Chasing the Music: For the Love of Music Book 0.5 (12 page)

Griffin stopped on the stage.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

Griffin shrugged. “Killing time while Ryker shares our room with someone.”

Lita nodded.

Bridget and Apelu rested off to the side of the stage while Lita stood in the center, but even that perfect center spot hadn’t given her whatever she was missing to get the song right.

“I love that song,” he said. “
I Want…”
He cleared his throat.
“…You Bad
.”

“Yeah…” Lita trailed off. “Me, too. I’ve wanted to do that one for a while.”

He shifted his weight, like he wasn’t sure where to be. “It was one of my favorite covers to play.”

“You’ve done this one?”

Griffin’s hands shoved in his pockets, and her eyes rested on his wrist and the stack of bands there. Where had they all come from? And the cool thing was that she actually wanted to know. Not to be polite, but because she wanted to know Griffin more.

Why him? Why? Seriously. WHY?

“Yeah.”

“Then you play it because I’m sucking right now.” She slipped the guitar strap over her head and handed the instrument to Griffin.

He leaned forward like he was about to move her way, but his feet didn’t quite follow his body.

“What?” she asked.

He pulled in a deep breath and stepped forward until they stood next to each other. His eyes rested on her boots for a moment before he turned to stare at the rows of seats. “Wow.”

“What?” she asked again.

“This!” He gestured toward the empty chairs with two hands. “Do you ever get tired of this?”

Did she?

“Only when I suck at a song.” She pushed the guitar toward him. “Here.”

He glanced down at her mom’s guitar. “I’ll grab another.”

Lita slipped the guitar strap back over her shoulder, closed her eyes, and whispered through the words of the song again. It was a hot song. A sexy song. Instead the words felt stilted and awkward as they left her mouth. Of course. It was another reminder that she was not the girl she tried to make the world believe she was.

“What happened to you?” Griffin teased as he plugged in one of the spares. From the audience, it probably looked the same as her mom’s guitar, but not to her.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.” He looked her over again, as if he were studying her. “Your mood changed or something.”

“Nothing.”

“You’re a liar,” he said with a smirk.

She found herself smiling back, glad he called her on it, but relieved he wasn’t pressing for the truth.

“So, um… You really want me to play this? Here? Alone?” he asked, a tinge of nerves in his voice.

“Yep.” She sat on a stool Bridget had placed for her and rested her guitar on her lap, waiting.

It was one thing to listen to Griffin as he played on the stage in the dark while sitting down, but another to see him center stage with a guitar in hand about to play one of her all-time favorite songs.

He moved through the opening riff flawlessly, and his voice was solid and strong through the first verse. Dammit that was hot.

“…
know that things between us…ain’t right
…” Griffin’s hand slipped and he paused.

Lita watched him knowing something was happening in his head that she wasn’t going to be privy to.

Letting out a slow breath Griffin stared at his boots. “Sometimes life changes in small bits, and sometimes obvious things slam into you, you know?”

Yes. She did know. Lita nodded even though he wasn’t looking at her. She didn’t trust her voice.

“You know what?” he said. “I think you need to not be afraid to make the song your own. The lyrics are sexy, but the song is about having power but feeling powerless. I bet if you let yourself play it your way, and keep that in mind, you’ll nail it.”

She wanted to ask Griffin if he was okay after so abruptly stopping the song, but it seemed that every time she learned more about him, she liked him more, and she couldn’t afford that. “Yeah. Okay.”

He let out a nervous chuckle. “Now I get to sit and take a breather because it is
weird
standing up there in the center of the stage.”

“But it looks good on you.” Her eyes found his, and her heart flipped over, and her words placed so many things between them. In that second, the song took on a new meaning.
You’re the one that I can’t have.

She wanted him. Bad. It wasn’t based on a lot more than his hotness and the few bits of sweetness she’d seen from him, but the pulsing ‘want’ was still there.

Lita started at the beginning of the song again. And she followed every word of Griffin’s advice. She felt that whole damn song. The power. The powerlessness. The way she wished for the guy sitting near her, and she made it her own.

Bridget let out a “woot!” the second Lita finished, out of breath from the rush of knowing the song had come together.

“You clearly don’t need my help.” Griffin stood, wiping his forehead. “That was…”

His brown eyes met hers, and she held her breath, waiting for anything else from him. She’d felt every note and every word and she wanted to share that high with someone.

“That was really good,” he finished. “I should go.”

Her breath caught as he started off stage, and around the curtain to where the guitars were stored. Lita followed before thinking. He couldn't leave. Not yet. They’d barely talked.

“Thanks for your help,” she said lamely.

Griffin paused next to the cases, and slid her spare inside, locking the case. He stood there, his hands resting over the handle, not speaking.

Lita moved her guitar so it rested more fully on her back. She took a step closer and Griffin didn’t move away. Her heart pounded harder. She took another step. When had being around a guy been so hard? Usually she was pushing advances away, and then he came and had been nicer and done more than anyone else. There was no way she’d misread his actions, had she? She took another step. Close enough that she could feel his warmth.

So close that the delicious Griffin-smell helped her relax. “I’m sorry for whatever is bothering you.”

His head tilted and he stared at her for a moment.

Everything in his eyes matched what she felt. Interest. Like. Curiosity. Frustration.

Lita placed her hands on his chest and he sucked in a breath, but didn’t move away. Their eyes met again and his held conflict.

“Lita, I—”

She stood on her tiptoes, wrapped an arm around his neck and brought him to her level. Just as she leaned in to press her lips to his, Griffin leaned away. Just out of reach.

Humiliation hit her in a hot wave, and her arms dropped. Lita stared at her feet. “I think you should go. I should go.”

Griffin reached toward her, but stopped before they touched. “I need to explain. I—”

Her throat swelled. “I said I think you should go.”

“I’ve known Stacy my whole life.” His voice sounded so hurt and broken, but the last thing she needed was to be involved in some kind of mess. “It’s not that I’m not feeling something. It’s that I can’t—”

“Griffin.” She tightened her jaw and narrowed her eyes before looking at him again, but she struggled to find words. “It was stupid… I know you’re in love with… I know you love your girlfriend. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Lita?” Apelu called.

“Coming!” She slipped the guitar off her back and handed it to Griffin.

She put on her best professional voice. The one she hoped wouldn’t betray how completely humiliated she felt. “Thank you, Griffin. See you at the show.”

Griffin rested his hand on her arm, gently wrapping his fingers around her bicep, and leaned in enough that she could have kissed him again with the slightest turn of her head. “I can’t throw almost six years with someone away, even though almost
everything
in me is screaming for me to.”

Lita’s heart tore further. He was too good of a guy to give in. Of course. She blinked away tears as his hand fell from her arm and she walked back onstage where she’d have to put on a brave face for Apelu and Bridget.

Her chest ached, and she was completely confused by her interchange with Griffin. The humiliation still cut deep. Maybe she was awful, knowing he had a girlfriend. Maybe he was a tease for being so nice. Either way, she shrunk in misery over the whole situation.

PART III

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

The Clash (1982)

Thirteen

It was stupid that Griffin felt like hell over what had happened between them. Lita knew he was attached.
Knew
it. Did she forget? Not care? Was it maybe that he hadn’t really talked about Stacy much except to say that she existed? Was this Lita’s fault? His own?

This sucked. Hard.

He knew he’d done the right thing, so why did he feel so turned inside out? Only a few hours left until show time. He needed to go tune guitars, talk to Stacy, and let the world right itself.

It was maybe a dumb gesture, but before giving it much thought, Griffin wrote Lita a quick note and set it in her dressing room.

I’ll be on the stage after like always. No weirdness. Just friends.

It was probably juvenile and stupid. She’d almost for sure wad the note up and throw it away. But it made him feel a little better after walking away that afternoon.

He and Ryker set up the guitars like always, and tuned the back-ups like always. There was no doubt that it was still cool to work the show, but that’s what it felt like more and more. A
show
. All of this stuff happened backstage, for the few people onstage to look good. To sound good.

“You’re way too quiet,” Ryker said.

“Gonna call Stacy.” That would help his head get set on straight.

“Now you’re as bad as she is,” Ryker teased.

Griffin ignored his brother and wandered into the massive auditorium. He sat near the back corner, dialing Stacy.

“Hey!” she answered. “We did
just
talk. Everything okay?”

Griffin was about to lie. Maybe he shouldn’t have called.
“Yeah. Fine.”

“Okay.”

“Everything going good back home?” he asked. “Even Mom’s given up calling me for small things because I only answer half the time.”

“She’s doing great, actually.”

Griffin let himself relax in the chair. “Good. And you?”

“I’m…” Stacy let out a small sigh. “I miss you, of course. But this is good. I feel… I changed my own tire yesterday.”

He laughed at the thought of it even. Stacy didn’t do anything messy. “Really?”

“Yeah.” The excitement in her voice bubbled over the phone. “Yeah. I had a flat after work, and I remembered watching you, and then I just sort of figured it out. By myself.”

He was proud of her for toughing it out instead of letting something so small defeat her, like she sometimes did. “Awesome, babe.”

“Okay.” She paused. “I gotta run to work, Griff. Text me tonight before the show so I can say goodnight, okay?”

“You don’t want me to call after?”

“Don’t think I don’t love it...because I do, but I need a full night’s sleep.”

He sat back in relief because he hoped to have a chance to talk with Lita. In that second he began to realize how torn he was—but he knew where he’d end up, and he had to stay focused on that. “Until tonight then.”

“Okay.”

And she ended the call.

Ryker walked up the empty aisle and sat next to Griffin. “How’s everything back home?”

“Stacy changed a tire,” he said with a smile.

“I swear.” Ryker shook his head. “You talk about her like she’s your little sister, not your girl.”

Griffin flipped his brother off and started toward the exit. “I’m gonna power nap.”

“Yeah.” Ryker patted his back. “You do that. And then you pretend that Lita isn’t being weird around you, and continue to pretend that I don’t care and that I won’t figure it out.”

Griffin flipped his brother off again, this time over his shoulder as he walked away. Thank God he hadn’t kissed her back, or he’d have something to be worried about.

Fourteen

Lita stopped in the darkness, when she saw Griffin sitting on the stage, just like he said he would in the note. Apelu waited in the dark backstage, and Bridget was gone. Dave never stayed after the show, and the band had their own stuff going on. Lita and Griffin weren’t alone, but since neither knew the very few people still at the theater, it didn’t much matter. What mattered was that she’d stuffed Griffin’s simple note in her leather pants, and Griffin plinked on one of the guitars like always.