Chiaroscuro (38 page)

"I make no promises." Pause. "Jamie."

"Ben," Jamie repeated in a serious tone, though he couldn't stop smiling--hadn't stopped smiling since Ben embraced him in the ballroom, in front of all those people, all those cameras. Three different crews had swung their cameras around to catch that moment, as if it were the real story of the evening.

"I--I don't know. I don't know where we go from here."

"Back to San Francisco, unless you really want to see London."

He shook his head. "You know I don't mean where in location, goofus."

"Yes, I know. So, you just say you love me and then we can go to your room and have fantastic sex and live happily ever after."

Ben gave him a weary look through his lashes and sighed. "Nothing is that simple."

"Maybe not. I'm of the opinion that happily ever after is as much work as everything that comes before it, m'self. But it's a goal, yeah? It's something to work towards. Benjie." He reached across the table again and captured Ben's hand. "Be my happily ever after."

"Jamie-lad…" He kissed Jamie's hand and put it down. "It's not--you know I want to. I want to believe we can be forever, but--" He sighed.

"But?" He waited, but Ben just frowned and fidgeted with his fork. "I don't know what's going to come either, Benjie, but I am choosing to believe that whatever it is, it's going to be good. And even when it's not so good we'll have each other and that will make it better."

Slowly Ben nodded. "It's always good to have a realistic goal in mind," he murmured. "I may be terrible at it, you know, being Relationship Guy."

"Or you could be wonderful at it."

"Well, let's not go overboard. I think I'd settle for 'better than everyone else you've been with.'"

Jamie smiled and murmured, "I can live with that." The waitress came with their food and he included her in his smile. He'd had no idea what Ben's reaction would be when he and Dune showed up at the Rio--Dune had disappeared into the casino as soon as he saw that heavy relationship stuff needed to be discussed as soon as possible--knowing that it could be anything from delight to indifference.

The verdict seemed to be delight, even if Ben wasn't convinced he was delighted.

Ben picked up his burger and then put it down again. "I'm starving. I'm also falling asleep in my chair."

"Eat. You'll need your strength."

"You're assuming things," said Ben, pointing a finger at him.

"I'm not assuming a thing," Jamie said mildly and dipped a chip into a little cup of ketchup. "I think everything is quite settled. I'm coming home with you, Ben, whether you like it or not. But you do like it and why you're still arguing with me, I have no idea."

"You think everything's settled," murmured Ben and pinched off a bite of his burger.

"Yes. You're powerless against love, Ben. That's why you fight so hard against it, isn't it? It wraps you up and swallows you whole." Ben looked at him, his head lowered, and Jamie smiled. "Just say you love me. You'll feel better."

"You think you're so charming." Ben shook his head.

"So do you. You find me irresistible, Benjie, don't deny it."

"I deny nothing." He gave Jamie another look from under his lashes.

"You're going to have to say it eventually, you know. Something like, oh, 'I'm mad about you.' 'I can't live without you.' 'You're my forever and always.'" Ben still said nothing, eating, and Jamie said, "Me teasing you about this is going to stop being funny in about five minutes."

Ben chewed, swallowed, and wiped his mouth with a paper napkin. "Declarations of passion aren't my style."

"I see." Jamie put his burger down.

"You want me to say I love you?" Ben went on, serious and quiet. "I love you. You knew that. You just want to hear out loud."

"Yes, I do," Jamie said, feeling a little breathless. "I could carve your face into the sides of mountains and it would be worth one I love you."

"You're a very strange man, Jamie," Ben said, finally smiling.

"That's why you love me."

"One of the reasons."

"Reasons? You realize you're going to have to tell me the rest of them one of these days."

"Yeah," Ben murmured, "but we've got the rest of our lives to go through that, don't we?"

"Yeah," Jamie said, and the grimy, gaudy, noisy city of Las Vegas had never been so beautiful. "We do."

***

Hotel rooms in Las Vegas, for the average tourist, are not meant to be inviting: they're meant to send you out, spending money, and receive you again just to sleep, change clothes and do it all over again.

Ben's room was simple and utilitarian, but there was a bed and room enough in the bed for two, and there was nothing more that they needed. He closed the blinds against the glare of neon and turned to Jamie, who was already pulling off his t-shirt. Ben paused, watching him.

Jamie had beautiful skin, beautiful bones. His stubble was dark, the hair on his chest sparse. Ben pulled Jamie to him, kissed him hard as he stroked his chest. He played with the nipple ring and wondered if it was Jamie's idea or someone else's. He bet it was Jamie's. He doubted Stuart would appreciate such things.

"I don't know anything about opera," he said as they lay down on the nubby coverlet. "Except in cartoons they're always wearing horned helmets."

"It's not a prerequisite." Jamie unbuttoned Ben's shirt and slid down his body to tickle his ribs with his tongue. "In some of them they wear very normal clothes. It depends on the staging."

"I know a little piano. I can play a little Debussy and a little Beethoven and little Mozart."

"That's more than I know, Benjie."

Ben arched and shoved down his jeans. "I don't know anything about wine, either."

"I could teach you." He held himself over Ben so they were nose-to-nose. "Do you want to learn to snowboard? I need to go snowboarding."

"Sure." He stroked the side of Jamie's face. "And I suppose I could teach you to bake bread."

"I would love to learn how to bake bread. Teach me things, Benjie," he said and kissed Ben with a soft sigh.

He spanned Jamie's waist with his hands and whispered, "I don't think there's much I could teach you about anything."

"I'm sure we can find a few things." He traced Ben's face with his nose and kissed his lips. "Teach me how to make a river run."

Ben laughed. "Sure. I know how to do that."

"And how to make a house fly." Jamie's jeans landed on the floor.

"Sure, of course."

"And how to howl at the moon?"

"Absolutely." He adjusted Jamie's hips above his own and thrust up. Jamie groaned and placed a hand on Ben's chest.

"And--and--" He arched, knees wide, and took Ben's hand to wrap it around his cock. "And--ah--how to--fuck--"

"You know how to do that," Ben murmured, watching in fascination as a flush spread up Jamie's pale body and his cock throbbed under his touch.

"Wanker." He bopped Ben's nose and then bent to kiss him.

"I don't see you complaining." He gave Jamie's dick an extra-hard stroke and Jamie cried out, throwing back his head. Ben turned Jamie onto his back, pulling his legs up over his shoulders. Jamie used his own hands to push his hips up, their gazes never losing contact.

Ben kissed him as he thrust, their tongues sliding wetly against each other. Jamie's skin was burning hot to his lips and he loved it, loved to rub his face against Jamie's and taste his breath as he moaned Ben's name. "Teach me," he whispered, kissing beside Jamie's mouth. "Teach me, Jamie."

"You're--doing--just--fine--" He cried out again, fingers sinking into Ben's ass, and his whole body arched upwards as Ben tugged hard on his erect cock and sent him, moaning and shivering and trembling, over the edge. Ben followed him, his body tensing and falling heavily onto Jamie's.

Jamie kissed his face, arms and legs tight around him. "You don't need to learn a thing. You're perfect just the way you are. Wonderful, sexy Benjie."

Ben hummed into Jamie's neck. He pulled away from Jamie and rolled onto his back, and Jamie curled up against him, his head on his shoulder. They both were still breathing heavily, and Ben stroked Jamie's hair with a sleepy hand.

Jamie propped his head on his hand and ran curious fingertips down Ben's side. He tweaked Ben's nose, chuckling with Ben nipped at his fingers, and traced his throat and the bones in his shoulders. "Lord, but you're pretty," he said softly.

"Pretty as a princess. Kiss me." Jamie obliged him and lay down his head on his shoulder again.

Ben stroked his hair. "I'm sorry about all that at the opening. I freaked out a little--lost my head."

"Yes, but you found it again," Jamie said.

"But I'm very sorry and I won't do it again. Ever. Cross my heart." He crossed his heart with Jamie's fingers.

Jamie laughed and bumped his head against Ben's shoulder. "Indeed. And perhaps it was a good thing. Otherwise we wouldn't be here now, would we?"

Ben turned onto his side and looked at Jamie seriously. "The ways of fate are mysterious and infinite."

"Wanker," Jamie said again and kissed him. He laid his head on Ben's chest again. "I didn't sleep with Stuart in Napa. By the way."

"It would have been okay if you did." He yawned. His eyelids felt heavy. It had been a long day and Jamie was so warm...

"But I didn't. It wouldn't have been okay with me. I mean... because I love you," Jamie whispered, and Ben smiled and kissed him sleepily. Jamie was away from him for a moment, and he heard a click and the light went off, and then Jamie was back, holding him close. "Sleep well." Lips brushed his forehead.

Ben hummed and his arms were tight around Jamie's slim body. He slept soundly.

***

Ben woke up when a body bounced on the bed. "Dune?" he said, confused.

"Yup! Jamie let me in." He rolled over to give Jamie room to lie down. "So are we all settled now?"

"I'm settled," Jamie said and put an arm around Ben's neck.

"We're settled," Ben confirmed. Jamie kissed Ben's cheek and Dune laughed out loud.

"Finally. So! Do I get to drive back all by myself or do I get to fly back all by myself?"

"It's only eight hours," said Jamie. "I think we can keep our hands off each other for that long."

"Speak for yourself," said Ben in a rumble.

Jamie laughed and Dune poked Ben's side. "Nothing says romance like the never-ending vistas of Nevada."

"Who said anything about romance?" said Ben and now Jamie poked him too.

"We can always snog in the back seat," Jamie said and Dune nodded with enthusiasm.

"And hold hands in the front because I am not driving that whole way myself. It's very tiring."

"Will you hold my hand, Benjie?" said Jamie, making his best pleading-puppy eyes.

"I will hold your hand," Ben promised and kissed Jamie's hand to prove it.

Dune was quiet a moment, then slapped Jamie's ass. "All right. Eventually we're going to want to get on the road. Come find me when you can bear being upright that long." He squirmed off the bed.

"Ten minutes," Jamie called after him as he left, and Dune laughed.

"Maybe twenty," said Ben, pulling Jamie back to him.