Chasing the Music: For the Love of Music Book 0.5 (17 page)

And Stacy was almost there. In his car. How had this happened? All of it? Any of it? He should have just stayed at home, but already the thought of going back there… He choked on the idea.

Okay. Clothes. Buses. He shoved all his stuff back into his one bag, and scanned Ryker’s side of the room. Clean. No bag. Shit. He must have come in sometime in the middle of the night. Which meant he saw Griffin with Lita. He was going to catch hell from Ryker too.

Griffin threw on the jeans and t-shirt closest to the top of his bag, snatched his toiletries from the bathroom, and left.

“Griff!” Ryker waved from between the buses with a shit-eating grin on his face. He no doubt waited outside the buses just to confront Griffin about his sleeping arrangements the night before. “What’s up?”

Too many people were around for Ryker to out him for the night before, but he knew he was about to get it from his brother anyway, so he kept moving forward.

“Yeah. So.” Ryker jogged up to him, stopping close. “Last night. In the hotel room. You two looked pretty damn cozy.”

Griffin pulled in a long breath through his nose. “She’s aware of Stacy, of my situation or whatever. Nothing happened.”

Ryker snorted. “That’s not at all the problem.”

Of course it wasn’t a problem for Ryker. Griffin rolled his eyes.

“The problem is not what you think it is. Lita is crazy, Griff. I mean, she’s cool, but she’s up one day, down the next. You do not need to go from babysitting Mom and Stacy to that. And it’s never a good idea to have a one-nighter with your boss because it’s not just a one-nighter because they’ll keep showing up...because you
work
for them.”

“I dare you to add one more ‘because’ into that sentence.”

Griffin pushed past Ryker and froze when his faded, yellow convertible pulled into the parking lot.

“And this.” Ryker slapped his back. “This is where the shit hits the fan.”

Griffin flipped his brother off and Ryker headed for the bus. Griffin’s heart pounded for a million reasons. Because he was sorry. Because he wanted Stacy here and because he didn’t want her here. Because he didn’t want to feel torn. Because he might lose Stacy over Lita staying over that night. Because if he didn’t lose her over that, she was going to stress and worry about him and her and how he felt, and she would be more clingy than ever, and it could have all been avoided. All of it.

He walked toward the car, which was inching forward slowly in a sea of small cars and gave her a wave.

Short blond hair flew out around Stacy’s face as she drove his way.
She stopped the car next to Griffin, an almost shy smile on her face.

“I like the new hair.” His face felt as if it were breaking when he forced his smile on. “You look great.”

“This is so weird.” She slowly climbed over the car door and bit her lip. “I’ve never been away from you… I don’t know… This isn’t…”

This was her. The girl he’d promised himself to. The one he’d told he’d take care of for the rest of forever. He took every bit of want and desire he had stored up and hadn’t been able to use, pulling Stacy into his arms and kissing her.

It felt so different to hold her, but her mouth was the same. He kissed her harder, holding her head to his, feeling her tongue tracing his own. Instead of his heart feeling like it was healing up, it split further. Divided more. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. He slid his hands down her back, and grabbed her hips pulling her against him. Maybe more would help. Maybe everything would. Maybe it would take her naked body against his to fade everything else away.

“Griff,” she gasped. “Wait. Please.”

He stopped and dropped his hands, backing away. His body shook. He was a mess. A complete raging mess.

“I thought maybe you could ride with me and we could talk? It’s like four hours to your next stop, and I—”

“You’ve been driving all night.” Griffin went into protective mode because it was something to do. Gave him a purpose. “We should eat. Get you some coffee, or—”

Stacy held up a hand. “You. Always taking care of people. I’m fine. I ate breakfast about an hour ago and got coffee. I’m fine.”

He was relieved that she’d eaten, and then he remembered Stacy wasn’t the one who couldn’t eat. Lita had dropped the juice, which meant she was going to eat nothing or another one of those damned iced coffees.

Not his problem. Only he knew he wouldn’t stop worrying.

“Oh Griffin.” Stacy tugged on his t-shirt with a huge grin. “Is that Lita?”

He followed her gaze to Lita, Apelu and Bridget walking for the bus together. Lita had gotten herself together fast. Thin legs came out of a mini skirt paired with lace up boots. Her hair fell around her face like she’d just had it done, and her sunglasses covered most of her pale face. She looked every bit the rock star she was.

“Introduce me. Please? You said you two were friends.” Stacy tugged on him harder. “
Please
?”

“I’m sure she’s in a hurry,” he stammered, not at all ready for the two girls to be together. “Maybe before the show.”
If you’re still talking to me then.

And just then Lita gave him a wave and started his way. Griffin’s throat swelled, his mouth dried out, and he leaned against the car as his legs started to give out. This was not how he wanted their meeting to happen. At all.

Lita gave Stacy a good look-over, envy raking through her hard. Stacy was pretty in the way that good southern girls are pretty. Wide, white smile, windblown blond hair, curvy in all the places Lita would never be curvy—especially if she didn’t re-learn how to eat.

She couldn’t think about that now. Now was all about putting on a face and hoping Griffin was at least as miserable as she was. Only how could he be? His girl was here and by the looks of that kiss, he was pretty ecstatic about it. She’d never misread someone so horribly, and she hated herself for it.

“You’ve got to be Stacy.” Lita stopped, holding out her hand, willing it not to shake.

Stacy beamed and grabbed Lita’s hand. “Oh my gawd. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be crazy, but I love you.”

Lita glanced at Griffin, knowing neither of them could see her eyes through her dark, tinted glasses. “That’s so nice. Griffin said you’re coming to the show tonight?” she added sweetly. “And maybe tomorrow?”

“He said that was okay,” Stacy gushed. “I mean, I hope that’s okay.”

Lita reached out and touched Stacy on the shoulder. Soft. Not bony. Her throat swelled. This girl had Griffin. Lita did not. Her chest began aching, tightening, suffocating.

“Of course that’s okay,” she choked out. Her lips were starting to feel numb. Next would come the chin trembling and moments later the tears.

Griffin looked pale. Ashen even. Good. It was a small consolation but one she’d take.

“Lucky you not having to ride the bus,” she teased Griffin as her heart seemed to fall through the pavement. “Enjoy the drive.”

“Yeah.” Griffin coughed. “You too.”

Lita gave them a small wave as she moved toward the bus. She leaned in toward Bridget. “Keep them away from me if you can,” she said quietly.

“What kind of a mess are you in?” Bridget asked before throwing a glare over her shoulder.

“Just over-stressed.” Lita waved her friend away as the bus doors opened. “I’m going to try and get some shut-eye.”

But the girl was real.
Stacy
was real. Those words she’d thought and even spoken out loud hadn’t felt completely true until that moment. Griffin was in love with someone else. She’d known, but hadn’t let the reality of his relationship settle in. Seeing him pressed against Stacy, the way Lita had been dreaming he wanted to be pressed into her… No. She wasn’t ready to deal with that.

Lita barely closed the door to the bedroom before choking on her first sob. At least Chandler was coming out for a visit. At least there was that.

Twenty

“Holy shit,” Stacy whispered as she clutched Griffin’s arm and Lita walked away.

Lita stumbled twice, but probably no one else would notice. He was watching her far more closely than he should.

In that moment, he hated himself. He wanted to hold Lita, but he didn’t want to break Stacy, and… he couldn’t believe what a mess he’d made.

“Ready to drive?” Griffin asked.

Stacy patted her chest as if it would slow down her heart. Hell, if that worked Griffin would be pounding his chest right now.

“Yeah,” she breathed out. “You get used to this? Being around her?”

How did he even answer that? She didn’t look like the untouchable Lita James anymore—the girl on the posters and albums—but he couldn’t imagine ever ‘getting used’ to touching her. Being around her. He just shrugged in response.

“Ready?” Stacy asked, already buckled in the passenger’s side as Griffin still clutched the broken door handle.

“Yeah. Ready.”

Stacy’s brows went up and Griffin sat on the door and swung his legs into the car, dropping into the driver’s seat. He wanted to fast forward the next few hours. He couldn’t sit and talk about nothing. He had to tell her that he and Lita had gotten closer than he thought. That she’d confided in him. That even though technically nothing happened, his heart had changed. She’d shared his bed the night before. It’s not like he could wait until the end of the drive and then run away.

Autopilot kicked in and he followed the buses onto the freeway. The road noise kicked up a few notches, but they’d driven in this car together for so long, he barely noticed it anymore. Other cars were just weirdly quiet.

He’d have to put the pieces of him and Stacy back together—whatever they were.

“So,” Stacy started. Her hands clasped together in nerves and Griffin tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

“Is it that weird to be around me again? I’ve known you forever, Stace.” He reached over and took her hand, but she pulled it back, clasping hers together again.

“Yeah.” She let out a nervous half laugh. “I know. It’s that… I don’t know… I feel like so much has happened.”

“Yeah,” he mused. “I haven’t heard from you as much lately.” He took that as a good sign. That maybe she wouldn’t need him as much when he went home. That maybe his life would be easier and it wouldn’t be so awful giving up his opportunity to jump into another tour when Lita’s finished.

Stacy looked quickly away from him, watching cars go by on the freeway he guessed. She turned back toward him. “Okay. I wanna hear everything.”

He gripped the steering wheel, and re-gripped it. “Well, I love the constant traveling. I’ve hardly been anywhere, so that’s great.”

He stared at the road like it would somehow point with large arrows what he was supposed to do. To say. He reached over and grasped Stacy’s hand again. He waited for the intensity. The spark or whatever it was that made him need to be with her—that feeling that begged him to let Lita stay with him the night before. His heart dropped when Stacy just didn’t feel the way he wanted her to.

Like Lita?

No.

More than that. Like whatever he thought was lost between them, really was lost between them and maybe wasn’t coming back—not even after this. Stacy took back her hand to dig in her bag.

“You got somethin’ big on your mind. I know you, Griff.”

“Me and Lita are friends… Good friends… I feel… I feel…” He couldn’t find the words.

The wind and the traffic and the back of the bus in front of him all blurred together. It was like he didn’t know how to breathe anymore.

Stacy grasped his arm. “Did something happen?”

“Not, technically...no…” he trailed off. “I love you Stacy. I do.”

She sat back in the seat, her eyes on him, the wind snapping her hair around her face.

“You tryin’ to convince me or you?” Her voice was filled with hurt and Griffin squeezed his eyes tight for just a moment, trying to piece together what to say.

“I
know
I love you, I just…” Was he doing it? Was he going to walk away?

Neither of them spoke and Griffin couldn’t even think of what might come next. He held his breath.

“Maybe you don’t know what kind of love anymore.” Her voice had gone flat as she stared through the windshield. “I tried to tell myself you were just busy.”

“When?”

“For the last year…maybe more.” She shook her head. “I don’t know what we are, Griff, and that has scared the hell out of me.”

She shook a few times and pulled her knees to her chest. “I went out with Tina a few weeks ago, remember? I can’t even explain what happened. I was terrified when you left. I never thought you’d take me up on it when I said you should go, and then you did. It was like I didn’t have you to call at work, even though I did at first. I didn’t know what to do with myself, and then… I started cleaning up the kitchen after me and your momma cooked, and it looked good and I’d done it. Little things, you know?”

He nodded.

“And then I cut off all my hair, and you know I’ve done crazy things with my hair, but never cut it off, I felt… I felt like I could do things on my own.”