Color of Forgiveness (13 page)

Myra nods, wiping at the tears leaking from
her eyes.

“Anyway, Nat called me and said Sabrina
wouldn’t answer the door so she went to the window and saw her
passed out on the living room floor. She’d overdosed.”

Myra’s eyes widen. “Oh my god,” she
whispers.

“She had cocaine in her system. I was
honestly floored. I had no fucking clue. I knew she was depressed.
I knew things were bad. But I didn’t know it had gotten that bad.
It scared the shit out of me. She almost died. She got better and
went into rehab. And that’s when I knew I had to make some changes.
I cut back on my work hours and tried going back to that damn
therapist. I still refused to talk, but I did listen. I just didn’t
believe in all of that therapy shit to begin with; I felt like I
could deal with things on my own. But I really wanted to help
Sabrina.

“Anyway, it didn’t matter because things
with her were just too far gone at that point. She was in and out
of rehab. She’d make some progress and then have a relapse. My
family and I did everything we could to try to help her. I wasn’t
dealing with shit well at all. Since I wasn’t working as much, I
just kept sinking deeper. I started drinking again. I just couldn’t
deal with her anymore.

“One night, she left the house. Said
something about going to the grocery store, but I knew where she
was going. When she got back, she was high. And I remember
wondering if she had any drugs still on her. I’d tried some pot
back in high school once but that was it. But that night, I felt
something shift. The temptation was starting to get to me. I knew
what would happen if I stayed with her.

“So the next day, I packed a bag. I told her
I loved her, but that I couldn’t be with her anymore. I couldn’t
help her. That shit was beyond me. She cried and begged me to stay
and promised over and over that she’d get better; that she’d quit
using. I told her that she needed to get better and that I’d be
waiting on her when she got well but that I couldn’t stay. I made a
bunch of promises to her. Honestly, I would’ve said and done
anything at that point to help her get better. I felt so fucking
guilty for leaving her, but I couldn’t stay. I had to leave… to
save myself. I left and filed for divorce.”

Myra squeezes his hand gently. “I
understand. You did what you had to do,” she says softly.

Dylan nods. “This is something else my
family doesn’t know about. I didn’t find out about this shit until
after I filed for divorce. Sabrina stole money from our joint
account.”

Myra’s mouth drops open.

“Before we lost Mel, we’d sold our house
that I’d remodeled and made a profit on it. We put the money into
savings and moved into an apartment. We were going to build a new
house. I’d been working with my dad on the blueprints for it.
Anyway, every dime of that money was gone. She’d spent it on drugs.
I didn’t know it because she paid all the bills and shit. I
should’ve been watching things closer but I wasn’t really in touch
with reality myself at the time.”

He looks at Myra with an odd look on his
face. “It was weird but it really didn’t bother me. It was just
money. I knew she was really sick at the time so I forgave her for
it. I told her not to worry about it and made sure to keep it out
of the divorce proceedings.

“I lived with my parents for a few months
until the divorce was final. It was tough. Sabrina kept showing up.
She wouldn’t leave me alone; most of the time she was high but not
always. She begged me to take her back. It was really hard.

“After the divorce was finalized, I told my
family I had to go. I had to get away from everything. My family
begged me to stay. But I couldn’t. Seeing Joseph… it just hurt too
damn much. So I got in my truck one day and took off. I just drove.
I had no idea where the hell I was going. I ended up in Nyssa. I
have no damn idea why, but I decided to stay. That was a little
over a year ago.

“When I left Boise, I told my family not to
tell Sabrina where I was because I didn’t want her harassing me.
But she did have my cell number and called me constantly. Sometimes
I called her back and talked, other times, I didn’t.

“She drove my family crazy at first trying
to get them to tell her where I was. But then she just up and
disappeared, and I didn’t hear from her anymore. I considered
calling her a couple of times to make sure she was all right, but I
didn’t. I felt like maybe she finally realized that we were really
over and had moved on.”

Dylan pauses and takes in a deep breath.
“That weekend that I left and visited my family?”

Myra nods.

“That was the anniversary of Mel’s death.
It’s been three years. My family goes with me every year to the
cemetery. Before I left them that day and came to your house, I
called Sabrina. I still felt like I had a tie with her because I’d
promised her that I’d be there if she got well. But I had to make
sure that she knew it was over, that there would never be anything
further between us. I got her voicemail so I left her a message. I
later found out she was at an AA meeting.”

He looks deep into Myra’s eyes, touching her
cheek softly with his free hand. “That night we spent together.
That was one of the best nights of my fucking life. I didn’t want
to leave you. It fucking gutted me to have to leave you like that.”
Myra nods, gently rubbing his hand that lies in her lap. “But when
I looked at my phone, I had a ton of calls from Sabrina. At first I
thought she was just calling me back but when I listened to her
voicemail, she told me that someone had vandalized Mel’s
tombstone.”

“What?” Myra gasps. “Oh my god…”

“I didn’t know what the hell to do. She was
at my house, sitting on my damn doorstep waiting on me. Before this
happened, she’d planned on paying me a visit. She had a check for
me for my share of the money she stole. She’d gotten an inheritance
or some shit, and she wanted to give it to me in person. She wanted
to tell me that she was clean and sober. She’s been clean for nine
months. I’m so damn happy for her,” Dylan says with a small
smile.

“That’s wonderful,” Myra says as she
squeezes his hand.

“Yeah, it is. She’s had a rough time of it.
Anyway, that day my mind was a fucking mess. All I wanted to do was
get to the cemetery. I initially told her I’d follow her to Boise,
but she refused. She said we needed to ride together because we had
too much to talk about. I didn’t give a shit so I hopped in my
truck. I figured that once we got back to my house, she could leave
immediately. But of course it didn’t turn out that way.”

He takes in a deep breath and shakes his
head. “We fought the entire way there. She wanted to pick out a new
tombstone. She was all upset that she didn’t have any say so in
picking it out. But that was because she’d been basically
incoherent at the time so I had to do it myself. I have to tell you
that there was no way in hell I was gonna let her replace that
tombstone. That shit means a lot to me and to my family. It
represents my son, you know?” he says as he looks up at Myra.

“I understand,” she says softly, as she nods
her head in agreement.

“I couldn’t let her replace it, so we
argued. I finally called a stone specialist to come out and talk to
us about repairing it. We finally compromised, and she let me keep
it.

“That day was so emotional for me. I wanted
to fucking kill whoever touched my son’s tombstone. I was so
fucking pissed and just sick to my stomach over the whole
situation. We filed a police report and shit, but we knew it wasn’t
gonna do any good. They said it was probably some teenagers that
did it.

“On the way home, I told her why I called
her. I talked to her about the promises I made to her. I explained
that I only told her those things because I wanted her to get
better and that it was time for both of us to move on. I also told
her about you. She was pissed.”

Myra clears her throat and frowns as she
looks down at their hands. “Um… she told me that you two were
working on getting back together.”

“
What?
”

Myra nods her head at him.

“Goddamn it,” he mutters angrily before
shifting her on his lap. “That’s a fucking lie, Myra. No wonder you
were so pissed at me. Why in the hell would she say that? It’s not
true, I promise. I told her that I’d met someone and…
shit
.
I knew I shouldn’t have let her stay that night, but we were both
so exhausted. I didn’t want her to have to drive home so late. I
figured she’d be gone first thing the next morning anyway.

“I’m so sorry I was such a dick to you when
I answered the door. I’d just woken up, and I couldn’t believe you
were there. I couldn’t believe you’d met Sabrina and I hadn’t even
had the chance to tell you about her yet. Everything just kind of
came crashing down around me. Can you forgive me?” he asks with sad
eyes and in such a tender voice that it makes Myra’s heart
hurt.

“Yes, I forgive you,” she whispers, reaching
her hand up and touching his cheek.

His eyes light up. “Really…?”

She nods, giving him a small smile. He pulls
her hand away from his cheek and kisses her knuckles softly. “Thank
you.”

“I’m sorry, too. That I left the way I did
and didn’t answer your calls. I feel so horrible now that I know
what really happened. I was just so upset—”

He reaches a finger up and touches her lips
softly. “No. You don’t have shit to apologize for. You did nothing
wrong, nothing. It was all me.”

Myra shakes her head at him and starts to
open her mouth to argue, but Dylan stops her with a shake of his
head. “No. I mean it. You did nothing wrong.”

“Yes, I did. I should’ve told you where I
was going. I wasn’t truthful with you either. I knew you were going
to come over later and I let you think that I’d be there. I guess I
was hoping that it would hurt you like you had hurt me. I’m so
sorry…”

He pulls her hand up to his lips and kisses
her fingertips. “I deserved it. I was a dickhead.”

“No, you didn’t deserve that. I should’ve
been more mature about the situation. I was so hurt and had so much
going on with Susie…”

“Of course,” he says, kissing her palm. “I’m
so sorry I hurt you. I know we still have a lot of shit to work
out, but do you think you could maybe not give up on me? That you
could somehow give me another chance? I don’t have much to offer.
I’m actually pretty fucked up but… I want you, Myra. I want to be
with you. In any way you’ll have me. You’re the first person I’ve
felt close to since I lost Mel… you’re the first person that I’ve
wanted
to be close to. But if you… if you don’t want to be
with me, I’ll understand…”

Myra stares at him for a long moment,
absorbing every inch of his handsome face. She has no idea how to
help this beautiful, broken man. But she wants to try. Try with
everything she has.

“I want to be with you, too.” She reaches a
hand up and tenderly touches his cheek.

He moves her hand from his cheek to his lips
and closes his eyes, his lips lingering on her knuckles. When he
opens his eyes, Myra’s breath catches in her throat at the raw
emotion she sees there. “Thank you.”

She reaches her hands up around his neck and
clings to him, her nose against the skin of his neck, just
breathing him in. Dylan takes in a deep breath. “So how do we do
this?” he asks. “What do we do now?”

Myra pulls back from him, still keeping her
arms around his neck and looks into his eyes. Her brows furrow
slightly. “I’m not sure. All I know is that I want to do it
together... with you.”

CHAPTER 5

With a grimace on his face, Dylan shifts,
trying to move into a more comfortable position. But it doesn’t
help. This is one of the reasons why he hates flying so much; he’s
just too damn tall and his legs are way too long to fit in the
small seats.

Leaning forward, he muffles a groan when a
sharp pain shoots through his lower back. Glancing out the window,
he sees the airport and mumbles a “
Thank fuck
,” under his
breath.

After enduring a bumpy landing, he finally
makes his way off the plane. His pace is slow as he stretches his
back every few feet, trying to work out the kinks. Switching his
carry-on bag over to his other shoulder to try to alleviate the
pain, he walks slowly to the covered parking garage.

Tossing his bag onto the passenger seat of
his truck, he pats his pockets and digs out a cigarette. His plans
are to drive straight to Nyssa because he
has
to get his ass
to Elaina’s to get his back adjusted. Taking a deep drag on his
cigarette, he glances to his left and notices a man about his
father’s age getting into the car next to him. Closing his eyes, he
drags in a heavy breath, leaning his head back against the headrest
as he gets hit with a load of fucking guilt over the fact that he
promised his dad he’d visit more often. Yet here he is in Boise,
just minutes away from his parents and all he wants to do is
leave.

“Fucking shit,” he mumbles in an irritated
voice as he starts his truck and heads for his parent’s house.
He’ll stay for just a few minutes; show up and make it look like
he’s trying and then get the hell out.

Rolling the window down a few inches, he
flicks the ash off his cigarette, his thoughts shifting to Myra. He
wanted more than anything to fly home with her, but they weren’t
able to get on the same flight. So he took the earlier flight and
flew out today. She wanted to stay an extra day with Susie and
plans on flying home tomorrow.

It hurt leaving her. He’d wanted to kiss her
so fucking badly. It had been too long since he’d felt the warm
softness of her lips against his. So when he told her goodbye,
instead of kissing her like he wanted to, he’d grabbed her hand and
ran his thumb over her knuckles. He won’t fuck things up this time.
He will do things right.