Chiaroscuro (26 page)

Ben ran his fingers roughly over Jamie's head, tugging his hair just enough for Jamie to feel it. "Do you not feel safe, Sunshine?"

Jamie looked at him over his shoulder. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?" He nuzzled Jamie with his nose.

"It's weird. That's all. It's weirder than I like. Don't tell me you like this."

"It's been known to happen," Ben said in an amused tone. "Any time you want to tie me up and fuck me, you can."

Jamie trembled and swallowed hard. "I'll--I'll remember that." He pulled up his knees and shimmied his hips to get his trousers lower. Ben helped, pulling Jamie's trousers off completely, kissing his back and ass as he did so. He kissed the insides of Jamie's knees and then planted them far apart, opening him. He slurped his fingers and Jamie gasped and arched as Ben pressed them into him. "Christ," he nearly sobbed into the mattress.

"Hm?" Ben sound disinterested as his fingers pushed deep inside Jamie.

"You--God--don't stop--" He thrust back his hips, trying to find whatever rhythm Ben was following. "Please don't stop--"

Ben chuckled, gave his fingers an extra-deep twist--and stopped, pulling out his fingers.

"Ben!" Jamie cried out and twisted onto his back, naked except for his shirt that was still hanging about his elbows. "Stop teasing me!" Ben was undressing, which was exactly what Jamie was hoping for. The pace of his breathing increased and he dug his heels into the bed, licking his lips. Ben smiled and bit his bottom lip a moment, then skimmed his hands slowly down his body until he touched his cock. He worked his erection slowly, eyes on Jamie's face, smiling as Jamie whimpered and writhed. "God damn it! Just fuck me already!" Jamie groaned at last, so turned on it hurt, and he couldn't touch himself to ease any of the ache.

Ben climbed onto the bed and pulled Jamie up onto his knees, hands under his arms. He kissed Jamie fiercely as he arranged them, pausing only long enough to slide on the condom. Jamie's legs tensed and he tried to lower himself onto Ben's cock.

"Slow down," Ben whispered, his voice hoarse. "Let me." He held Jamie's hip with one hand and guided his prick with the other, and Jamie moaned at the feel of him. His thighs jumped, and he shifted his legs so he could get some leverage, desperate to get some movement going.

"Impatient," Ben observed, sounding as if he were still trying to be cool and unaffected, but his hand moved between them and he gripped Jamie's erection, using Jamie's pre-come to make his hand slick.

"I want to touch you." Jamie's hair was in his eyes, there was sweat dripping down his face, and he wanted to kiss Ben, to pull him close, run his hands over his body and feel his muscles work. "Let me touch you."

"Later." Ben's hand and his hips set a hard, fast pace. His thumb rubbed the head of Jamie's prick, circling and circling--and then his entire hand down the shaft, rough enough to make Jamie shudder.

"Bastard," Jamie gasped and he pulled desperately at his hands again.  He arched backwards, letting his head fall, using his legs to fuck himself on Ben's cock. He almost laughed out loud when he felt Ben's mouth on his chest, kisses and licks and a slight tug on his nipple ring as if to pull him back.

He was definitely going to have to do more leg exercises.

"Come for me, Jamie," Ben said, his voice gravelly. "Come for me and I'll untie you." He stroked Jamie harder, faster. Jamie thrust his hips in response, groaned with abandon, and shook from head to foot when he came.

Ben released his cock and scratched at the knotted tie. Jamie was shaking so hard it slowed the work, and he exhaled deeply when the tie came undone. He threw his arms around Ben's neck and kissed him, thrusting his tongue into Ben's mouth. His arms tingled, but the only important thing was how Ben was still rocking into him.

Jamie grasped the back of Ben's neck and whispered into his ear, "Don't ever do that again," not letting the movement stop. Ben laughed in his throat and he sucked on Jamie's ear. He rolled Jamie onto his back and Jamie wrapped his legs around his hips. His back and his neck arched, and he pulled on Ben's ass to get him deeper. "More--Benjie--more--" he gasped and Ben licked his neck, kissed his chin, sucked on his lower lip.

He pulled out of Jamie and flipped him again, onto his stomach. Jamie spread his legs and raised his ass, pulling a pillowcase up between his teeth when Ben thrust into him again. One hand raked into Jamie's hair and Ben turned his face up and licked into his mouth. Jamie fumbled for him, trying to keep their mouths connected, but it made the angle all wrong and he lay on his stomach with a growl. Behind him Ben was grunting, his arms were shaking, his body was slick with perspiration and come. "Jamie," he groaned and his teeth sank into the back of Jamie's neck. He cried out wordlessly as he came and collapsed heavily onto Jamie's body.

Jamie slumped beneath him, still gasping. His body ached after being fucked and pulled and manipulated like he had been, but he felt amazing, fantastic, euphoric. He reached back clumsily for Ben's head and pulled him forward enough for a kiss. "Are you okay?" he whispered, and Ben nodded, licking his lips, his chest still heaving.

"I'm...yeah." He rolled onto his back and smiled at Jamie wearily but happily. "I'm just fine." He lay there for a moment, then got up to dispose of the condom. When he returned he sat on the edge of the bed, fidgety like he wanted a cigarette. Jamie lightly touched the small of his back. "I feel like it's story time," Ben said. "Like I should confess something. The funny part is that you know everything already."

"Do I?"

"If there's anything I haven't told you it's only because I don't remember it."

"I'm sure that's not true. I'm sure you have endless secrets."

Ben chuckled and then turned to him, laying down his head close to Jamie's. "Thanks for coming with me tonight."

Jamie chuckled. "The pleasure was mutual."

"I mean to the wedding, Jamie-lad."

He touched Ben's face with his fingertips. "I liked it. I had a good time. I got to dance with you, and see Tristan happy and beautiful, and I'm next to be married."

"I'm sure you'll meet a nice girl eventually," Ben said, nodding solemnly.

"Oh, I've met a nice girl. She got married today."

Ben chuckled and kissed Jamie's cheek. "I should go." He sat up again and got out of bed, his body lean and lovely enough to make Jamie sigh.

"Good night," was all he said, and got out of bed as well. "D'you mind locking the door on your way out?"

"Sure," Ben said as he pulled on his pants. He shrugged into his shirt and leaned over to kiss Jamie briefly. "Sleep well, sweet James."

"Always do." He went into the bathroom and turned on the water to wash his face. He heard the lock catch and nodded to himself--alone for the night. He brushed his teeth and left the bathroom, turning off the light behind him.

The sight of Ben in the kitchen made him jump. "Christ! I thought you left!"

"No... I stayed." He was still half-wearing his tuxedo, shirt open, tie stuffed in a pocket, his coat over his arm. He shifted on the balls of his feet. "I want to stay. Is that okay?"

Jamie blinked, and then smiled. "Benjie--of course. Of course." He went to him and kissed him, and took the overcoat from him.

"I figured that's what you'd say." Ben followed him into the bedroom again, taking off his clothes again as he did so. They got into bed, and it took Ben a few minutes to find a comfortable position. Jamie watched him patiently, and finally Ben said with an uncertain laugh, "You don't sleep in the same position you fuck in."

"Generally not. C'mere." He held out his arm and Ben moved beside him, his long body warm against Jamie's and his arm heavy across Jamie's chest.

"Okay," he said faintly after a few minutes. "This is better."

Jamie smiled and kissed the top of his head. "I knew it would be."

***

Ben woke early, as he always did. He lay awake for a while, listening to Jamie sleep, and then got out of bed and pulled on his tuxedo pants. Jamie would sleep until he was ready to wake up, which left a few hours for Ben to keep himself occupied. He could go back to his own apartment, he knew, but there was no draw for him there. He knew his walls too well.

Jamie's place, on the other hand, was an ever-changing landscape of pictures, books, book covers, art pieces, toys, knickknacks, photographs. Since Ben had last taken the time to look around, Jamie had added to his gallery of old pulp novel covers pinned to one wall, he had put up a shower curtain around the bathtub that held several dozen CDs in clear blue pockets, and there was a collection of toy cars on the desk beside his computers, stacked one on top of another. It was all part of the madness that was Jamie, and Ben loved exploring it.

He started a pot of coffee and while it brewed he wandered about the apartment, touching carvings, picking up books, turning over odd little objects while trying out figure out what the hell they were. His first impression of Jamie had been that he was a minimalist, but it was clear that Jamie's true nature was stuff, lots of stuff, the stranger the better. Jamie's apartment was like Aladdin's cave.

When the coffee was ready he poured himself a cup and went into the sun room--moon room, now--to drink it. At the doorway he paused: also in the last few weeks, when he'd been too busy getting Jamie into the bedroom to notice, Jamie had started using the sun room as a studio. There were canvases, drawings, bits of modeling clay and the tools of Jamie's art everywhere.

Ben bit his lip, glanced at the bedroom, and then shut the sun room door behind him and turned on the light. Jamie was never shy about showing his latest projects but Ben hadn't asked lately--he'd had other things on his mind when they were together, which hadn't been as often as it should have been, he thought. If they talked at all it was about the website and how much it was improving his business, or Jamie was helping him with the wedding preparations, but usually they were too busy fucking to talk.

And there was, he realized as he looked at the canvases stacked up around the walls, a great deal to talk about.

An in-progress canvas leaned against one wall, too big for an easel. The sketch Jamie had made of Ben at Halloween was pinned to the easel instead, now stained with paint and coffee. The painting itself looked nothing like Jamie's colorful, merry, curvaceous ceilings. The background was dark, greens and browns like a vast, empty room; and a single shaft of golden light shone down from an unseen source to fall around the angel-figure, which Ben thought looked small and vulnerable in the darkness. Jamie hadn't been exaggerating about all the colors it took to make a realistic white, either: the wings were painted in white, in yellow, in pink and blue and the palest of greens--tiny licks of color blending together to make a shining, golden white. The rest of his body was merely a pale outline, still to be painted, Ben supposed.

He sighed. Alone in the dark--was that how Jamie saw him? Small in a featureless world?

The sun room door clicked open and Ben turned to see Jamie, wrapped in a thick flannel bathrobe and blinking at him blearily, his hair sticking up in every direction. "Sorry," Ben said as Jamie toddled to him. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Jamie nodded and wrapped himself around Ben, his eyes closed. "Coffee," he said eloquently.

"Here." He held his cup to Jamie's mouth and Jamie took an obedient sip. "Come on, let's get you back to bed, sleepy."

Jamie shook his head. "I'm awake. Maybe nap later. I'd rather be up with you." Ben smiled and rubbed his back, and sipped his coffee too.

"D'you like the picture?" Jamie said, voice raspier than ever from sleep.

"I do….it makes me sad, though. Like I'm--he's--the angel's all alone in the world."

Jamie's arms tightened around him a moment, and he said, sounding a bit more awake, "I don't see it as being about loneliness. I think it's about hope."

"How so?"

"Whenever an angel showed up in the Bible they brought change. They were scary beings--ever notice how the first thing they all say is 'Fear not'?--but they're still beautiful and they're still comforting. An angel's a promise, y'see? A promise of better things."

"Better things, huh?" Ben said and looked at the painting again.

"You'll get it better when it's done. You--this angel--it shouldn't make you sad."

Ben nodded and kissed the top of Jamie's head. "I'll take your word on that. I don't know much about art. Or angels, particularly, twelve years of Catholic school notwithstanding."

Jamie was grinning when he looked up at Ben. "I can just imagine you in that uniform."

"My tie was never straight," Ben said with a nod. He ran his hand over Jamie's hair. "You look really tired--we should go back to bed."

"I'm awake," he insisted, and Ben wanted to sweep him up and carry him off like one of his nephews.

Instead he kissed Jamie again and wrapped his arms around his neck, holding him close. "Okay. Let's stay up. Go to the gym, maybe? It'll be nice and quiet this early. And then afterwards we can go out to breakfast, and maybe go to a flea market and a matinee?"

Jamie whimpered. "It's Sunday."

"Yup. My fun day. I usually get a lot done on Sundays, and sometimes I even make it to church."

Jamie raised his head from Ben's chest. "You go to church?"

"Sometimes. There's a parish that's pretty gay-friendly and it makes my mother happy."

"And does it make you happy?" Jamie asked, raising an eyebrow.

Ben smiled and shrugged. "It makes me feel better, sometimes. The priest never brings up that one verse in Leviticus and that's more than some do."

"Do you do the whole thing--go to confession and all that?"

"Not every week but yeah, I do. Confession, communion, everything. Sometimes, Jamie? I even pray."

Jamie looked impressed. "I can't remember the last time I prayed. Was probably seven or eight. 'Now I lay me down to sleep' and that." He leaned his head against Ben's chest again, and then yawned until his jaw popped. "Ow."

Ben chuckled. "Come on, Jamie-lad. Back to bed. A few more hours of sleep for you."