Club Scars (23 page)

She chewed on her thumbnail, the quiet of the house adding to her nerves. She felt jumpy and didn’t feel comfortable with even the distraction of the radio. She shook her head at her raging paranoia, but the radio remained silent. Jumping at the strident buzz of the dryer, she tapped her chest over her pounding heart. Things would get back to normal. She just needed to give it time. Remembering that she had used up the laundry detergent on the last load, she scribbled that and few other things on the growing grocery list before pushing off the counter and heading back to work. No rest for the wicked.

Kat sighed as she snuggled into the chaise end of the new sectional with Cam to her breast. With the house back to rights, laundry caught up, and incense burning, it was time to relax. She couldn’t help the play of her fingers over the smoky-grey suede fabric on the arm of the couch or the smirk that curved her lips at the irony.
Thanks, Dad.
Despite all the bullshit with her father, it
had
resulted in her first brand new living room furniture and it wasn’t brown.

Her eyes roamed over the room as Cam suckled. Though she’d known it needed freshening, Kat hadn’t realized how cave-like it had been before. With all the old natural wood work in the house, the generic tan walls, overstuffed brown furniture and chunky wood tables had just been too much. Thank God Gin had a flair for decorating. The light taupe paint she’d chosen really brightened things up and looked good with the furnishings and trim. The couch had a modern feel to it and Kat was in love with the wrought iron coffee and end tables with their slate tops. She grinned digging her toes into the plush area rug Gin had insisted on buying. There was nothing like a makeover to cheer a girl up even if it was the house getting a facelift.

Lifting Cam to her shoulder, she patted his bottom gently and nuzzled his head. The house was done. Big Red had offered to order the Ford’s new engine through the shop, giving it to them at cost. The money they’d saved doing the work on the house themselves had paid for a good chunk of it and Bowie was willing to take payments on the rest. She knew that was a big weight off Crux’s shoulders. If it wasn’t for the pall of her father still looming over them, things were looking up. The thought seemed to darken the room and her mood. She shivered, reaching for one of Cam’s blankets to cover them both. Her father had always seemed to know when she was happy and how to rip it away.

What had this been? Had the violation and destruction of her home been a temper tantrum because he wasn’t getting his way, or a reminder that she’d never be safe from him? She closed her eyes. Why after all these years? A few things his mercenary had said nagged at her. Was it really Cam he wanted or did he have delusions of renewing their twisted relationship? Her stomach lurched at the images the question dredged from her memories.

Even at twelve she’d known he wasn’t right but as she’d gotten older their relationship had grown more twisted. The perverted game of house he’d pressed on her had terrified and sickened her. Fighting him had only led to physical pain and being locked away in the dark. When she’d still defied him, he’d shipped her off to the loony bin where a whole new form of horror awaited. The treatments and drugs they plied her with had made her believe their assertions that she was crazy. Endless hours strapped to a bed alone with her nightmares had made her yearn for the safety of her father’s wine cellar.

When she’d thought it couldn’t get any worse, her uncle had decided his little brother wasn’t handling things appropriately. Connor’s visits had been the darkest time of her life. His soul was a black hole. His taste for sadism was a passion. Her body, mind, and soul carried scars. Kat didn’t know if his sexual deviancy or the lies that dripped like honey from his forked tongue had been more damaging. Time and again he’d promised relief and redemption only to rip them away. He was a natural politician. One could never trust a word that passed his lips and he was the master of the mind fuck. It was amazing she was as sane as she was.

The sound of a car in the drive yanked her back to the present and she tensed, breath held and ears straining. The noise of the garage door ratcheting up restarted her heart. She took a deep breath and tried to push the past aside. The last thing she wanted to do was spend their evening picking at old scabs.

“Daddy’s home,” she whispered to her boy a minute later at the sound of a key in the back door. She tracked her husband’s progress through the reassuring slide of the deadbolt, the rustle of leather and finally the heavy thread of his boots on the kitchen floor. “Hey, sexy,” she said when he appeared in the arch between the kitchen and living room.

“Hey yourself, gorgeous,” he said with a little smile. “The house looks great and dinner smells fantastic.”

“Thank you, but you can thank Gin for dinner. She sent dried homemade noodles and a jar of her canned beef home with me to throw in the Crock-Pot. Unfortunately we still need to go grocery shopping.”

“Yippee,” he muttered, but gave her a wink. “Do you want to go when you get done feeding the little man or wait until after we eat?”

“As good as dinner smells it’s probably best to get the shopping out of the way while he’s fed and sleepy,” she said apologetically.

Crux nodded and pushed off the door jamb. “I’ll start the Lincoln back up so it’s warm.”

“Your daddy is a good man,” Kat crooned to Cam and smiled at Crux’s chuckle that drifted back to her ears from the kitchen. Straightening her bra and shirt, she looked down at the little one. Stuffed, he looked drowsy and content. She dabbed at a drop of milk in the corner of his lips and kissed his forehead. “I know it’s been a rough start, but it’s going to get better, little man,” she whispered getting to her feet to find his cozy fleece for their trip to the store. “And I hope your Aunt Gin was right about this whole motherhood thing, because crazy or not, I’m the only mommy you’ve got.”

Pouring a glass of wine, Kat flipped off the kitchen light and wandered into the living room. It had been a long day and the trip to the grocery store had taken even longer than she’d anticipated. Crux’s muscles had been a God send lugging everything into the house, but at least their cupboards were no longer bare.

Setting the goblet down on the end table she walked over to the built-in shelves and opened her moon and stars box. Lifting a stick of sandalwood to her nose, she drew the soothing scent in before lighting the end. She watched the flame dance for a moment before blowing it out. What was it about fire that was so hypnotic? Staying at Zeke and Gin’s, their fireplace had spoiled her. She smiled. Maybe she could convince her husband that she wanted a gas fireplace for Christmas. Placing the glowing stick of incense in its holder she settled onto the couch with a sigh.

Kat jumped as a purple dildo landed in her lap. Her hand flew to her mouth trying to smother her amusement and the drink she’d just taken.

“The only pecker I’m used to seeing in the shower is mine. Were you perhaps trying to tell me something?” Crux asked dryly.

Snorting desperately for air, she waved her free hand at Crux as she struggled with the mouthful of wine. He crawled over the arm of the couch and prowled across the cushions until he loomed over her. Somehow she forced a swallow only to have her husband’s lips on her neck steal her breath again.

“So?” he murmured against her skin, lifting her hair.

Kat tilted her head, giving him better access. Her voice was husky. “Since you were worried, Gin suggested I start small before jumping back in the saddle.”

“Mmm,” he hummed in understanding, his hot breath against her nape making gooseflesh crawl across her skin. “And how did your experiment go?”

“It felt good,” she admitted. “But it left me wanting.”

“What were you wanting?”

Her hand slid under his towel to wrap around his already swollen cock. He caught his breath as her fingers flexed around him.

“You. You’re the only thing I ever want.”

Letting the towel fall away, he swung a leg over hers, straddling her on the chaise. Cupping the back of her thighs he gave a yank that made her sprawl on her back.

“It’s a damn good thing, woman.”

She didn’t have a response for his sexy growl as his probing fingers parted her lower lips. The cool glide of lube startled her. Her old man had thought of everything. Her eyes drifted closed as his fingers slid over her slit. Hips arching up to him, she moaned as one finger slowly worked inside. She rocked with the gentle glide of his finger, gasping when he curved the digit inside her, grazing the sweet spot. The steady thrusts fed the flickering flame of desire. It never took long. Tommy knew how to play her body. A second finger followed and she whimpered, the feeling so good but still not enough.

Her hands slid down his back, her fingertips digging into his hips as she tugged at him, needing him in her. It was a testament to how much he’d been missing this too that he didn’t make her wait longer than it took to smear a little lube on his cock. Her mouth opened in a breathless O as he filled her.

“Are you okay,” he asked, his voice harsh with need, but his gaze concerned.

“Never better,” she sighed, wrapping her legs up around his waist in encouragement. “Make love to me.”  

“You’re getting kind of demanding, woman.”

“More like desperate and you’ve never minded this part of your honey-do list,” Kat gasped as he pulled out. She held her breath. He teased for long moments, and then stabbed deep making her cry out in bliss. She grabbed a throw pillow to muffle her screams as Crux pulled back and plunged into her over and again.

He peeked under the pillow. “Doing my honey is no chore,” he said with a sexy growl.

Robbed of the pillow, her teeth sank into her bottom lip. She’d missed the connection and the sense of belonging Crux gave her. How could the act be so many different things? It could hurt and degrade as easily as it made her body and heart soar. That first night with Crux had been crucial. Drunk, wrapped up in a flood of emotions and memories, the comfort of his arms had led to more. She couldn’t help wonder what would have happened if they’d waited for the sober glare of daylight? Would they’ve still seen the bond they’d found in the dark?

She forced her eyes wide open, watching desire and exertion play across her lover’s craggy features as he made love to her. Closing her eyes invited nightmares that she’d thought long forgotten. Even at his roughest, being under Crux was so different than the hell the Merrick men had put her through. It hadn’t taken her long to figure that out, but it was something that she still needed to remind herself of when ghosts of the past threatened.

Giving her head a hard shake Kat tried to stop thinking and give in to the amazing feelings Crux was coaxing from her heated body. One of his hands crept up to cup her face.

“Come on. Focus on me,” he rasped.

Her eyes closed in shame. Fighting the past and the lump swelling in her throat, she clung to him. Crux’s lips brushed over closed lids.

“Look at me, Kat.”

Forcing her eyes open again, she blinked rapidly against the tears.

“Shhh. It’s okay,” Crux panted, wiping away tears that trickled from the corner of her eye.

“Please don’t sto – ”

A kiss cut off her words. He lowered his lean body over her, pressing her down into the couch. His lips brushed over her cheek bones.

“It’s okay. I know there’s been a lot of shit going on, babe, but don’t let that sick fuck get between us.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, hiding her face in the crook of his neck and shoulder.  “My heads a really fucked up place right now but my body really wants this.”

He rolled his hips, grinding deeper into her. Her nails bit into his back.

“What about your heart?”

“That’s always yours,” she vowed, shifting underneath him. “Please.”

His hand slid between her and the couch, cupping her ass and pressing her tighter to him as he rocked in her. Her teeth sank into his shoulder as he stuffed her deliciously full. Their bodies strained against one another in a slow grind. She moaned as the pressure built. Her breath came in a labored pant as she squirmed underneath him. He tore breathless cries from her with short thrusts until the welcome oblivion of orgasm claimed her.

Kat came back to the moment in time to watch Crux arch over her, the tendons in his arms and neck standing out in cords as he roared his release. He slumped down over her again and she hugged him tight. The heave of his chest against hers made it difficult to catch her breath but she loved the feel of his pounding heart.

“I needed this.”

“I think we both did,” Crux said with a groan. He pushed up on his elbows and brushed her hair back, cradling her face in his hands. “We’re going to get through this.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go there. It’s not fair to you.”

“The asshole has stirred up a lot of bad shit. You never know what’s going to trigger a memory. I get that. Just remember that we shared that bad shit when we barely knew each other. You never have to fight the demons alone.”

Kat swallowed hard against the knot in her throat and tugged his head down so their foreheads pressed together. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You could’ve done better, but we’re good together,” he said with a twist of his lips.