Charity's Passion (33 page)

I'm so helpless right now; lives are changing as we listen.

"We're moving on the office now," Garrett says.

I picture then moving slowly over a gravel lot between cranes and heavy equipment, probably not far from exactly what it looks like, piles and pallets of materials stacked and stored. It shouldn't be so quiet.

Malcolm and Garrett give each other verbal and hand queues as they work, turning the next five minutes into shards of confusion and anxiety. We don't distract them, but it's intense not knowing their every move.

"Clear," Malcolm says.

"It's not good," Garrett adds.

Justin snaps, "Is he there?"

"We don't see him yet," Malcolm answers. "But somebody got fucked up here. The place has been turned over, and there's blood on everything."

Justin hammer-punches his desk. "Find him, he's there somewhere. They have no use for him, no reason to take him with them."

"What the hell are we going to tell her?" Justin says to me. I can feel his body begin to shiver and all I can do is hold him.

Agonizing minutes pass. They find blood at a back door and follow it back outside.

"There's nothing but materials back here." Malcolm sounds frustrated.

"Anything new?" Justin asks. "Look for something that's been moved."

"Oh Christ!" Garrett breathes.

"What?" Justin demands.

"There's a dump truck here and a load of brick behind it that doesn't look like it should be here."

Oh my God!
My stomach churns.

"Check it!" Justin demands. "Now—I want to know for sure."

We can hear them struggling and breathing heavy, tossing bricks away from the pile.

Justin is devastated. "If he's under that...I don't think he's alive—"

"Who?" Lena suddenly interrupts.

We never heard her come in. The pale white shock on our faces tells her instantly that this involves her somehow.

"What the hell's going on?" She demands, her voice raising in a fear that isn't like her at all.

On the large monitor there are sniper photos of Lena and Terrence together. It's an email we picked up through our monitoring as it was sent to Terrence. With it are instructions to meet at Terrence's own base site or Lena would be killed.

Lena's sharp eyes find it quickly and her legs fail, dropping her to the floor as her world implodes.

Justin and I run to get her.

"There's something," Garrett shouts.

We can hear bricks rolling and clanking together.

"I got him," Garrett says, his voice despondent. "Help me drag him out."

Lena explodes into shrieks and tears as we hold her.

"He's been shot in the chest," Garrett announces.

Suddenly there's a sickening gurgle.

"Jesus Christ!" Malcolm yells. "He's still alive!"

Garrett screams into the mike, "We need an ambulance now—Terrence is still alive!"

"HE CAME TO FOR
a moment in the ambulance," Garrett says softly.

This is the first moment Lena has been able to maintain herself long enough to listen. It's been terrible to watch, absolutely heartbreaking. Twice on the way to the hospital her eyes rolled back into her head and she went out in Justin's arms.

Now we see her getting calm and I'm not sure I like this any better.

"Did he say anything?" Lena asks.

Garrett nods. Even worse, his eyes glass over with tears. "He knew exactly how bad it was. He looked around and found me with him and he asked for you. He looked so scared until I told him you were on the way, and then he settled as if that took all his pain away."

A huge lump develops in my throat as I choke back my sadness to listen with her.

"It wasn't easy for him, but he told me to tell you to be strong, and that he wouldn't go without seeing you at least one more time."

I lose it then and fall into Justin's arms. I can't imagine if it were him.

Right now Dr. Cooper and his team are trying to stabilize Terrence and understand the extent of his injuries. We have no idea how bad it is.

Malcolm waited for a moment without Lena and told us that he cannot believe any human could come out from under the crushing weight of those bricks. He told Justin that a higher power wanted Terrence to see his love again and there was no other possible explanation.

Malcolm and Garrett's hands are torn up and bloody, knuckles ripped open from the bricks. At first they refused any attention, but now that we are waiting on Dr. Cooper's assessment, Justin insists that their hands are cleaned up and bandaged.

We are alone in a private waiting room with Lena, Justin on one side of her and me on the other, with our arms around her for support.

"I don't know if I can get through this," she says. "I can actually feel the cracks in my heart and I have no strength to stop it. I see my life crumbling through my fingers. I finally had what I wanted, had it tight in my grasp." She holds her hands out in fists in front of her and then opens them with her slender fingers wide. "And now it's all shattered into dust and fragments."

She looks up at her best friend with devastating grief in her eyes. "I love him so much, Justin. What do I do—how do I go on—if he doesn't make it?"

He doesn't have an answer for her, and that terrifies him.

"This was because of his company, his job," She asks.

Justin nods slowly, as if the weight of the world is on top of him.

"It's not worth it. None of this is worth it. Life is so short and fragile, and we're wasting it." Lena turns pale. "I had him, Justin, and I wasted it. It wasn't long enough; it's not fair. He's my everything and without him I'll be completely empty and dark. I don't want to go back to the life I had without him."

We attempt to console her, but really there's not much we can do but pray that he can pull through this. Agonizing minutes tick away, and honestly, I'm terrified for her.

Finally Dr. Cooper appears in the room to update us.

I don't like how he looks.

He walks over slowly, but Lena is out of patience. "Is he dead?" She asks.

"No, he's alive," Dr. Cooper tells us. "But not for very long. I'm afraid his injuries are massive, and there's no way to stop him from passing."

"But you're a doctor; this is a hospital," Lena shrieks. "Can't you do something?"

"I wish I could, I really do, but the damage is not survivable. Several major organs were destroyed beyond repair. All we can do is reduce his pain until he goes. Honestly, I'm surprised he's conscious at all."

"Can she see him?" I ask.

"Of course," Dr. Cooper says sympathetically. "I'll bring the three of you down to the room, but we need to hurry, and it'll be better if only she goes in."

We practically run through the halls. At the door, Dr. Cooper checks that it's okay, and then he lets Lena in. He enters with her at first, but comes back out fairly quickly.

"Listen," he starts, "his vitals are bad; it's not going to be long. She doesn't look good so don't go anywhere; she's going to need you both. When he codes, he's listed for no response, so there won't be a rush of staff to his door. The blue light above the door will flash when his heart stops."

Justin is shivering again. He cares for Terence enough that he'd made him a groomsman, and that's a big part of this, but it's Lena that he's reacting to. He's putting himself in her shoes, and he knows how hard this is going to be.

"The only thing keeping him alive right now is his love for her and his need to see her and say goodbye. Once he's done that, Mr. Collins, he's going to go fast."

Justin acknowledges him with a short nod, and the doctor leaves us.

One again I put my arms around him. He collapses on me, squeezing me tight. "I couldn't imagine if that were you in there right now," he whispers.

"We'll get her through this," I reassure him. Those words are heartfelt, but I'm not really sure how accurate they are. What's happening in that room right now is unfathomable. Their last moments together in this earth—forever.

And just like that, the blue light over the door begins to strobe. "He's coding," I say quickly, feeling my pulse gallop.

We grab the door and push it open.

Lena is sitting in a chair at his side, holding his hand to her face, and crying. The insistent, shrill whine of the stat monitor is cutting through the air.

It turns off, probably by the nurse’s station controls, leaving a thick silence surrounding Lena's sobs.

Justin and I are both in tears at the sight of her. "Honey?" I say cautiously to her, afraid to move.

"He was waiting for me; he actually smiled when he saw me," Lena says. "He told me to be strong, that everything will be okay, and he will be waiting for me. What shit is that? How is anything going to be okay—ever?"

"I'm so sorry for you," I tell her.

Lena kisses Terrence's hand and places it down at his side carefully like she might hurt him somehow.

"There is nothing more important, nothing at all, than loving someone and knowing that they love you back. When you find your soul mate, you shouldn't let anything get in your way. Terrence was my soul mate; he was everything I was living for. I should have had him longer, but life isn't always fair. I have nothing left now, nothing at all."

"We understand," Justin says.

She tilts her face toward us. "What do I do with this hurt?" She cries, "I can't handle this much pain."

There's no answer for that.

"Listen to me," she says with a sudden, disconnected seriousness. "Don't ever let each other go."

"Lena—"

"Remember this!" She says, "Don't ever let her go, Justin; life's not worth it without her."

Without any warning or pause, Lena's gun is out, speeding to her head.

"LENA!" Justin tries to run to her, but there's simply not enough time.

As we watch, Lena pulls the trigger and shoots herself in the head. Blood splatters from a huge hole at the back of her head to the wall behind her, then her limp body falls out of the chair and her discarded gun skids along the floor to Justin's feet.

I'M A MILLION MILES
away looking at everything through a tunnel.

Justin is on his knees screaming, and I'm sure it's the very same sound he made as a boy when he found his father's body.

My tunnel vision grows narrow and I sense that I will pass out, but I'm thinking about Justin and how this has happened to him before.

Christ—the pain and loss he must feel has to be tremendous.

He needs me. I focus on that and crawl through the tunnel to be with him. I throw myself around him and moments later there are people filling the room, some in scrubs, and some in security uniforms. I hear their voices but I don't understand a damn thing they say.

Eventually Garrett and Malcolm pull us out of the nightmare into yet another room. Dr. Cooper comes to us quickly and futil
ely tries to convince Justin to take something.

I'm completely freaking out now, wondering what effect this is going to have on him. Once his tears ended, so did the rest of his emotions. He's silent and stoic, and I can't even begin to guess what is going on inside his head.

Justin stands up and faces Dr. Cooper. "You have the protocols for our deaths on file; please follow it." He looks at me. "I'm calling her cousin. Can you take care of notifying the office?"

"Of course," I answer.

"Garrett, I'll need you to tell the team. They'll want to know." He pauses for a moment. "After we get through this, you find the people that did this to Terrence and you kill them—every one of them!"

I know this is how he needs to handle the situation, for everyone and for himself, but it's unnerving. Fifteen minutes ago he was screaming at the pain of having his best friend cut out of his heart, and now he's a robot.

I really don't like it.

F
unerals are always awful, but Lena's is particularly difficult. My mind keeps playing her suicide over and over in vivid detail. I think that's largely because of the closed casket that keeps screaming at me to remember why it's closed.

For days, Justin has been on autopilot. Her death has stripped him of all of his emotions, as if the missing chunk of his heart was the piece responsible for all of his feelings. He's taken care of all the arrangements, most of it was predetermined, and kept close tabs on Marissa, Lena's cousin. The distraction has been my excuse for why we haven't connected in days, but soon that will be over, and if we're still not talking I won't be able to deny any longer that it's a bigger problem.