot, hard, the sun blazing down from overhead.

Aly’s hands tightened their hold on my stomach, and I increased my grip on the throttle, ticking it back a little more as I eased us onto the freeway. The engine warbled deep as I set a cautious pace.

I couldn’t comprehend it was already the beginning of August, these treasured days speeding past faster than I wanted them to. We’d been like this for three weeks now, sneaking in every second we could get with each other. Workdays were brutal because all I wanted was to be back in the confines of her room, to be back in those arms that were all comfort and seduction and torment. My perfect Siren because even though I knew destruction would come, I still stole into her room night after night, where I slept curled up to her after I’d sought sanctuary in her touch. Sometimes we didn’t get any further than a few hungry kisses and just lay with our legs intertwined, silent and nose-to-nose, resting together.

But it didn’t matter what night it was. I wanted her. Every fucking night I wanted to take her, to finish off what our bodies begged for. Just touching her was never enough.

I wanted it all.

My tormenter snuggled closer as I took the off-ramp and began to wind us up to South Mountain.

The smile that lifted one side of my mouth was unstoppable. I covered her clenched hands with one of mine. “You doing okay back there?” I yelled as I slowed and leaned into a turn.

“Perfect,” Aly shouted over the rushing wind.

I took us all the way to the top and pulled into one of the parking lots. Aly climbed off the back, careful to avoid the exhaust pipe. Before I let her get on my bike the first time, I’d drilled it into her head a million times over that it was hotter than all hell and would give her the burn of her life if she even brushed against it.

She unclasped the white helmet from her chin that she looked all kinds of adorable in, grinning at me as she shook her hair free.

Yeah, I’d fucking bought that for her, too.

God, I was in deep.

I pulled her in for a quick kiss and hooked my thumb under her chin. She beamed up at me. That thing that almost felt like joy rose up in me again.

That feeling had to be the most terrifying part of all.

“Come on, let’s go find a trail.” I took her hand and cautiously began to lead her down a narrow path. The rocky trail wound through thick desert brush, sparse trees, and overgrown cacti. The sky simmered with intense blue, the temperature so high heat waves sagged on the packed ground. We hiked down to a small overhang that looked out over the expanse of city that seemed to go on forever.

I tugged her from behind me and tucked her back to my chest. Slipping my hands around her waist, I secured my chin on her shoulder and pressed my cheek into hers. Held her close as I could get her.

For what seemed like forever, we said nothing, just stared at the beauty laid out in front of us.

“It’s gorgeous up here,” she finally whispered as she looked out over the horizon.

I nuzzled her neck, because that’s exactly what she was.

“Thank you for bringing me up here.” She ran her fingers over my knuckles, my hands splayed out over her stomach, locking her to me.

Aly sighed and sank deeper into my hold.

I blinked, trying to make sense of the thoughts that jumbled my mind, the words that fought for release. They sat on my tongue for the longest time, before they finally broke free. “My dad used to always bring me up here.” My voice cracked, but I couldn’t stop myself from speaking. “One day a month he’d plan some father-and-son day, pack us a lunch, and take me out somewhere cool… hunting or hiking or whatever I wanted to do. This was one of my favorite places.”

Why the fuck was I telling her this? And why did I feel compelled to bring her here? To share it? But I did.

“I remember that,” she said quietly. She released a small, wistful laugh. “I used to hate those days. Christopher and I would run up and pound on your door to ask if you could come out and play, and your mom would tell us you were with your dad.” She expelled a delicate snort. “It’s funny how we see things so differently when we’re kids.” She paused, before she admitted quietly, “It makes me really happy to know you cherished those days with him, Jared.”

My chest tightened as the wounds flared. I squeezed her closer and tried to stuff them back inside with all the other shit I’d let slip away. With the memories of what I’d ruined.

“Do you ever think of finding him? Finding your sister? Visiting them?” she asked.

With her words, the memories only thrashed and the anger surged.

“I ruined my dad’s life, Aly. He doesn’t want to see me.” Echoes from that last night flooded my mind. The circumstances had been blurred in the haze of drugs and alcohol and pain, warping and skewing his face, but there was no mistaking the disgust that had been written there. “He didn’t come to my sentencing… didn’t come to speak for me.” Not that I’d expected him to. “He stood aside and let them send me away, and there’s no going back.”

She paused, and her hands clamped down on mine. “What if you’re wrong, Jared?”

I swallowed the lump wedged deep in my throat. “I’m not.” I knew I should push her away because this girl who had managed to sink her fingers into my spirit was going to end up as just another one of them – a fucking perfect memory to torture me through the rest of my worthless life.

Instead I clung to her, crushed her to me because I couldn’t stop myself from taking from her until the moment she was taken from me.

The next night I was antsy. I hadn’t seen Aly since early in the morning when I’d climbed from her bed to get ready for work. By the time I got back to the apartment, she’d already left for her lunch and dinner shift at the café.

Christopher lounged on the couch next to me watching TV, wearing nothing but an old ratty pair of jeans and with hair to rival any ’eighties rock band, though I doubted very much he’d put any effort into making it look that way. I sat there next to him, pretending to be doing something other than sitting there waiting for his sister to get home.

I knew I needed to start looking for my own apartment. I was beginning to feel like a loser sleeping on their couch, even though I’d been giving Christopher a third of the rent. But I’d only be lying if I chalked it up to the money. Christopher wouldn’t care one way or the other. He’d welcomed me, given freely when all I’d done was turn around and take advantage of him and his generosity, deceiving my oldest friend when I’d promised him there was nothing going on between Aly and me. But how could I admit it to him? He’d already made it clear he’d never be okay with it. I mean, fuck, I wasn’t okay with it. It wasn’t like I could blame the guy for wanting to protect his baby sister.

Guilt over it had been impossible to shake, too. Every morning I’d study him, wondering when he would finally see through all my bullshit. Hiding away with Aly covered my consciousness like a shroud of shame. And like the asshole I was, I still stayed.

“Timothy is having another party tonight. I’m going to head over there in a little while. You wanna come?” Christopher asked, confirming my suspicion that he actually liked having me around.

I glanced over the bar at the clock on the microwave. It was just after nine. Aly would be home soon.

“Nah, man, I have to be up at six for work in the morning. I might walk over to The Vine for a couple beers to unwind, but I can’t come stumbling in at three in the morning the way you always do.” I smirked at him while guilt wound me tight. It was the same excuse I’d used the first morning he asked me where I’d been when he got home and I wasn’t on the couch. Of course, my bike had been sitting like a witness of my guilt in the parking lot downstairs. I’d claimed I couldn’t sleep so I walked to The Vine to grab a beer when I’d really been locked in Aly’s room.

Aly would be worth any lie if I knew I wasn’t slowly destroying her, if there was even a chance that what was happening behind her door wasn’t going to end in ruin.

“God, do you always have to be the responsible one all the time? You kill my buzz just looking at you.” Christopher smiled, all easygoing and cool.

“Shut up.” Shame spiked, but I just laughed.

A key rattled in the front door lock.

That shame evaporated and a thrill of exhilaration took its place. I’d been missing her like crazy today. I didn’t know what it was, but I couldn’t wait to see her.

I jerked my head around to see her face just as she pushed open the door. She rested her foot against the bottom to prop it open as she jostled her key free from the lock, smiling up at me. Her hair was up in a high ponytail, and the long pieces that had fallen free framed her face, her cheeks tinted with red from a day of work. Welcome shone in her eyes.

Warmth spread just under my skin, and my heart pounded a little harder than I wanted it to. God, no wonder Christopher had noticed the way I’d been looking at her because there was no stopping the smile that pushed to my face.

“Hey, guys,” she said a little breathlessly as she stepped inside. She nudged the door to fall shut behind her, then yelped when it was smacked back by a huge hand holding it open at the top.

Aly whirled around just as I scrambled to my feet. Aggression shot through me, fast and hard. I figured the quickest way to get to her was by jumping over the back of the couch because someone was about to get their ass kicked.

“Damn it, Gabe, you scared the shit out of me,” she shouted.

Aly’s words stopped me in my tracks.

Her hand was pressed to her chest as she heaved her surprise from her lungs, while Dickhead stood in the doorway grinning as if scaring the hell out of Aly had been the highlight of his fucking day.

I wanted to smash him in the face.

“Sorry.” He laughed it off. “I didn’t mean to startle you like that.”

“It’s okay.” Aly shook herself as if shucking the jolt of fright from her body. “I just didn’t hear you come up behind me.”

He pressed his lips together, his hands in his pockets as he rocked back on his feet. “So, listen, I thought maybe we talk a little bit?” Warily, he glanced into the room at me and Christopher. Christopher was in about the same position I was, one knee on the couch and both hands on the backrest as if he’d been ready to rocket himself over it, too, before he realized it was this ass standing at the door.

Gabe shifted in clear discomfort.

That’s right, fucker, you are not welcome here.
 

Aly seemed to hesitate, glancing at us over her shoulder, before she spoke. “Yeah, sure, of course,” she rambled, lifting her hand to point down the hall. “We can go in my room.”

Okay, that sounded like a really fucking
bad
idea.

I looked over at Christopher for backup, but he’d just turned around and plopped his lazy ass back on the couch with a resigned sigh.

Aly headed toward her room. Dickhead kept two steps behind her wearing that same smug smile on his pompous face that I would be all too happy to erase for him.

Neither of them said anything before Aly snapped her door shut behind them.

Shit.
I stood in front of the couch, shifting my feet, still on edge. How the fuck was I supposed to just sit here and not do anything while he had Aly behind closed doors?

“I don’t know what she sees in that guy. Dude is a complete douche bag,” Christopher said as he mindlessly flipped through stations on the TV.

“Maybe we should go in there and check on her or something?”

“They’ve been in there for five seconds, Jared. I hardly think that warrants checking on.”

“I don’t like it. That guy’s an asshole.”

Incredulous, Christopher chuckled. “You think I like it? You know I can’t stand the thought of her with some guy, but she’s been seeing him for, like, six months or something… at least he’s been hanging around that long. And it’s not like she’s fifteen. I can’t tell her she’s not allowed to have guys over.”

So it was fine for Dickhead to be in her room but not me?

I wanted to laugh at myself. As if I didn’t know the answer to that question? I’d been in jail, an addict, and Gabe was the fucking pretty boy college student.

But I hated it, knowing he was in there with her, hated that I didn’t know what was being said or what was being done.

Forcing myself to sit, I focused my eyes on the TV and my ear on her room, hoping that I could at least keep myself planted on the couch and not bolt for her door.

I mean, I trusted Aly with everything, even when I had nothing to give. I’d let her touch me, allowed her fingertips to memorize my sins, let her ask and dig and suggest fucking impossible things like reconciling with my dad.

We’d never talked about what
this
meant, these nights that were only temporary. But I’d always imagined they counted. That in them we were
something
. I couldn’t begin to imagine being with another girl while I was with Aly. Not a fucking chance. I only wanted her. I guess I’d just assumed the same for her, and she’d have cut this asshole off the second she’d come to me, the moment she had stripped me bare when she’d offered herself to me.

Anxiety gripped me by the throat.

No sound could be heard from her room, something about this apartment that I normally viewed as an asset, but right then detested. Gabe with her in there was enough to drive me mad, enough to chase every rational thought from my already fucked-up mind.

All this time she’d remained innocent. Pure. I couldn’t stomach the thought of her with someone else. Of someone taking her, touching her and loving her and giving her everything I couldn’t, even though I knew that was exactly what she deserved. Exactly what she should have.

It only got worse as time passed. The unspent aggression I’d been slammed with earlier flared and surged, and I was fucking bouncing in agitation, trying to sit still on the couch when all I wanted to do was bust down her door and toss his ass out of the apartment.