Color of Forgiveness (9 page)

He grimaces. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I trusted you. I trusted that you’d let me
know you were okay. That you’d explain what was going on. But you
never bothered.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry
for doing that to you. I should’ve called you but I fucked up.”

“Do you know what it felt like to find out
you had an
ex-wife
the way I did, who was standing there in
your house practically naked, wearing your wedding ring? Do you
have any idea how I felt when I found out that you left me to be
with her?” Myra asks, her voice breaking, her eyes glistening with
tears.

“I know it looked bad, but I didn’t do
anything wrong, I—”

“You didn’t do anything
wrong?
” Myra
yells.

Dylan groans, squeezing his eyes shut. “No.
No
, I didn’t mean it that way. I did
everything
wrong. I fucked everything up. Everything’s my fault.”

His chest tightens as he watches her lip
tremble. She drags in a heavy breath. “I’m tired, Dylan. I’m so
tired of men lying to me. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m just…
done.”

Dylan closes the distance between them.
“Well, I’m not done with you. And don’t you dare lump me in with
that shithead of a sleaze ex of yours because I’m nothing like him.
I didn’t cheat on you, I—”

“You don’t think I haven’t heard that
before? That’s all Trent ever said. He justified everything with
those three little words: ‘I didn’t cheat’. I’m so sick and
tired—”

“Don’t say that fucker’s name again. That
piece of shit has nothing to do with us. I’m not justifying
anything; I’m telling you the facts. I didn’t fuck Sabrina. I
didn’t think about fucking Sabrina. I have no intentions of fucking
her or being with her in any way possible now or in the future.
What she and I had was over a long time ago. All I want is
you
, goddamn it. I only want you, Myra, only you.”

A soft sob escapes her before she drops down
on the bed, burying her face in her hands. He quickly sits down
next to her. “I fucked up; I know I did,” he continues. “And I’m
so
sorry. If I could, I’d go back and do everything
differently. But I can’t. All I can do is beg you to forgive me and
ask you to give me another chance. It’s fucking killing me to know
that I’ve hurt you so much.”

His hand hovers over her hair that’s draped
across her face like a curtain between them. It trembles with the
urge to push it back, to touch her, to just be able to see her
face. To know what she’s thinking right now. Mid-air, he clenches
his hand into a tight fist. It physically hurts him to not be able
to touch her.

Sniffling, she wipes her eyes on her sleeves
and stares down at her lap. He stays quiet, giving her a moment.
Watching her fingers in her lap fidget with the ends of her sweater
sleeves, he waits for her to say something; give him some kind of
reaction, but she doesn’t.

He clears his throat. “I know I’m not worth
a second chance; I know I’m not, but I… I need you,” he says in a
soft voice. “Myra, I need you so fucking badly. You make me –
feel –
again. I’ve been numb. For so damn long. You don’t
know what it’s been like for me these last couple of years. Tell me
what to do. Tell me how to fix this, and I’ll do it. Please.”

His chest burns, his heart beating painfully
in his chest as he waits for her to answer. After what seems like
an eternity, she pushes her hair behind her ear and clears her
throat. “I need… I need some time,” she says in a quiet voice, her
eyes on her clasped hands in her lap, “… to think.”

“Yeah… Okay. I can do that.”

She takes in a deep breath. “How long will
you be here… in town?”

He angles himself towards her. “I’ll be here
for as long as it takes,” he tells her with all of the sincerity he
can muster.

Myra looks up, making eye contact with him
for just a moment before nodding and looking back down at her hands
again. “I’ll call you… tomorrow.”

He blows out a heavy breath. “Okay. Good.
That’s good. Thank you. Just… just give me an opportunity to talk,
okay? After that, if you still feel the same way about me… then…
well…” he stammers, running a hand through his hair. She looks up
at him and nods.

He stands and realizes he still has the rose
he brought in his hand. “I felt like a stupid ass for buying this,”
he says, holding it up, “but just… I want you to know that it comes
from… here.” He puts his hand over his heart and holds the rose out
to her.

Her eyes linger on his hand that rests on
his chest before she reaches out and takes the rose from him.
Closing her eyes, she brings it to her nose for a moment before
staring down at it intently.

“Well, I guess I’ll head out,” he says
uncomfortably.

Myra lays the rose gently on the bed before
standing and walking to the door and opening it. Silently, he
follows her back down the stairs and past the dining room.

“Hey, where are you guys off to?” Susie
shouts out at them.

Myra groans but opens the door anyway. Dylan
stops and looks down at her. “So you’ll call me…” he asks in a low
voice, “… tomorrow?”

Myra nods just as Susie steps out into the
hallway. “What’s going on?” she asks, her eyes darting between Myra
and Dylan.

Myra sighs. “Dylan’s leaving.”

“Why?” Susie asks, frowning.

“He just is,” Myra says.

“But—” Susie starts to say before Dylan
interrupts.

“I have to go,” he says to Susie. “But thank
you for the dinner offer.”

He looks back into Myra’s eyes for a moment
and whispers, “Bye,” before stepping out into the chilly
Philadelphia air.

* * *

“What the hell is going on?” Susie demands
before Myra even gets the door shut.

She takes in a deep breath before she turns
around. “Nothing…”

Susie steps closer to her, her eyes
narrowing. “Have you been crying?”

“No, let’s go back and finish dinner,” she
says, avoiding Susie’s eyes. She tries to walk past her, but Susie
grabs her arm.

“Do I need to go chase that gorgeous hunk
down and pull out a can of Susie whoop-ass?”

“No, let’s just go eat.”

“I don’t think so. You’ve got lots of
explaining to do, little missy.”

“There’s nothing to explain.”

“Get your lying bony buns upstairs and to my
bedroom pronto,” Susie says. “I need to go talk to Jeff for a
minute and then I’ll be up there. You and I need to partake in some
el communicado
.”

Susie turns and marches off before Myra can
respond.

As if on auto-pilot, she puts one foot in
front of the other and makes her way slowly upstairs. Her mind, her
emotions, just everything is a jumbled mess. She feels like she
doesn’t know which way is up anymore. She still can’t believe Dylan
showed up like he did – that he flew all the way out here just to
see her. She felt like she was going to pass out when she saw him
standing there with that rose in his hand looking so unbelievably
handsome and nervous.

The things he said to her... and the look in
his eyes when he said it. Her resolve almost completely crumbled
when he told her that she was all he wanted. There was so much
sincerity in his voice. But can she trust him again? She’s not so
sure.

She looks up when Susie enters the bedroom
and her brows pull together when she sees Susie juggling a huge
plate of food and a can of Diet Coke. “I just totally whored myself
out to Jeff,” Susie says, huffing. She sets the food and Diet Coke
on the nightstand. “I’m a complete and total prostitute. I had to
promise that filthy man a bunch of sexing just to get him to bathe
the boys and put them to bed. Why do I have to stoop to sexual
deals just to get his lazy ass to do the stuff he’s supposed to do
already? Do you see the inequality here? Imagine if the tables were
turned. Can you see me saying, ‘Uh, Jeff? The only way I’ll vacuum
tonight is if you lick my pussy’. Yeah, that wouldn’t happen in a
billion years.”

Myra smiles and shakes her head as Susie
plops on the bed. She grabs the plate and puts it in her lap. “Want
some?” she asks. “I brought extra.”

Myra shakes her head and tries not to smile
at the huge pile of food on Susie’s plate.

Susie shrugs and picks up a biscuit and
crams it in her mouth. Goony, Susie’s mutt dog, makes an
appearance, his head popping up on the side of the bed, eyeballing
Susie’s plate of food.

Susie growls at him and waves her hands
frantically, shooing him away. She finally swallows her bite.
“Goony, you stink bomb, I forgot I locked you in here. Go lay on
your bed, you mangy mutt. Right now,” Susie shouts, pointing at his
bed in the corner. “You know I don’t share my food, now scoot!”

“When are you going to get that poor thing
groomed? His hair’s so long he can’t even see.” Myra watches as he
waddles over to his bed. She can’t help but smile at how funny he
looks.

“I like him all grungy. I can use him as a
back-up mop. All I have to do is shove a stick up his ass and grab
a bucket, and I’m good to go,” Susie says with a giggle.

“Shame on you,” Myra says, cracking a smile
and shaking her head as she continues to watch him. “He looks like
a hairball with legs.”

“All right, enough about Goony and his ugly.
You’re just trying to distract me. So what did that scruffy,
super-sexy, I-stalked-you-two-thousand-miles-with-a-rose romantic
hunk of hot ass do exactly?” Susie asks.

Before Myra can respond, Susie shakes her
head and holds up her hand. “Wait a minute. I need a moment.
Because I just know that asshat did something atrocious and I’m
going to go all bi-polar on his fine ass and hate the man’s guts in
about five seconds flat, so let me get this out of the way
first.”

Susie closes her eyes and leans her head
back against the headboard and smiles. Myra frowns at her when she
doesn’t say anything. Finally, she opens her eyes and sighs
heavily. “Myra. Do you
get
how super fine that man is?”

Myra rolls her eyes and huffs. “I don’t want
to talk about that.”

“But I
have
to. He is so very fine
and very delectable and edible and can I just say that I’d actually
forgotten how truly super yummy he is with those jeans hanging off
his hips and those work boots he wears? And oh holy hell, don’t get
me started on that hair and that scruffy face. I truly apologize
for my lustful tendencies towards your man, but my god, you are one
lucky woman to have had that man between your legs.”

“Oh my god,” Myra shouts. “Did you have to
say that? Can you be any cruder?”

“Yes, I could be cruder, but I’m holding
back right now. I’m super-duper sorry,” Susie says before cramming
a mouthful of mashed potatoes into her mouth, “but I can’t help
it.” She stops for a moment to swallow her food. “There’s just
something about that man that brings out the ultra perv in me. He’s
like a walking porn show or something. Okay. Now that I’ve got that
out of my system, what did he do? I’m ready.”

Myra sighs and plays with the edge of the
comforter. “There’s not much to talk about.”

“Bullshit. Spill, woman, I don’t have all
day here because I’m probably going to go for another plate as soon
as I finish this one off so hurry up.”

“We just kind of got into an argument before
I left town. That’s all.”

“What kind of argument?” she asks before
taking a swig of Diet Coke.

“It was over nothing really.”

“Double bullshit! Are you hiding things from
me because of what happened with my dad?”

“No,” Myra protests weakly as she stares at
her hands.

“Mmhm…” Susie hums. Myra glances at her and
notices that she’s staring at Myra’s nose with a funny look on her
face. “What?” Myra asks rubbing her nose, thinking there’s
something on it.

“Yep… that schnozz of yours has definitely
gotten longer –
since you’ve been lying your ass off to me!
I can’t believe you’ve been keeping important shit from me.”

“I haven’t—”

“Yes, you have. I’ve been asking you all
week how Dylan’s doing, is he missing you, have you been missing
him. I’ve even teased you about missing that gigantic elephant dick
of his and every time, you’ve just pretended that everything was
fine.”

Myra sighs and continues to stare down at
the comforter.

“Myra, look at me,” Susie says. Myra
reluctantly looks up. “Honey, you’ve been incredible this week.
You’ve been my rock. You’ve been there for me every second and
listened to me pour my heart out and let me cry and snot all over
your shoulder. You’ve been the absolute bestest friend a person
could possibly ever wish for. And I know what you’re trying to do.
You are so sweet and absolutely selfless. Now let me be
your
bestest friend and tell me what’s going on. Because I can tell
you’re hurting. It’s been written on your face since that
sexalicious man showed up in the dining room.”

Myra clears her throat. “I just didn’t want
to burden you. With everything that you’ve got going on…”

“Burden me, baby. I promise you that I’m
okay.”

Myra sighs and continues staring down at the
comforter.

Susie crosses her arms over her chest.
“Start talking or I swear I will drive my fat ass to every hotel in
Philly and hunt that man down and demand answers directly from him
and you know I will.”

“Okay, okay,” Myra says. She takes in a deep
breath. “Well… you know the morning after we had… sex… and he
suddenly left?”

“Yes. You told me it was a family thing and
not a big deal.”

“Well, that’s not exactly the truth.”

“Mmhm… and that’s why your nose groweth,”
Susie says, pointing her fork at her.

“Sorry. I was going to tell you what
happened, but then your dad… Anyway, he… Dylan – left me that
morning to go be with… Sabrina.”

“What?” Susie says in a low voice, lowering
her fork but still holding it in mid-air.