Chasing Dreams (Devil's Bend) (29 page)

Tessa
was enjoying Cooper’s impromptu party more than she wanted to admit. They had
finished eating about an hour ago and found themselves sitting on the back
porch watching Havoc and Harmony trample around the yard, checking out the new
scenery. She had hated leaving them home alone, so she called Cooper, and to
her delight he had agreed she should definitely bring them.

When
she arrived, she’d been almost stunned to see Katie there with Dalton. Not that
she didn’t want Katie to find all the happiness in the world, but she wondered
whether the woman knew what she was getting herself into. Tessa didn’t have a
lot of experience, but she had dated Chad. And now Cooper. Granted, those two
guys were like night and day from what she could tell and she had to wonder
whether the fact that Cooper had actually made a name for himself in country
music was the difference.

Chad
never did make it big, although his ego seemed to be one step ahead of reality.
Even the nights he would sing at
The Rusty Nail
hadn’t been all that
profitable because they never brought in the crowds like he had insisted they
would. But, that was about the time Tessa realized he was using her.

Not
wanting to dwell on that painful part of her past, Tessa focused on the
conversations going on around her. She had taken a seat on the steps that led down
into the yard while everyone else sat up on the porch. They must’ve realized
she needed some space because no one had yet to join her. Not even Katie or
Izzy.

Now
that she thought about it, Katie had been acting weird ever since she showed
up. At first, Tessa thought she was just nervous, but her interactions with
Dalton seemed friendly and not as reserved as Tessa would’ve thought.

She
heard the group talking about how Katie had gone out with Dalton after
The
Rusty Nail
closed, which meant they had apparently ventured to the IHOP in
the neighboring town because nothing in Devil’s Bend stayed open that late.

“How
long have you two been married?”

Tessa
turned to glance behind her, noticing that Dalton was talking to Eric and Izzy.
Obviously. No one else was married. The thought actually depressed Tessa, but
she didn’t want to bring down the mood of the party, so she turned back to
focus on her dogs as they sniffed the ground around the porch.

“Almost
six years,” Eric answered easily. “We got married a few months after Tessa and…
Oomph!”

Despite
her heavy heart, Tessa smiled, picturing Izzy elbowing Eric in the ribs to get
him to stay quiet. “It’s ok, Izzy,” she called out, not bothering to look back.

“Sorry,
Tess.” Eric’s apology wasn’t needed. Her friends had loved Richie as much as
she had and although talking about him was still hard for her, she wanted him
to be remembered.

Twisting
to lean against the tall post so that she could face the group, Tessa pulled
her knees up close to her chest. “Eric and Izzy got married two months after
Richie and I did. The only reason they waited was because high maintenance over
there insisted on this huge wedding.”

The
group laughed, including Izzy. “So not true,” she said in a mock defensive
tone. “He’s the one who wanted a big wedding.”

“Ok,
so that was mostly true,” Tessa added with a laugh.

“Do
you guys have kids?” Dalton asked, his attention still focused on the couple
sitting across from him.

Tessa
immediately glanced out at the yard, her heart pounding erratically. The pain
of losing her baby was still there, although she tried to ease the discomfort
by telling herself that Richie was cuddling their little one up in heaven these
days. It helped, but not nearly as much as she would like it to.

“No
kids. Not yet. We’ve been talking about it though.”

Tessa’s
head jerked back to Izzy. They were? She had no idea. The idea made her heart
double in size, happiness filling her for her friends. “It’s about time,” she
told them. “I’ve wondered if you two would ever get with the program.”

The
solemn look on Izzy’s face told her exactly why she hadn’t known about this.
Her friend was so careful to ensure she didn’t hurt Tessa’s feelings or rouse
memories that would make her grieve. But that was life. As much as she didn’t
want it to sometimes, it moved on. Her losses, although she felt were cruel and
pointless, had made her a stronger person. Even if she would prefer to be weak
if it meant she hadn’t had to experience them.

“Do
you want to try to have kids again?” Dalton asked.

For
a second, Tessa didn’t realize he was talking to her. Her head felt like it was
attached to her body by a bungee cord as she swung her gaze in his direction.

How
did he know? Oh, God. She looked over at Cooper and noticed the sadness in his
eyes. Or was that pity? Did he feel sorry for her?

Pushing
to her feet, Tessa all but ran from the porch, heading around to the front of
the house in a full on panic attack. Her dogs, loyal followers that they were,
fell into step beside her. She had to get out of there. Her chest felt like it
was caving in.

How
did Dalton know? And Cooper?

Tessa
had to stop, unable to drag air into her lungs. She was leaning over, her hands
resting on her thighs as she fought for breath when strong arms came down on
her shoulders. She refused to cry, but the tears were trying to ignore or
specific instructions to stay back.

“Darlin’,”
Cooper said as he turned her and pulled her against him.

She
was angry and hurt and confused. She hadn’t wanted him to find out about how
miserable her life had been. Not only had she lost their baby, but she’d lost
Richie as well. And she knew it was her fault. All of it was her fault. She’d
been rebellious and foolish, and no matter who tried to talk to her, she hadn’t
been able to stop herself. There for a while, she had even convinced herself
that her father had left because of her.

“Tessa,
look at me.” Cooper’s voice was a loud crack in the silent night.

Tessa
jerked her head up, realizing she was still heaving, trying to force oxygen
past the immense boulder resting on her chest.

“Stop
it!” he ordered, and she stopped cold.

“I’m
so sorry,” she whispered.

“What
are you sorry for?” he asked, confusion lacing the words.

“It’s
all my fault.” Why was she doing this? He didn’t need to know about her life
before him. She was supposed to be enjoying the time they had together, knowing
full well that Cooper would move on with his life, and she would be left to
pick up more pieces than had been there before he arrived.

His
strong finger curled beneath her chin, and he forced her to look up at him.

“We
can’t control the outcomes, Tessa,” he said softly.

“That’s
not true. Everything I’ve done in my life has brought me to this place. If I’d
been…” She knew she shouldn’t be telling him this, but she suddenly couldn’t
stop herself. “If I had walked the straight and narrow and not been so
reckless, none of this would’ve happened.”

“You
really think that’s true?” he asked, the incredulity in his voice making her
shudder.

“Yes,”
she said without conviction. She had no idea what she believed. When it came
down to it, she knew everything happened for a reason. She had done so many
things wrong in her life and losing everything was her punishment.

“How’d
you meet Richie?” Cooper asked.

Tessa
jerked away from him, not wanting to tell him. The answer to that question
would give away even more about herself that she wanted to keep hidden from
him.

When
Cooper laced his fingers with hers and pulled her back toward the house, Tessa
started to try and break free.

“Stop
fighting me, Tessa,” he warned. “We’re going to sit right here.” He was
pointing to the front porch, so she let the fight drain out of her arm. At
least she wouldn’t have to face everyone else.

Glancing
up, she noticed there were several cars parked out on the main road. Reporters,
she knew. They were stalking Cooper.

Once
they were seated on the steps, Cooper pulled her against his side, his arm a
comfort she needed more than anything right then.

“Ignore
them,” he whispered against her hair. “Talk to me. How’d you meet Richie?” he
repeated.

Tessa
swallowed hard. With the press in town, there was a chance that all of this
would be dredged up anyway, so Tessa decided she might as well come clean. She
didn’t know what it would mean for her relationship with this man, but at least
she’d be the one to tell him. If he walked away from her, she wouldn’t have to
guess as to why.

“I
was a sophomore in high school,” she began, her head resting against his
shoulder. “One night, I did something incredibly stupid.” No one knew that she
had stolen Texas Shadow except for Richie and Mr. Deluth. Luanne hadn’t even
known the details. Mr. Deluth had been too worried about the legal consequences
if the sheriff found out, so he’d told her to keep quiet. As for Richie, well,
he’d never told anyone either.

“Mr.
Deluth caught me and my punishment was to work in his stable for six months,
taking care of the horses.”

“What
did you do?”

Tessa
swallowed hard. No one would ever find out the details of what she’d done, she
knew that. If she just kept her mouth shut, no one would know because Richie
and Mr. Deluth had died with her secret. But for some reason, she felt like
Cooper should know. It would help him to understand why karma was such a
heartless bitch to her.

“I
took one of his horses. I came out here after dark, took Texas Shadow right out
of his stall and then rode for hours that night.”

Cooper
didn’t say anything, so Tessa continued. “When I brought him back the next
morning, Mr. Deluth was waiting for me. Needless to say, he was livid. Rather
than call the law on me, he worked out a deal that I would take care of the
horses for six months.”

Tessa
took a deep breath and burrowed closer to Cooper. “Richie worked for Mr.
Deluth. He was a senior in high school and part of the FFA. When he found out
what I did, he was so mad at me. But then we had to work together for the next
six months. The rest is history.”

“They
forgave you.” It wasn’t a question, but Tessa didn’t know what Cooper was
getting at.

“I
guess.”

“But
you’ve never forgiven yourself? You were what? Fifteen or sixteen?”

“Fifteen.”

“And
you’ve carried this around for half of your life, never forgiving yourself?”

“That’s
not the only thing I did, Cooper. That was probably the worst of it, but it
certainly wasn’t the only thing.”

“Do
you still do those things today?”

“God
no!” she exclaimed, trying to pull away from him but unable to maneuver out
from beneath the steel band that was his arm.

“Don’t
move,” he ordered, glancing down at her.

Tessa
stopped pulling away, all of the wind leaving her sails in an instant. She had
never shared this story with anyone. At least not all of it. Izzy didn’t even
know. Well, she didn’t think she did anyway. Tessa couldn’t imagine they would
still be friends if she did. Although her best friend had stuck by her through
the years, she didn’t think Izzy knew the worst of what she’d done. The
alcohol, sure. But not the drugs or the theft.

“Look
at me, Tessa.” Cooper’s tone was soothing, not an ounce of anger in the words
and Tessa glanced up slowly. “You were a kid, darlin’. We all do stupid things
when we’re kids. That doesn’t mean that you have to pay for it for the rest of
your life.”

“But
it does,” she retorted. “I lost my baby. Richie died.”
I lost my land
.
She kept the last part to herself, not wanting to hurt Cooper.

Cooper’s
hand cupped her jaw, his thumb beneath her chin forcing her head back farther.
“It doesn’t. You couldn’t have stopped those things from happening, Tessa. You
told me yourself that things happen for a reason.”

Yes,
she did tell him that. And she believed it too. Which was why she blamed
herself.

“You’ve
got to let go, baby.”

“It’s
not as easy as you think it is,” she said snidely and then immediately
regretted her rebuttal. Cooper had told her his story just that morning. “I’m
sorry.”

“No
need to apologize, Tessa. I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been through. My
circumstances were different. And yes, they hurt, but I’m not comparing my life
to yours. I hate that you’ve had to go through all of that, and if it were in
my power to change things, I would. But, Tessa,” Cooper’s hand tightened on her
jaw just a bit, “everything that’s happened to you has made you who you are.
And you’re a remarkable woman who has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever
met. I wouldn’t want that to change.”

A
tear leaked down her cheek, and Tessa wanted to brush it away, but Cooper did
so first, his thumb caressing her cheek. Was it even possible that he didn’t
hold all of this against her? Would he change his mind after he had time to
think it over?