Circle in the Sand (20 page)

“Look we’re both exhausted, just tell me what the hell you’re talking about. Because
if it’s not Sage then I don’t kno…” A slamming noise and vibration on the table cause
my eyes to pop open. Emily’s hands rest flat in front of her. Her eyes are wide as
she leans toward me. “Holy crap. Are you talking about Jax?”

I can’t hold back a grin of embarrassment, I guess, but don’t answer. She can tell
everything from my eyes. I need her to tell me what to do, the same way she always
has.

She sighs exaggeratingly loud. “Wow.” Then she sinks into her chair, letting loose
a hideous set of giggles. “Thanks, I needed that.”

“That is seriously fucked up,” I say, letting my head fall to the table, knocking
against it several times. I stay that way until she stops. I finally lift my head
up. “What?”

“I should’ve known,” she says. “You too have been all buddy buddy lately. And today,
you were staring at her from across the yard with that goofy grin.”

“Could you make this any harder?”

“Yeah,” she says.

It’s nice to see a genuinely happy response from her, that wasn’t elicited by some
special kid moment. “Can you be serious? This is important to me.”

She nods. “I’m sorry, Ned. I’m not sure what advice I can offer you. I’m not going
to tell you it’s stupid, because I love you and I love Jax. I always want you to follow
your heart. So have you spoken to her about this?”

I fill her in on the last couple hours with Jax as well as what happened with Sage
last night.

“This is serious if you were willing to tell her about your hook-up with Sage.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I don’t want to screw this up…whatever it is.
I don’t even know if anything will happen between us, but if it does, I want to start
fresh.”

The corner of her mouth twitches. “Oh, I see. So you told her about…”

“No!” I cut her off, not even wanting to hear the words come out of her mouth. “I
can’t,” I say looking down at my hands.

“Ned, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. She might even be happy.”

“If Jax ever found out, I bet happy would be the last word to describe her reaction.
I’m thinking more along the lines of pissed as hell.”

I pull up to Oak Grove to find Jax and Travis sitting on the bench outside looking
like two kids waiting for their ride after soccer practice. It’s been less than a
week since Sophie’s party where Jax and I were civil to each other, for Emily’s sake
mostly. She didn’t need another reason to be stressed. We should talk this through,
but it’s not a high priority for me right now.

Travis holds a small, brown bag in his lap. We’re still supposed to be just friends,
but a tiny surge of excitement trails up my body as I wonder if he brought me something.
This is the longest relationship I’ve had with a man without receiving so much as
a flower. I’m doing all the work here. Between my grandmother’s request and my new
client, I’ve had plenty of excuses to commute my ass down here to see my new best
bod, I mean best bud. At least Christine has been more lenient lately. It could be
because I’ve shared with her what’s going on with Rose. Surprisingly, she even set
up a consultation with one of our senior money managers for advice.

They both stand when they see me walk toward them on the sidewalk. I try not to eye
the package, now in Travis’s hand at his side. “Hi.” I give them both smiles and hugs,
trying to stay positive after the text my father sent me moments ago. He was supposed
to be here today as well, promised he’d help me with some of this if even to provide
moral support. But he only seems to be moving farther away from me, and from Rose.

“Can I talk to you for a sec before you go in?” Jax says.

We both look at Travis, who smiles and says, “I’ll wait inside.”

“Wanna sit?” she says.

My eyes are still transfixed on Travis walking away, trying to decide if he looks
better coming or going. I can’t imagine going through this without him. I turn and
find Jax already seated at the bench, so I join her. “Thanks for bringing him.”

“It’s no trouble. I was coming here anyway, Sage.”

“You were?”

A male nurse arrives, pushing an elderly woman in a wheel chair. He taps the automatic
door button but nothing happens. Jax is up and at the door, pulling it open before
he can react. “When you going to get that damn button fixed, Mr. Paul?” the woman
says. He ignores her, nods, and smiles a thank you at Jax as he pushes the chair through.
Jax punches the button with the side of her fist on the way back. The door swings
open, surprising us both, making her jump to the side. We laugh as she flops back
down next me. “I don’t want to keep you from your grandmother,” she says turning.
“I only wanted to say I’m sorry for what I said on the phone.” The smile fades, her
face goes serious. “I hate when things are weird between us. We’re not
us
.”

“I know,” I say, then pause. There were so many things I rehearsed in my head that
I wanted to say to her, but they seem so petty now. I wanted answers, reasons for
what my grandmother is doing. But I can’t waste her valuable time arguing with Jax
and being jealous of their relationship. “I’m sorry I blamed you. My grandmother’s
a strong woman. She makes her own decisions.”

Jax hooks her arm in mine. “Like you,” she says.

“And you,” I nudge her. After we sit quietly for a moment, I say, “Maybe I should
get in there and rescue Travis.”

A smirk fills her expression.

“What?” I say.

“Your face sort of lit up just now when you said his name. Thought you guys were friends?”
She has that sing-songy tone in her voice—the kind that says I know you cheated on
your diet or watched porn during the free-movie preview.

“We are…at least that’s what he keeps telling me.”

“I don’t want you to get mad at me all over again, but I have to at least tell you
to be careful.”

“I got it, and I am. He’s a good guy. He made a mistake and now he’s trying to make
up for it.”

“You don’t have to tell me. I believe in Travis too. But I’m not sure he’s ready for
a relationship.”

I don’t need to be reminded of this by every person I know, but I’m going to keep
my cool. “I can be patient. I’m not the type of girl that always needs a boyfriend,”
I say.

Her eyebrows rise. “Let’s change the subject. Quickly before you go in, what about
Rose’s birthday?”

My heart does a nose dive to the pit of my stomach.
Shit, that’s…when is that
? I throw a toothy smile in her direction. “Did you have something in mind?”

“They always do this lame birthday set up here. Gather everyone up in the dining room,
one of them plays happy birthday on the piano,
deathly
slow, then they put one candle on the cake because they think these old geysers are
too sick or too old to blow out any more. It kind of pisses me off how much they baby
them.”

I’m nodding through her whole spiel. Then she says, “But I was thinking we take her
out.”

“Out?”

“Yeah, out.”

“I don’t know, Jax. I’d have to check with her doctor.”

I can tell she’s disappointed; the wheels are spinning in her head. Before she opens
her mouth, I say, “Let’s talk later. I better get inside.”

When I check in, I’m told that Rose is in her room, resting in bed. I haven’t been
in that room in almost a year. When we first brought her here, the place was empty
and as cold as a hospital room, which made me instantly nervous. Yes, my parents said
she wanted to be here, but it still caused queasiness in my stomach watching them
unpack her things, placing pictures on the dresser, a plant in the window. Dressing
it all up, pretending it’s her home, only about fifty times smaller. Guilt settles
over me that I never questioned this living arrangement. I slow my steps as I approach
her door and question why I had never concerned myself with whether this was the right
place for my grandmother.

When I reach the doorway, I see Rose sitting up in bed, under the covers. Travis is
sitting next to her, on the edge with one foot on the floor. I glimpse a bright smile
on my grandmother’s face as she stares down at a small wooden box in her hands. A
brown paper bag rests on the night table next to the bed. It hits me that this is
what Travis was holding outside.

“You’re very skilled, Travis. Is Sage aware of how talented you are?”

They both turn to the doorway as I step in. Travis gets up and moves aside as if he
was caught assaulting the old woman, but I imagine it’s to open a place for me. The
tests today have worn her out. I can see that when her smile fades.

“How are you?” I ask, leaning on the bed and settling my hand down on hers. It’s bony,
kinked, and unable to adorn rings any longer.

“A waste of time, those damn tests. Those weasels made me take my necklace off.” She
laid a palm across the chained sapphire as if it were a lifeline. “But I’m better
now, thanks to your
friend
here. Have you seen this lovely box?”

When she hands it to me, the first thing I notice is the top, decorated with a finely
detailed carving of a rose. The grooves are painted with a matte red that makes the
rose stand out. I run my hand over it, amazed at the professional workmanship. I had
no idea Travis was capable of such artistry. My breath hitches, and I’m surprised
by my reaction. “It’s beautiful,” I say in an exhale, feeling so much closer to him.
Then I lift the lid to look inside. A gold name plate is attached to the underside
of the top, engraved with
Rose Lynn Douglas
. The bottom is lined with dark blue felt. I close the lid and hand it back to her,
then turn to look at Travis who is no longer standing there.

“Is this one of those friends with benefits things?” I hear her ask.

I tear my eyes from the empty spot Travis left. “No, grandmother, it’s not.”

“He’s very handsome.”

“I know. Believe me, I know.” And then an awkward silence falls between us. This would
be the time when a normal granddaughter would seek advice from her grandmother. But
I stay silent. I still haven’t learned how to do this with her. Instead, I look to
the door and consider going to find Travis.

“He’ll be all right for a while,” Rose says. Then she sets the box on her nightstand.
“Tell me what’s happening with my money. Or should I say
your
money?”

“It’s still your money. But I do have some updates.” I open my binder, show her first
a printout of the spread sheet the financial advisor helped me with. Then I give her
a brochure from New Beginnings, a rehab center for teens and young adults. “I have
some other ideas, but wanted to start with this one. They’re trying to raise forty
thousand dollars to renovate their gymnasium. Apparently, exercise is very important
part of the healing process. I know it’s small, but what do you think?”

Rose doesn’t even look at the brochure. She lets it fall into her lap. Her head leans
back against the pillow as her eyes close. Deep sigh.

“Are you all right? Should I get someone?”

Her eyes open to the ceiling. “How can I make this any more clear to you?” She pauses
and my stomach knots at the familiar tone. It’s the one that accompanies words of
wisdom. Words that tell me exactly what I’m doing wrong. But then her eyes lock on
mine, soften with a smile. “You don’t need my approval, Sage. I’m putting this in
your hands. I trust you to make the right choices. Choices that will make
you
happy.”

I fight back the tears at this beautiful, unexpected, selfless statement. “I’m not
sure if I can. I want to do the right thing. How do I make sure of that?”

“Let me ask you something. Why this place? Why was this your first choice?”

“Travis suggested it.” I hesitate, look to the door wishing he’d walk through it.

“It’s okay, Sage. I know all about it. He told me the first time he came here with
Jax.”

“Oh, and you’re fine with him being here? With me being friends with him?”

“Do you really believe I’m that shallow?” She holds up a hand. “Wait. Don’t answer
that. It really doesn’t matter. All that matters is right now. And now, Travis is
a sweet young man that’s helping you through a very tough time. Okay?”

I smile, exhale in relief. “Okay.” I tuck a piece of loose hair behind my ear, then
grab the brochure. “Travis is required to attend meetings here and he’s begun mentoring
a few boys. I want to do something to help him the way he’s been helping me.”

“So you see, this is something that has meaning to you. Whether you realize it or
not, you followed your heart to this decision. Continue to do that with the money,”
she says pausing to collect herself, “and then for the rest of your life.”

Her words surprise me. My immediate reaction is to stiffen. This is the type of sentiment
I longed to hear from her, or more importantly, from my own mother. I wonder if it’s
too late for me to be the type of person that follows her heart in life. Will I wait
until I’m on my deathbed? “I’ll try,” I say softly.

“I can see you two have grown close.”

“It seems like we are but…” My heart wants to pour it all out to her, but I can’t
find the words. Then, I see something in her eyes; something I haven’t seen in, I
don’t know how long. There is a knowing, a sensing of what I’m thinking and feeling
without me telling her.

She puts her hand on mine. “If it’s meant to be, then it will happen when the time
is right.”

I can’t help but be touched by this new Rose. But I’m also saddened that I will only
get but a glimpse of her. A mere blip of a relationship. This thought keeps me from
breaking down. I won’t waste our time together shedding tears.

We spend a few more minutes talking about New Beginnings. Then I tell her I plan to
give money to Jax’s church and a charity Emily’s PTA is helping. She’s happy Travis
and my friends have helped to inspire ideas, but she still insists I find something
to be personally passionate about. I promise to keep the search going and keep her
updated. I sit with her a while longer, listening to her breathe and watching the
clouds out the window, until she drifts off to sleep.

Travis follows an orderly in, who says we should let her rest. I’m hesitant to leave
since I didn’t say goodbye. I opt for leaving a note, telling her I enjoyed our conversation,
saying I’d be back in a few days for another visit. But it wasn’t all I wanted to
say, the regret hitting me as we arrive back at the car. I break down in Travis’s
arms. He says nothing, only holds me as I sob into his broad shoulders. How can I
experience such pain and comfort at the same time? With my eyes closed, nothing else
exists but this moment. I can’t even tell how long it lasts. When my breathing calms,
my tears begin to subside. I stay in his embrace, feeling the safest and most content
I have in years.