Chiaroscuro (10 page)

"Like your bridges on Jim and Carla's cake."

"Yup." He shut the art book and held it to his chest.

"I know how to make websites, is the thing. It's easy and I enjoy it and the money's good."

"Dune said your company folded."

"Yeah. We all got laid off."

"Bummer," Ben said and Jamie laughed.

"In a nutshell, mate."

Ben watched the happy, dancing stars for a bit. "That's how you met your boyfriend?"

"Yeah. He was one of the programmers."

"He's awfully young to be a programmer."

"It comes to him naturally," Jamie said with a shrug. "A lot of kids nowadays just absorb it. I mean, I can program some basic stuff--I can make a shopping cart or a database without breaking a sweat--but not things as complex as a fighting game, for example. Anything with that many variables is beyond me."

Ben shook his head. "I don't even know what it all involves."

"Lots of numbers," Jamie said, grinning. After a moment he asked, "Did you always want to be a baker?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's the family business so it's always been part of my life, but I just... loved it. I love making things, you know? I love feeding people--I love how happy people are when they leave the bakery." Jamie was smiling at him still, and Ben said, "I know it's cheesy."

"There's nothing cheesy about making people happy."

Ben grinned, then flopped over onto his stomach so he could look at Jamie. "Okay. Say I hire you to paint my bedroom ceiling. How much?"

"I--I don't know--five hundred, maybe."

Ben whistled. "And it took you how long?"

"Four days or so, but not non-stop."

"Five hundred dollars in less than four days is not bad, Jamie."

"I suppose not," Jamie said thoughtfully and it was all Ben could do not to kiss him.

He sat up. "Hey, the Fourth is this weekend and we usually have a party on the roof. Potluck dinner and we watch the fireworks from the Wharf. Do you want to come? It starts about eight."

"Um. Sure. If nobody minds an Englishman on their Independence Day."

Ben snorted. "No one will mind. Most of us have made our peace with the English, I think."

"I should hope so." He hung his arm over Ben's shoulders and leaned his head against his back. "Did you come over to invite me to the party?"

"Dune said you might want some company. Seems to me like your boyfriend's not around much."

Jamie sighed and moved away, and Ben turned to look at him. "Yeah," Jamie said, picking up the art book. "I'll put this away."

"Hey," Ben said and got up to follow him. "I don't mean that in any kind of accusatory way, you know."

"I know." He knelt in front of the bookcase and slid the book back into place. "I didn't think you were keeping me company only out of pity."

"Hey," Ben said again and knelt beside him to look into his eyes. "Hey. I'm not here out of pity. Okay? I kinda like you, remember? And you're sitting at home alone because your boyfriend's out with his family and--well, it is a pity. It's a pity he doesn't make time for you, and you just wait around like somebody's mistress out of an old movie."

Jamie looked away. "I have mentioned it's complicated, yeah?"

"Numerous times. It shouldn't be complicated."

"And you're not, I assume."

"I'm very easy," Ben said solemnly. "You might even say simple."

"Ben..." He sighed, ran his hand through his hair. "I'm not going to fuck you. Okay?"

"You could let me fuck you," Ben offered.

Jamie's eyebrows furrowed. "Something tells me that's not the solution."

"You're no fun," Ben said with a sigh.

"Will you back off, please? I am in a relationship. He loves me and--and I don't fuck around. I'm not going to fuck you no matter how charming and cute you are. I'm perfectly happy to be friends but you have to stop coming on to me."

Ben felt a twinge of conscience. "Okay. Sorry. I guess I didn't think about all that." He ran his fingers over the bindings. "Sorry," he said again.

Jamie didn't say anything for a moment, then laid his hand on Ben's neck and leaned his head against Ben's shoulder. "I kind of like you too," he said softly. "But I've loved Micah since the first day we met. He's everything I've ever wanted. I just have to be patient until we can work this out."

Ben tilted his head, just enough to feel Jamie's hair brush against his cheek. "I've lived a double life," he said. "I've...denied who I was. What I am. I got married, for fuck's sake." Jamie raised his head at this, and Ben went on, "The sooner he stops living a lie the happier he'll be."

"I know that," Jamie said wearily. "I think in his heart he knows that. But he's young and scared."

"What is it about him, really?" Ben said, twisting so he could look Jamie in the eye.

"He's--he's just--he's innocent. And sweet and beautiful, and I just--and we fit. That's all."

"I could fit you in my pocket," Ben said, smiling a little, and Jamie rolled his eyes, but smiled too.

"Yes, I'm small, thank you for the reminder."

"Made you laugh," Ben said and touched his cheek. "I just--it just seems to me like you're throwing yourself away on somebody who doesn't appreciate you and that's terrible."

"And you would appreciate me, I suppose."

"Dude, I could appreciate you all night long."

"Shut it," Jamie said, still smiling, and got to his feet. "Thank you for keeping me company, though."

"Anytime." He watched Jamie cross the room to the kitchen and pour himself a glass of water. "You'll come to the party, right?"

"Absolutely. Is it okay if I bring Micah?"

Ben sighed but said, "Of course it is. People would love to meet him, I'm sure."

"Don't tell people he's my boyfriend. He's skittish about people knowing."

"I won't."

"Thanks. Oh--did you want something to drink? Sorry, that was rude of me."

"Nah, I'm fine, thanks. I should get home, actually, it's getting late. Work at the crack of dawn." He stood and stretched his arms up over his head, feeling less disappointed than he expected. And it didn't escape his notice that Jamie watched him stretch--Ben sucked in his stomach a little to make sure his jeans gaped just enough to show a hip bone. "Seriously, Jamie, if you ever need company, come bang on the door, wake me up, track me down, whatever. I--I really hate the thought of you alone."

"Thanks." Jamie rolled the glass between his hands.

Well. That was that, Ben supposed. "Good night, Jamie." He let himself out.

At home in his own bed, Ben looked at his blank white ceiling and imagined it painted with a friendly moon, a dancing galaxy, and wondered if Jamie had painted his ceiling that way for Micah or for himself.

***

Another Friday night alone, and Jamie was thinking it was time to track down Ben and do something interesting when someone rang his bell. He answered it, expecting Dune come to drag him out or even Ben and Dune ganged up together--and yelped in surprise when Micah jumped into his arms. They kissed and kissed, Micah's arms around his neck and legs around his waist, and Micah muttered between kisses, "I told my folks--mm--I'm staying with you all weekend--Jamie, Jamie--and tour campuses--oh, Jamie, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, baby," Jamie said, shoving the door closed with his foot, and he carried Micah back to his bedroom, dropping Micah's backpack along the way. He threw Micah onto the bed and climbed beside him, hastily unbuttoning his cotton shirt as they kissed. He kissed Micah's slender chest, entwining their fingers as Micah writhed and arched beneath him. Micah kicked off his shoes and squirmed against Jamie until he could get his legs around Jamie's hips.

"Show me." He thrust his hand into Jamie's hair and pushed down his head. "I want your mouth. I want to come in your mouth."

Jamie chuckled and opened Micah's jeans, kissed his stomach and licked where his thighs joined his pelvis. Micah wiggled out of his clothes, white briefs and button-down shirt shoved out of the way, and propped himself up on his elbows, a deep pink blush in his cheeks and coursing up his body. Jamie watched through his lashes as he lowered his mouth, watched as Micah's lips parted and his eyes grew dark, as his lovely neck arched and his fingers clenched into the sheets.

Jamie sucked him slowly, fingers loose on Micah's waist. He made a groove of his tongue, guiding Micah's cock into his throat, watching as Micah panted and writhed and gasped and moaned and finally begged, "Please, Jamie, harder, please--" And then hard, using all the suction he could muster until Micah groaned and his body shuddered.

Micah flopped back on the mattress and Jamie crawled up his body. He pressed their noses together, waiting for Micah to open his eyes, and smiled when they opened just enough to show a slit of crystal-blue.

"Hi."

"Hi," Micah whispered and then threw his arms around Jamie and snuggled into him. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He combed his fingers through Micah's hair. "God, you're beautiful."

Micah giggled and looked at him through dark, thick lashes. He pushed Jamie onto his back and climbed on top of him, and kissed him, holding his head in both hands. "Do you think I taste good?"

"I think you taste wonderful." He traced Micah's ear with his fingertip.

"I like the way your skin tastes." He licked Jamie's neck. "I'm not so sure about the taste of come--I guess I'll get used to it."

Jamie laughed out loud. "I wouldn't mind if you did."

"But you're my lover and I should like everything about you, shouldn't I?" He pushed up Jamie's t-shirt and fingered his nipples.

"In theory," Jamie said, closing his eyes and tilting back his head. "Ideally."

"I like how much your body likes me." He bent his head and licked Jamie's chest with great swoops of his tongue. Jamie gasped and Micah giggled, giving him a wicked look before sliding lower. He kissed down Jamie's ribs and belly, opening his trousers with one hand with the other held Jamie's hip. He nosed through Jamie's dark blond pubic hair and rubbed his hardening cock with his cheek. "I like when your breath gets fast and you look at me like you could eat me up."

"That's nearly all the time." He shoved his fingers into Micah's hair. "C'mere. Up."

Micah obeyed, smiling with mischief, and lay on top of Jamie hip-to-hip and chest-to-chest. Jamie kissed him, hands on his ass as he arched his hips to rub their cocks together. Micah shivered and bit on his lip, wrapping his arms around Jamie's chest, thrusting back with abandon.

They made out, pushing and pulling at each other until Jamie grabbed the bottle of lubricant from the nightstand and squeezed some into his hand, slipping his fingers between Micah's buttocks. Micah arched above him, pushing himself up, and fumbled a condom onto Jamie's cock. There were no words between them: a groan, a thrust, the boy's slim body over Jamie's and faint whimpers from his throat as he took in Jamie's cock.

Micah's eyes were closed but Jamie's were open, watching Micah ride him. The boy whimpered and moaned, his hand on Jamie's chest for balance and his teeth digging into his lower lip hard enough to break the skin. Jamie touched his face, thumbed his lip from between his teeth, sat up to gently kiss the abused lip. Micah wrapped his arms around Jamie's neck, clinging to him as his body never stopped moving. "I love this," he choked out. "I love when you fuck me."

Jamie kissed his neck, unable to speak beyond whispering Micah's name. He licked his ear, drawing the lobe between his lips and sucking it until Micah pulled away and claimed his mouth again. His kisses were sloppy with enthusiasm--his fingers scratched into Jamie's shoulders, digging in deep as Jamie arched and groaned and came.

They collapsed onto each other, gasping for breath and sliding against slick skin. After a few minutes Micah started giggling again, and Jamie peered at him, curious. Micah draped himself across Jamie's chest. "And I was worried you wouldn't want to have sex."

Jamie shook his head and hitched Micah against him, murmuring, "The longer you make me wait the more I want to touch you," as he kissed Micah's smiling mouth.

Micah played with his hair and kissed him. "Will you still want me all the time when we're living together?"

"Yes, I will. I'll want you all the time no matter what."

Micah smiled and crossed his hands on Jamie's chest, resting his chin on them. "How much do you love me?"

Jamie grinned and held out both his arms as far as they could go. "This much."

Micah studied him, mouth twisted in thought, and then ran his hands down Jamie's arms and entwined their fingers. "This much," he whispered, "is an awful lot."

"Well, I love you an awful lot." He smiled innocently, brushing his thumbs on the insides of Micah's wrists.

Micah grinned and kissed him, then curled on top of Jamie, holding onto his hand with both of his. Jamie crooked his arm around him, smiling as Micah traced the lines on his palm with a fingertip. "Do you read palms, love?"

"A little--Rebecca taught me." He was quiet a moment--the subject of his older sister was often a painful one. Jamie stroked his back. "This one is your life line. It's nice and long. And this is your love line. It's very deep." He frowned a moment. "And it branches off in a couple places."

"And what does that mean?" Jamie murmured.

"That you'll be in love more than once. Or you've been in love more than once." He raised his head to look at Jamie. "The guy with the house in France?"