Charity's Passion (35 page)

"I know that; I just didn't show it and I'm sorry. It wasn't fair," he interrupts, not necessarily in a bad way.

"No, it wasn't," I agree.

"This was just such a shock; it happen so fucking fast. She knew my past, my father, and killing herself like that, Warrior, it really messed me up."

"I get that. I'm sure seeing that happen brought back terrible, terrible memories for you, and believe it or not, Justin, I even understand the impulse for you to want to step back and protect yourself the way you used to. It's how you survived for years the first time you lost someone so close; it makes sense that you would do it again. But I really hoped you would only kick me out of your heart for a couple of days to recover."

Justin looks pale. "That's not it, Warrior, that's not it at all. God damn it—I'm so sorry for shutting you out and letting you think that, leaving you no other option but to think that. I promise you I never kicked you out of my heart even for a second. I could never do that with you."

His eyes look wet.

"After my father, I rejected all new relationships and I trusted no one that stumbled into my path, and it worked for a long time. But, Warrior, you showed me how wrong I was and what I almost missed. You changed my world and that was permanent; there is no undoing what you did for me. I was not trying to close myself off like I was before."

"Then what have you been doing, Justin? It feels just as awful and lonely, so what was the difference?"

Justin stiffens himself up, gathering the courage to confess his deepest emotions.

"The very second she pulled that trigger, I understood it," he says. "More than understanding it, if I had just lost you—I would have done the same thing. It's not the first time I've understood what losing you would do to me, but it made me terrified that you might feel the same. If something happens to me, I don't want you to feel like that."

"Justin, you can't control that; you can't
tone
me down to protect me," I say gently to him. "I can protect myself—I'm a warrior, remember?"

He smiles briefly, then it fades.

"I'm so afraid of losing you—that I'm losing you," he whispers.

I smirk uncontrollably. "You haven't lost a damn thing, all you did was piss me off. But you do need to understand, this shit isn't happening again. You have to learn to open your mouth and let me know what the hell is going on in your head."

"Understood," he says. "I'm so sorry, Warrior."

"Garrett really must have gotten a hold of you last night; it sounded like it when I was leaving," I joke.

"No. He tried, he gets credit for that, but that's not what finally cleared my head. It was you, like always. You got to me."

I look at him full of curiosity, wondering how I did anything.

"Today I woke up without you. You weren't beside me to look at; there was no webcam to flip on to see you. You were just not there, and I realized when I look at you in the mornings I'm not just starting my day, you're like air to me, and I can't breathe without you. No matter what comes our way, what things scare me, I need to be with you. Every risk, every sacrifice, every tear—you're worth it."

Everything is okay. I was foolish to think it wouldn't be. Love like ours is unbreakable
.

M
y eyes aren't even open yet, and I'm already nervous and excited to the point that I feel nauseous and have the jitters.

I'm getting married today—holy fuck!

The smile spreads across my lips before my eyelids blink open, and I know Justin will be smiling beside me as he watches. I can already see him from the corner of my eye.

"Now that's how to look beautiful on your wedding day," he says happily.

We both laugh.

"Get a good look," I tell him. "After I get out of bed, I'm heading down to Trisha's to get ready and you won't see me until the ceremony later."

He kisses me, ignoring my words, and then I sit up against my pillows to find a tray at the foot of the bed.

"Hungry?" He asks. "I know you're nervous, and that you're about to tell me your stomach can't handle anything, but it's a long day, plus I thought ahead and got you things you can handle."

Justin gets out of bed and lifts the tray from its legs and places it over my thighs so I can reach it. There's cut fruit, yogurt, and bagels next to a cup of coffee.

There's also a bundle of small, elegantly wrapped boxes staring up at me.

"Oh my God, Justin, what did you do?" I ask through a beaming smile.

He smiles with childlike anticipation and climbs back into his side of our bed. "Wedding gifts for my bride."

"I got you something too," I tell him. "You can open it now, but you'll have to wait for later to put it to use."

"I like the sound of that," he laughs.

"It's under the bed on your side. You may always wake up before me, but I always fall asleep after you."

He laughs harder. "I've taught you well."

While he gets his gift out, I throw some grapes into my mouth and sip the coffee. It's still hot, so I must have woken up right as he climbed back into bed with me.

We start to open gifts together. "Leave that bigger one for last," he says.

The first box is diamonds; beautiful, sparking, exquisite diamonds all in a set that is much prettier than the costume junk that five minutes ago I was happy to wear. It's a necklace, earrings, and a wonderful bracelet that I'm putting on while he's still pulling his box open.

"This is amazing, Justin, oh my God! I hate what I got you now."

"Stop," he says. "You shouldn't have gotten me anything at all. I got you something to say thank you for all the work you put into this day. You deserve it."

Swoon.

His box lid finally pops off and he pulls back the tissue paper. Now his eyes are lit up like he's gotten too close to the Christmas morning fire.

"Oh you're so bad—and yet so good," he hisses playfully, staring at the rhinestone studded spreader bar and shackles. Beneath them there's an entire set of new acrylic toys including a new ball gag and an anal plug that scares me full of desire. "I'm a little concerned about the strength and integrity of these shackles; maybe you want to try them on—"

"Nice try, Slick. Later or not at all. Those are your choices."

"Later it is," he laughs. "Now the other box."

I eagerly rip the paper and ribbons off and toss them to the floor. The top opens and I can see what looks like white baseball caps, so I grab them and pull them out. It's white and black caps that say bride and groom that we saw in the store together. He'd promised up and down he would NOT wear it if I bought them.

"Oh my God, you're so fuckin' cute," I tell him.

"Read the shirts," he demands. Under the hats there are two t-shirts; mine reads "I wanted these hats so bad" and his says "I'll only wear them on the island."

"Hysterical, but what island?"

He points down into my box. "There's an envelope."

Sure as hell, there's one more thing in the box, a thick white envelope that has "Wife" handwritten on it. I slide my finger through it, pull it open, and shake it out onto the bedcover.

I call everything out as I read them. "Resort confirmation, private transfers, round trip planes tickets." I have to read the destination twice. "Bora Bora!"

It may be corny, but he knows it's the only thing on my bucket list until I'm old enough to have a bucket list.

"Because this the last year has been so busy, we're going someplace where there is almost nothing to do, and the little there is to do they have someone doing it for you," he says through a wide, sexy grin.

"Jesus Christ! Get this off me! Get this god damn tray off me!" I'm too fucking excited to do it myself; I know I'll spill shit everywhere.

Justin laughs at me as he moves the tray. "It's the nicest over water bungalow they have."

I attack him with my lips until he pushes me off. "I'm calling Melissa!" I shout.

I grab my phone off the nightstand and dial. As soon as I hear her voice I scream, "BORA BORA!"

IT COULDN'T BE MORE
perfect. When I step into the isle holding my father's arm, Pachelbel's "
Canon in D Major
" begins wafting through the air like magic. The temporary alter is outside by the lake and we have to walk through everyone, through all the tables with white linens, the exquisite flowers Marissa had made, through the proud faces of our family and friends, to my husband to be. My heart melts in front of everyone.

Justin looks at me with more love in this moment than I've ever seen in his face, and I feel the same for him. I cannot be his fast enough.

My father turns toward me at the end of the aisle, lifts my veil, and kisses me with his face covered in salty tears of joy. "This is the best
worst
thing I've ever done," he whispers, nearly making me bawl before he shakes Justin's hand and moves to his seat.

Of course, Justin looks like a prince. I have a fleeting moment of feeling not good enough for him, too fat, too small town, and then, in front of everyone, he leans to me and says, "I'd tell you you're beautiful if that were good enough, but it isn't. I've never seen anything so amazing. My breath was stolen when you came in, and I don't know what I did to deserve you, but thank God I did it."

Yeah, I'm feeling much better.

The ceremony was short but very sweet, and the time for our vows seemed to come much too quickly. As we turn to face each other I feel drunk; my head is spinning and I'm happy about it.

This is the right man, and this is the right time. His eyes have never looked so green and bright. I can smell the wonderful scent of him just inches from me.

Justin smiles and says, "In this last year we have lived a lifetime. There were challenges that we conquered only by the grace of God and our love for each other. We've consoled each other through loved ones lost, found and grew our family, and sacrificed in ways we can never share with another soul. We've had breathtaking moments, memories that I promise will never fade. I never wanted to love anyone, and now I love you above every living soul in this world. I don't want a day without waking up to your face. I don't want a weekend without screwing up your breakfast. I don't want a second without knowing my heart is safe inside you. We had a lifetime in that one year and you, with your unmatched beauty, intelligence, and strength, you became my warrior and you made me better than I am. So I promise in front of all of our witnesses to be the man you've made and give you another lifetime. This one I will spend making sure you are adored, protected, cherished, and happy—for all the days of our lives."

It's my turn now, but there's a huge lump in my throat that I need to swallow down before in can speak. I wave my hand at my eyes to keep them dry and I hear a low murmur of laughter.

Standing right behind Justin I see Garrett smiling proudly at me, assuring me that I can take all the time I need to gather myself. Behind Garrett is Malcolm looking more handsome—and normal—than I've ever seen him. Behind him my eyes find the picture of Terrence placed where he would have been standing, adorned in white roses. I don't need to turn around to remember that behind Melissa and Trisha there is a beautiful picture of Lena.

My throat clears.

"I set out on an adventure when I knew there was something meant for me that I hadn't found yet. I wanted to change my stars and find the life that was my destiny. I trusted in myself, and in God, and I was lead to you, Justin. You were my hero and protector from the very first moment we met and you've never once let me down. I was convinced as a young girl growing up on princess fairytales that I knew exactly what love was and how it would feel when I found it, but I was wrong, and not prepared for the power of what I found in you. I fell for you immediately, but we taught, and continue to teach, each other how to love. Our bond is already unbreakable, our spirit is undying, and our love is unending. I promise to be at your side with you, in your mind admiring you, and in your heart cherishing you—for all the days of our lives."

I'm still recovering from the wave of emotions that took me by surprise during our vows, and the rings are being blessed. The exchange is very traditional with all the "
With this ring, I the wed
" formality I'd imagined it since childhood. Justin sliding my band onto my finger has more weight to it than I'd given it credit for.

We are one now, no longer two individuals striving toward a goal, but a united pair that have achieved it, and now have to work to keep it alive and thriving. There's more hand waving to dry my eyes and more laughter while I do it.

From bliss-filled miles away I hear us announced as husband and wife before a roar of applause that makes me proud. Justin's strong hands take me, collect me, comfort me, and break me all at the same time. He lifts me to his wonderful lips and kisses me passionately in front of everyone until cheers join their clapping hands.